Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted Page: <<   < prev  2 3 4 5 [6]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/14/2008 3:12:51 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

I feel as if I’m shouting down a well, but here goes.
 
This is a ‘net web site.  Kinksters are NOT by virtue of the fact that they are ‘into D/s’ somehow safer for folks to meet and get all nakkie with. I see so many posts about men meeting women they know not at all, sometimes inviting such a woman to come live in their homes.  I see some folks give a new member a rash about any hesitancy she might have to ‘get out and meet people in real life’ – but a play party in someone’s home, whom you do not know, is NOT a safe thing to do.
 
I really love the genre ‘True Crime’.  Ann Rule is my favorite author in the genre, so I have been aware of the dangerous place we live in for some time.
 
You cannot assume anyone is safe.  Once you check your common sense at the door, you offer yourself up like a lamb to the slaughter.
 
Here are some stories to ponder.
 
The Slavemaster Who Was a Serial Killer
 
 
The Serial Killer Who Hunted on the Internet
 
 
Dana Sue Gray
 
Female Serial Killers Who Select Male Victims
 
If you don’t already know someone, *pause and reflect* before you act.  No one is ‘presumatively’ safe.  Gheesh, don’t you guys ever go to the movies?  Has no one seen ‘Looking for Mr. Goodbar’?  Or 'Fatal Attraction'?
 
candystripper
 
 
 
 


Fer cryin out loud, have you become that paranoid to believe that every potential dom or sub is a serial killer in disguise?  Every segment of society has a darker underbelly and the kink community is no different. We all use a fair amount of common sense when meeting a person for the first few times before easing up on our guard, whether it's to meet for a first dinner date or a person we hook up with at the local stripper bar. Frankly, I'd be more wary of meeting a person who's overly paranoid on a date then I'd be with picking up a rent boy.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 11/14/2008 3:13:32 PM >

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/14/2008 3:42:49 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Candy
I do not believe it is helpful nor constructive to scaremonger.  I don't believe that people really do believe that BDSM peeps are any more safer than anyone else.  You need to stop worrying about other people and just focus on yourself and your own life.  People can and should take care of themselves.  And you know tat I say this with love, you need to stop worrying about everyone else.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/14/2008 4:39:20 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Candy
I do not believe it is helpful nor constructive to scaremonger.  I don't believe that people really do believe that BDSM peeps are any more safer than anyone else.  You need to stop worrying about other people and just focus on yourself and your own life.  People can and should take care of themselves.  And you know tat I say this with love, you need to stop worrying about everyone else.
 
the.dark.

 
You're a kind and wise woman, the.dark.  Thank you for prompting me to *pause and reflect*.  Like the posts you might have seen me write on U.S. medical care/insurance in Off-Topics, there's a difference between trying to be helpful and 'saving people from their own foolishness'.  Sometimes, I admit, I get alarmed by what folks tell me in the CM back-channel...but I don't owe a group of strangers a 'wake up call' and it was obviously not well-taken.
 
Thank you, sweetie.  Hope all is well with you and yours.
 
candystripper 

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/15/2008 5:10:26 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I sometimes think people who are into BDSM, are more likely to find the most mundane aspects of life and make them all special because the are kinky.

Does it matter if you met some one here or in a bar, or a a munch? If you don't have the sense to know when something feels off, you are doomed anyway. It's called , natural selection

Jeff

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 12:13:37 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		Some how this all reminds me how "poets" attract ladies with sweet words and use them and dump them.
And the ladies all the time thought the poets were better males and more romatic :P

Wishfull thinking

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 4:56:13 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

And the ladies all the time thought the poets were better males and more romatic :P


I still have pages of poetry that were written to me many years ago.  A smart guy who can turn a phrase is damn sexy.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 5:07:32 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

And the ladies all the time thought the poets were better males and more romatic :P


I still have pages of poetry that were written to me many years ago.  A smart guy who can turn a phrase is damn sexy.



you forgot the quote the clue  :P  unfair..hehe
(but true...when I was 18..I wrote my first real love daily a letter with a small poem. They were not good, but she liked it)

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 5:31:14 AM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Obviously you need to be careful, BDSM people are no more likely to be safer or more dangerous than from any other walk of life. Try to research who you are meeting, read their posts, if they say they are really into knife play and breath control, check if anyone who met them is still alive. Fools rush in.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 11:16:40 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

Obviously you need to be careful,



If it were obvious, would this thread exist?


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 11:21:59 AM   
MstrPBK


Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		with in the comunity there are indeed deceitful persons. From the outstanding slave whom is the cunning professional thief (there is actually a police case like this), Masters not given a damn and forgetting about the slave.

We are not all safe to one another. Care must always be taken.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 12:42:00 PM   
slvepetdobby


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline 		I do hear of subs that will "blind" meet somebody. The thing is, those I hear of are "Beginners" in the lifestyle. When just beginning out thier some of them will throw caution to the wind, if it means they FINALLY get to put to reality thier fantasy of BDSM play.
After over 25 years in the lifestyle, thier are certain rules I follow. These might help beginners :

1) If online contact..do NOT give out private info ( Phone number, address) until you have spoken/corresponded with that person at LEAST 3 times. And then do so ONLY if thier is a good chance of a comapatibilty.

2) NEVER agree to meet somebody initially in thier private home!
A good Dominant/sub will agree, and even want to setup in a public place where BOTH of you will feel safe. And this rule also goes for Dominants....You hear all the times of Doms preying on subbies. Thing is there are subbies out there that will get caught up in a dom/Domme, and then stalk them also.

3) Any experienced Dom/Domme or sub/slave will WANT you to check up on them prior
(ie: Do you know anything about a so-and-so?) I personally have a group of friends - both Doms/old Mistress and close subbies that will basically do the "first date with daughter...dad on the porch" type of thing LOL. You know...then "So you want to spend time with my_ _ )"

4)Always setup a "Safe Call" group.....and use it.
This is as important for Doms as it is for subs/slaves. BOTH parties need to have knowledge that thier are people "knowing" you are meeting the other, and will call to make certain things are OK at a predetermined time. Subs and Doms...also please be respectful during these calls...go to take a restroom break, or to the side, etc.

5) Listen to your gut, if you start feeling "Warning Flags" going off!!
I hear many times somebody say....I had bad feelings about this person but decided it was just butterflies..or- something seemed off, but thought i was just misinterpretting. When you get a feeling in your gut that tells you anything but that things are going great....back out!

lastly.....

6) Get to know your local groups, esp those that hold Munches, and Meet-and-Greets on a monthly basis.
These give you a safe place to meet others, many times in a climate outside of a Dungeon prior. It also gives you the back up of other Doms/Dommes and subs near....to aid and protect, if required. Trust me...at a Dungeon others have no problem "blacklisting" another Dominant or sub that is a bad apple.
and most important, esp for beginners, a local group....or even a group of likeminded folk ( like Collarme, etc) gives you the social support that those of us that started out 25 years ago never had LOL.


(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 1:16:21 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

Some how this all reminds me how "poets" attract ladies with sweet words and use them and dump them.
And the ladies all the time thought the poets were better males and more romatic :P

Wishfull thinking



This is frighteningly true ... or are we ladies just suckers for flowery tripe?


_____________________________

It is left up to the reader to decipher & determine this post's validity.


(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 1:17:36 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		nah...we're just suckers.....dats ok...sucking is a good character trait around here....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to theobserver)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 1:42:32 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I don't suck!!  :P

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 1:45:38 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		liar

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 1:52:08 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		am not

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 1:54:26 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		touche...ive been outwitted.....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted - 11/16/2008 1:56:40 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		It's not about having a brain or not, it's about what the individual feels is an acceptable risk. And I for one feel it's an acceptible risk to meet people not publically and I've been doing it for 9 years and have never had a problem, Now true, on the 10th year of doing it I COULD suddenly have a problem, But this whole statement of if you had a brain you'd do it this way or that way, is just not nessisary or needed for all people.

If I wouldn't feel safe meeting you at my own home or privatly I wouldn't feel safe meeting them in public either.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I think anybody with half a brain would meet in a public place for the first time.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 118
Page:   <<   < prev  2 3 4 5 [6]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The Myth That All Folks Into D/s Can Be Trusted Page: <<   < prev  2 3 4 5 [6]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094