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curiouskitty3 -> New submissive (11/12/2008 7:23:20 PM)
i would like to know if anyone might have any advice for a new submissive. i am eager to learn all i can about a D/s relationship so that i may please Him one day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

LPslittleclip -> RE: New submissive (11/12/2008 7:58:02 PM)
the best advice is to listen and observe the one that you wish to please. the second is to be able to comunicate with them as well. submissives have thoughts as well and need to express them. for me and my M'lady there is tme for open comunication and i am to inform her of any importaint things to her. ask what it is that he may want and try to anticipate those needs in future. for instance if he smokes have lighters available and ready to light his smokes. have his food or drink ready at hand before he asks. enjoy your journey and i wish you manny happy returns

AquaticSub -> RE: New submissive (11/12/2008 8:05:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiouskitty3 i would like to know if anyone might have any advice for a new submissive. i am eager to learn all i can about a D/s relationship so that i may please Him one day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. My best advice: If your goal in learning is please someone specifically, go to that specific person and ask what pleases them. Edited because I can't bloody type anymore! [:'(]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: New submissive (11/12/2008 8:26:15 PM)
Don't make any commitments to anyone for at least six months. My advice for Novice Female Submissives Newbie! At a loss I'm a new domme seeking advice Does a slave also have to be a fool? sub: totally new concept Questions for other newbies The Journey Starting Out New to the Life, Help How to deal? Request for Advice Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master? First time sub seeking advice a newbie seeking advice How can I be a great sub? Brand new life Help needed Emotional Rollercoaster Welcoming newbies New to this Just a few questions Do's and Dont's

ExKat -> RE: New submissive (11/12/2008 8:49:16 PM)
Don't do anything you wouldn't do as a vanilla person (outside of the bedroom). If you wouldn't date him as a vanilla boyfriend...why will you date him as a dom?

slavegirljoy -> RE: New submissive (11/12/2008 9:44:09 PM)
Since you asked, here's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. 1) Know yourself. Know who you are and what you want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself, "What do i want to achieve by having a relationship with this person?" What's the reason you want to be with this person? We each choose to be with someone or not and we choose which someone we want to be with. Even if we choose to enter into a relationship where "free choice" is surrendered, it is still our individual choice to do so. 2) Every relationship is unique. It shouldn't be a carbon copy of someone else's relationship. 3) Relationships change over time. Don't be afraid to grow and change. Life is about learning and growing (in my opinion). Learning and growing usually involves change. People usually change over time (if they are learning and growing). Life isn't static and people shouldn't be, either. joy Owned servant of Master David quote: ORIGINAL: curiouskitty3 i would like to know if anyone might have any advice for a new submissive. i am eager to learn all i can about a D/s relationship so that i may please Him one day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

monywildcat -> RE: New submissive (11/12/2008 11:59:40 PM)
^^^ What everyone else said. And don't forget that you are still a person, you still have a voice. Use it to communicate with the person that peaks your interest. A considerate Dom /Master/whatever will be willing to hear your piece. Figure out your goals. Online only? Real-time? Stick with your goals. Listen to your instincts. If it would feel wrong in a "vanilla" environment, it sure as hell wouldn't feel right if the vibes you are getting are cloaked in a D/s dynamic. I don't care if he has a big ol' D on his chest that blinks. If it doesn't feel safe, it probably isn't. Go with your gut!!! Going back to my first point, do you like him? If I don't like the guy, I sure wouldn't want him to tie me up and beat me. However, this is just my opinion, I am confident that there are some that don't need to like someone in order to get tied up and beaten by them. Kiss some frogs. (I say this alot) You will eventually find your prince charming. Learn from the experiences, because no matter how awful, there is always a learning experience to be had. Cast your net wide and far. This will improve your chances that you may find your prince charming. And I wish you well on your search.

MarksFantasyGirl -> RE: New submissive (11/13/2008 7:37:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: monywildcat Kiss some frogs. (I say this alot) You will eventually find your prince charming. Learn from the experiences, because no matter how awful, there is always a learning experience to be had. And who knows, he might also be your best friend that was right under your nose for 20 years, and you never knew it.... Don't be too close minded to ANYTHING..... Try everything twice.... once is never enough to figure out if it's something you like or not.... Be completely honest.... If you have to hide anything, it's not going to work.... If you can't be yourself, then it's not worth it..

RealSub58 -> RE: New submissive (11/13/2008 10:27:31 AM)
I read Claudia Varrin's book Erotic* Surrender and learned so very much.I read Screw the Roses, Loving Dominant, but I learned the most from Ms Varrin's book.* http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays.phphttp://www.angelfire.com/realm/dstherealmofhonor/thehealthysubmissive.htmlhttp://www.steel-door.com/http://www.submissiveloving.com/http://www.submissivewomenspeak.net/subintro.htmhttp://www.leathernroses.com/submission/wisemantentipssub.htm The links are sites where I found the most helpful information for me. Many have already given you excellent advice.1) don't rush, you'll get hurt2) your safety is before* your need to please and submit3) patience is an awesome virtue4) if it's too good to be true, it just might be5) there are no rights and wrongs, there are variations which are good and sometimes not so good5) there are no absolutes and dint let someone tell you there is* 6) follow your brain, the analytical part, not your emotions and not your heart 7) what is good for someone else, may not be for you8) don't hold the sins of another (past relationships) against someone else

trainedobedients -> RE: New submissive (11/15/2008 4:22:37 PM)
My advice.............don't do anything. Most Masters like to train their subs to their own liking and learning something new is easier than the other way around. Good luck, angel

Huntertn -> RE: New submissive (11/16/2008 1:20:22 PM)
learn to see bwtween the lines..and do what makes him happy[and I hope therefor make you happy too!] Not all Masters/Doms are as talkative as you might wish.

kristileigh -> RE: New submissive (11/16/2008 2:57:49 PM)
Listen! Learn! Obey! It is great to take advice from others, but your Master will train you in what He wants and likes and expects.[sm=yesmaster.gif]

greeneyedreamer -> RE: New submissive (11/16/2008 3:04:54 PM)
Listen to your own inner self. Shhhh listen, carefully, you'll soon hear what you need to know. Take your time, learn, play a bit, know what you like and don't like. Then begin to look seriously. Dreamer

DesFIP -> RE: New submissive (11/16/2008 4:52:30 PM)
Figure out what you need in a relationship so you can tell compatibility prior to a messy relationship. And don't settle. If you need something to be happy, then you need it.

PurpleSockx -> RE: New submissive (11/16/2008 8:14:39 PM)
I know RealSub58 has already mentioned about leatherandroses but there is one particular article on that site that I think might interest you: http://www.leathernroses.com/mikael/mikaelawaiting.htm Another good resource site that has been helpful to me is seekers Of course, another thing that can be helpful is doing what you just did: join communities, talk with other people within the lifestyle, ask questions, etc. But always bear in mind whether you talk with people or browse websites that most of what you'll hear or read are based on personal opinions and/or past experiences. Every relationships are unique so are each person. All these tools can be helpful but you're the one who knows yourself best in the end :)

leadership527 -> RE: New submissive (11/17/2008 10:41:16 AM)
Try really hard not to forget everything you ever learned about relationships just because this is a new form of relationship. D/s relationships are built on top of all the same old boring vanilla relationship rules that your mother hopefully taught you. Click your heels together three times and repeat, "It is NOT all about the dom. It is NOT all about the dom. It is NOT all about the dom." Live your own life, not a caricature of it. You are not a label. What that means, in brass tacks, is any time you find yourself asking a question that sounds like this... Can a sub/slave/dom/master do ....... Just stop. Nobody cares what subs can or cannot do. What matters is what YOU and your partner WANT to do. Insofar as learning all you can so you can please your future Dom, here's what I personally would recommend. For me, what pleases me the most in a sub is someone who has their feet planted firmly in reality and is not living a fantasy life. I want a level-headed, rational, mature human being... someone who can be a value-add to my life even when we're fully clothed. I want a real, genuine, human being who in the clear light of day has chosen to give themself to me because it is a rational choice, not because I happened to be able to scratch some fantasy sub itch they might have. The rest will come with time if you bring strength and integrity to your decision to submit.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: New submissive (11/17/2008 3:27:31 PM)
Learn who you are, but remember to revisit that as you continue to learn, so that those things you no longer believe can be set aside to make room for new ideas, experiences and knowledge. Eventually, you may even find that it is better to be transparent and risk being shattered, than to remain opaque and invisibile.

StrongSpirit -> RE: New submissive (11/17/2008 4:13:27 PM)
Once you figure out what you want be sure to TELL people about it. There is a classic Catch-22 of the sub being afraid to ask for what he/she wants and then getting upset when they don't get it. Talk to your dom.

windchymes -> RE: New submissive (11/17/2008 4:29:18 PM)
Just because someone says they're "A Dominant" or calls themself "Master" or "Lord" or "Sir" with a fantasmagorical name after it, or even their own name, it does not mean they automatically are someone who is honorable, trustworthy, magical and mystical. And the more "credentials" they claim to have, the more wary you should be of them until you really get to know them. Unfortunately, they're just men, mostly horny men at that, which is fine....just don't mistake them for some kind of superhero because they say they're a Dom. Also, keep your wits about you, use common sense and the brain God gave you when making decisions.

leadership527 -> RE: New submissive (11/18/2008 3:17:56 PM)
quote: windchymes said Unfortunately, they're just men, mostly horny men at that, which is fine....just don't mistake them for some kind of superhero because they say they're a Dom. So it was a good thing then that I didn't go with CaptainFantastic as a nickname?

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