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Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/20/2005 10:46:27 AM

EasyE

Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline

I was just wondering if any mistresses had any sugestions for male subs contacting and finding you. Of course the obvious is to read the profile but there must be so much more. If there are things you like to hear or hate to see do tell. Do you ever respond to emails from new users etc, etc.

Post #: 1

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/20/2005 5:31:58 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

You are right. The first thing is to read her profile.

* The second is to make sure you have a REASON to contact her. If she's in Ohio and only wants local people to contact her intent to be her submissive... don't bug her. She's made it clear that she wants someone from within her own state. Likewise if she has any other things she considers necessary don't contact her if you do not meet her criteria (unless it is merely to offer a compliment or kind word).

* Third, don't become a pain in the ass. Don't write repeated messages in the span of an hour. Don't send her the same message twelve times. And don't get huffy or bitchy when she doesn't answer you immediately. There are probably dozens of others who are all trying to talk to her at the same time.

* Fourth, do not send spam mail - mail that you're sending to every other creature with two legs and breasts. Such things lack a personal touch, and most of the time it shows. It's annoying to a great number of women (however some won't care nearly as much).

* Be sure to ask a woman what she wants to be called in your first email to her. Mistress, Goddess, Lady... Your Majesty... it doesn't matter. It's up to you to decide if you keep talking to them after they've given you the title they respond best to. You can typically start off with Miss or Ma'am without too many feathers flying. Some people are really touchy about that though. Not everyone likes the term "(fill in the blank)" but others will love it.

* Sixth, (and one I find especially important) spell check... make sure you've got proper grammar. Would you turn in a paper to a professor filled with errors? Or perhaps something to a potential boss - littered with typos? I don't understand why people put their best foot forward in those situations... but have no desire to make themselves understood clearly and concisely when writing to someone they want to get to know.

* Seventh, don't resort to insults if you recieve a "no thanks" type of reply. If you asked a woman out for a drink in a bar or pub and she turned you down would you start a scene and scream all sorts of nasty things in a public place? Just because you've had your ego brushed aside don't explode and splatter your wrath all over her. It isn't fair or proper. You're allowed to pick who you want to contact... but she's not allowed to decide who she wants to talk to? What a load of B.S.... don't be one of these types.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I'm sure there are one hundred and one other helpful things that ought to be passed on... but perhaps others will contribute to this thread.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 2

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/20/2005 5:36:10 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

Oh, one more for now... Don't tell a woman you'll relocate in your first... second... or even third email - (unless she asks!!).

It's kind of creepy. It makes me wonder what the other person is running from. And then I wonder why the hell they'd move for when they haven't even established any sort of a bond first. I also start to think that perhaps they are the type to run when the going gets bad.

Also, I've had others tell me they're willing to relocate... and three out of four times they wanted me to host. They wanted to leave whatever state (or country) they were in and come live in my home. That's just freakish to me. Two emails and we're best buddies? Two emails and they trust me with knowing where they intend to sleep at night... Yah right. Not a chance. Again... CREEPY.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 3

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/20/2005 6:06:28 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

Yes to all of the above !!!

ESPECIALLY the relocation stuff !!

I couldn't have said it better myself <EG>

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 4

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/20/2005 6:56:06 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

First look for people within an easy driving distance to you -- if you are more than online, I think you'll have more luck with a lot of people.

Second get involved in any local community you have. Get experience and get known around the town as a good man -- that will get you far with many dominants I know.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 5

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/20/2005 8:05:12 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

Yes to all of the above !!!

ESPECIALLY the relocation stuff !!

I couldn't have said it better myself <EG>

*Chuckles and takes a bow*

Can anyone else tell that these are some pretty major pet peeves? *Grins*

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to MissHarlet)

Post #: 6

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/20/2005 8:42:59 PM

EasyE

Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline

Considering I am only in Detroit right now and usually in the Upper Peninsula I might have trouble finding a community. Thank you for all of the sugestions. Can't wait to find my match!

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 7

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/21/2005 4:14:32 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

How long will you be in the Detroit area? There are many munches and a play party coming up on Jan 7th.

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 8

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/21/2005 4:44:44 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

How long will you be in the Detroit area? There are many munches and a play party coming up on Jan 7th.

And don't forget the Xmas Rope Munch...although I don't recall if that's on X-mas Eve or day.

There's a Y group, for a listing of Munches in the state of Michigan. Check that for all groups in the area.

K

(in reply to orfunboi)

Post #: 9

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/21/2005 5:52:02 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I was just wondering if any mistresses had any sugestions for male subs contacting and finding you. Of course the obvious is to read the profile but there must be so much more. If there are things you like to hear or hate to see do tell. Do you ever respond to emails from new users etc, etc.

Be patient, it isn't going to happen over-night.

As to the finer points, first know yourself & what it is you seek out of a relationship with a dominant & be able to effectively & tactfully express this.

There is no one way to respond or contact anyone. Each dominant is an individual with individual ideas & expectations. You aren't going to come up with a blanket approach for every dominant you encounter. In fact, it would actually piss off these women if they got the impression that you thought they are so trivial & predictable that they could all be treated the same way.

Do not attempt to make yourself out to be a perfect match. What I mean by this is to not make attempt to fit anyone's cookie-cutter image of what they seek, just be yourself. In the end, the truth will come out & actions that may have been taken in order to make yourself more attractive would unravel into a major mess with a hint of deceit.

I will tell you a little bit from a different perspective, that being of the sought out female dominant. One would think I would be like a kid in a candy store since there is supposed to be so many subs out there & so few female dominants... I remained single for many many years before I met my current submissive. In fact, in the 20 yrs I have been involved in this I have only had 3 collared submissives.

Be patient.

Take this time while you are without a Mistress to discover & define the true essence of yourself. Introspection is a wonderful thing.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 10

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/21/2005 6:09:26 AM

michaelGA

Posts: 1194
Status: offline

of course, there's no certainty that, if you find people local to you, that they will be interested. case in point, there's 4 Mistress's here in Columbus, GA on CollarMe and, of those 4, only one seems to actually be interested in even chatting. One doesn't seem to be interested in anyone and the other two haven't been on in some time. Good luck on your search.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 11

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/21/2005 7:23:22 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Well, I'm on an email roll this morning, so here is My $.10--

1. Read the profile, completely and thoroughly
My profile says clearly I am not open to any more petitions --mentoring questions only, yet I get at least 3-4 emails a day as if I had no one, they could change My mind or talk Me out of it---goddess what a time waster!
Make sure if She has terms noted that you are not familiar with, go look them up and think about they mean---( a golden shower to one may mean morning juice to another)--

2. Make sure (as My esteemed colleagues have stated) know what relocation means
Relocation means leaving job, friends, family, known network and valuenet suppport for the unkown--if you think it will all be dreamy in a marble palace, think again--life is what it is--and you could end up in a strange town--alone
Do not assume the Domme is going to pay for your move, again, life is what it is and it takes everyone pitching together
Someone ready to pack today sends Me creep signals--

3. Evaluate what YOU want/need first--
If you have an attitude that I" will do anything for My Mistress"---that's crap--you won't, I know it, you know it---if you come at Me with that--you are looking for an online wank--
Read the profiles, then I recommend going to see if they have posted, posting opinions are the most telling sign to Me of what the person is really like--that also shows someone who is at least serious enough to come forward with ideas and opinions ( well ok most of the time) It also gives you insight to the different submissive approaches---

4. Be real---put who you are forward first---
There is a dynamic of the Dance---you may be submissive, but that doe not mean it will float My Dominant boat and vice versa--so if it doesn't work, move on

5. Remember " We are human too"
We have lives we juggle, we make mistakes, we aren't perfect ( darn near but..) relax and have fun, it should be a fun journey--

I wish you well---

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 12/21/2005 7:24:37 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 12

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/21/2005 12:14:45 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Read the profiles, then I recommend going to see if they have posted, posting opinions are the most telling sign to Me of what the person is really like--that also shows someone who is at least serious enough to come forward with ideas and opinions ( well ok most of the time) It also gives you insight to the different submissive approaches---

Hot damn... I'd forgotten about that one. Definitely an excellent suggestion. People on the boards may or may not realize that every time they post something here they leave a lasting and visible reminder of who they are... what they're like.

It's an easy way to get to know someone a bit more before contacting them. It's a wonderful way of peeling back a few layers and probing for more information. It's just a damn fine way of understanding the person a bit better.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 13

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/22/2005 6:14:42 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Oh, one more for now... Don't tell a woman you'll relocate in your first... second... or even third email - (unless she asks!!).

It's kind of creepy. It makes me wonder what the other person is running from. And then I wonder why the hell they'd move for when they haven't even established any sort of a bond first. I also start to think that perhaps they are the type to run when the going gets bad.
===============
for MY point on this.........."I" have always told people i can relocate in the 1st paragraph. "I" believe in hands-on and i believe in getting down to brass tacks. why in hell waste 6 weeks or 6 months talking back n forth just to find out someone is playing games? it is best to get the b.s. out of the way and get down to business.
and SOME of us out here don't run from..we run TO.
and as to a bond??????? i haven't had a bond..to anyone since i was a teenager.......
i don't believe in it.
personally i think it's a load of crap. i have found,...in MY life,...you can have 364 good days...and it only takes 1 day to screw it up........in MY life i had 3 wives,..2 parents, and most of my elders that way.......
i have YET to find ANYONE that forgets OR forgives.......including the judge...
-----
no..i feel it is better to know upfront...

can a slave and Ms get along.........can the slave move...and be there hands on or is it a lot of b.s. and someone getting their rocks off online.
you should see some of the bull i see guys send to MY Ms online...they are all about sex and fantasy.....none of them are REAL people......about REAL life from 7am to midnight or past......

YOU do what YOU want but i see too many fakers........

take care
happy holidays

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 14

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/22/2005 6:47:50 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

veronica makes again a very valid and strong point about relocation---I see it in so many profiles, yet when it gets to brass tacks, thouhgt has not been give at all to the ramifications of moving and uprooting--and I wil tell you if I get to that point with someone, I'm looking for a background check--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 15

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/22/2005 8:28:54 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

I'm looking for a background check--
============================

with ALL due respect..............and i mean that.

you do one on ME and ya aint finding shit.
you will end up paying through the nose for no information.
i have no credit
i have no property
and my criminal record is non felony

ya aint find out shit on me...I KNOW!
i had someone try.

those checks are only for people..."in society"
for those like ME that fly under the radar...and out of sight...........it is a waste of time AND lots of money.

as-a-matter-of-fact.........
when my ole man's cousin passed-on.......and they wanted to find me to settle the estate........it took em 3 yrs to find me..and i was right there in town.

but hey
it's just an FYI

take care

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 16

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/22/2005 1:27:46 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

You bring up a very good point regarding relocation.

However... I'm talking about the people who mention it in a way that sounds too weird for words. For example if someone were to say, "I know we are in different states/countries right now but I could relocate and be there for you tomorrow!!!" I'd wonder why they were offering to relocate so swiftly... without any talk of what relocation would entail.

I haven't said I wanted them to move to my location. I haven't even said I'm interested in them... but they've got one foot out the door, pre-packed suitcase in hand.

Most people tend to have various things on their respective plates... a mortgage... a job... friends. These are things any "typical" person would have to deal with before moving. I have various material possessions and I have wonderful friends. I'm not going to jump on the next plane and leave all of that without so much as a good-bye.

While you may be more free to do what you wish and come and go as you please, most people do have day-to-day things they need to take care of before they can even travel - let alone move permanently.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 17

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/22/2005 2:53:42 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

While you may be more free to do what you wish and come and go as you please, most people do have day-to-day things they need to take care of before they can even travel - let alone move permanently.
=================

me sowwy.
i was TRAINED....that a GOOD minded sub/slave...lives in poverty and is ready in a minute to serve.......
i was NOT aware there were those that have EXCUSES why serving is NOT their Primary Concern?

if i upset You..i AM sorry.

take care
happy holidays!

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 18

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/22/2005 3:25:52 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think that depends on what each person (owner or slave) is looking for in a slave.

When I finally finish this bloody dissertation and get that job and we move -- Fox will move, he and Tom will give two weeks notice and we will move. There's no debate, he's property, he will move with me.

However, he will find a new job and he will find new friends and new relationships because I desire a slave with those things.

For someone I don't own yet, I would expect a job and an ability to be self sufficient because frankly I'm not a rock star or a movie star or old money. Everyone has to pull his/her own weight in my household. I also am very selective about who I'll invite into my house so there will be weeks and months of training and supporting oneself while things are evaluated and tried on -- again, I'm not wealthy, not going to support a wouldbe slave.

Would it be cool to later on have enough income to just have a slave who took care of all the household mundane matters? Maybe. I don't know. Someone give me a million dollars and I'll give it a try.

;-)

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 19

RE: Guidelines for finding a mistress? - 12/22/2005 4:23:44 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

While you may be more free to do what you wish and come and go as you please, most people do have day-to-day things they need to take care of before they can even travel - let alone move permanently.
=================

me sowwy.
i was TRAINED....that a GOOD minded sub/slave...lives in poverty and is ready in a minute to serve.......
i was NOT aware there were those that have EXCUSES why serving is NOT their Primary Concern?

if i upset You..i AM sorry.

take care
happy holidays!

I wasn't saying that living as you do was a bad thing. I was merely pointing out that quite a few people do have these sorts of things to stress over.

That's why I wonder just a bit when I get three or four emails from various people - all willing and "able" to relocate in a day or so. Four people... all jumping onto planes and flying off to meet someone whose first name they don't even know? Sounds weird to me.

I do not have the means to take care of and/or pay the way for another individual at the moment. I'm with Tammy... Give me a couple million (and my own island thank you very much) and I'll give it a shot. But until then I would definitely want to find someone capable of supporting him/herself - and who had a place of his/her own. I only wish I was wealthy enough to take on several live-ins!

At any rate, while you may have been trained one way - other people may not have followed that same path. A great number of submissives that I've met have jobs and plenty of friends. It's what I normally encounter at Munches and parties - and even on this site.

Perhaps you're simply an original, veronica!

(Oh... and I'm not upset. I'm just trying to be clear on a few things.)
Season's Greetings to you and yours as well.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 20

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