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appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 7:39:45 PM   
Slutsub


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/8/2004
From: my knees
Status: offline 		Sir's , please if You can...answer me this...is it common or uncommon for a Dominant/Master to praise His slave, to be told that you are good and that they are proud of you....and appreciate you. i realise tis our calling to please and adore our D's, but was wondering how others out there think about this question..after all........slaves/subs are still women after all and we do need to be reasured....

slutsub

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slut sub........x
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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 7:42:57 PM   
dincubus


Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline 		personally, i praise my sub when it is felt that she deserves it. i also punish her when it is felt that she deserves it. so it is a double edged sword. over all i would say that she does get praise. and it is not a shallow praise. the praise is truly deserved.

(in reply to Slutsub)
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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 7:44:09 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

slaves/subs are still women after all


Not all subs and slaves are women.

Needing reassurance is not gender specific.

I can't help it. I had to say it.

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 7:47:32 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I very much have to agree, my boy is worse than my dogs at needing cookies and praise for doing the correct things.

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 7:52:40 PM   
ginawithaB


Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

quote:

slaves/subs are still women after all


Not all subs and slaves are women.

Needing reassurance is not gender specific.

I can't help it. I had to say it.


Thanx for saying it.

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 8:28:40 PM   
Slutsub


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/8/2004
From: my knees
Status: offline 		i do apologise......i was too self involved to think about that

thanks

slutsub

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slut sub........x

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 8:31:16 PM   
daredevil865


Posts: 130
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Slutsub

Sir's , please if You can...answer me this...is it common or uncommon for a Dominant/Master to praise His slave, to be told that you are good and that they are proud of you....and appreciate you. i realise tis our calling to please and adore our D's, but was wondering how others out there think about this question..after all........slaves/subs are still women after all and we do need to be reasured....

slutsub



Behaviour can be effected by either positive or negative re-enforcement...you encourage the type of behaviour you want by positive re-enforcement (praise) or you discourage / change the type of behaviour you do not want by negative re-enforcement (punishment)...

to answer your question.... for a Dom to effect the behaviour of a sub praise is just as important as correction. For anyone Dom/sub/Master/slave/vanilla etc...it is both good and necessary to hear praise from people who's oponion you value.

DD



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DareDevil

A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

If I had to explain it...you wouldn't understand

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 8:39:25 PM   
Slutsub


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/8/2004
From: my knees
Status: offline 		Sir, thankYou so much.......i was beginning to feel that i had asked a silly question, but You are correct..........we all need praise and appreciation...its wonderful to know that some Dominants think the same .........respectfully and with thanks

slutsub

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slut sub........x

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 8:40:15 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Slutsub

Sir's , please if You can...answer me this...is it common or uncommon for a Dominant/Master to praise His slave, to be told that you are good and that they are proud of you....and appreciate you. i realise tis our calling to please and adore our D's, but was wondering how others out there think about this question..after all........slaves/subs are still women after all and we do need to be reasured....

slutsub


There is nothing wrong with a Dominant/Master giving reassurance. However, I have a lot of trouble with a submissive/slave that throws into the face of Dominant/Master that they are not being appreciated or respected because a particular reassurance or praise didn't occur when the submissive/slave wanted it to occur! WE can't force another to give it when we want it.... such appreciations and praise should be a natural voluntary action by the Dominant/Master.

To put it bluntly... if your post here is because you don't and didn't receive the praise or appreciation from your Master when you thought you should... well shame on you! If you don't like the quantity and/or quality of his expressions of appreciation/praise then either change you expectations or find a different relationship. Also note, that we perceive appreciation/praise behaviors differently. What I consider to be an act/behavior that demonstrates praise or appreciation will and is very different from that of my slaves. So understanding how your Master expresses appreciation/praise is important to understand. So you can actually see the quantity that it is actually occurring. Because of the difference in perceptions, you might be missing occasions that appreciation/praise is being expressed... and thus are missing out on occasions to feel good about how you are serving your Master.

As a note... I don't consider myself as one that gives a lot of appreciation or praise to my slaves. I do it, but it is not of a high quantity and the actions when they occur are soft and discreet. Simple touches, a smile when served are just a couple things. I am working on being more appreciative... a little more focused on saying thank you more often. As well as expressing more often directly to my girls that I am proud of them. And saying that... I will say publicly...I am very PROUD of them!

Now where is damn my mocha!! *G*


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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 8:42:26 PM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline 		I think praise is a good idea, and I give it quite liberally, but I know that some doms just don't. It's not that much different than simple compliments in a vanilla relationship, some men will often say "wow, you look beautiful" and others will simply take it for granted that you know they think you look beautiful.

I don't think there would be any way to say if it's common or uncommon overall, it's just a personal characteristic.

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 8:45:04 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		If praise is not given when warrented, that sub/slave will not know they are pleasing. Isn't that what it's about? Pleasing the Dom/me is what sub/slave strive for. Of course, if there is misbehaving, then that is dealt with appropriately too..

Resepctfully,
sultry

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For it is they who let in the light.


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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 10:25:17 PM   
Slutsub


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/8/2004
From: my knees
Status: offline 		Sir,
i thankYou for Your reply and advice, it is a very very difficult subject i think, i never have or never would as You say throw it in the face of my Master that He does not appreciate me enough, if i was the type to do that ......why would i be asking the question on here.....? im trying to find out if it is the done thing.....not expressing oneself to there slave/sub.

i honestly feel Sir, that my Master cares deeply for me, He is a quiet man and does not say much..........he does not have too...i live to please Him and adore Him and i tell Him constantly how much i adore Him and how lucky i am to have Him as my Master........and He agrees to that..

its just the simple little words that sometimes are missing.....oh i love it when theres a good girl.......my girl..... but i honestly and truley never have heard Him say to me or to anyone else in 2yrs............that he is proud of me, many on here say to me that my Master must be so proud of me .......and to that i answer.........i hope so.

if i may Sir........and with respect, praise Your girls..often when they deserve it.we need it to live.....our hearts and souls are Yours......we feed of the words from our Dominants and this in turn makes us want to improve and be better for You..

thankYou sovery much ..you are a kind and wise man

respectfully

slutsub......

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slut sub........x

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 10:32:44 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		praised every now and then, and he always says thank you

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/19/2005 11:03:39 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		I use praise liberally. To me it's the opposite end of the spectrum from punishment. It broadens the spectrum and allows me more variables. She knows she has pleased me if I say thank you (which I usually do) but she knows that she's done extra well if I praise her for her efforts. That always pays off later.

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/20/2005 4:13:52 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		Master has told me this is the order of my life.1. mom.2.woman3. slave while he is training me. i am praised often and i thrive under his care


quote:

ORIGINAL: Slutsub

Sir's , please if You can...answer me this...is it common or uncommon for a Dominant/Master to praise His slave, to be told that you are good and that they are proud of you....and appreciate you. i realise tis our calling to please and adore our D's, but was wondering how others out there think about this question..after all........slaves/subs are still women after all and we do need to be reasured....

slutsub



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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/20/2005 4:58:52 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Praise is good :) There is nothing to compare to the feeling of hearing your Master/Mistress tell you 'good girl/boy', or 'well done'. It just brings a flood of pride and intense joy. And let's face it, when a person is praised for doing something right, it makes them all the more determined to get other things right .

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/20/2005 5:07:20 AM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		You say you know your Master cares deeply, that he does offer "good girl" or other words of approval, and that he is a quiet man. Perhaps you should look for his pride and appreciation in his actions rather than his words? It may be that he expresses these things indirectly.


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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/20/2005 5:15:23 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		A very good question, it appears to Me, IMHO thay many Dom/mes do not praise their subs/slaves---(I am excluding the relationships where humiliation is the motivating factor)--however, as stated a sub needs to know where they are against our expectations but they are also humans beings--and we all at times tend to look externally for a sense of self worth---the new boy is a man in his own right, on his own, self motivated---note I said alone--however, add Me to the mix and his need to please kicks into high gear--how else will he ever know if he is doing well---subs are much like children and it is our responsibility to understand they need love, affection, reinforcement and discipline--praise goes a long way---

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 12/20/2005 5:16:16 AM >

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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/20/2005 5:50:48 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Needing to be reassured has nothing to do with being a woman and everything to do with needing an external affirmation.

Dominants and males need it too.

Now for me, I enjoy being praised AND being taken for granted. There's a time and place for everything and both have a lot of merits in my relationships. I like doing it for the pleasure of doing it within me, I like knowing he can just assume it's going to get done and expect it done right without leaping for a carrot.

But I also love rewards and compliments

Many new doms will play this out badly however and make the sub feel bad for needing assurances. Many new subs will play this out badly and consider their dom their "compliment machine" and if they don't get what they want, they label the dom "bad."

(in reply to Slutsub)
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RE: appreciated or taken for granted??? - 12/20/2005 5:53:38 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

we all need praise and appreciation...(orig:Slutsub)


some of us might LIKE it, but we all don't NEED it. for some, Master's contentment and joy are appreciation enough.

quote:

we need it to live...(orig:Slutsub)


if you are trying to speak for all of the subs/slaves as to universal needs, this slave would disagree with you. this slave doesn't NEED Master to say "thank you" or "good girl" in order to live. this slave NEEDS food, water, shelter and human contact. everything else is gravy.

quote:

subs are much like..."unmentionables"(edited for content)...(orig:MHOO314)


if you are trying to speak for all of the subs/slaves as to universal characteristics, this slave will have to disagree with you. they are nothing like unmentionables. they are adults that have chosen to participate in a relationship. as far as can be determined by science, unmentionables do not conciously choose their parents, nor are they prepared to face the world without them should their parents die or abandon them, as adults are expected to.

quote:

There is nothing to compare to the feeling of hearing your Master/Mistress tell you 'good girl/boy', or 'well done'...(orig. Irish Mist)


how about the feeling of pride in yourself that you KNOW you have been a good girl/boy or that your efforts were well done, without having to have external validation. that is a pretty awesome feeling right there.


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