RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people?

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/12/2008 3:48:37 AM

JustDarkness

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People are people...and forums are a warzone.
But as this is a lifestyle forum, it gets way more personal by times then for example a computer forum.

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/13/2008 2:28:00 AM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
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I find that people involved in BDSM (at least online) are no more or less civil then the general population at large....

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/13/2008 5:16:47 AM

Lashra

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People are people there are good ones, bad ones and in-between ones, Just because a person is into BDSM does not automatically make them a "civil" person. I would say the BDSM group is a mixed bag, just like every other group.

~Lashra

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/13/2008 5:24:10 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eliana

In the last several years I have been online I’ve cruised my way around vanilla and BDSM chat rooms, message boards, groups etc and one thing continues to strike me - how CIVIL and polite BDSM people generally are.

Now I KNOW we have “that group” (rolls my eyes) of the “on your knees bitch, I am god er I mean a Dominant” brigade whom I basically consider a ridiculous joke - they’d be funny if they weren’t so darned annoying - but take them out of the equation and I think we have left a group of people who are generally very respectful towards each other, well mannered and often very empathetic.

In some of the vanilla online arenas - especially politics and religion - I often find many of them are unbelievably rude, harsh and unkind. In BDSM I think there is a lot more civility.

So what do you think? Can we take some pride in being a generally nicer group of people than “nillas””? Do we deserve a pat on the back or is your experience different?

/snicker

You ARE just joking around right?

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/13/2008 5:46:44 AM

justgemmie

Posts: 246
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

My experience is we are the same group of people. Bring up religion here and you stand the same chances of being completely lambasted as you do in a 'nilla forum. Same with politics, it just takes a search to see how passionate and mean people get about that one.
DV

amen DV. in the Off Topic forum, i cannot believe the nasty, mean, and downrite evil names i (the generic i) was called because i'm Republican .......

as to the OP, i think we're just a bunch of folks. some civil, some not so much.

gemmie

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/13/2008 6:57:54 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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~Fast Reply~

Because WIITWD is only one aspect of our lives, the chances of folks who are into WIITWD being 'nicer' or 'more civil' than any other group of people is mythology at its best.

Reality is that people get torqued about any number of things, and the tendency is to be as rude as we can possibly get away with in making sure that one's individual point of view is absolutely, without question, heard.

When the 'community' was smaller, and more insular, the smaller subgroups had their own protocols and there may have been a tendency to have better manners enforced within the context of those smaller groups, but as soon as the 'community' branched out and started trying to incorporate so many versions of WIITWD and so many permutations of ancillary ways of living and integrating into the community of WIITWD, "manners" and even "common courtesy" became a matter of personal preference, rather than communally enforced standard (which is completely to be expected). Now, many times we can't even agree to be polite about discussing whether we should or shouldn't be generally polite.

In general, the "community" of WIITWD is merging with the community of the mainstream in subtle ways, including the adaptation to a more self-centered and less courtesy-focused way of inter-relating. It seems to me that this just reflects a general trend to be less polite and less considerate in -general-, compounded by the idea among a not-insubstantial subgroup of d-types that they don't -have- to be courteous to individuals that some of them perceive as being 'less' than they are (the same kinds of d-types who would stiff a waitress!), and the trend among a not-insubstantial subgroup of the s-type individuals who believe that showing common courtesy somehow marks them as 'patsies', 'doormats', or 'weak'. In the same way, in the general public, we look down on one another and use the operatives of good manners as a determining factor over whether someone is a 'pushover', so this isn't a matter of BDSM people being more or less civil than any other group, but a recognition that, before we are BDSM, we are products of our general culture and its views on civility and good manners.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 11/13/2008 6:58:17 AM >

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/13/2008 7:42:44 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eliana

In the last several years I have been online I’ve cruised my way around vanilla and BDSM chat rooms, message boards, groups etc and one thing continues to strike me - how CIVIL and polite BDSM people generally are.

Now I KNOW we have “that group” (rolls my eyes) of the “on your knees bitch, I am god er I mean a Dominant” brigade whom I basically consider a ridiculous joke - they’d be funny if they weren’t so darned annoying - but take them out of the equation and I think we have left a group of people who are generally very respectful towards each other, well mannered and often very empathetic.

In some of the vanilla online arenas - especially politics and religion - I often find many of them are unbelievably rude, harsh and unkind. In BDSM I think there is a lot more civility.

So what do you think? Can we take some pride in being a generally nicer group of people than “nillas””? Do we deserve a pat on the back or is your experience different?

I don't think we are a different group at all, despite the fact that we are on the fringe, we often feel the need to create another fringe, i.e. "my fetish is better than your fetish", or "this isn't really BDSM what you do..."

Then most of us also function in 'nilla environment, we just usually don't wear our "Hey, I'm a perv" buttons.

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/13/2008 7:44:55 AM

LaTigresse

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You've obviously not spent much time here, reading the forums...........

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/13/2008 9:36:27 AM

oceanwynds

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Hi Eliana
Think after you read all your replies you will come to realize this is not a civil group. Just remember only you can take things personal. You don't need to agree with everything posted. And we all are human and voice many moods. Plus we all have opinions which will not be accepted by everyone.

oceanwynds

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 6:47:24 PM

Sofiasslave

Posts: 9
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It would seem to be a sad fact. I have been on this site for 2 days, and already had that notion wiped from my mind. WHile when I meet people involved in all different aspects of BDSM in RL, through bparties, munches, whatever, your statement seems true. Contrary to the "vanilla"notion that these people would be something else, I usually find these people to be really nice, understanding, intelligent, loving people. On this board on the other hand, the most vocal are insulting, close minded(their kink is okay, yours is sick), and downright cold. My guess is this is a combination of a few things, none of which being more prevalent than a lack of feeling good about their own wants and desires. In short, sad.

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 6:53:26 PM

sexisubi

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There are people... and there are people... hate to break this for who ever thinks we're or you're special... but we're not!

there are good people and there are stupid people, in every 'world' you'll find both.

"high five, pretty nice" =)

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 7:00:18 PM

moonvine

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We're all people, with all the attendant flaws and foibles. I will say I have never met any as mean and nasty as the animal rescue people.....wow! But that's a different topic...

< Message edited by moonvine -- 11/24/2008 7:03:30 PM >

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 7:00:40 PM

DavanKael

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People are people. There are all sorts in every sub-set, including bdsm. I've met some lovely people and I've encountered some surplus population, and permutations in between. Best wishes,
Davan

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 7:04:13 PM

lusciouslips19

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Yes we are more civil dahling. Now please pass the tea and crumpets.

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 7:06:20 PM

sexisubi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Yes we are more civil dahling. Now please pass the tea and crumpets.

lol!!

fabulous dahling!

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 7:12:46 PM

DavanKael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine
We're all people, with all the attendant flaws and foibles. I will say I have never met any as mean and nasty as the animal rescue people.....wow! But that's a different topic...

Hi, moonvine----
Let me extend my hand in greeting as one of the animal rescue/welfare folks who isn't always mean and nasty (I only put up the dukes when someone's doing wrong by/to me, mine, or innocents be they human or otherwise). :>
Davan
(Who cautions you that the PETA wackos are NOT what all of we animal welfare folk are like)
And, to say something thread-relevant: The statements above could be seen as analogous to what I said previously about bdsm-ers;ittakes all sorts.

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 7:15:02 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sofiasslave

On this board on the other hand, the most vocal are insulting, close minded(their kink is okay, yours is sick), and downright cold.

Not sure where you've been hanging out on this board, but I don't see that.

Cali

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 7:24:14 PM

sexisubi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sofiasslave

On this board on the other hand, the most vocal are insulting, close minded(their kink is okay, yours is sick), and downright cold.

lol what?

well i guess this prove what everyone is talking about

there are people and there are... 'people'

and you can find them in any community nilla or not.

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 7:25:39 PM

mystickoolaid

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sekhemet

you have SO got to be kidding Me ... there is no way IN hell this person is "sane" are they, I mean the boards HERE show how rude, harsh, vulgar, unkind and plain immature ANY community can be ... and you see this is a perfect example as to why SSC is moronic and RACK makes sense, because a comment like this PROVES this person is nuts ... and it is THAT easy to begin a debate which goes on for months; gets dirty and personal and has no point.

The D/s community is an utter mess and has always been an abyss of chaotic proportions - for any multitude of reasons ranging from dominant personalities, to education levels within the scene, to scene drive and direction, to jealousy, to stubbornness, to style, to plain ego, to sadism and bullying.
It would appear as though you've a lot of learning before you young padawan - walk lightly.
XxoxX

This should be a perfect example of how 'not nice' some of U/us can be. I don't think you are crazy. W/we do have some wonderful mods here who try to keep the meanness and trash cleaned up, but hang around and you will start to notice a lot more of it.

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RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/24/2008 8:04:11 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
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From: Sacramento
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No. I do not believe that just because a whole group of people do bdsm, that they're politer than people in general. Infact I have run across more intolerant people on bdsm forrums than in real life.

As it's been said many maaaaaaaaaaaaany times before and will be said billions of times before, people are people, what they do for fun doesn't make them any less or more of a *insert whatever in here*p erson.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eliana

In the last several years I have been online I’ve cruised my way around vanilla and BDSM chat rooms, message boards, groups etc and one thing continues to strike me - how CIVIL and polite BDSM people generally are.

Now I KNOW we have “that group” (rolls my eyes) of the “on your knees bitch, I am god er I mean a Dominant” brigade whom I basically consider a ridiculous joke - they’d be funny if they weren’t so darned annoying - but take them out of the equation and I think we have left a group of people who are generally very respectful towards each other, well mannered and often very empathetic.

In some of the vanilla online arenas - especially politics and religion - I often find many of them are unbelievably rude, harsh and unkind. In BDSM I think there is a lot more civility.

So what do you think? Can we take some pride in being a generally nicer group of people than “nillas””? Do we deserve a pat on the back or is your experience different?