double identity

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

double identity

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> double identity

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

double identity - 11/10/2008 6:52:44 AM

CuriousFemSub

Posts: 5
Status: offline

I have been seeing a Dom a for a few months, everything was going well, till I discovered he was also mailing me as a female as well! What a s**t.
Now I am stuck, what do I do, dump him or confront him.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:01:34 AM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Maybe he is thinking about/going through a sex change and does not know what sex he is. (LOL)

Really do you want to start off any relationship with someone that has tricked/lied to you? Move on!

Mike

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:06:56 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

he was also mailing me as a female

You know, I read this on a fairly regular basis, and I have to this day no clue why someone would do that.

Find a sane person. Even if you were tempted to work it out, you will never know what else he is up to, how many identities he uses, etc. Confronting him is only useful if you get something out of it yourself, which in this case I don't see. Just don't feel bad, there are huge numbers of weirdos out there, and they are really good at deception.

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:09:56 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousFemSub

I have been seeing a Dom a for a few months, everything was going well, till I discovered he was also mailing me as a female as well! What a s**t.
Now I am stuck, what do I do, dump him or confront him.

If it were me I would leave. Whether or not to confront him about it is a personal choice. Since I like to be clear on why I'm doing things, I would tell him, even though I certainly wouldn't think I owed him that.

Honesty is critically important to me. Without it, I'm just not interested.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:14:01 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

How did you discover this?

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:17:44 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I think people do that as a way of "checking up" on a lover to see if what they are saying is true.

Just like a lot of the ads with a hot chick looking for a "second" slave for master are really just a wanker with no wankee hoping to use that to lure in a chick.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 11/10/2008 7:19:41 AM >

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:19:44 AM

CuriousFemSub

Posts: 5
Status: offline

Answer to Kyraofmists
He told me to open an account on cm and to talk to other females, just so happened that the first female was him, I didn't know at first, in cm all seemed fine, was only when we moved to private email, that her/his questions about my Dom seemed to personal, and little things like the way he spoke and his sayings, in the end I tracked the mails, and bingo, same ip number and same location, and same computer is sending the mails.

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:21:16 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

So, two choices, dump him because he is an insecure chump or show him some understanding and acceptance of his human failings and see where that goes.

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:26:51 AM

topkat757

Posts: 52
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

the one true thing about this life stil is trust and honesty. It is apparent from you letter that he was not honest with you from the start playing some kind of game. If he has not been honest with you about that. Make you think? what else has he been deseatful about. As for me I couldn't give my trust to someome that had pulled something such as that it detracts all of us. Our honor, about the trust, truth, honesty, and integrity just to name a few. The other side is he could be looking to see if your being honest with him I have heard of doms doing that too. To see how honest and trust worthy you are? not taking sides just looking at the issue

_____________________________

I should have been here sooner but gald I am now. So many things to explore and try and so far only have basic limits no brown or golden showers no childern of animals on scat and no blood play. everthing elste can at least be discussed.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:48:08 AM

CuriousFemSub

Posts: 5
Status: offline

Thanks for the replies. I know what i have to do, and sadly I don't want to, but he cannot be trusted.
Next question, how do I delete the thread,

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:52:40 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousFemSub

Answer to Kyraofmists
He told me to open an account on cm and to talk to other females, just so happened that the first female was him, I didn't know at first, in cm all seemed fine, was only when we moved to private email, that her/his questions about my Dom seemed to personal, and little things like the way he spoke and his sayings, in the end I tracked the mails, and bingo, same ip number and same location, and same computer is sending the mails.

The first thing that comes to my mind is that he is feeling unsure/insecure and wants to be a fly on the wall to see whether you were really interested and if you would say positive, encouraging things about him.. Not the way to start a relationship though..

And the IP trace? Good for you!! A girl after my own heart!!

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 7:57:37 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

For more than one reason, this would be a complete turn-off for me, with no chance of recovery.

If I were in your shoes, I'd confront him, say what I need to say, then dump his ass for good.

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 8:30:15 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

You cannot delete these threads only a Mod can.

And Mods rarely delete threads unless there is a TOS Violation or they have just gotten way outta hand.

As for the Dom, Sadly I know other guys who use the same tactics, they do it to see how much information you will give out about your Dom, it is some sick twisted test kinda thing that they do.

It is a Joke and only Cads will implore it.

I would confront the Dom about what you know and if he lies then drop his ass if he gives you a reason I suggest you listen to it if it makes sence then ask him not to do it anymore and suggest that in the future he just talk to you about things rather than try to trap you.

This is a Text book example of setting a sub up to fail .

I think you are better than that.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to marie2)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 8:57:28 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

that's kinda creepy =p yagh.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 9:48:04 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

People do dumb, duplicitous things for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes, it's pain, sometimes it's confusion, sometimes there are more malignant motives. I suspect most fall into the more malignant motives category.
Anyway, what you do depends on the nature of the relationship. Rock on on those ip traces and being observant.
When I was aware of a situation of dual profiles, I observed, researched, and confronted the behavior respectfully and with hands open to someone I thought well of, acknowledging of human failings, which we all have. Do I think I got 100% truth in the confrontation? Probably not. Is there some other profile out there floating around? Oh, wouldn't surprise me. Is the person communicating with me at this time. Nope. Would I be willing to communicate? Yes, I would. Who knows. People make their choices.
Best wishes,
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 11/10/2008 10:14:25 AM >

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 10:08:32 AM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

Definitely creepy, yup.

I did something like this once ... a Dom I'd been chatting with for quite awhile made a few remarks to me about what a great Domme I'd make, all the while trying to get me to be his slave. Uh-huh. I made a profile as a Domme in his area, and lo and behold ... in came an email from him begging me to accept him as my submissive. I also got another email from yet another Dom I'd spoken with about a year earlier. oy vey. I asked for pics with all emails .. both sent them - the profile was up maybe two days.

When I received the emails as the Domme, I was immediately embarrassed that I'd employed such juvenile behavior. OK, so now I had my 'evidence' ... and found out something about someone else I never wanted to know. Great. I should have been an adult about it, really listened to my instincts and talked about it. I took a deep breath and confessed to the Dom what I'd done, why, apologized and we talked it through. It wasn't meant to be .. I don't have a switch bone in my body .. but really, this kind of juvenile behavior belongs in middle school.

If you really like this guy, you could confront him on his behavior and discuss it and maybe move past it. Or maybe just decide to move on.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 11:22:39 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

wow.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to CuriousFemSub)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 11:31:53 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

typical...is the only word for him.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to persephonee)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 11:31:57 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

I think you should stay with him, then post here regularly and tell us about all the other dysfunctional shit he does. It will make us all feel better because the annoying things our partners do will seem just fine by comparison.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to persephonee)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: double identity - 11/10/2008 11:49:22 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

typical...is the only word for him.

As is this comment when it comes to situations like this.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Profile

Post #: 20