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Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 10:36:32 AM   
Hathalud


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline 		Hey guys, I'm contemplating making a change in my preferences from being a more subbish switch to a more domly switch, seeing as how I just have this unshakable belief that the right woman to dom me is statistically impossible to find. *chuckles* The cures of being too intelligent and logical at times. Also, it's the direction I've always had to lean, not neccassarily wanted to lean.

So in considering my needs that I consider subbish I've taken into the following considerations:
Personality.
The need to serve and please.
The need to feel owned and possessed.

My personality is deffinately that of an alpha male. I naturally lead others and can easily dominate anything when I so choose. I can get my need to serve and please addressed via spiritual servitude and by pleasing my subs since taking care of there needs is ineffect pleasing them.

It's the need to feel owned that I'm grappling with. Hence I come to you. Do you guys feel as if your subs own you as much as you own them? I mean, I know it's a partnership and they wouldn't be with you if you didn't please them in some fashion, but do you feel bonded to them? Like neither of you want to leave the other's side?  More importantly, do you feel as if you have a purpose that is directly linked to their presence in your life?

I hope this makes sense. Thanks for any responses in advance.

Cheers and have a lovely day,
Hath
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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 10:42:52 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		The first time i called Sir "my Sir" - he looked at me sideways- and said he owned me, not the other way around, but i feel that i do own a part of him - the part that owns me.

No doubt, all the dommies will object, but this is just my opinion - and my Sir has come around to my way of thinking - or at least he says he does. lol.

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 10:57:35 AM   
Hathalud


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

The first time i called Sir "my Sir" - he looked at me sideways- and said he owned me, not the other way around, but i feel that i do own a part of him - the part that owns me.

No doubt, all the dommies will object, but this is just my opinion - and my Sir has come around to my way of thinking - or at least he says he does. lol.


*Chuckles* I know the feeling of "Subs don't own others"... I've always made it a point for one of my game characters (SL) to never say the possessive "my Mistress".

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 11:00:01 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		I wouldn't call it "owned", but Sir tells me that thinking about "us" makes Him feel that He is wrapped in a warm blanket of love and caring. I know that is how I feel in His ownership, so, yes I would say we are bonded together. After 2 1/2 years, we never want to leave each other's side.
 
His guitar player (vanilla) recently told Him that we are the cutest couple he knows! We are totally affectionate and always touching.

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 11:03:07 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I can see it as being owned or not- it's more a sense of "I'm being true to myself by being and upholding my responsibilities in this relationship and it would be going against myself to stop it"



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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 11:32:56 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I can see it as being owned or not- it's more a sense of "I'm being true to myself by being and upholding my responsibilities in this relationship and it would be going against myself to stop it"




Hmmm, we were just discussing something similar this morning. I stated that we are equals in this relationship- we both give 100% of ourselves. And in that 100%, we include our natural Dominance and submission. So, I am not lesser in the relationship, just that one of the attributes I bring is submission.
 
I compared it to the yin/yang. The energies are opposing, but form the whole.

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 11:38:00 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		When it comes to ownership, it's bi-directional in the fact that somebody desires to own somebody as much as somebody desires to be owned.  

It's nice to be able to call somebody mine.  It's nice for them to know that they are mine.  Yes, I also let it be known when somebody own's my own heart and soul as well, and I'm a DOM.  What's wrong with it being a bit Bi-Directional? 

My girl has my heart, and to not express this would be rather wrong.  She literally owns my heart, my attention and she matters to me greatly, as much as I want her to be mine. 

A relationship even a D/s is a two way deal when it comes to emotional involvement and the sense of each other wanting and needing the other.

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 11:43:21 AM   
stardancer00


Posts: 60
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline 		Bonding, commitment,  sense  of purpose - all those qualities make for a good foundation.  Ownership implies having control  and power  over a  person or thing.  It can happen that it is bi-directional in a D/s relationship when there is emotional  bonding, and it can also co-exist with most of the power being in the hands of the Dominant partner.  It really depends more  about your intent and your need, and how you define what ownership is really about.  For just as many who desire this type of arrangement, there are those for whom it is unacceptable.

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 11:54:30 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		It has not been my experience, nor do I foresee ownership as bidirectional. I think I would personally feel weird about that. This is different, of course, than if the man loved me or felt bonded to me.

Of course, I am limited by my own experiences and who knows what can happen in the future, but I currently don't comprehend the notion.

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 12:44:57 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		He is mine just as much as I am his, although in different ways; that is because we love each other. In a relationship without love, it may be very different. But I think even then I would agree with kiwisub that the part that is truly invested in ownership does belong in some way to the one who is owned.

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 1:46:16 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		In a way yes it is. I own him and he owns my heart. But that does not mean he owns other parts of me as the brain will always overrule the heart in my case. I feel happy and content knowing that he loves and obeys me. We have a good thing going that keeps us both happy and fulfilled.

BTW you may want to rethink your sentence about how you can "easily dominate anything when I so choose" because I am sure that is not true. That could be viewed as domineering or a big ego, it could be a turn off to some subs and others.

Good luck,
~Lashra


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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 2:11:09 PM   
Hathalud


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

In a way yes it is. I own him and he owns my heart. But that does not mean he owns other parts of me as the brain will always overrule the heart in my case. I feel happy and content knowing that he loves and obeys me. We have a good thing going that keeps us both happy and fulfilled.

BTW you may want to rethink your sentence about how you can "easily dominate anything when I so choose" because I am sure that is not true. That could be viewed as domineering or a big ego, it could be a turn off to some subs and others.

Good luck,
~Lashra



Yeah, I'm getting that picture myself as far as the owning one another thing goes... I just needed to wrap my head around it.

As for the easily dominate bit, it sounds egoic, but I certainly didn't mean it that way. I was more talking about how I can take the lead in a situation... while others idly mull about, I'll get bored and get people to do stuff... drag them out shopping  or get them to do some other activity, stir up a conversation. I've noticed that frequently subbish sorts sorta just wait for life to happen to them... and I do my best to go out make things happen and I'll drag them along for the fun of it. Eh, basicly turn on that charming bit about myself that makes me so bloody switchy. Not so much assuming that I can dom others without any effort or taking the time to know them, just turn on the social alpha aspects.

Cheers!

< Message edited by Hathalud -- 11/9/2008 2:22:22 PM >

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 2:14:47 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hi, Hath----
I am sure that some peoples' heads would explode at the concept but, yes, I think there is a mutuality that could be what you're calling 'owning being bidirectional". 
  Davan

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 3:04:17 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hathalud
It's the need to feel owned that I'm grappling with. Hence I come to you. Do you guys feel as if your subs own you as much as you own them?
*blinks*... Uh no.  She is the posession, I am not. 

quote:

 I mean, I know it's a partnership and they wouldn't be with you if you didn't please them in some fashion, but do you feel bonded to them? Like neither of you want to leave the other's side?  More importantly, do you feel as if you have a purpose that is directly linked to their presence in your life?
Of course I am bonded to her.  In a legal sense, she's my wife.  Way more deeply than that, however, she is the other half of me.  We have a joint purpose, constructed of our own separate needs, wants, desires, hopes, and dreams.  We move forward as a team to accomplish that purpose. 

I keep telling her that I'm going to drop her and trade-up the very moment that I can find an upgrade.  She's doesn't look all that worried.  I wouldn't be either if I was her.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 3:33:27 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

more subbish switch to a more domly switch


If you wanted to confuddle me, you've succeeded wildly.

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 3:44:24 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Do you guys feel as if your subs own you as much as you own them? I mean, I know it's a partnership and they wouldn't be with you if you didn't please them in some fashion, but do you feel bonded to them?

To quote Frederick Douglass:
quote:

"No man can put a chain about the ankle of his fellow man without at last finding the other end fastened about his own neck"

Whether we are discussing consensual slavery or coercive chattel slavery, I am of the opinion this principle holds true always.  The slave may be at one end of my lead, but my hand is always grasping the other.  If I let go the lead, I lose my slave; thus I am bound to her just as she is bound to me.

Regardless of the bond, it binds both or neither.  There is no third option.


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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 3:48:00 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Regardless of the bond, it binds both or neither.  There is no third option.


I like to say, "A 6 foot leash is 6 feet in both directions."


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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 3:54:57 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Ownership is wireless. It's multidirectional.

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 11/9/2008 3:55:25 PM >

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 5:02:47 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Well, in my case, My Dom considers me as much owning his body as he owns mine. It always about us. His babygirl and his princess. and MY Angel...My sir.... so yes... it's a 2 ways street... Dreamer

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RE: Is owning bidirectional? - 11/9/2008 5:24:49 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		But vanillas can feel that way too, and there's no ownership between two vanillas.  So honestly I think you're mixing up two different things.  What you're talking about sounds like LOVE.  That can exist with or without ownership.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hathalud

Do you guys feel as if your subs own you as much as you own them? I mean, I know it's a partnership and they wouldn't be with you if you didn't please them in some fashion, but do you feel bonded to them? Like neither of you want to leave the other's side?  More importantly, do you feel as if you have a purpose that is directly linked to their presence in your life?

(in reply to Hathalud)
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