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Not interested - 12/19/2005 11:44:21 AM   
physcsdrk


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		First off I want to say I am sorry if this is a topic that has been posted on before, I did look and didn't find it, but it seems like there probably is a thread on it.

I frequently receive emails from people that I am not interested in. I respond to every email that I receive mostly because I feel that it is the polite thing to do. What I want to know is, if you are ruling someone out based on their picture, it seems a bit rude to say so.
What I usually write is something along the lines of Not interested, but good luck.

(note: I write this if I am not interested for other reasons as well, so please don't assume anything if you received this response from me.)

When I write this, I sometimes get an email back asking why, at which point I tell them the truth. Is this the polite thing to do? Or should I just not reply to people who write me when I am not interested. Maybe it is bettter not to hear at all?

Physcsdrk

P.S. I also often receive emails from people that are obviously copied and pasted into the screen. Emails that the person obviously sends out to everyone that they email. I know because when I put up a picture after about a month and a half of being on the site, I received many of the exact same (spelling errors and all) messages.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 11:50:32 AM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		perhaps it's just my own mindset, but I think it's always far better to be bluntly honest then to sidestep things and be absent or evasive about it. Being civil and respectable is fine, but you should still be direct and without waiver.

(in reply to physcsdrk)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 11:52:07 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Feel free to ignore any email that you like- think of them as fliers in your snail mail.

Never expect to ever get an email that is interesting or appropriate for you.

Be happily surprised when you do get an email that is interesting or appropriate for you.

(in reply to physcsdrk)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 12:17:22 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

When I write this, I sometimes get an email back asking why, at which point I tell them the truth. Is this the polite thing to do? Or should I just not reply to people who write me when I am not interested. Maybe it is bettter not to hear at all?



Well, the way I look at it....you can be brutally honest, or you can be politely honest. Generally if asked "why" when I say no thank you, I try to head for politely honest. If after that they still are pushy, I either ignore or go for brutally honest.

Sometimes those that ask "why" are truly just looking for constructive criticism to help them figure out what they might be doing wrong. Others are just battering at the door repeatedly hoping to get in. It takes a little time and experience to see which they are.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to physcsdrk)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 12:21:19 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		There is nothing at all wrong with using some tact when replying to emails.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 12:31:35 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

When I write this, I sometimes get an email back asking why, at which point I tell them the truth. Is this the polite thing to do? Or should I just not reply to people who write me when I am not interested. Maybe it is bettter not to hear at all?


I concur with what other's have said. I too would rather you be honest. Perhaps I have some major flaw I've never known about and it takes someone like you to point it out? Could totally change my life. Where on the other hand I would never know.
So, be honest. If people can't handle it perhaps they should'nt be writing you in the first place.

(in reply to physcsdrk)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 12:43:42 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: physcsdrk
First off I want to say I am sorry if this is a topic that has been posted on before, I did look and didn't find it, but it seems like there probably is a thread on it.


This is slightly off-topic for the main thrust of your post, but I still wanted to address it.

I feel quite sure that these forums were intended for discussions - so if you have something to discuss, do it. Do not be intimidated by those with an obsessive compulsion to reply to threads with a long list of the many, many times your topic has come up before. Personally, if I wanted to know how the topic was addressed three months or even a year ago, maybe I'd search for it myself. To be honest, I almost NEVER search for old topics - and when people provide those long lists of previous discussions I very rarely read them - I actually have a tendency to skip the posts containing such lists.

You can rest assured that EVERYTHING has already been discussed by someone before. I would just like to say that nothing prevents you from engaging the topic once again and that it's even possible you might come at it with an interesting new twist that the rest of us will find illuminating.


_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to physcsdrk)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 1:03:22 PM   
Hohoho


Posts: 135
Joined: 3/18/2005
Status: offline 		Frankly, I don't need to know whats wrong with me from a total stranger and I would never ask. I have taken the rude ride, simply not answering, if I am not so inclined. I don't feel bad if I am ignored... Now its easier to say the obvious...like "you're married....not interested", "You seek something I am not" those are easy and very real reasons not to continue correspondence. I have found several people I just adore keeping in touch with. With may not be each other's match...but we are each other's friend.

(in reply to physcsdrk)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 1:16:37 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I agree completely with afmvdp. The old adage applies in this case: "Honesty is the best policy." Be tactful and kind when possible, but be honest. If they don't take the hint, then you can tell them to bugger off. With as many threads as there have been on these boards with the OPs bitching and moaning about not receiving responses to their mail, it would stand to reason that they'd appreciate an honest response. (Of course reason is rarely resorted to...)

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to physcsdrk)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 1:16:45 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		I think I should just say 'Thank you' from all of the guys out there that are used to not getting ANY response. I respond to every e-mail also but I know that's a lot harder for a woman since she gets so many e-mails from people. You are doing the right thing in my opinion and I thank you for having the courtesy to reply (even though I am not one of the people who wrote you.) I think there would be a lot fewer guys doing the 'cut & paste' mailing if they actually expected to get a response of some kind from more than 1 woman in every 200 or so.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to physcsdrk)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 7:26:59 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

Frankly, I don't need to know whats wrong with me from a total stranger and I would never ask.



Trollers aside - I'll just point out that normally when I turn someone down, it's not necessarily what's "wrong with" that person, but rather, that person not being what I feel I need.



_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to Hohoho)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Not interested - 12/19/2005 8:40:01 PM   
greenie


Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		What i like are the ones from guys that say "I think we'd be a good match" and then when i look at their profile it's completely blank, not just no picture but nothing about them whatsoever. The last one of those i got i messaged back saying that i have no interest in someone who has a blank profile because it looks as though he is either too lazy to write something out or is hiding something and can't be honest, but good luck in your search. Needless to say i got a pissy email back that i just laughed at and deleted. Just because i'm a sub doesn't mean i can't be a bitch sometimes lol.

_____________________________

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-- Robert DE Niro

(in reply to physcsdrk)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Not interested - 12/20/2005 4:35:37 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		honest tactful rejection, followed by the block button for the stubbornly stupid.

and yeah, those ones that say 'were perfectly matched' WTF?

(in reply to greenie)
Profile   Post #: 13
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