RE: Are there things more important? (Full Version)

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kyraofMists -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 6:55:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
 Can you give up the physical for the mental/emotional?


Depending on the situation, yes I could do it and I have.  I did it for over two years before I moved into his house.

My need for physical intimacy is completely connected to my relationship with that person.  Physical intimacy is one of the ways I express and perceive love.  I have a high sex drive that pretty much goes into hibernation when I am not in a relationship. 

I do not think that I could be fulfilled in a relationship that was completelyl devoid of physical intimacy, but I know that I can be fulfilled in one where touch has been put on hold.  On the other hand, I know that I cannot be fulfilled in a relationship that lacks mental intimacy.  My need for an intellectual connection with my partners is very high.  Physical and emotional intimacy cannot compensate for a lack of mental connection for me, but the mental and emotional can compensate for the lack of physical.

In regards to the concept of wants and needs...  I have needs in order to physically survive.  I have needs in order to thrive.  I have things that I want; therefore, I have things I need to do in order to meet those wants.  My needs are based on my wants.

Our best to you and yours; may they both come back safely.

Knight's Kyra



chamberqueen -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 7:20:38 AM)

I came into the lifestyle for the mental and emotional - the idea of the deep trust and the communication.  I yearned for those things deeply.

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time.  I agree with califsue, I see it as no weakness in you at all.  Instead I see great strength of character, a person of integrity.  While waiting is hard (whether top or bottom, and it seems to me sometimes that "waiting patiently" should be put into a description for anyone in a submissive role) you know that you are being true to yourself and still feel the important connection.  The "one or the other" choice is comparatively short term.

Yes, I would rather have words and gestures than touch, to know that someone truly cares about me.  I am happy for you that you have not just one but two who love you, and I am sure that they carry your love with them as they need to be away.



LadyPact -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 8:34:07 AM)

Thank you both califsue and chamberqueen for both your sentiments and your question.  The answer to which I'm not sure belongs here or on Michael's thread about love, fear, and D/s.  Maybe both.  Who knows?

Often, I'll put into a post that I think or feel in a particularly 'undommely' way about this, or I'll say something 'undommely' about that.  Usually, when I do, it's because what I say, think, or feel goes completely against the grain of what the stereotypical dominant is supposed to be.  That rigid, inflexible, unfeeling, always in control of themselves so they can control others, that nothing ever effects, who is always a tower of strength, and rules with an iron fist persona that a dominant is supposed to be.  The truth is, that seems to work for some people.  It just doesn't work for Me.  Not even those times in My life where I've tried to force Myself to be exactly that.

When I first started out, I struggled with the concept a great deal.  These days, I just have mini battles in My head over it.  Most of the time, I win and get to be a person.



LaTigresse -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 8:42:55 AM)

I cannot imagine living without touch. It has always been such a strong part of all of my intimate relationships. I grew up in a very loving and physically expressive family. Lots and lots of hugs and kisses. It's just who I am. I've always been that way with siblings, my kids and now also my grands. Even with close friends.

However, sex is something I can go without for an indefinate amount of time. It has never been that important to me. Everything has to click to flip that switch.



JustDarkness -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 9:14:00 AM)

Neither could I...but touch for me needs to be accompanied by love or affection.
Just touch feels cold.
Besides touch..there should be interest for what you do, think, feel etc..mutual.



oceanwynds -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 10:29:28 AM)

LadyPact
IMHO, when anyone has deep feelings and involvement with another, it is normal to miss the person. This is natural and human. If having to wait for that time to experience the physical again in the relationship is necessary, then it can be done. To feel though that your aching for that touch is a weakness, has no validity to me. We are human and when we love we love through our emotions.  It is also during those times, when the physical touch, sex or whatever it is you want, cannot be had, that I pull on a stronger link within me. That, for me, has always been the mental link that has kept me with a person. The connection of the minds is so important to me and totaly out weighs the physical. Mind and Spirit is where my connection is with Sir. Though the physical is very strong and there are many times, i miss the physical, I am able to keep going because of the mind and spirit of us.

Sir is a Dominant in so many ways, and he is honest about missing me, when other things keep us apart. He does not need to wear masks. He does not need to fit into other peoples' images of what a Dominant is suppose to be like. I have learned a lot from this man in that area too.

blessings
oceanwynds



Padriag -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 10:44:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

How do you feel about this?  Can you give up the physical for the mental/emotional?

To which I am given to wonder... why choose?  Why not have both in whatever combination works for you?



DesFIP -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 12:49:54 PM)

I remembered that your sub is deployed but did not realize your husband is also. That makes it that much harder on you, and on them both knowing you're totally alone.

But as I said, you simply have to get your needs met elsewhere which does not include the nearest bar. Vibrators for sex, massages, hugs, even playing with a puppy for skin contact.




Padriag -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 1:33:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

...That rigid, inflexible, unfeeling, always in control of themselves so they can control others, that nothing ever effects, who is always a tower of strength, and rules with an iron fist persona that a dominant is supposed to be.  The truth is, that seems to work for some people.  It just doesn't work for Me.  Not even those times in My life where I've tried to force Myself to be exactly that.

I'll let you in on a lil secret... that doesn't work for anybody.  Anyone who says they are all that all the time is a liar putting on a show trying to impress someone.

While I think some of those qualities are things a dominant should aspire to, others I would say a definite no too.  Why should a dominant be unfeeling for example... are they to be inhuman?  I agree we should strive to be in control of ourselves, but no one is all the time... and even if we were, it is still no guarantee of being able to control anyone else.  Should we rule with an iron fist, that sounds like we're expected to crush those we rule... why?  Would it not be more sensible to rule with a firm hand... strong but not crushing?  And while I agree a dominant needs to be firm in their resolve, fully able to impose their Will... that is not the same as being rigid and inflexible... the later speaks more of hidden insecurity thinly concealed.

My advice, for whatever you may find it to be worth... pay little attention to stereotypes, most of them are fatally flawed.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 3:15:22 PM)

People who are in LDRs or online relationships they find significant do this all the time. I'm a former Navy wife. I can go without touch...for a while.

Master Fire



antipode -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 6:23:33 PM)

quote:

Can you give up the physical for the mental/emotional


I personally believe only in "having it all". I have difficulty, on a more immediate level, of conceiving of love without touch, or vice versa.



LadyPact -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/11/2008 10:08:41 PM)

You have to read the whole thread, Dude.



darchChylde -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/12/2008 7:08:21 AM)

Post removed by darchChylde:  Reason, too much personal info.



LadyPact -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/12/2008 5:15:27 PM)

As someone else would say, male bovine excrement matter.  



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/12/2008 5:24:37 PM)

Well, I could do the emotional without the physical, but I doubt I could hang on only doing the physical without the connection. Matter of fact, I know I couldn't. Been there, done that. Still, it's best when you have both...naturally.



LPslittleclip -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/12/2008 7:37:55 PM)

i understand the need for touch as i have been deployed several times. while deployed i find i enjoy the company of others but it leaves me cold and wanting the physical contact. it is hard for me as i am a nurse and theraputic touch is a part of my job not being able to get touched in return is very draining. right now i am a married submissive and whille with my wife i dont get the play aspect that i so enjoy while with my M'lady. i can forgo the physical for the emotional for a while but not for too long without loisng something of myself along the way.



BLGirl -> RE: Are there things more important? (11/12/2008 8:20:06 PM)

While I have taken the time to read over most of the thread, I hope I am understanding this right. Please correct me if I have misunderstood.  Studies suggests that there is a fundamental relationship between physical touch and emotional happiness. This suggests that to be truly happy one would need physical touch.  I would tend to believe that there is truth in this and that there is a fundamental need for physical touch when considering emotional happiness.  From personal experience, that when me and my baby are not touching for whatever reason we are not as happy as when we are touching.  While this lifestyle is still new to the both of us I can truly say that it has brought us closer together. 


Daddy of BLGirl



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