RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!!

RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (Full Version)

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DelRey -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 5:24:54 PM)
quote: del Rey, I am curious what kind of training for dominants are you suggesting that people need? Is it training on using the various toys in BDSM or is it psychological training? I do not see the need for understanding yourself mentally and emotionally as only something useful for dominants, or even just useful for people in D/s relationships. Understanding yourself is useful for everyone whether you participate in D/s or not. Knight's kyra And more so if you are going to be successful in this world. no flame intended doll but I think you need to re-read the whole OP. del Rey

KnightofMists -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 5:25:57 PM)
quote: By the time someone is ready to start whipping, cutting, doing breath control and other dangerous activities I'd assume they've had plenty of time to learn the basics of bdsm -- understanding their own desires, understanding how to read a partner and understanding how to communicate. One would assume... but one would be dead wrong! I know a couple that was very much involved into breath play. They had little if any experience in the so-called BDSM 101. But they did do breath play... interestly enough.. when they came across Wiseman's article on Breath play.. well they took a step back... well ok... are few hundred steps back. Fact is... it is dangerous to assume that all people have taken the proper steps in risk awareness before they venture into a higher edge-play. I would also point out a girl that had a branding that was very new to the scene... well she walks with a limp now.... becareful on the assumptions one makes... especially the subtle ones.

AAkasha -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 5:33:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: By the time someone is ready to start whipping, cutting, doing breath control and other dangerous activities I'd assume they've had plenty of time to learn the basics of bdsm -- understanding their own desires, understanding how to read a partner and understanding how to communicate. One would assume... but one would be dead wrong! I know a couple that was very much involved into breath play. They had little if any experience in the so-called BDSM 101. But they did do breath play... interestly enough.. when they came across Wiseman's article on Breath play.. well they took a step back... well ok... are few hundred steps back. Fact is... it is dangerous to assume that all people have taken the proper steps in risk awareness before they venture into a higher edge-play. I would also point out a girl that had a branding that was very new to the scene... well she walks with a limp now.... becareful on the assumptions one makes... especially the subtle ones. You assume that if these people had a mentor there would be less/no risk? What if the mentor they chose wasn't educated? What if the article they looked up on the net was an endorsement for breath control, not Wiseman's? If you research the safety of BDSM acts on the Internet you will find dozens of articles with conflicting views, including many that endorse it without warrant and many "first hand scene reports" that are in reality just fiction. However, if you do strictly medical research, you'd get a much better opinion on the safety of breath control play. The internet is full of inaccurate information and people willing to say whatever you need to hear to engage in unsafe activities. If someone doesn't balance their research with some medical information (and safety training, if they wish to engage in that kind of activity) no mentor in the world is going to protect them from making dangerous mistakes. The net is full of people wanting to be an authority on BDSM -- it doesn't make the information reliable or correct. Akasha

kyraofMists -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 5:40:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelRey quote: del Rey, I am curious what kind of training for dominants are you suggesting that people need? Is it training on using the various toys in BDSM or is it psychological training? I do not see the need for understanding yourself mentally and emotionally as only something useful for dominants, or even just useful for people in D/s relationships. Understanding yourself is useful for everyone whether you participate in D/s or not. Knight's kyra And more so if you are going to be successful in this world. no flame intended doll but I think you need to re-read the whole OP. del Rey First, my name is not “doll”. My name is kyra and I do not appreciate you taking liberties by addressing me with such shallow terms of endearments. You do not have mine or my Lord’s permission to address me in such a familiar manner. Second, I asked you a simple question of clarification on an opinion you stated. You have not addressed that question, much like another thread where you avoided my questions of clarification. I find it highly amusing when someone advocates learning, but avoids answering questions of clarification thereby limiting someone’s opportunity to learn. Knight’s kyra

KnightofMists -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 5:49:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: By the time someone is ready to start whipping, cutting, doing breath control and other dangerous activities I'd assume they've had plenty of time to learn the basics of bdsm -- understanding their own desires, understanding how to read a partner and understanding how to communicate. One would assume... but one would be dead wrong! I know a couple that was very much involved into breath play. They had little if any experience in the so-called BDSM 101. But they did do breath play... interestly enough.. when they came across Wiseman's article on Breath play.. well they took a step back... well ok... are few hundred steps back. Fact is... it is dangerous to assume that all people have taken the proper steps in risk awareness before they venture into a higher edge-play. I would also point out a girl that had a branding that was very new to the scene... well she walks with a limp now.... becareful on the assumptions one makes... especially the subtle ones. You assume that if these people had a mentor there would be less/no risk? What if the mentor they chose wasn't educated? What if the article they looked up on the net was an endorsement for breath control, not Wiseman's? If you research the safety of BDSM acts on the Internet you will find dozens of articles with conflicting views, including many that endorse it without warrant and many "first hand scene reports" that are in reality just fiction. However, if you do strictly medical research, you'd get a much better opinion on the safety of breath control play. The internet is full of inaccurate information and people willing to say whatever you need to hear to engage in unsafe activities. If someone doesn't balance their research with some medical information (and safety training, if they wish to engage in that kind of activity) no mentor in the world is going to protect them from making dangerous mistakes. The net is full of people wanting to be an authority on BDSM -- it doesn't make the information reliable or correct. Akasha I didn't make any reference to mentorship.... only that I stated "that to assume one is verse in the basics of BDSM before they venture would be wrong." I seen it, personally and not so foolish to make such an assumption. I also will not assume that mentorship will necessary keep a person from making mistakes... the possibility of choosing a poor mentor is just as likely and maybe even more likely than choosing a good one. Nods, I agree, that it is likely that if they happen to come across an article of promoting breath play it would of had an different impact. But then, like you say... lots of information on the net... lots of a apparent authorities which are not necessarily realiable or correct. But again... making assumptions that one will go from BDSM 101 to 201 to 301 is a rather reckless. In fact, we are more likely to be responsive to our desires and wants and the information that we either find or that is handed to us. It is rather hap hazard at times. Of course there is also the thought what is BDSM101 then 201 then 301. That in of itself is a rather subjective answer that may work for some but not all.

orfunboi -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 6:18:47 PM)
Martha Stewart....now there is a punishment i wouldn't want to deal with.

orfunboi -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 6:29:43 PM)
quote: The net is full of people wanting to be an authority on BDSM -- it doesn't make the information reliable or correct. Akasha No it doesn't, which is why i would never attempt to learn a bdsm technique online, or take too seriously anything i read online, unless i know the person talking. Nor would i play with someone i knew hadn't had any real experience, no matter how many hours they spent browsing the web to learn something.

DelRey -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 6:38:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists quote: ORIGINAL: DelRey quote: del Rey, I am curious what kind of training for dominants are you suggesting that people need? Is it training on using the various toys in BDSM or is it psychological training? I do not see the need for understanding yourself mentally and emotionally as only something useful for dominants, or even just useful for people in D/s relationships. Understanding yourself is useful for everyone whether you participate in D/s or not. Knight's kyra And more so if you are going to be successful in this world. no flame intended doll but I think you need to re-read the whole OP. del Rey First, my name is not “doll”. My name is kyra and I do not appreciate you taking liberties by addressing me with such shallow terms of endearments. You do not have mine or my Lord’s permission to address me in such a familiar manner. Second, I asked you a simple question of clarification on an opinion you stated. You have not addressed that question, much like another thread where you avoided my questions of clarification. I find it highly amusing when someone advocates learning, but avoids answering questions of clarification thereby limiting someone’s opportunity to learn. Knight’s kyra k-y-r-a, first, I was not trying to be endearing to you or with you. That is the way I talk and write. I am free to do that regardless of what anyone thinks of it. Moreover no one has ever complained about it until you. Sorry it rubbed you the wrong way,I was simply being friendly. With that said since you have taken your known attitude here also I will inform you I don't need anyone's permission, Not your "lord's" or even my mother's to talk and or write the way I wish. If you or anyone don't like the way I write or my opinions your options are simple. nuff said ! Second, The question you ask was clearly answered in the OP. "Psyc (heart), Mental and Emotional" I also stated "the kink is easy" meaning it's not all about swinging a paddle the right way. I am sorry if you missed that, or were you just intent on an attempt to lock horns? If you have a bug up your ass about me, get over it. You have options there too but for the record I will not address any of your posts directed at me that continue with your disrespectfull, high horse attitude. *smiling, with that said, as you wish, I look forward to exchanging thoughtful and stimulating opinions within future threads on this board. I wish you and your "lord" a Very Merry Christmas del Rey

truesub4u -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 6:55:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: topcat And as I think of it, they are in fact, half the problem... Stay warm, Lawrence Well at least we're not the whole problem here. Thanks for clarifying that.

KnightofMists -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 7:09:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelRey quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists quote: ORIGINAL: DelRey quote: del Rey, I am curious what kind of training for dominants are you suggesting that people need? Is it training on using the various toys in BDSM or is it psychological training? I do not see the need for understanding yourself mentally and emotionally as only something useful for dominants, or even just useful for people in D/s relationships. Understanding yourself is useful for everyone whether you participate in D/s or not. Knight's kyra And more so if you are going to be successful in this world. no flame intended doll but I think you need to re-read the whole OP. del Rey First, my name is not “doll”. My name is kyra and I do not appreciate you taking liberties by addressing me with such shallow terms of endearments. You do not have mine or my Lord’s permission to address me in such a familiar manner. Second, I asked you a simple question of clarification on an opinion you stated. You have not addressed that question, much like another thread where you avoided my questions of clarification. I find it highly amusing when someone advocates learning, but avoids answering questions of clarification thereby limiting someone’s opportunity to learn. Knight’s kyra k-y-r-a, first, I was not trying to be endearing to you or with you. That is the way I talk and write. I am free to do that regardless of what anyone thinks of it. Moreover no one has ever complained about it until you. Sorry it rubbed you the wrong way,I was simply being friendly. With that said since you have taken your known attitude here also I will inform you I don't need anyone's permission, Not your "lord's" or even my mother's to talk and or write the way I wish. If you or anyone don't like the way I write or my opinions your options are simple. nuff said ! you are very right... you are free to do what ever you want and need no ones permission to address anyone in any manner you choose. However, if you choose to address anyone beyond their comfort level be prepared that it is not going to be accepted by them....since no one needs to accept anyone elses manner of address just because that is their way. You can either choose to be use good manners or not... obviously you choose not too. nuff said! quote: Second, The question you ask was clearly answered in the OP. "Psyc (heart), Mental and Emotional" I also stated "the kink is easy" meaning it's not all about swinging a paddle the right way. I am sorry if you missed that, or were you just intent on an attempt to lock horns? No it was not clearly answered. that is why kyra asked the questions in the first place... but like I said before some people just don't know the answer. Stating flowery Mental and Emotional training is a great answer that is absolutely meaningless.... What is mental/emotional training... what skills are needed... how should one learn these skills, what are the traps, what are issues... and the list can go on for volumes . I find all to often people sprout out "give everyone food" as the solution to ending world hunger. But yet they haven't a clue on how to achieve that great feat in the first place. Great you have a solution to make everyone a great Dom just by having Mental and Emotional training... but just what, how, where,when do you expect a Dom to get the training... you have no details and you show yourself evasive to give any opinions on the answers... but call from the tallest mountain and state Doms need to have Mental/Emotional Training well... great... I will put that in the trash box with all the other meaningless and lacking substance opininos. quote: If you have a bug up your ass about me, get over it. You have options there too but for the record I will not address any of your posts directed at me that continue with your disrespectfull, high horse attitude. for the record.... I think the poor girl is going to be devasted that you will not respond to her... well maybe not... But I suspect that she will continue to respond to you and every single post in the manner she is accustom to and in the manner I expect... so if you don't choose to respond that is your choice... but you can be sure that she will be asking questions of you every time she desires clarification of what you said. quote: smiling, with that said, as you wish, I look forward to exchanging thoughtful and stimulating opinions within future threads on this board. I wish you and your "lord" a Very Merry Christmas del Rey G* Merrry Christmas... I am very much looking forward to the questions.... and just maybe someone will have the answers that are thoughtful and stimulating... but I will not count on!

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 7:12:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha People don't need mentors if they have a built-in, natural, instinctive desire to dominate. No one taught me how to get into a man's head and seduce him and balance my need for submission with his fears and desires. People with dominant tendencies are perfectly capable of making their desires/fantasies a reality with a willing partner and a grasp of safety and common sense. It doesn't have to be rocket science. Even without the Internet, without books, and without BDSM groups or 'mentors' there are people all over the world engaging in consensual power exchange in their relationships. Mentors are fantastic for the kinds of people that like that sort of relationship and like to learn that way. But it isn't a necessity. This has nothing to do with asking for advice on technique, communication problems, finding partners, etc. -- but some people are drawn into BDSM without any "instinct" desire (natural desire) for dominance or submission combined with no real experience -- and those are the ones that get impatient and demanding and frustrated. My desire to dominate men is what shaped my style and technique -- there was never any question of "how do I dominate my man?" it was "how do I NOT dominate my man - it's my natural way of relating on a physical, sexual level." People can teach you technique and processes 'til the cows come home. They can't teach you to have a fire in your belly for dominance and submission that guides you and feeds your inspiration. Akasha Thanks for this Akasha. I couldn't have said it better myself. Be well, Julie

DelRey -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 7:38:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: DelRey quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists quote: ORIGINAL: DelRey quote: del Rey, I am curious what kind of training for dominants are you suggesting that people need? Is it training on using the various toys in BDSM or is it psychological training? I do not see the need for understanding yourself mentally and emotionally as only something useful for dominants, or even just useful for people in D/s relationships. Understanding yourself is useful for everyone whether you participate in D/s or not. Knight's kyra And more so if you are going to be successful in this world. no flame intended doll but I think you need to re-read the whole OP. del Rey First, my name is not “doll”. My name is kyra and I do not appreciate you taking liberties by addressing me with such shallow terms of endearments. You do not have mine or my Lord’s permission to address me in such a familiar manner. Second, I asked you a simple question of clarification on an opinion you stated. You have not addressed that question, much like another thread where you avoided my questions of clarification. I find it highly amusing when someone advocates learning, but avoids answering questions of clarification thereby limiting someone’s opportunity to learn. Knight’s kyra k-y-r-a, first, I was not trying to be endearing to you or with you. That is the way I talk and write. I am free to do that regardless of what anyone thinks of it. Moreover no one has ever complained about it until you. Sorry it rubbed you the wrong way,I was simply being friendly. With that said since you have taken your known attitude here also I will inform you I don't need anyone's permission, Not your "lord's" or even my mother's to talk and or write the way I wish. If you or anyone don't like the way I write or my opinions your options are simple. nuff said ! you are very right... you are free to do what ever you want and need no ones permission to address anyone in any manner you choose. However, if you choose to address anyone beyond their comfort level be prepared that it is not going to be accepted by them....since no one needs to accept anyone elses manner of address just because that is their way. You can either choose to be use good manners or not... obviously you choose not too. nuff said! quote: Second, The question you ask was clearly answered in the OP. "Psyc (heart), Mental and Emotional" I also stated "the kink is easy" meaning it's not all about swinging a paddle the right way. I am sorry if you missed that, or were you just intent on an attempt to lock horns? No it was not clearly answered. that is why kyra asked the questions in the first place... but like I said before some people just don't know the answer. Stating flowery Mental and Emotional training is a great answer that is absolutely meaningless.... What is mental/emotional training... what skills are needed... how should one learn these skills, what are the traps, what are issues... and the list can go on for volumes . I find all to often people sprout out "give everyone food" as the solution to ending world hunger. But yet they haven't a clue on how to achieve that great feat in the first place. Great you have a solution to make everyone a great Dom just by having Mental and Emotional training... but just what, how, where,when do you expect a Dom to get the training... you have no details and you show yourself evasive to give any opinions on the answers... but call from the tallest mountain and state Doms need to have Mental/Emotional Training well... great... I will put that in the trash box with all the other meaningless and lacking substance opininos. quote: If you have a bug up your ass about me, get over it. You have options there too but for the record I will not address any of your posts directed at me that continue with your disrespectfull, high horse attitude. for the record.... I think the poor girl is going to be devasted that you will not respond to her... well maybe not... But I suspect that she will continue to respond to you and every single post in the manner she is accustom to and in the manner I expect... so if you don't choose to respond that is your choice... but you can be sure that she will be asking questions of you every time she desires clarification of what you said. quote: smiling, with that said, as you wish, I look forward to exchanging thoughtful and stimulating opinions within future threads on this board. I wish you and your "lord" a Very Merry Christmas del Rey quote:* G Merrry Christmas... I am very much looking forward to the questions.... and just maybe someone will have the answers that are thoughtful and stimulating... but I will not count on! ROFLFAO, you are the "lord" she works in to every sentence she can? Hmm Go figure... sorry (this is the holidays) be well my friend, Holiday Cheers to you and the family

roughleather -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 8:05:52 PM)
Here in SF, we have more people with technique than we have people with real dominant tendencies. There are so many classes. I've been to classes on rope bondage (too much like macrame), exhibitionism (Midori is truly sadistic), resistance play (a battle between a strong top and a tough woman), and the usual Society of Janus intros (the Kiwanis of kink.) You can get so into technique it's not even sexy any more.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 8:25:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha People don't need mentors if they have a built-in, natural, instinctive desire to dominate. I don't think I could ever work up the hubris to say that because I'm naturally talented, I don't need to learn. This is like saying that because someone is born with an instinctive talent for baseball, they don't need a coach-- just hand hir a ball, bat and glove and xhe'll make it to the Majors.... or saying that an individual who is musically talented and loves the piano doesn't need a teacher. Just sit hir at the keyboard and xhe'll understand it naturally. All of us need to learn, and honestly, the best way to learn is to learn from a teacher that you respect -- no matter what your field of skill. I know that I am continuously looking for mentors, to help me to understand the wide variety of things in the world that I don't understand, and to help me hone my skills, and help me keep from deluding myself when I've lost sight of something important, just because I didn't really -want- to see it. Lady Zephyr

KnightofMists -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 8:56:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha People don't need mentors if they have a built-in, natural, instinctive desire to dominate. I don't think I could ever work up the hubris to say that because I'm naturally talented, I don't need to learn. This is like saying that because someone is born with an instinctive talent for baseball, they don't need a coach-- just hand hir a ball, bat and glove and xhe'll make it to the Majors.... or saying that an individual who is musically talented and loves the piano doesn't need a teacher. Just sit hir at the keyboard and xhe'll understand it naturally. All of us need to learn, and honestly, the best way to learn is to learn from a teacher that you respect -- no matter what your field of skill. I know that I am continuously looking for mentors, to help me to understand the wide variety of things in the world that I don't understand, and to help me hone my skills, and help me keep from deluding myself when I've lost sight of something important, just because I didn't really -want- to see it. Lady Zephyr I agree with you in that everyone needs to learn.... but the techniques one needs to learn is as varied as what a person needs to learn. Someone with a natural skill/talent in anything may need different training than one whose skills/talents are less refined/natural. Part of the process of training is determining the starting point of the training itself. Mentorship/coaching is indeed an important approach in training oneself to be better at a particular skill/talent or area of knowledge. Depending on the need, this mentorship can be both informal or formal. However, mentorship be it formalized or informal is a direct approach to learning. We also can learn indirectly thur observations of others. Many individuals that attend play parties come away from the experience better equipment to effectively carry out some minor techinques just by the observations they gain at the party. We also learn from our introspective view of the experience we have had. Discussing these experiences with those that have shared them. Often our own perspectives of a shared experience is different from another and this different perspective can be a source of great learning. I am very much against the idea that decision to have or not have mentorship be dependent on a persons "built-in, natural, instinctive desire to dominate" This idea says nothing specifically of what needs to be learned in the first place. There is alot of natural talented Surgeon's out there... I am not so sure that I want any of them self-taught guru's operating on me... I don't think anyone would. The difficultiy level and effort required to learn a particular skill inconjuction with the person's learning abilities and skills sets are a better read on what or if specific mentorship would be needed and to what degree. This idea of the all powerful natural Dom/me is rather romantic but not very realistic or practical.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/21/2005 6:05:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha People don't need mentors if they have a built-in, natural, instinctive desire to dominate. I don't think I could ever work up the hubris to say that because I'm naturally talented, I don't need to learn. This is like saying that because someone is born with an instinctive talent for baseball, they don't need a coach-- just hand hir a ball, bat and glove and xhe'll make it to the Majors.... or saying that an individual who is musically talented and loves the piano doesn't need a teacher. Just sit hir at the keyboard and xhe'll understand it naturally. All of us need to learn, and honestly, the best way to learn is to learn from a teacher that you respect -- no matter what your field of skill. I know that I am continuously looking for mentors, to help me to understand the wide variety of things in the world that I don't understand, and to help me hone my skills, and help me keep from deluding myself when I've lost sight of something important, just because I didn't really -want- to see it. Lady Zephyr I did not interpret this to mean that those of us who naturally had an instinct to dominate did not need to learn anything. I've had thoughts of domination and BDSM from a very young age, so I consider myself one who has that "natural, instinctive desire". I had my ideas and fantasies in my head and understood my domination style way before I even thought about discussing my desires with anyone. Before actually playing with someone I did read, observe, and talk with others in the lifestyle to see how they did things and to gain knowledge and practice techniques that were new to me. Learning took place (and still does) as far as techniques, but I never needed anyone to hold my hand and show me how to be a dominant. Be well, Julie

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/21/2005 6:11:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelRey If you or anyone don't like the way I write or my opinions your options are simple. nuff said ! It's very rude not to refer to someone by their name after they have specifically requested it unless you have some strictly moral issue with it such as religious beliefs which would cause conflict. quote: If you have a bug up your ass about me, get over it. You have options there too but for the record I will not address any of your posts directed at me that continue with your disrespectfull, high horse attitude. You mean the one you have?

ExistentialSteel -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/21/2005 6:22:36 AM)
Aakasha, said it far better than I could. Secondly, who would decide who enters this secret handshake club, Delrey? There are places now online and RT where it is invitation only. Don't you know of these? This happens to be a public place as you said in your comments to Krya. You probably didn't mean disrespect to her when you said, "doll," but when she called it to you attention, an apology was in order.

Jasmyn -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/21/2005 7:10:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelRey This OP was inspired by reading the 129,482nd post I have read titled, "SEEKING INFORMATION ON TRAINING MY SUB" I thought this deserved it's own thread. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I read more frustrations in women’s profiles and on the message board about men writing to them. Sometimes I wonder how many good contacts they pass on because they are so distressed in reading the mail from the Nutzo’s. Why is it new men can't allow the big head to over rule the little guy when they first find this site? Moreover most new men to this site are so overwhelmed by the kink and the thought of controlling a submissive woman they over look the training one must go through. It is important, for a new D/Master to get himself trained first, then training his sub will come more natural. The Kink is easy, it is only when you understanding your heart and the heart, emotions as well as the desires of your sub that is most important. When you have a true D/s connection with your sub as a result of the proper control of your being and understanding her, your sub will respond to high levels that dreams are made of, rather than just dropping orders on her. Sounds remedial or even cliché I know, but the truth is this lifestyle is NOT a "do this", "do that" then you "have it" program. It is extremely mental and psychological which requires intense training of the Dom/Master. The other bad news, D/Master training is on going and continual it never ends… Anything less and they will be just another "passer-by" and another "newbie-casualty" and worse leave a wake of pissed off people. It is a long process and a big responsibility that many people new in the lifestyle overlook because of the lust for the new kink. Maybe there needs to be a 2nd level of this community that is only admissible upon referrals. I duno sounds drastic, on one hand people living the life style are serious on the other hand who would we bitch about and laugh at ? del Rey Master/slave, Owner/owned, Mistress/slave, etc can all be 'lived as a lifestyle'..and in that sense, the reason for the relationship does in effect dictate there be rules for that relationship. Aristotle showed us that all change obeys unchanging laws. Apply this to a m/s relationship and the change (in this case the process of taking a person from their original stance of a compliant accomplice in submission to being a slave, your slave, their slave, and enslavement) is indeed governed by laws of nature natural to the dynamic of mastery and slavery. Thus, by following laws natural to this state, one can indeed 'train' or 'be trained' in this process. Each relationship can set their own boundaires, requirements, activities, etc...but at the core, the relationship must obey the laws of nature, natural to it. A very basic example of a law of nature natural to a master/slave relationship: a Master/Mistress should try to not be indecisive, a sub/slave should try to not be stubborn. One rules, one obeys. 'BDSM' however is not a 'lifestyle'. B&D, S&M are activities. Dominance & submission are tools to accomplishing the former. Consenting to top or bottom for a scene is the foundation. Dom & sub are roles. The roles in scene do not define one outside that scene. Nothing more. Nothing less. One does need to know 'how to train a slave/sub', all one needs to know is how to practice bondage, S&M, cane, spank, sensual dep, fuck in roles, push limits, etc safely.

candystripper -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/21/2005 8:55:54 AM)
quote: If you have a bug up your ass about me, get over it. You have options there too but for the record I will not address any of your posts directed at me that continue with your disrespectfull, high horse attitude. DelRay Sweetie, kyra is just a bit sensitive about being addressed as anything other than her nick...s'ok..people have different sensitives. i did not see her mount any "high horse"; she merely asked if what You meant was the mental/psych training or just the techniques like swinging a flogger. Twas a simple question; i don't think it was meant to offend. i have just realised that, because i want someone experienced, i may need to treat that as a matter for verification just as any other factoid about Him. i appreciate You raising my awareness about this, DelRay. Be well, candystripper

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