RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 7:01:21 PM

compassionatedad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I think anybody with half a brain would meet in a public place for the first time.

Agreed and I am surprised when someone I meet online is not interested in meeting in person in public first. Tim

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 7:12:56 PM

scottjk

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Well, I refuse to start out with the premise that no one is deserving of some level of trust. However, 'trust but verify' is a very sensible thing to do. So, if that person seems what you're looking for, why not agree to a public meet? It all comes out in the wash in person most of the time. (sigh) I would like nothing more than a date or two to see how things go, rather than spend weeks or months at a computer, doing what we could do in PERSON. It would at least be far more enjoyable and a lot more sociable.

I never understand the way some people think, some times, the vetting process isn't all that painful.

I for one am willing to meet most people as long as it's in public.

One time, I was asked to meet some one. I asked her if she's got a safe call set up. She flipped out on me telling me I'm some kind of freak. My only response was, "Well, yeah, I'm a freak, but do you have your safe call set up?"

She never returned my mail.

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 7:25:32 PM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Ok, first let's make a distinction between meeting someone, and...

(...doing other stuff.)

Yes, thank you.

I'm beginning to wonder if "meeting" is some kind of euphemism for "fucking" (or whathaveyou.)

There's nothing wrong with meeting somebody in a public place with no big expectations either way, is there? If you decide to move off public premises with them, you can ask to see their identification card and then phone a friend, telling them who your with, where you're going, when you'll be back (or call back), etc.

But surely it's not that terrifying to meet someone over tea...or am I being naive here?

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 7:29:15 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

But surely it's not that terrifying to meet someone over tea...or am I being naive here?

Meeting over tea is frightening, even nauseating. Coffee on the other hand....

John

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 7:48:28 PM

BLGirl

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quote:

Back in the day, I used to hitchhike a lot. Everyone did. I remember a few close calls. But nothing like this story:

Unfortunately the world is a much different place than in the world we are in today. I would suggest that anyone that is wanting to get together with anyone that they do not know should take caution. I would suggest this to anyone regardless of what life style they would choose. It seems to me that the world while a wonderful place is growing more dangerous the smaller it gets. JMO

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 7:56:56 PM

Nefric

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In my mind there are just some good guidelines I go by.
1. Always supply your own transportation to and from any meeting
2. Don't give out home address until you have gotten to know someone for a while (amount of time is subjective)
3. For the first play date, make sure a friend know where you are meeting to play and have a agreed upon time when they will call and make sure you are ok, have a safe word or phrase that only they know.

I know some of this sounds a bit extreme but better safe than sorry.

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 8:04:24 PM

GreedyTop

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~FR~

in the years I've been involved with this, I never once heard ANYONE say, or even imply that 'all folks into bdsm can be trusted'. In fact, from the very first, everyone I interacted with (whether face to face or online) made it a point to tell newbies that NOT everyone can be trusted. Just like the general population.

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 8:11:45 PM

NihilusZero

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I don't know that it would make a big difference either way. The quality of an individual's judgment of character is bound to be in place across the board, no matter how they meet people.

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 8:43:32 PM

candystripper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

Well, I refuse to start out with the premise that no one is deserving of some level of trust. However, 'trust but verify' is a very sensible thing to do. So, if that person seems what you're looking for, why not agree to a public meet? It all comes out in the wash in person most of the time. (sigh) I would like nothing more than a date or two to see how things go, rather than spend weeks or months at a computer, doing what we could do in PERSON. It would at least be far more enjoyable and a lot more sociable.

I never understand the way some people think, some times, the vetting process isn't all that painful.

I for one am willing to meet most people as long as it's in public.

One time, I was asked to meet some one. I asked her if she's got a safe call set up. She flipped out on me telling me I'm some kind of freak. My only response was, "Well, yeah, I'm a freak, but do you have your safe call set up?"

She never returned my mail.

Ya, I agree. If someone is really interested in me, they'll haul their azz out for a cup of coffee and meet me. I once spent six months talking to a Dom in Long Island before meeting him. He stiffed the waitress on her tip when he paid the bill.

That was enough for me -- I skated. I don't think you can tell who a person really is without meeting them first.

candystripper

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/12/2008 10:15:57 PM

theobserver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

I feel as if I’m shouting down a well, but here goes.

This is a ‘net web site. Kinksters are NOT by virtue of the fact that they are ‘into D/s’ somehow safer for folks to meet and get all nakkie with. I see so many posts about men meeting women they know not at all, sometimes inviting such a woman to come live in their homes. I see some folks give a new member a rash about any hesitancy she might have to ‘get out and meet people in real life’ – but a play party in someone’s home, whom you do not know, is NOT a safe thing to do.

I really love the genre ‘True Crime’. Ann Rule is my favorite author in the genre, so I have been aware of the dangerous place we live in for some time.

You cannot assume anyone is safe. Once you check your common sense at the door, you offer yourself up like a lamb to the slaughter.

Here are some stories to ponder.

The Slavemaster Who Was a Serial Killer

The Serial Killer Who Hunted on the Internet

Dana Sue Gray

Female Serial Killers Who Select Male Victims

If you don’t already know someone, *pause and reflect* before you act. No one is ‘presumatively’ safe. Gheesh, don’t you guys ever go to the movies? Has no one seen ‘Looking for Mr. Goodbar’? Or 'Fatal Attraction'?

candystripper

If you read too much of that stuff, you are sure to be paranoid about any and everything ... and this is coming from quite the anxious person.

In all seriousness, as most have already stated - it's simply commonsense. If most people applied that in everything they did, then there would be less need to worry. Also, as far as crime is concerned it's mainly about opportunity. If a criminal is looking to commit an offense on another, it doesn't matter if you are their neighbor, cousin or a stranger in a parking lot, if you are at the wrong place at the wrong time, you can and will be a victim.

I wouldn't meet a stranger in a private place. The one person I met from the net, I met in a very public place and took the necessary precautions, after we had spoken for eight months prior.

It also doesn't hurt, that I can ... well ... I'll leave that to your imagination.

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 12:24:02 AM

candystripper

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LOl...Ya..me too.

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 1:00:36 AM

masterforRT

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Drop the "into D/s" from your subject line for a more accurate statement. Anyone that believes that anyone can be trusted is a fool! One has to be careful!
That said, I'm not about to lock myself in my room all the time.
Nor should you.
I have to believe that MOST people are good people!

I hope you weren't burned too bad....

< Message edited by masterforRT -- 11/13/2008 1:01:24 AM >

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 5:56:15 AM

mc1234

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

I fail to see what is wrong with challenging the mytholgy that folks into D/s are 'safer'. You guys who've been on these boards awihle know perfectly well, many such posts have been made.

That's because there is no mythology of which you speak. I've been reading these boards for almost two years now. I've never heard anyone say 'gee, everyone into BDSM is safer than the general public.'

As for the fact that you used your home address for your work as a battered spouse attorney - because you didn't want sensitive files at the office? I've worked in family law for years - not one lawyer I know would compromise themselves in that manner, nor would they ask the staff to either. So you're preaching safety on the internet while on the other hand did something amazingly stupid and unsafe with a *known* threat (the abusive spouse).

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 6:21:45 AM

CalifChick

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DV files at home because you don't want them at the office? Unless you work from a park bench... just when you think it can't get any more mind-boggling, you suddenly find yourself wondering what color is the air...

Cali

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 7:19:23 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: compassionatedad

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I think anybody with half a brain would meet in a public place for the first time.

Agreed and I am surprised when someone I meet online is not interested in meeting in person in public first. Tim

I guess that would depend in how much interest you have to meet the person at all. With some people I can have happy online communications without feeling that we "should" meet, without being impolite, some people simply don't interest me enough to make time in my schedule. Not that I don't like them or enjoy talking to them...

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 7:47:24 AM

MsDonnaMia

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There's a myth out there like that? Hmph. That's a good sign for us! Society is beginning to accept us.

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 8:58:11 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

But surely it's not that terrifying to meet someone over tea...or am I being naive here?

Meeting over tea is frightening, even nauseating. Coffee on the other hand....

John

What about hot chocolate? Id meet you over a cup, but it would be a long drive.

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 8:59:29 AM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

But surely it's not that terrifying to meet someone over tea...or am I being naive here?

Meeting over tea is frightening, even nauseating. Coffee on the other hand....

John

What about hot chocolate? Id meet you over a cup, but it would be a long drive.

Hot chocolate is great, though seasonal. A roaring fire seems appropriate.

John

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 9:20:33 AM

thishereboi

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That would be nice....Log cabin, mountains, snow.....but alas, I'm in MI right now, so I will have to settle for going out and buying the new expansion for World of Warcraft. If your ever in Detroit let me know. I can't guarantee a fire, but I know a few good places for coffee.

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RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/13/2008 9:23:39 AM

Rover

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Coffee and conversation are always enjoyable. Will do.

John

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