confronting a liar - yes or no?

confronting a liar - yes or no? (Full Version)

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Treasure3 -> confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:40:47 AM)
After seeing one too many red flags, I went searching and found proof my Master has been lying to me. He's been seeing others and contacting others with the intention of meeting, telling them he is actively searching and hasn't found his one... completely oposite of what he has been telling me for over a year now, that he is no longer looking at all, has not met with any other submissives (or vanillas) except for long time friends and never to play, and is commited to me and me alone. I won't go into a lot of detail for the sake of keeping this post relatively short, but I have undeniable proof in the form of emails he sent to and from other subs and flight and hotel confirmations sent to and from subs from as far back as a year and a half ago till as recently as last month. I've directly asked him if he has seen any one else this past year, if he has been looking this past year, and if a trip he took last month was really as spontaneous as he said and was really for the purpose he said. He looked me straight in the eyes and lied. What would you do in a situation like this, lay out the proof and confront him or just walk away? On one hand, walking away would probably be the best thing, for a number of reasons, but I have to admit that confronting him once and for all sounds gratifying.

LadyConstanze -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:44:54 AM)
quote: On one hand, walking away would probably be the best thing, for a number of reasons, but I have to admit that confronting him once and for all sounds gratifying. I understand that, but to be honest, I am possibly too much of a bitch to do that, I would leave him hanging, with no explanation or possibly a very vague one, if he can try to defend himself in a confrontation, he will have closure, are you willing to give him that after he hasn't even given you the courtesy of honesty? Plus think about it this way, if you just walk away with "You have been lying to me", you might actually find out a lot more because he possibly doesn't know what you know and might fess up to more...

BeyondShattered -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:49:35 AM)
I agree with LadyConstanze. And, I'll add: Once a liar, always a liar. Don't give him the opportunities he never gave you. Trust is too delicate a thing to be taken advantage of and, it sounds to me like he's taken advantage of yours. Best of luck to you.

sirsholly -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:50:51 AM)
i would confront him eventually....but first i would torture him by dropping subtle statements hinting that you are aware of his lies, but not coming right out and saying so.

mefisto69 -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:51:00 AM)
unless you thrive on the drama... run and cut all communication

housesub4you -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:54:02 AM)
Yea cut and run if you do not want a relationship, why create even more stress from someone who is not worthy of you. Move on,

Treasure3 -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:54:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I understand that, but to be honest, I am possibly too much of a bitch to do that, I would leave him hanging, with no explanation or possibly a very vague one, if he can try to defend himself in a confrontation, he will have closure, are you willing to give him that after he hasn't even given you the courtesy of honesty? Plus think about it this way, if you just walk away with "You have been lying to me", you might actually find out a lot more because he possibly doesn't know what you know and might fess up to more... How could he possibly defend himself when the proof is his own words, to others, in writing, before him? The look on his face when presented with the emails and confirmations would be glorious! I do understand what you are saying, and you are right, I'm sure. My anger is just boiling now, and that is one reason I haven't taken any action. Better to wait and think with a clear head. It just infuriates me. The first line of his profile talks about being tired of the lies. How hypocritical is that?!

windchymes -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:56:12 AM)
Whether or not you confront him is up to you, but I hope you walk away without looking back. Most of all, when he comes whimpering to you to take him back, making all kinds of promises, I hope you'll remember how you feel right now and keep on walking.

tamerkatey -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:56:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Treasure3 After seeing one too many red flags, I went searching and found proof my Master has been lying to me. He's been seeing others and contacting others with the intention of meeting, telling them he is actively searching and hasn't found his one... completely oposite of what he has been telling me for over a year now, that he is no longer looking at all, has not met with any other submissives (or vanillas) except for long time friends and never to play, and is commited to me and me alone. I won't go into a lot of detail for the sake of keeping this post relatively short, but I have undeniable proof in the form of emails he sent to and from other subs and flight and hotel confirmations sent to and from subs from as far back as a year and a half ago till as recently as last month. I've directly asked him if he has seen any one else this past year, if he has been looking this past year, and if a trip he took last month was really as spontaneous as he said and was really for the purpose he said. He looked me straight in the eyes and lied. What would you do in a situation like this, lay out the proof and confront him or just walk away? On one hand, walking away would probably be the best thing, for a number of reasons, but I have to admit that confronting him once and for all sounds gratifying. See now I'm just plain nasty at the point that people are exposed for purposefully misleading or lying...... Once I've moved beyond the initial 'upset' the rage takes over and I will inflict as must pain and destruction as possible. The issue you have potentially is that you fear that he can defend it in some way... enough to make you doubt your desire to walk away. He has breached your trust anyway so there is nothing there for you now. Lady Constance makes good sense, walk away, don't give an explanation and don't look back to see if he cared, chances are given the situation he didn't and doesn't. But do tell the other subs etc what a lying git he is!

housemouse61 -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 4:57:27 AM)
Treasure; Let me first offer my condolences. What a stressful and heartbreaking situation you find yourself in at this point. Sounds as though whether you decide to confront or not; the relationship is doomed. As to your question about whether or not you should confront him with his dishonesty...well, that's a hard one to call for someone who is outside of the relationship and has no personal experience with you or with him. It's my feeling that someone who can look you square in the eye and lie, repeatedly, lacks a working conscience and, therefore, can be risky to deal with in a combative scenario. Who know what else he might not feel bad about doing if he feels he's being pushed into a corner to fess up, as it were. Only you know what his temperament is can judge whether this is something safe or wise for you to do. If you're not sure, probably best to just walk away. Otherwise, if you feel that confronting him with your evidence and getting a full confession from his lips will give you closure; and you feel safe in doing so... i say, "go for it". Even if you don't get the full confession you may be hoping for...at least you can get some of the burden off of your own chest and give it back to him. Best of luck to you. i hope that no matter what you decide to do; you are able to pick yourself up and carry on and find a better happiness down the road. Peace favor and blessed be, nikki Property of Cruel Desires

MysticsLily -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:00:29 AM)
I can completely comiserate OP. I had to release my slave girl this week after enduring months of her lies. She lived with us and the damage she caused is going to take a long time to heal. Lying is, in my opinion, the only true evil that exists. It is a complete and utter display of disrespect and lack of love or human decency. Someone who lies is 1. covering for a self-destructive, non existent self esteem. 2. is usually compulsive and in need of therapy. Don't buy into the bullsh*t that they can change. W/o intensive therapy and a desire to heal, they do not. They have been lying to themselves for alot longer than they have been lying to you. Can you truly find any sense of gratification in confronting a liar when you have no sense of what truth or trustable information will come of it? I am not an advocate of giving up on relationships. However, in this world, our honor is the only thing that cannot be taken from us by force or government or any action of another human. It is the only thing we own. A liar gives that honor up freely. Liars do not love, they cannot love, because they cannot love themselves. A liar looks in the mirror and thinks "I Hate me, I lie to me, how can anyone else tell me the truth if I can't tell myself the truth." A liar by default is not only unable to stop lying to you, he cannot stop lying to himself. Or love himself. Run, do not walk, away from this person. If you need any support or someone to talk to please feel free to cmail me on the other side. Miss Lily

ababeinwoods -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:01:32 AM)
Treasure3 I wonder if we perhaps shared the same Master or maybe there was a discount on the mould that both these Masters came from Sigh. I confronted mine and it has ended however he is definitely not menetally stable and has harrassed and stalked me. The idea that he was caught, not as smart as he thouoght he was, has been a challenge for him to get over/past. So be carefull.!!!Liars are just one form of mental instability which begs the question do we ever really know anyone no matter how long we have been a part of their life. I feel for you, if you have any emotion towards this man, it will be the hardest thing you will do.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:01:43 AM)
You could always wait until he goes on his next trip, sell everything he owns for a dollar and use the proceeds to buy him a fruit basket with a note thanking him for an amusing but unsatisfactory ride. Now, what would I do? I don't know. You never really know how you will handle things until faced with the reality of them, but I'm thinking I'd just walk out and not look back. Confronting him just invites too many possibilities and none of them good. WinD

LadyConstanze -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:02:42 AM)
He will possibly ask you how you got the emails and then try to justify himself that you possibly had to snoop to get them or something like that, in short do a bit of blame shifting, to himself that might seem like he defended himself and will give him a sense of closure and given the fact of what has happened, I'd simply not be willing to grant him that AT ALL. I can understand that you are angry, I would be too (in fact I would be furious), a slightly colder and well planned out revenge might be better. I don't know your situation at all, from your words I gather that you were exclusive... Do you have a friend that could lure him into a situation? I am just thinking about a meeting with somebody and by chance you run into them, see him stutter and explain, listen to all his lies, then the other person (who will not let on that she is your friend) contradicts him and says loudly "So you have been lying to us both?"

Treasure3 -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:02:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamerkatey But do tell the other subs etc what a lying git he is! Believe me, I've thought of doing just that! I have the names, email addresses, and even phone numbers of some of the subs he has actually spent time with this past year. Some talk to him often. It has been tempting to contact them with the information I have since I am certain he is lying to them as well. He's good, too, at being the convincing and caring friend, and I know all too well how easy it is to believe his explanations. If I wasn't already suspicious, I wouldn't have even been looking for patterns in his behavior that eventually were undeniable.

LadyConstanze -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:09:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Treasure3 quote: ORIGINAL: tamerkatey But do tell the other subs etc what a lying git he is! Believe me, I've thought of doing just that! I have the names, email addresses, and even phone numbers of some of the subs he has actually spent time with this past year. Some talk to him often. It has been tempting to contact them with the information I have since I am certain he is lying to them as well. He's good, too, at being the convincing and caring friend, and I know all too well how easy it is to believe his explanations. If I wasn't already suspicious, I wouldn't have even been looking for patterns in his behavior that eventually were undeniable. I had a similar situation but with a stalker, how about you make a blog somewhere and collect all the info! Then mail the blog to every email address you have (including yourself) Should he really be unstable (a lot of liars are) he will hate the person who busted him and possibly stalk that person, this way you would not be that person (I would also recommend that you send it from a truly anonymous email address and not your home computer) and not put yourself in the line of danger.

Treasure3 -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:10:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze He will possibly ask you how you got the emails and then try to justify himself that you possibly had to snoop to get them or something like that, in short do a bit of blame shifting, to himself that might seem like he defended himself and will give him a sense of closure and given the fact of what has happened, I'd simply not be willing to grant him that AT ALL. I can understand that you are angry, I would be too (in fact I would be furious), a slightly colder and well planned out revenge might be better. I don't know your situation at all, from your words I gather that you were exclusive... Do you have a friend that could lure him into a situation? I am just thinking about a meeting with somebody and by chance you run into them, see him stutter and explain, listen to all his lies, then the other person (who will not let on that she is your friend) contradicts him and says loudly "So you have been lying to us both?" What a great picture that is to think about!! Revenge is a dish best served cold. Still, do I really want to lower myself to that level? I've already lowered myself by snooping, even though I feel it was justified as we were in the process of planning my move to him and I had to settle my doubts before uprooting the offspring. I was hoping with all my heart I was just being insecure and would find nothing. Strange, but I haven't cried once. I'm angry, livid, and I want to confront him for the satisfaction of it, but I can't feel any pain right now.

Treasure3 -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:13:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance You could always wait until he goes on his next trip, sell everything he owns for a dollar and use the proceeds to buy him a fruit basket with a note thanking him for an amusing but unsatisfactory ride. Now, what would I do? I don't know. You never really know how you will handle things until faced with the reality of them, but I'm thinking I'd just walk out and not look back. Confronting him just invites too many possibilities and none of them good. WinD LOL... what a great thought! I would never do that, but it did make me laugh. Thank you.

tamerkatey -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:14:10 AM)
You know there is an upside to all of this..... at least you know. Some of us 'suspect' but can't 'prove'.... that's a worse place to be in so many ways. I absolutely would tell anyone you think he is also lying to. In this arena, that sort of behaviour (lying/cheating) is damaging and not welcome. In my opinion if you lack honesty you have nothing. Please move on, and do it quickly in a way that works for you xx

Treasure3 -> RE: confronting a liar - yes or no? (11/14/2008 5:15:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ababeinwoods Treasure3 I wonder if we perhaps shared the same Master or maybe there was a discount on the mould that both these Masters came from Sigh. I confronted mine and it has ended however he is definitely not menetally stable and has harrassed and stalked me. The idea that he was caught, not as smart as he thouoght he was, has been a challenge for him to get over/past. So be carefull.!!!Liars are just one form of mental instability which begs the question do we ever really know anyone no matter how long we have been a part of their life. I feel for you, if you have any emotion towards this man, it will be the hardest thing you will do. The thing that scares me right now is that I don't feel any emotion other than anger. After dating/serving him for over two years, shouldn't I feel more??

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