switched prejudice

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stingerd86 -> switched prejudice (11/13/2008 12:59:43 AM)
You know, I notice a lot of "I cant deal with switches, if your a switch don't talk to me." Theres this sentiment that a switch is always 50/50. It makes me sad that theres a lack of open mindedness in the bdsm community. Sure there are some people who switch can't be a dom or a sub at one turn for any length of time. HOWEVER, many of us, myself included classify as a switch because we possess the ability to take on different roles in different situations. Some change at different points in their life, and most of us change depending on a partner. Being a switch is treated like it is incompatible to anyone else but other switches. This to me, is hillarious. I find being a switch i'm compatible with both dommes and subs. If I find a Mistress who sways my submissive heart then I can be a very adaptable and loyal sub. Why would i need to challenge the dominance on someone who dominates me? Wouldn't that be the equivalent of relationship sabotage? A lot of switches can have more loyalty and ability to give full submission than many so called "true submissives". The same goes in the opposite situation. If a submissive young lady finds me to be an acceptable dominant,then that should be more than enough to keep me or anyone else in my shoes occupied. Those of us who have played both roles know how important spending time with a good dominant can be. I have been a sub in a long term commitment, and a different time in my life a Dom in a long term commitment. I find either very satisfying, with the right partner. Should not my experience with either role be respected? Does my perspective grown through years in the lifestyle mean less because i've learned first hand both subjects? Isn't that just a little silly. So please, you Dominants, you submissives, please; look not upon we switches as incompatible because we are complex. Instead look upon us on an individual basis, and realize we can just as easily be what you are looking for in a match.

masterforRT -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 1:03:26 AM)
IMHO, there is no such thing as a switch. There are just Dominants and submissives. That said, I believe that one type of person can have a streak of the other type within them.

colouredin -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 1:06:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stingerd86 So please, you Dominants, you submissives, please; look not upon we switches as incompatible because we are complex. Instead look upon us on an individual basis, and realize we can just as easily be what you are looking for in a match. The reason is that normally people see the oriantation as something they need to be fulfilled, applying the label switch means you need both so yeah it would put people off. Also just being a switch doesnt make you 'complex' it means you like two thins, i like chocolate and vanilla that doesnt make me complex. Oh and MasterforRT, im pretty sure that your comment wont cause all switches to give up/

Usako -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 1:11:06 AM)
Being a switch gets treated a lot like bisexualaity. Some people just can't grasp that people can go both ways nor can they grasp that just because someone goes both ways means they won't be happy staying on one side of the fence. As for being a switch means you "need both" isn't always true. Maybe some do need to always switch up but plenty are happy staying submissive or dominant, it depends on who the partner is. I don't really "need" either, I just happen to enjoy both sides. That doesn't mean I'll be unhappy if someone only fits one end of the role.

StrtbkNamdDesire -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 1:11:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterforRT IMHO, there is no such thing as a switch. There are just Dominants and submissives. That said, I believe that one type of person can have a streak of the other type within them. Because people are static and un-dynamic. Yes indeedy. This is very akin to 'there is no such thing as a bisexual.' (*edit: Usako- great minds, eh? :P)

VampireAshlyn -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 1:19:54 AM)
I noticed the prejudice myself. Truth is what I am depends on you. If you act like a dom, I will naturally become submissive to you. If you act like a sub, I will naturally become dominate to you. And if you do switch, I will switch as well. I enjoy vanilla, I enjoy chocolate. I won't eat both at the same time. Personally I am not going to go from wanting to spank someone to wanted to be spanked. I feed off the other person vanilla or chocolate. This is how I am as a switch. I assume others act in a similar fashion.

theobserver -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 1:22:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stingerd86 You know, I notice a lot of "I cant deal with switches, if your a switch don't talk to me." Theres this sentiment that a switch is always 50/50. It makes me sad that theres a lack of open mindedness in the bdsm community. Sure there are some people who switch can't be a dom or a sub at one turn for any length of time. I highlighted the text in red because I am interpreting it as you making a generalization about the BDSM community as a whole. I can't speak to that, because I am not really privvy to what everyone thinks as a whole ... however, from this site I have not witnessed any mass amounts of prejudicial treatment toward switches. I haven't been here long, so it might be that I just haven't run across anyone expressing those views yet. I will say that as far as CM goes, they leave you only three choices in which to classify yourself (if you create a profile) that's Dominant, Submissive or Switch. For those, like me, who are not certain (as of yet) where their proclivities lie, it would be unfair for anyone to judge based on having that label alone in one's profile. They'd have to have a conversation with the person or read more of their profile before coming to any conclusions. I have seen a few discussions in the switch area about the up's and downs of being a switch, particularly when being involved with partners that classify themselves as switch as well. The discussion basically talked about being in complementary D/S modes and if not, how that could lead to frustration and so on. Otherwise, I haven't really seen any bias in this regards, it's unfortunate that you have.

stingerd86 -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 1:23:43 AM)
I would honestly be happy to just define myself as sub, or as dom, if i wasnt capable of doing either. It would make things a lot easier to just "pick" one side of my personality in which to define myself as a single kinky person. But then I would be lying. Its true that many people define as switches because they require both, but it isnt fair to typecast everyone who switches by that facet. That is a definite cause for the stereotyping. The comparison to bisexuality I find particularly apt, thank you.

littlewonder -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 3:37:21 AM)
While I'm not prejudiced at all of switches for some people like myself we're not interested in someone who takes on whatever role seems to work in whatever situation. Some of us want a man who is a dominant personality. He doesn't take on a role..it just is his personality. He is a leader, a take charge sorta guy in and out of the bedroom. It just is who he is. So for me personally, a switch would never work. It's a preference just like some who are tall, skinny, short, blond, whatever. It's what they're attracted to.

chamberqueen -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 4:07:27 AM)
I think part of it comes down to fear of the unknown. I've seen posts where people admit to being afraid that a switch will switch in the middle of a session and suddenly go from one role to the other with no warning. It makes me laugh as if we are Jekyll/Hyde creatures that have no control. I have found that I get more fulfillment from being a slave to my Master than I ever dreamed was possible when I was a full time Domme. I still do Domme duties from time to time, but never with my Master. For me it is more partner based. The closest I come to switching with the same partner is when carrying out my task of teaching a novice Dom. It often starts with me giving instruction, either verbally or showing some BDSM art, then allowing him to take control. Even this isn't a total switch because I am fulfilling a task which my Master has given me; it is part of my submission to him.

satyrsnymph28 -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 4:18:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterforRT IMHO, there is no such thing as a switch. There are just Dominants and submissives. That said, I believe that one type of person can have a streak of the other type within them. I'm a switch. I'm about as in the middle as it gets. I sometimes top, and other times I bottom... I enjoy both equally. That said, your "honest opinion" then suggests that I don't exist... but I'm pretty sure I do.

missturbation -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 4:42:03 AM)
quote: HOWEVER, many of us, myself included classify as a switch because we possess the ability to take on different roles in different situations. By that standard i could be a switch. I possess the ability to take on different roles in different situations and frequently do. I personally thought being a switch was more about liking / needing / wanting to experience life on both sides of the whip. quote: So please, you Dominants, you submissives, please; look not upon we switches as incompatible because we are complex. Instead look upon us on an individual basis, and realize we can just as easily be what you are looking for in a match. I personally would not get involved with a switch. It's not about the orientation though per se, it's about meeting needs. I couldn't meet their submissive needs and i'm not poly so i couldn't be comfortable with them meeting them elsewhere.

ExKat -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 5:04:51 AM)
Just like a bisexual could never be happy in a marriage with just one person, and thus aren't "marrying material", so too are switches unfit for a relationship with anyone except another switch....erm...wait. Aren't there loads and loads of happily married bisexuals? I think it's just a matter of personal preference, Stingerd. I'm not sure personally I'd date a switch, unless I knew for certain they'd be happy settling into just the D-role with me. I'm not particularly flexible in that regard. However, if they were, I wouldn't hold it against them. To be fair, I don't think that (most) people who turn down a switch do it out of prejudice...it's more that they desire to please their partner's every desire. With a switch, that's twice as hard.

Rover -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 5:42:16 AM)
There are all sorts of folks with different views on BDSM, which is both fair and expected. But when a reality (people who switch) conflict with their theory, one would naturally have to consider modifying the theory. Having said that, the issue of a partner that switches is often one of personal preference. I have seen many folks who cannot accept a partner with conservative politics, which is another legitimate personal preference. Just knowing that someone thinks differently on issues is enough to preclude any sense of attraction. Similarly, for many submissives (in particular), just knowing that their Dominant submits (or has submitted, or will submit) to another is enough to ruin any sense of power exchange that might otherwise exist. You might as well complain about why they don't like asparagus or something like that (vile weed that it is). Bottom line is that it's really not consistent to ask people to accept your personal preference, while complaining about theirs. John

CarrieO -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 6:08:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover You might as well complain about why they don't like asparagus or something like that (vile weed that it is). Bottom line is that it's really not consistent to ask people to accept your personal preference, while complaining about theirs. John I was trying to think of a way to express myself on this topic and then...poof!...Rover bottom lined it to perfection. I am always bothered by the neat little boxes people need to place themselves and others into. I also find it amusing when people say things like "There's no such thing as a switch" as if discussing belief in the tooth fairy, Santa...or God. Now, as to asparagus being a "vile weed" ? You may have gone too far [;)]

FlamingRedhead -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 6:12:50 AM)
The prejudice against switches has existed since the Old Guard. Switches were not considered to be serious players because it appeared that they couldn't decide which side of the whip they preferred to be on. Some Old School BDSMers continue in that belief. I am a switch. I list myself as such on my profile. If that immediately turns someone off, it's one less incompatible person to weed out. If they are intrigued enough to contact me, I'll be happy to explain that I'm most satisfied in a relationship where I am able to be submissive. While I do have a bit of a sadistic streak and enjoy topping from time to time, it's not truly where my heart is. A dominant with an imagination will not look at me as confused but will see, instead, possibilities. However, I am a bit of a hypocrite in that I want my dominant to be dominant and not a switch. I don't want to top him since that would completely ruin the dynamic for me.

LadyConstanze -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 6:23:31 AM)
I think switches enjoy the best of both worlds, in a way I am quite envious but I figured there is no point trying to be something I am not. But if somebody can't deal with talking to a switch, well that would be their problem and possibly better if they wear their prejudice on their sleeve than if it surfaces later on.

marie2 -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 6:23:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stingerd86 So please, you Dominants, you submissives, please; look not upon we switches as incompatible because we are complex. Instead look upon us on an individual basis, and realize we can just as easily be what you are looking for in a match. Of course switches should be respected, accepted, and whathaveyou, just like any other orientation, but sometimes yes, there is an incompatibility issue for some people. Why not look for people who enjoy switching, or those who wouldn't object to being involved with a switch, instead of trying to convert those who would. I'm not trying to be harsh, but really.

CalifChick -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 6:33:30 AM)
I can be with someone who bottoms; I cannot be with someone who submits. Why can't my preference be respected without words like "prejudice" or "fear" being thrown about? Cali

mistoferin -> RE: switched prejudice (11/13/2008 6:45:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Why can't my preference be respected without words like "prejudice" or "fear" being thrown about? That would be something wouldn't it? I am submissive woman....not a switch. I am compatible with dominant men....not switches. I am not prejudiced against switches, nor do I fear them. They simply would not work as partners for me. If my dominant was to suddenly flip into a submissive mode and I was to actively see him submitting.....I have to tell you that it would warp my mind in such a way that I could never again hold him in a position where I could look up to and respect him.

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