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Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 11:46:08 AM

Hathalud

Posts: 33
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline

I've always had it in my head that the goal of a BDSM relationship, at least in part, was to help the submissive become a more rounded out and stable individual. (I make mine read mind expanding books and discuss with them philosophical material covering a large spectrum. It helps to have them read Heinlien and other authors. We also assess issues they have and seek to correct these together.) Recently someone else mentioned to me that they sorta believe that the point was to make people own up to being kinky perverts. Amusingly, now that I've come to think of it, that concept has appeared in idolized fiction too.

So I'm curious what other beliefs there are in relation to the goal of entering a BDSM relationship. Please understand that the aspects of love, trust, mutual needs and all that are not the subject here, but other goals. Such as learning about one's self, etc.

[[Edit]] The goal of "I'm in it to have fun" is taken as loud, clear and already assumed. I'm looking for other, more diverse reasons people choose to enter upon this lifestyle. Granted, not all reasons will be universally applicable, but I'm just looking to see what other people believe. My scientific and inquiring mind wants to know *nods sagely*.... Yes, I'm doing this in the name of Science *chucklenods sagely*

Cheers and have a lovely day,
Hath`alud

< Message edited by Hathalud -- 11/12/2008 12:38:55 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 11:51:37 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hathalud

I've always had it in my head that the goal of a BDSM relationship, at least in part, was to help the submissive become a more rounded out and stable individual.

Goals, objectives, motivations, etc. are quite personal. That may be a goal of yours in a relationship, but it's far from a universal objective.

quote:

Recently someone else mentioned to me that they sorta believe that the point was to make people own up to being kinky perverts.

And that may indeed be the point to them. Interesting, but irrelevant to anyone else beyond themselves and their partner(s).

quote:

Amusingly, now that I've come to think of it, that concept has appeared in idolized fiction too.

Relevance?

quote:

So I'm curious what other beliefs there are in relation to the goal of entering a BDSM relationship. Please understand that the aspects of love, trust, mutual needs and all that are not the subject here, but other goals. Such as learning about one's self, etc.

I'm sure the list cannot ever be complete.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Hathalud)

Post #: 2

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 11:58:44 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

My goals are to have a happy, healthy, fullfilling and successful long term relationship with out getting hung up on what other people think our relationship should be.

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(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 3

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 12:00:59 PM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

I have no goals in BDSM...but I have a goal in my life...to be happy and to make the ones close to me happy.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 4

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 12:02:45 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

To enjoy myself with people who suit me and to try new things. That's it -same as with everything in my life (work, non-bdsm acquaintances, school, whatever).

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 5

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 12:07:18 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Sir's first goal with me was to help to teach me how to become financially independent. He also started to teach me astrology, which is his passion. Throughout these past 2 and half years, goals have been reached and new ones came up.

quote:

My goals are to have a happy, healthy, fullfilling and successful long term relationship with out getting hung up on what other people think our relationship should be.

akisha that is one of my personal goals as well, not getting hung up on what other people think my relationship should be. Glad i not the only one learning that.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 6

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 12:12:05 PM

sailorfrank

Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline

Goals in BDSM should be kept simple........Simply to have Kinky Fun with another like minded person that likes the same damn things.

I love Haiku poetry and in depth study of Bushido! But I wont punish my slave to learn it.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 7

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 12:16:38 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

crap... now I need a goal... hmm.......if I'd known there was going to be work involved, I woulda re-thought this whole submission/slave thing.

(in reply to sailorfrank)

Post #: 8

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 12:33:00 PM

Hathalud

Posts: 33
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hathalud
[...]
So I'm curious what other beliefs there are in relation to the goal of entering a BDSM relationship. Please understand that the aspects of love, trust, mutual needs and all that are not the subject here, but other goals. Such as learning about one's self, etc.

I'm sure the list cannot ever be complete.

John

The point of this discussion isn't so much to get a complete least, inasmuch as to get an idea of the different goals others have. I'm just wanting to explore other people's concepts of what they see the point to BDSM relationships as. This does not mean that I'm seeking to change my conception of one of what I consider the goal of BDSM relationships. I'm just wanting to poke and collate data. The Aquarius in me demands that I poke and observe this topic.

*chuckles* And as for the rest of you that are all saying basically "I'm in it to have fun", I should have mentioned that one as loud, clear and already assumed.... in fact I'll update the main post to reflect that. I'm looking for more unique answers than that... though the plethora of responses in the dimension is both heartening and amusing.

Those of you that have responded thus far, thank you all for having done so.

Cheers,
Hath`alud

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 9

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 12:42:12 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hathalud

was to help the submissive become a more rounded out and stable individual (I make mine read mind expanding books and discuss with them philosophical material covering a large spectrum

Your choice of what makes worthwhile reading not withstanding comments like this make me want to bang my head against a brick wall, throw myself out of a window and cry for a very very very very long time.

Relationships are benificial one would hope to both memebrs of te relationship, not one dictating to the other what will make them a better person. In D/s to me the dominance is about what will make the submissive more pleasing to them individually. I find it patronising that people who give themselevs the label Dominan assume that they have a higher intelligence or world view.

Ok with that rant out of the way, as others have said, i hope to get a fullfilling relationship out of it, thats why i do it, i dont want to be fixed or made stable or any of that rubbis, i just want to be happy, submission makes me happy.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Hathalud)

Post #: 10

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 12:52:37 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hathalud

So I'm curious what other beliefs there are in relation to the goal of entering a BDSM relationship.

If you're talking of the absolute end, then it's to have my needs satisfied. In terms of the means to an end, her needs have to be satisfied.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Hathalud)

Post #: 11

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 1:05:30 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I aim to be myself. So far, that seems to include kink and Ds.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 12

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 1:15:10 PM

Hathalud

Posts: 33
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hathalud

was to help the submissive become a more rounded out and stable individual (I make mine read mind expanding books and discuss with them philosophical material covering a large spectrum

Your choice of what makes worthwhile reading not withstanding comments like this make me want to bang my head against a brick wall, throw myself out of a window and cry for a very very very very long time.

Relationships are benificial one would hope to both memebrs of te relationship, not one dictating to the other what will make them a better person. In D/s to me the dominance is about what will make the submissive more pleasing to them individually. I find it patronising that people who give themselevs the label Dominan assume that they have a higher intelligence or world view.

Ok with that rant out of the way, as others have said, i hope to get a fullfilling relationship out of it, thats why i do it, i dont want to be fixed or made stable or any of that rubbis, i just want to be happy, submission makes me happy.

No one is perfect and we can all use a little help in getting our lives together. I'll be the first to admit that I have my fair share of psychological problems and am by no means perfect. How I've helped others varies from person to person. Some I've had to help learn to control their empathy and other latent abilities. Others I've helped address self-esteem issues. Some I can help, some I can't.

One can say that they seek to have their needs met, but what defines needs? What about needs that you don't even consciously realize you have? What about needs that are manifesting through the subconscious and others can see and yet you're blind to as being within yourself?

Not all of us are introverted enough and sometimes other are too introverted... life is about striking a delicate balance. Frequently we need a helping hand to get there.

Cheers and have a happy day,
Hath`alud

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 13

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 1:25:42 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Wow Hath how aulteristic of you, and i bet you have never been helped by anyone.

Yu are right, who am i to say what needs i have, but then who is anyone else? How do you know all that these ways that you have 'made people better' hasnt actually made them worse? WHo are you to decide what needs fixing.

I like to think that i have helped people once or twice in my life, im not so arrogant as to think that i have the ability to change people or that i have fundementally changed anyone, people do that themselves.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Hathalud)

Post #: 14

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 1:29:11 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

For both parties in the relationship to be happy and satisfied.
Which for me means the ability to explore themselves and one another sexually/physically, emotionally and psychologically.
With very very few boundaries, Meeting challenges and taking risks is part of my nature.
I'm dominant so the ideal partner is bound to be submissive to me.
It would be lovely if he enjoyed the things I enjoy or even enjoys them because he enjoys it when I'm very happy.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 1:30:13 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Fast Reply to no one in particular....

As this thread progresses, I'm reminded of the problems inherent to Dominants with a need to "fix" others, and submissives with the idea that all they need is a Dominant to "fix" them. BDSM as therapy... ugh.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 16

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 1:37:37 PM

PrincessJ77

Posts: 372
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: point A
Status: offline

Considering we learned about BDSM together, my Evil One doesn't feel the need to fix me. We simply wish to enjoy our lives and raise our boy to the best of our ability.

_____________________________

Yours respectfully,
PJ,
Capodecima,
Subby Mafia

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 17

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 1:38:40 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

sub-improvement projects anybody?

In all honestly, I don't view BDSM itself has having goals. If the goal between two people is to have a working D/s relationship, then it's something both people have to work towards.

In terms of personal improvements, that's something between two people and it a two way street. Even us DOMs can use some self improvement or expanding of our minds.

Not everybody is keen on trying to always be bigger and better, they are content being the well adjusted people that they are.

Think this has a lot do with people being who the are and encouraged to explore new things, ideas and be supportive of self improvement. This really is not a BDSM concept, because even None Lifestyle people do this very same thing in their relationships. It's not some BDSM exclusive goal set. Only if you want to incorperate into the BDSM you practice or engage in. Only if you want to make this as part of your D/s dynamics.

In terms of Goals, this is something important to living life itself. Again, really not a BDSM thing per se.

(in reply to Hathalud)

Post #: 18

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 1:38:52 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

To help the Master become a more rounded out and stable individual. How many of those books are YOU reading?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Hathalud)

Post #: 19

RE: Goals in BDSM - 11/12/2008 2:01:05 PM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I aim to be myself. So far, that seems to include kink and Ds.

Best answer so far! And me too!

I was already a well rounded emotionally and financially stable person.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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