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Lockit -> RE: healing up and forgiving (11/18/2008 12:14:18 PM)
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I once had a very strange experience and to this day I can't explain it and don't even try. It happened, it was very real and I was not insane and it didn't come from me and that is all I know. lol I was going through a very difficult time in resigning from the shelter and I did so because I was being asked to commit fruad. I had some real anger issues over this because the ladies were suffering in it all and I was very protective of them. I had news reporters all over me wanting their story, I had people I had to report to and all that and it was just a mess, but one I could have gotten very bitter from because of the damage that was being done to so many.
I kept trying to figure out how to let it go and not become embittered. I was also trying to figure out how to forgive or move past criminal activity that would be covered up simply because the system had to do it that way to function as it was.
In the Christmas movie of the scroge, the man was taken back or forward to look at things and that is about the best way I can explain what happened to me. Now, I didn't carry a lot of bitterness or anger. In fact I really don't know that I had any at that time, but was only afraid of having it from the situation. For one week, I saw things that had happened in life and then I saw something that could not have come from me! I saw why people did what they did. When I thought I understood a situation and I did for the most part but I didn't see the intent of the other people and could only assume to know their intent by what happened.
I was shown insecurities or emotional pain or ways of thinking of the other people in the situations, whether it was a situation in which I was hurt in some way or not. I saw for the most part, that in almost every situation, the person who was doing harm to someone or to me, was not intending to do that harm and the harm came about because of their own situations or wounds. It would be pretty hard to blame someone who was wounded and acting in defense for intentionally trying to cause harm. My view into these things gave me a new insight into things and helped me understand why things really happened.
I wish I could say that I remember that lesson every moment of every day, but I can't! lol But sometimes I remember. I try to understand people and their wounds before I go too far into any situation. There are times I can do this and times when I can't or am not allowed close enough to understand it. So sometimes I can work things out and sometimes I can't, through my own failure or someone elses, or just the way it is.
There is a time when you must stand firm with something, but there is also a time when forgiveness and love are the answer.
The one thing that is easier for me is in learning when to allow guilt or self examination and accountablity and when not to go into the guilt or self punishment. We will often beat other's up, but what can be worse sometimes is what we do to ourselves. Grace and love can go a long way and it should be extended to other's as well as be given to ourselves. Take some grace and some love and sit down with yourself and then anyone you have a difficulty or past wound with and talk. Just be ready to open up totally and be vulnerable and sometimes you can get to the root of what 'really' happened. It is there that I have seen and gotten the most healing and restoration. Sometimes things are simply not the way they appear to be and life is far too valuable to waste on baggage.
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