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New submissive - 11/12/2008 7:23:20 PM   
curiouskitty3


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/12/2008
Status: offline 		i would like to know if anyone might have any advice for a new submissive. i am eager to learn all i can about a D/s relationship so that i may please Him one day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New submissive - 11/12/2008 7:58:02 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		the best advice is to listen and observe the one that you wish to please. the second is to be able to comunicate  with them as well. submissives have thoughts as well and need to express them. for me and my M'lady there is tme for open comunication and i am to inform her of any importaint things to her. ask what it is that he may want and try to anticipate those needs in future.  for instance if he smokes have lighters available and ready to light his smokes. have his food or drink ready at hand before he asks. enjoy your journey and i wish you manny happy returns

(in reply to curiouskitty3)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New submissive - 11/12/2008 8:05:41 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitty3

i would like to know if anyone might have any advice for a new submissive. i am eager to learn all i can about a D/s relationship so that i may please Him one day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


My best advice: If your goal in learning is please someone specifically, go to that specific person and ask what pleases them.

Edited because I can't bloody type anymore!

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/12/2008 8:06:07 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to curiouskitty3)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New submissive - 11/12/2008 8:26:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Don't make any commitments to anyone for at least six months.

My advice for Novice Female Submissives

Newbie!

At a loss

I'm a new domme seeking advice

Does a slave also have to be a fool?

sub: totally new concept

Questions for other newbies

The Journey

Starting Out

New to the Life, Help

How to deal?

Request for Advice

Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries

First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master?

First time sub seeking advice

a newbie seeking advice

How can I be a great sub?

Brand new life

Help needed

Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcoming newbies

New to this

Just a few questions

Do's and Dont's


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to curiouskitty3)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New submissive - 11/12/2008 8:49:16 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		 Don't do anything you wouldn't do as a vanilla person (outside of the bedroom). If you wouldn't date him as a vanilla boyfriend...why will you date him as a dom?

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New submissive - 11/12/2008 9:44:09 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Since you asked, here's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. 
 
1)  Know yourself.  Know who you are and what you want and need from a relationship.  Ask yourself, "What do i want to achieve by having a relationship with this person?"  What's the reason you want to be with this person?  We each choose to be with someone or not and we choose which someone we want to be with.  Even if we choose to enter into a relationship where "free choice" is surrendered, it is still our individual choice to do so. 
 
2) Every relationship is unique.  It shouldn't be a carbon copy of someone else's relationship.
 
3) Relationships change over time.  Don't be afraid to grow and change.  Life is about learning and growing (in my opinion).  Learning and growing usually involves change.  People usually change over time (if they are learning and growing).  Life isn't static and people shouldn't be, either. 
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitty3

i would like to know if anyone might have any advice for a new submissive. i am eager to learn all i can about a D/s relationship so that i may please Him one day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


_____________________________

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

(in reply to curiouskitty3)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New submissive - 11/12/2008 11:59:40 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		^^^ What everyone else said. 

And don't forget that you are still a person, you still have a voice.  Use it to communicate with the person that peaks your interest.  A considerate Dom /Master/whatever will be willing to hear your piece. 

Figure out your goals.  Online only?  Real-time?  Stick with your goals. 

Listen to your instincts.  If it would feel wrong in a "vanilla" environment, it sure as hell wouldn't feel right if the vibes you are getting are cloaked in a D/s dynamic.  I don't care if he has a big ol' D on his chest that blinks.  If it doesn't feel safe, it probably isn't.  Go with your gut!!!

Going back to my first point, do you like him?  If I don't like the guy, I sure wouldn't want him to tie me up and beat me.  However, this is just my opinion, I am confident that there are some that don't need to like someone in order to get tied up and beaten by them. 

Kiss some frogs.  (I say this alot) You will eventually find your prince charming.  Learn from the experiences, because no matter how awful, there is always a learning experience to be had. 

Cast your net wide and far.  This will improve your chances that you may find your prince charming. 

And I wish you well on your search. 



_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New submissive - 11/13/2008 7:37:04 AM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monywildcat

Kiss some frogs.  (I say this alot) You will eventually find your prince charming.  Learn from the experiences, because no matter how awful, there is always a learning experience to be had.  


And who knows, he might also be your best friend that was right under your nose for 20 years, and you never knew it....

Don't be too close minded to ANYTHING.....

Try everything twice.... once is never enough to figure out if it's something you like or not....

Be completely honest.... If you have to hide anything, it's not going to work.... If you can't be yourself, then it's not worth it..

_____________________________

--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to monywildcat)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New submissive - 11/13/2008 10:27:31 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		I read Claudia Varrin's book Erotic Surrender and learned so very much.I read Screw the Roses, Loving Dominant, but I learned the most from Ms Varrin's book. http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays.phphttp://www.angelfire.com/realm/dstherealmofhonor/thehealthysubmissive.htmlhttp://www.steel-door.com/http://www.submissiveloving.com/http://www.submissivewomenspeak.net/subintro.htmhttp://www.leathernroses.com/submission/wisemantentipssub.htm The links are sites where I found the most helpful information for me. Many have already given you excellent advice.1) don't rush, you'll get hurt2) your safety is before your need to please and submit3) patience is an awesome virtue4) if it's too good to be true, it just might be5) there are no rights and wrongs, there are variations which are good and sometimes not so good5) there are no absolutes and dint let someone tell you there is 6) follow your brain, the analytical part, not your emotions and not your heart 7) what is good for someone else, may not be for you8) don't hold the sins of another (past relationships) against someone else 

(in reply to curiouskitty3)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New submissive - 11/15/2008 4:22:37 PM   
trainedobedients


Posts: 56
Joined: 1/30/2006
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		My advice.............don't do anything. Most Masters like to train their subs to their own liking and learning something new is easier than the other way around.

Good luck,
angel


_____________________________

Play safe and sound,
trainedobedients
slave of Master JohnnyV

(in reply to curiouskitty3)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New submissive - 11/16/2008 1:20:22 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		learn to see bwtween the lines..and do what makes him happy[and I hope therefor make you happy too!]  Not all Masters/Doms are as talkative as you might wish.

(in reply to trainedobedients)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New submissive - 11/16/2008 2:57:49 PM   
kristileigh


Posts: 1078
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline 		Listen!
Learn!
Obey!
It is great to take advice from others, but your Master will train you in what He wants and likes and expects.

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New submissive - 11/16/2008 3:04:54 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Listen to your own inner self. Shhhh listen, carefully, you'll soon hear what you need to know. Take your time, learn, play a bit, know what you like and don't like. Then begin to look seriously.

Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to kristileigh)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New submissive - 11/16/2008 4:52:30 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Figure out what you need in a relationship so you can tell compatibility prior to a messy relationship. And don't settle. If you need something to be happy, then you need it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New submissive - 11/16/2008 8:14:39 PM   
PurpleSockx


Posts: 63
Joined: 11/6/2008
Status: offline 		I know RealSub58 has already mentioned about leatherandroses but there is one particular article on that site that I think might interest you:

http://www.leathernroses.com/mikael/mikaelawaiting.htm

Another good resource site that has been helpful to me is seekers

Of course, another thing that can be helpful is doing what you just did: join communities, talk with other people within the lifestyle, ask questions, etc. But always bear in mind whether you talk with people or browse websites that most of what you'll hear or read are based on personal opinions and/or past experiences. Every relationships are unique so are each person. All these tools can be helpful but you're the one who knows yourself best in the end :)

< Message edited by PurpleSockx -- 11/16/2008 8:15:24 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New submissive - 11/17/2008 10:41:16 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
  • Try really hard not to forget everything you ever learned about relationships just because this is a new form of relationship.  D/s relationships are built on top of all the same old boring vanilla relationship rules that your mother hopefully taught you.
  • Click your heels together three times and repeat, "It is NOT all about the dom.  It is NOT all about the dom.  It is NOT all about the dom."
  • Live your own life, not a caricature of it.  You are not a label.  What that means, in brass tacks, is any time you find yourself asking a question that sounds like this...

    Can a sub/slave/dom/master do .......

    Just stop.  Nobody cares what subs can or cannot do.  What matters is what YOU and your partner WANT to do.

Insofar as learning all you can so you can please your future Dom, here's what I personally would recommend.  For me, what pleases me the most in a sub is someone who has their feet planted firmly in reality and is not living a fantasy life.  I want a level-headed, rational, mature human being... someone who can be a value-add to my life even when we're fully clothed.  I want a real, genuine, human being who in the clear light of day has chosen to give themself to me because it is a rational choice, not because I happened to be able to scratch some fantasy sub itch they might have.  The rest will come with time if you bring strength and integrity to your decision to submit.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to curiouskitty3)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New submissive - 11/17/2008 3:27:31 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Learn who you are, but remember to revisit that as you continue to learn, so that those things you no longer believe can be set aside to make room for new ideas, experiences and knowledge.

Eventually, you may even find that it is better to be transparent and risk being shattered, than to remain opaque and invisibile.


(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: New submissive - 11/17/2008 4:13:27 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Once you figure out what you want be sure to TELL people about it. 

There is a classic Catch-22 of the sub being afraid to ask for what he/she wants and then getting upset when they don't get it.

Talk to your dom.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New submissive - 11/17/2008 4:29:18 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Just because someone says they're "A Dominant" or calls themself "Master" or "Lord" or "Sir" with a fantasmagorical name after it, or even their own name, it does not mean they automatically are someone who is honorable, trustworthy, magical and mystical.  And the more "credentials" they claim to have, the more wary you should be of them until you really get to know them.

Unfortunately, they're just men, mostly horny men at that, which is fine....just don't mistake them for some kind of superhero because they say they're a Dom. 

Also, keep your wits about you, use common sense and the brain God gave you when making decisions.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: New submissive - 11/18/2008 3:17:56 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

windchymes said
Unfortunately, they're just men, mostly horny men at that, which is fine....just don't mistake them for some kind of superhero because they say they're a Dom. 


So it was a good thing then that I didn't go with CaptainFantastic as a nickname?


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 20
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