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RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/15/2008 4:24:31 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I've spoken to a few hundred, possibly over a thousand guys online, and for all the days and hours spent on the computer and phone, remain not one bit closer to having a relationship of any kind.


I prefer to approach it by looking for quality contacts instead of quantity, so if I don't see someone interesting then I don't waste my time. You're averaging a couple new contacts per day; I think it could be difficult to sell yourself when spreading your efforts like that and that could limit your success.


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/15/2008 4:47:01 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Okay...
Focus on making friends here and dont look. Continue to go to the local things...eventually someone will come in or breakup or whatnot...i know that sounds awful....but its the truth.

Only answer the cmails once you have read them and had your bad reaction privately...dont respond immediatly after reading it the first time. Come back after doing something completely unrelated....like exercise or something.

Dance like no one is watching and all that happycrap....

When its time for you to have a relationship, youll have one...meanwhile...just breathe and relax and find other things to do....

much love
perse


I agree with this entirely. I'm transgendered which means that to many people I'm considered not fit for much more than casual play, maiding and the experiment 'just to see what it's like' so the odds are if I'm searching or looking I'm bringing a lot of rejection and negativity on myself. This is besides those who don't read my profile properly and vent their frustration and anger on me when they discover I'm not a natural born female.

I have given up looking and instead focus on friendships, ignoring the 'you're not real because you're only online' crowd (I mean, as if I don't have an interesting life as it is) and not really thinking about what is going to happen tomorrow. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't really matter all that much.

The sun still rises in the morning, the stars come out at night, the birds still sing, the world still turns, and life goes on as always.

_____________________________

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also Facebook
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(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/15/2008 4:49:33 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		stella, you mean they don't read and then get angry at you for something they didn't do? DOH!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/15/2008 4:58:23 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

stella, you mean they don't read and then get angry at you for something they didn't do? DOH!


Exactly. But you know, it takes all types to make this website it seems.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/15/2008 5:51:32 PM   
shymetalsub


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

  I've been looking for the right dom for about seven months now. I realize that's a fairly short span of time - I've seen subs talk about seraching for years, even decades, before finding "the one" - but I've found myself feeling a bit worn-out and jaded by the search.

I've spoken to a few hundred, possibly over a thousand guys online, and for all the days and hours spent on the computer and phone, remain not one bit closer to having a relationship of any kind.

It hasn't all been a string of bad experiences. Mostly it's just benign incompatibility - I'm not what they want; they're not what I want; they don't like me; I don't like them.

What I'm finding hard is keeping enthusiastic, open-minded, and interested. When I get a message on here or elsewhere, my first thought is "another letter from a Mr. Wrong I haven't met yet".

It's not that I don't have a life outside of this. My life outside of my romantic situation has been quite good lately - but it doesn't make me any less lonely.

So for subs who've had problems finding the right someone - how do you keep your spirits up?



Ah, so familiar. It gets really annoying, especially with me being 19. There's a real shortage of young people on this site. I've had nothing but months of nothing followed by crushing disappointments. I deal with it by playing guitar. I play death metal so the pain is great inspiration for my music. Find a hobby, learn an instrument, write. Divert your attention from the disappointment and have something to fall back on emotionally.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/16/2008 7:24:25 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Seven months, speaking to possibly over a thousand guys and not all have been bad experiences? That's not bad going at all.

I'm not surprised that you feel jaded if you've spoken to that amount of people in so short a time, with a search agenda.

Getting to know people as possibly interesting aquaintances rather than potential doms, may open more and more doors.

agirl

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/16/2008 7:59:15 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


So for subs who've had problems finding the right someone - how do you keep your spirits up?


I start out with the realization that it will take someone extraordinary to keep me interested beyond a few tumbles in the bedroom.  I require a lot and have some exacting requirements.  I know going in that most men won't come near what I am looking for.  That doesn't stop me from considering the possibilities.  It also doesn't stop me from having an open mind.  It helps that I have a busy life and many interests (distractions) to keep me occupied.  I will have a good life whether I am with a partner or find myself alone.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
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(in reply to WestBaySlave)
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RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/16/2008 8:57:11 AM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I just remember that I’m going to be kissing a lot of frogs before I find my prince.

Besides that I have a couple of friends that I can complain and ask about dating and our lack of finding people. It helps in letting of steam. Plus I’m pretty open to meeting people that I’m able to carry on a conversation with.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/16/2008 9:15:17 AM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		If I were you, I'd focus on one man at a time, and only go forward if your interest is genuinely piqued.  I absolutely never ever talk to more than one man at a time, when I'm in my "looking" stage.  Focus on just one and really give him (and yourself) a chance. 

If you have an abundance of prospects waiting in the wings to talk to, then you're just casting out a line and pulling in anything that bites.  When you look that way, of course most (if not all) of them are going to be wrong for you.  If you pick more discriminantly with regards to who you spend time getting to know, you will have better odds of one of them being the right one.



quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

When I get a message on here or elsewhere, my first thought is "another letter from a Mr. Wrong I haven't met yet". 




And stop this.  It's negative, and will insure your failure.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/16/2008 10:32:44 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

 
  So for subs who've had problems finding the right someone - how do you keep your spirits up?



I've never actually looked, come to think of it. I live my life, enjoy my life, find fulfillment in my life, and get to know people along the way. If I make "finding someone" my goal, then every day that I have not "found someone," I have failed. Instead, I make self fulfillment and peace my goal, and the rest is icing on the cake! Meanwhile, enjoy the people you talk to. Something can be learned from everyone.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/18/2008 7:14:00 AM   
subslaveme


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		I have been going throw the same thing. The thing that bothers me the most, is when I send a email to a Mistress, and don't even a no thanks, or to far away, then I just get more angry, and thinking I am putting alot of time in this. Then I wonder, what is going on. So, yes taking a brack, or just finding something else to do is the best thing.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/18/2008 7:18:40 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		My enthusiasm waxes and wanes. There are times that I get so discouraged that I just say "to hell with it", and drop out for a while. Then, eventually I wander back and start looking again. What's really frustrating is that I seem to come across dominant women who seem to be perfect matches for me, but the distance is prohibitive. On the other hand, it's encouraging just to see that they exist somewhere, so maybe someday either they'll be here, or I'll be there.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/18/2008 8:32:18 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		When i was looking i would take what i guess would be called mental health breaks.  Then when i was just back after one of my breaks there was (i did not know at the time) ,but an e mail from my Master.  How i kept my enthusiam up was knowing there was someone out there who was a perfect fit for me.  Even knowing that it took me a year to find him, or rather for him to find me.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/26/2008 1:28:25 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		I've found the best thing to tide you through the search is to realize what you're looking for and be okay with being alone. Most people have the most trouble being alone, that's why there are so many people in bad relationships. I'm okay with being alone, so it doesn't really weigh on my too much, but it's still frustrating.

I haven't found I've had to take a break or whatever, I just keep plugging away. My activity on sites like this waxes and wanes based on what i've got going on elsewhere in my life, but I've always kind of got a line in the water.


_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/26/2008 2:16:56 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline 		It truly is exhausting, all the waiting, disappointment, the online game-players, the lengthy messages that are sent that go unanswered. I do have to take breaks now and again to keep my sanity. I usually come back somewhat refreshed, but its rare that I get all excited about any indication that I may be moving closer to finding someone. Perhaps I've seen too many times where I've sensed progress being made and those indications proved to be false in the end.

I'd advise anyone who lives in an area where there is a real-time scene to get out and become part of that. Allow that to occupy some of the free time you would normally spend searching online. At least that way you're getting to know people in the scene face to face, and people in the scene generally do know other people in the scene, and so on....

Also, these days I tend to show up here more to just "be" rather than to actively "search". It seems since I've been doing this I tend to put less pressure on myself to make progress toward finding someone, and I do tend to enjoy my time here a bit more.




_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/26/2008 11:18:20 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Searching sucks.  I've been looking off and on (because sometimes I have just been too busy to look) for years, maybe 9 or 10.  During that time I decided to live "as if" I had a partner and not wait until I had one, since I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.  So I have taken several cruises, been SCUBA diving, swum with stingrays and dolphins, climbed a waterfall, started a nonprofit, bought a house, all things I was previously waiting to do until I found an SO - would I have preferred to do them with someone, yes, do I regret having done them, heck no. 

Sometimes I am glad I am an introvert, because I really don't *need* anyone, though lately there has been a lot of stuff going on that would have made it damn nice to have someone. 

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 11/26/2008 11:21:01 PM   
LilLass


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'm finding it very challenging not to simply thrown in the towel.  

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/4/2008 9:40:14 AM   
smackdown54


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/3/2008
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		While i may not be the best one to offer any advice on this matter seeing as how my search practically just began about a month ago...I think a lot of the posts on this topic make very good points.  Being optimistic in nature has to be the single most important factor in continuing your pursuit of happiness.  While it may get frustrating at times with some responses and levels of communication that seem compatible and end up not working out...i believe you just need to in the end realize that it wasnt meant to be and the one you were meant to serve is still waiting for you.  I think as long as you can keep that top of mind throughout your search you should be just fine and find yourself as persistent as ever.  Good luck man!

(in reply to LilLass)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/4/2008 10:05:39 AM   
paul12000


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline 		I've been browsing off and on myself for awhile. It is abit fustrating sometimes, when ya think you see someone that may be compatible, message them, and get little to nothing in return, but ya just shrug it off, and go onto the next person, til that certain someone answers ya in return, and be able to talk and establish that connection. Just a lot of time and patience to get it started.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/4/2008 12:13:02 PM   
Chgolostnlooking


Posts: 46
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		I feel your pain - accutely.  I'm in the same boat of looking and being frustrated.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

(in reply to paul12000)
Profile   Post #: 40
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