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RE: Female Pride - 11/10/2008 10:24:35 AM   
opensoul


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		 Female pride, a thought , that to some means we must be stronger than a man to get the same respect. I worked in a male ruled world for years and played by their rules. I proved I was able to do the job at hand,but inside I felt uncomfortable. Master more than a dozen times has stated, the fact that I am strong, able to step-up and do many things and yet I am willing and desiring to submit totally to him and only him is wonderful. I feel more pride in myself, female and allover, because I am now being true to myself and not worrying about what others may think or question. True to myself for the first time since I can remember. Freedom never felt so right and good.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Female Pride - 11/10/2008 1:38:52 PM   
sultryone


Posts: 46
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: opensoul

Female pride, a thought , that to some means we must be stronger than a man to get the same respect. I worked in a male ruled world for years and played by their rules. I proved I was able to do the job at hand,but inside I felt uncomfortable. Master more than a dozen times has stated, the fact that I am strong, able to step-up and do many things and yet I am willing and desiring to submit totally to him and only him is wonderful. I feel more pride in myself, female and allover, because I am now being true to myself and not worrying about what others may think or question. True to myself for the first time since I can remember. Freedom never felt so right and good.


That is awesome! :)

How do you deal with a Master making decisions for you though?  I dont totally understand the dynamics of it, being new and never experiencing it.  In a vanilla relationship you can talk about it and discuss it, so I am not sure how those things work.

(in reply to opensoul)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Female Pride - 11/10/2008 1:55:04 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone
That is awesome! :)

How do you deal with a Master making decisions for you though?  I dont totally understand the dynamics of it, being new and never experiencing it.  In a vanilla relationship you can talk about it and discuss it, so I am not sure how those things work.


In a BDSM / Ds / Ms relationship - you talk about it also.  It is no different.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to sultryone)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Female Pride - 11/10/2008 5:04:10 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone




How do you deal with a Master making decisions for you though?  I dont totally understand the dynamics of it, being new and never experiencing it.  In a vanilla relationship you can talk about it and discuss it, so I am not sure how those things work.



in a bdsm relationship - just as a vanilla relationship - you talk, negotiate and discuss anything you want. My Sir doesn't make a lot of decisions for me about my job and its time constraints. Now, in the house, i defer to my Sir. I know what he likes, and i cater to his desires. Actually, in a day-to-day life, he doesn't tell me what to do, because he doesn't need to. I cook, clean and do the laundry. The rest is up for discussion.

(in reply to sultryone)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Female Pride - 11/11/2008 6:48:25 AM   
SOsMINE


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/9/2008
Status: offline 		I warred with myself too in the beginning on being submissive.  I felt my family and friends would look down upon me and believe me a lunatic for wanting my submission to be an important focal point of my life.  For years I went along with their views and was very unhappy.   Finally I decided to explore my submission and started looking but I still was torn.  After becoming involved with my first Dominant did my eyes finally open wide enough to reach my mind and heart.  We had endless meeting of the minds on submission.  To where pride just started growing and growing with each time him and I met.   He didn't give me the pride he just opened my mind wider to let it grow from within me.  I am no longer with him but we are still very close friends.  I am happy and very content in my skin as a submissive. 

_____________________________

S O you want WHAT!!! yes S O as you wish
Graduate of SAU SmartAssUniversity

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Female Pride - 11/11/2008 5:26:27 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Well in my life, my dominant realizes i am a very professional, strong woman who is intelligent. He cherishes it and he allows me to "relax" into my submissiveness when were are together. It's just him and me and our own roles, away from the rest of the world. it works for me and is very reassuring, because no matter how much i have had to handle, I know that i will be "safe" with him soon.

Hope this makes sense, Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to sultryone)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Female Pride - 11/11/2008 8:27:08 PM   
opensoul


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		Sultryone, as many have stated we talk alot! About anything and everything. At this time I do not live near my Master, But soon very soon, so email ,talking,  getting involved in day to day life is so important to us. I to am a professional woman with day in and day out requirements of my time and energy. With this turning to my Master for a guiding hand , not demands but suggestions has let me release soo much of the past and regain myself in so many ways.  Learning to trust him, really learning to trust anyone again has been a hard long road for me. His patience and knowing I wanted to trust him and surrender to him has moved Mountains from my past.

I hope I can suggest you look to yourself first, a strong woman, your gut will tell you if you are ready. Then trust your instincts about searching for the Master that can take you as the strong one person  you have become.Enjoy  the journey  of finding the side of you that maybe you lost along time ago to fears, of what others would think . This is your life Go for it!!

If you would like to talk on cmail let me know.  I am new to this, 2 years , but my life is opening to things I only dreamed about.
Good Luck
Opensoul

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Female Pride - 11/11/2008 11:08:16 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		i'm still kinda new and getting used to the "being" part of of being submissive
like... well ordinarily i'm either quiet and standoffish or i'm "mean," in this silly way i learned to keep people from being mean to me first =p
but with him, being submissive makes me feel safe and NORMAL and i dunno
i can carry heavy things (well, you know, to a limit =p) and i can do hard work, and have intelligent conversations, being sub doesn't automatically mean you're a doormat or an idiot or anything else that "societal conventions" might have you feeling
i feel proud when he says he's proud of me =p or doing things for him, etc etc etc
it's complex, as i imagine you're pretty aware of by this point. =p very complex

like, he doesn't tell me what classes to take or anything, but he's a good leader. i've got problems staying focused and he makes sure i don't get too far off task. plus, it's nice to relish the generally "girly" feelings that society kinda looks down on you for having. like i enjoy feeling "small" with him, i like the feeling of being taken care of, and i love doing whatever i can to take care of him.

there are lots of things to take pride in, not just the things society tells you to

(in reply to opensoul)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Female Pride - 11/11/2008 11:13:59 PM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		Fast Reply: 

I have always been taught that to get anywhere in life, you need to be assertive, and not let any man walk all over you....  And then, I grew up, and I realized that I really am a submissive...  I learned this as I was going through a break up... I bad break up... where if I didn't take a stand, I was going to be misserable for the rest of my life... It was very hard, but I made it through...

I don't think it is at all about letting go of your worth, or of your pride... I think that it takes A LOT of self worth to let go, and submit completely to someone...  I think that to be able to let go of all of your own wants and needs and just focus completely on someone else's, that takes a LOT of work, and it takes a special kind of person... Plus, YOUR needs are really the job of your Dominant.. Don'tcha think?  lol  I know that mine will keep me safe, take care of me, and do only things that are good for me.... And to trust someone that completely, also takes a special kind of mindset... 

Once again, I am posting at 2am.... and I don't know If i'm making sence, and I keep forgetting what I am trying to say... So be prepared to see and Edit tomorrow! lol

_____________________________

--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Female Pride - 11/12/2008 4:05:40 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone

I am new to BDSM, have had a few online experiences that have not worked out which has led me to this question.  One I ask myself and one I would like to ask other submissives.

How do you let go or at least diminish in yourself, the pride/power we are taught to have in today's society as professional, independant women?

I am having a hard time in wanting to be submissive, yet still wanting to be free in my decisions, my plans (daily), and what I do in my life and/or with my time. I was married for many years before discovering my submissiveness, and now I feel like this is my time to be "free".

I want to experience the D/s relationship to it's fullest, yet it is a battle with my mind to accept that I should allow complete control.

I had something good going with someone, and I think I sort of blew it due to my own desire to be in control, although I could be wrong because I did not receive explanation as to why it ended.  I dont want to do that again, only I'm not sure what it is I need to do/learn to get there.

Thank you,
sultryone


sultryone,

your consideration is not unusual and probably represents the most difficult transition for the newly awakened submissive. You need not stuff your individuality to grow on the path, but as you have been told take it slow enough to look for the signs of non compatability as well as the good signs.

If he ended it without telling you why, then believe me he was not what you thought him to be.

CP

(in reply to sultryone)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Female Pride - 11/12/2008 4:38:19 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		it's not a matter of pride that's getting in your way as much as the type of people that you are possibly meeting; i may bottom to a whole hell of a lot more people than i am submissive to, and that's soley because there are a lot fewer people that bring out my desire to submit; it's all good.

(in reply to sultryone)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Female Pride - 11/12/2008 7:33:26 AM   
sultryone


Posts: 46
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MarksFantasyGirl

I have always been taught that to get anywhere in life, you need to be assertive, and not let any man walk all over you....  And then, I grew up, and I realized that I really am a submissive...  I learned this as I was going through a break up... I bad break up... where if I didn't take a stand, I was going to be misserable for the rest of my life... It was very hard, but I made it through...



That's pretty much it.  I had my 2nd bad online experience last night... He said,  "I will train you, get to know you personally, get to know you sexually, (all online), you may ask for my phone number in time, I may or may not give it to you... we will not have sex, of any kind but once your training is over you will have the choice to meet me.".  That all sounded great... until he said he was going to send me a song and tomorrow night I am to dance on my webcam for him to it.   This was our first night of chatting and when I said I wasn't comfortable with it, he got angry and that was that.  I felt like I had to stand my ground.  I have been reading and reading about red flag signs and online things and I just felt like asking me to do that so quick wasnt cool.

So where is the fine line between doing whatever a Dom tells you to do (feeling like his puppet), and not?  I understand a Dom will push me, for my own good, but is this the proper way? 

PS. Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences and replies.

< Message edited by sultryone -- 11/12/2008 7:37:58 AM >

(in reply to MarksFantasyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Female Pride - 11/12/2008 7:58:22 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Sultryone:

I read what he wrote to you and alarm bells went off big time in my head.  This sounds to me like pure online wanker fantasy stuff.  I somehow doubt that he would have ever agreed to meet with you, and I don't think you were wrong at all to resist his desire for such intimacy so quickly.  

My 2c...


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to sultryone)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Female Pride - 11/12/2008 4:55:29 PM   
subintrainingnc


Posts: 42
Joined: 1/16/2008
Status: offline 		i think it is in you or it isn't. i don't feel it makes me any less, it gives me great satisfaction in doing what he asks of me, that is my true happiness.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Female Pride - 11/12/2008 5:53:10 PM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone

So where is the fine line between doing whatever a Dom tells you to do (feeling like his puppet), and not?  I understand a Dom will push me, for my own good, but is this the proper way? 


The intimacy of D/s power exchange is a two way street. First and foremost we are human beings, and if you're looking to lay the groundwork of a 'relationship' there needs to be trust and respect. Each of us has our own boundaries/limits when it comes to such things. Always follow your gut instinct. If you respect the person, but are uncomfortable with what you've been asked to do, you can always decline respectfully. You'll likely be pushed for an explanation, but if the Dom is really interested in you, he'll work with your discomfort. (Personally, that's one of the parts I like about being a Domme....creating discomfort and watching my boy squirm. He is so delicious!)

A Dom can request/demand that you do something, but obviously the choice is yours (as long as you haven't given up that choice previously) to do what He/She asks or not. (as you found out) Take your time getting to know someone. Establishing if someone is who he/she says she is, up front, in my mind is pretty important. I'm not paranoid, but having been online for 12 years, I've run into my fair share of "those who's reality does not have the same basis as mine".

Ask very specific questions...one of my favorites: "Are you in any type of relationship that either party would consider to be exclusive?" Even if they say no, I probably won't completely believe them until a later time. However, if their answer is within the boundaries of what I'm seeking, I'll go on to the next question. Likely I'll follow that up with 'are you serving anyone else at this time?' Again, an honest answer is more important than whether they say, yes or no.

When it comes to giving out personal information such as a phone number, I don't think a Dom/me should ask for anything they aren't comfortable offering. I believe in leading by example.

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

(in reply to sultryone)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Female Pride - 11/12/2008 7:57:22 PM   
sultryone


Posts: 46
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t

quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone

So where is the fine line between doing whatever a Dom tells you to do (feeling like his puppet), and not?  I understand a Dom will push me, for my own good, but is this the proper way? 


The intimacy of D/s power exchange is a two way street. First and foremost we are human beings, and if you're looking to lay the groundwork of a 'relationship' there needs to be trust and respect. Each of us has our own boundaries/limits when it comes to such things. Always follow your gut instinct. If you respect the person, but are uncomfortable with what you've been asked to do, you can always decline respectfully. You'll likely be pushed for an explanation, but if the Dom is really interested in you, he'll work with your discomfort. (Personally, that's one of the parts I like about being a Domme....creating discomfort and watching my boy squirm. He is so delicious!)

A Dom can request/demand that you do something, but obviously the choice is yours (as long as you haven't given up that choice previously) to do what He/She asks or not. (as you found out) Take your time getting to know someone. Establishing if someone is who he/she says she is, up front, in my mind is pretty important. I'm not paranoid, but having been online for 12 years, I've run into my fair share of "those who's reality does not have the same basis as mine".

Ask very specific questions...one of my favorites: "Are you in any type of relationship that either party would consider to be exclusive?" Even if they say no, I probably won't completely believe them until a later time. However, if their answer is within the boundaries of what I'm seeking, I'll go on to the next question. Likely I'll follow that up with 'are you serving anyone else at this time?' Again, an honest answer is more important than whether they say, yes or no.

When it comes to giving out personal information such as a phone number, I don't think a Dom/me should ask for anything they aren't comfortable offering. I believe in leading by example.

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim


Thank you.  I think I will understand so much more when I find someone I do trust and respect, it's just the process of finding someone and being excited and then completely let down and distrusting more.  The bad apples really make it more difficult for new subs.

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Female Pride - 11/13/2008 7:27:01 AM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		I tried to be dominant when I was with "Love"... it didn't work.. I didn't feel right.... and When I would try to tell him things like when to be home if he went with friends, What we were eating for dinner, or just what I wanted in bed, he would either completely disregard what I was saying, laugh at me, or just pretend not to hear... and then, afterwards, he would fight with me over it.... And to me, being in that kind of relationship was WAY more demeaning.... I feel soooo much better about myself, and my worth now that I am in a relationship where I completely TRUST my man... I trust him to make the right desicions for me... I trust him to do what is right... I give myself to him, and that just FEELS right.... I can be more myself with him, and I know he will still love me tomorrow... and to me, that is more important than anything... He takes pride in me, so I do too... He is happy to tell people that he's with me, to show people my pictures, to tell his close friends about our romps in the bedroom..... and If he is that pleased with me, then I am too...

_____________________________

--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to sultryone)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Female Pride - 11/15/2008 10:59:20 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

So where is the fine line between doing whatever a Dom tells you to do (feeling like his puppet), and not? I understand a Dom will push me, for my own good, but is this the proper way?


The line is not really that sharp. A Dom that makes you feel like a puppet is not the kind you need. You actually answered your own question, is the Dom pushing you for your own good? Or just pushing for his benefit, or just because he can. Does his actions make you feel like he is trying to build you up? Or do they seem like he is tearing you down.

Does he order you around to get his way, or does he phrase his demands to you in such a way that you find you WANT to obey. This is the ruler by which I would suggest you measure whether a certain Dom is your type or not.

A good Dom for you will never diminish your personal pride and power. (That is tearing you down). He will treat you in such a way that you can retain those strengths yet still find yourself willing and eager to submit. It seems like a contradiction, I know, but really it is not.

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to sultryone)
Profile   Post #: 38
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