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RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/6/2008 8:49:42 PM   
faithfulfemme


Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline 		i'm a StoneFemme whose match is a StoneButch Dom.  StoneButch Doms are soooo rare that my dating pool is about the size of my bathroom sink, and i'm being generous here on the size.  As a result, i've been looking for about 6-7 years, and in all that time all i can do is simply stay positive.
 
Also, i decided that it would be in my best interests to move, and i did just that.  my home town couldn't offer me what i was looking for, and there comes a time when it's either put up or shut up.  If i was serious about wanting a SO, and i wasn't about to find one where i was, it was time to move myself to someplace with more options.  And that's just what i did and where i am....there's a Butch/Femme/Genderqueer community here and i'm getting to know everyone, and things are looking up.

And not 2 months after i got here, a StoneButch Dom came along and we were interested in each other.  It didn't workout and that's ok, but just the fact that it was the first time in over 4 years that my ad even had a hit from a S/B Dom has made me feel that this move may actually be a good thing.....

And so i stay positive.  It sure beats the alternative...... 

_____________________________

Trust is neither wishing nor hoping; it is a deep sense of honor in another.

(in reply to Chgolostnlooking)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/6/2008 9:30:29 PM   
HalfShyHalfWild


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: Texas
Status: offline 		3 years on and off. Quite a few breaks in between. Don't do what I did though, delete your account and come back. Just put it into hiding and come back when you're ready. sometimes it's glancing or coming back by somebody again, and , there you are. For tips, well, I focused on the business I was starting, so that was a tremendous help, not sure if that's helpful to you or not though, sorry.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/7/2008 11:07:15 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		6 yrs on and off.  Take breaks hun, for sanity sake.  Avoid making a bad/hasty decision out of lonelyness too.  Do other things that make you happy and productive then come back to the search in your own sweet time.

I am in no rush to make a bad choice and live with a regret or a headache over someone.

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist


(in reply to HalfShyHalfWild)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/7/2008 4:03:12 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

I've been looking for the right dom for about seven months now. I realize that's a fairly short span of time - I've seen subs talk about seraching for years, even decades, before finding "the one" - but I've found myself feeling a bit worn-out and jaded by the search.

I've spoken to a few hundred, possibly over a thousand guys online, and for all the days and hours spent on the computer and phone, remain not one bit closer to having a relationship of any kind.

It hasn't all been a string of bad experiences. Mostly it's just benign incompatibility - I'm not what they want; they're not what I want; they don't like me; I don't like them.

What I'm finding hard is keeping enthusiastic, open-minded, and interested. When I get a message on here or elsewhere, my first thought is "another letter from a Mr. Wrong I haven't met yet".

It's not that I don't have a life outside of this. My life outside of my romantic situation has been quite good lately - but it doesn't make me any less lonely.

So for subs who've had problems finding the right someone - how do you keep your spirits up?



It's no easier on this side of the fence.  I've searched, not searched, pretended not to search while searching for the slave of My dreams for 6 years now.  I've had a few close calls but no D/s magic yet.  When the search starts to be a "task" and I begin to dread coming to check mail, I know it's time to take a break.  I do the beach thing, watch more movies, read all the books I've bought but have stacked near the bed, go into super career mode.  Eventually I feel ready and come back again.  First day I've posted to the boards in a long time.  I don't even recognize some of the posters anymore.  What I do find is that My breaks last longer and longer.  Not sure that's a good thing but it's just happening that way. 

< Message edited by NefertariReborn -- 12/7/2008 4:04:02 PM >

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/7/2008 4:19:30 PM   
toddlefeet


Posts: 129
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline 		I used to think that if I just make a profile and thats it. , just sit & wait and I'll find someone. Thats like posting a profile on a dating section in the paper or singles line and not going out to meet people. You want to meet people, make a profile, tell about yourself, who you aere., etc but also go out and meet, forget about the profile you posted, it will work for itself and while your out meeting people, your bettering your odds. I've also found that in looking for love, is when you dont find it. when your not looking, it when it finds you. Same thing for CM..you cant just post a profile and not jump in the convos and "Show yourself around." You getta get out there, be seen,let others see you. that person your looking for is out there. this is why I dont give up. I think with that type of.."Thinking." I cant just post a profile on here and do nothing. I join myself in topicsa I can relate to. Not everyone is going to like my lifestyle but there will be someone that will. your going to find someone. Just dont give up. =) 

_____________________________

We Scorpios Are The Top of the Zodiac food chain. The rest of You..Your all nothing more than Food. Deal with it. \(^uuuu^)/

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/7/2008 4:33:53 PM   
tornaway


Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		 
   Doesn't matter your orientation - everyone on here that's truly searching will inevitably run into emotional and practical snags .  
 
      We're all trying to find that proverbial needle - and with all the qualifiers it takes to line up vanilla likes and dislikes, along with Bdsm preferences and kinks - wow !   No wonder it's a challenge in this haystack  !
 
     Like some here , I've come very close to finding exactly the one I want - so I remain upbeat about things .   And I've read enough from the ones that have found their match , to know it can be done .
 
    If at any time the search seems overwhelming , take breaks .   Meet folks out in the world .   And whatever you do - remember to keep your sense of humor  !!!    

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/12/2008 6:47:45 AM   
justalily


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/8/2007
Status: offline 		Patience is a virtue or so i'm told. Good things (bad things if you want them) come to those who wait.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: How do you keep up your enthusiasm while searching? - 12/12/2008 12:01:26 PM   
TheVoiceofOne


Posts: 58
Joined: 11/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

   I've been looking for the right dom for about seven months now. I realize that's a fairly short span of time - I've seen subs talk about seraching for years, even decades, before finding "the one" - but I've found myself feeling a bit worn-out and jaded by the search.

  I've spoken to a few hundred, possibly over a thousand guys online, and for all the days and hours spent on the computer and phone, remain not one bit closer to having a relationship of any kind.

  It hasn't all been a string of bad experiences. Mostly it's just benign incompatibility - I'm not what they want; they're not what I want; they don't like me; I don't like them.

  What I'm finding hard is keeping enthusiastic, open-minded, and interested. When I get a message on here or elsewhere, my first thought is "another letter from a Mr. Wrong I haven't met yet".

  It's not that I don't have a life outside of this. My life outside of my romantic situation has been quite good lately - but it doesn't make me any less lonely.

  So for subs who've had problems finding the right someone - how do you keep your spirits up?



I would suggest that you go out in the real world and get some other hobbies... for those times when "searching" loses its... funness.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 48
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