RE: Views on BDSM Checklists

RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (Full Version)

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JustDarkness -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 12:23:42 PM)
I guess it depends on how the list is build too. Saw some pretty shitty ones

SadysticJester -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 12:54:30 PM)
when talking to someone that may or may not be compatible i will ask them for a list of things they want to try,have alrdy tried and whether or not they enjoyed them,,and so on..i then build on this by exploring these with them verbally so that everyone is on the same page,,sometimes they put something down as a no or perhaps had a bad experience using one aspect of that play..by having a list and then going over it allows you to explain to them what your version(s) are. there are a myriad of things that makes a list favorable,and a place to start

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 1:25:08 PM)
Once upon a time, I liked checklists. Until I learned that what I enjoy and what I can tolerate are too dependent on how skilled the other person is, what THEY like, and how well they apply the skills they possess. Even things I don't like, prefer not to do, with the right person(s), could have the potential of being hot as hell.

babygirlkitten -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 1:54:19 PM)
I find that checklists are a good initial interest check. While it's difficult to foster a relationship simply based on a checklist, it's helpful to know if you have the same interests in kink, so that if there is some chemistry, you won't have any difficulty finding something you both enjoy.

SassySarijane -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 2:41:26 PM)
I could fill out a checklist, but am more likely to use it as a reference in discussing things than filling it out and going here ya go, ask me if you have any questions. Weird I suppose.

IvyMorgan -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 3:05:31 PM)
The one and only time I used a check list was as a consent form for a scene. I filled in the list saying what I did and didn't give consent to. I've never felt like using one in a relationship. I'm wondering what that might be like, because the idea of talking through a list of kinks sounds like fun to me.

theobserver -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 3:25:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane What do you think of checklists and using them? My personal view is that they can be a good thing, but I'd rather wait to use them until I've spent time getting to know someone and developing a relationship with them; whether it be friendship and topping or full on D/s, love and the whole nine yards. It tends to hit me wrong if someone I don't know or don't know very well wants to get right into the kink checklist thing. I didn't realize it was customary in this lifestyle to exchange checklists. I believe I would find that too confining and dare I say ... boring. I think it's best, as you said, to get to know people as you would anyone else, then if things progress to that point, share some of the ideas, scenarios or acts you are curious about or have experienced.

colouredin -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 3:45:38 PM)
FR Well relationships arent based on am list of activities, my experiance is what people say when you first meet them about what their interests are as well as how they behave is very differant from what happens when they 'settle' so they are near on pointless to me

spinninsweetness -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 5:10:27 PM)
I agree with someone posting above- I used a checklist when I first began exploring kink just to see what people could and would do, I had no idea so began by googling things and found out the oddest things...... people get off weeing on each other?!?! No seriously! They tie each other up and use riding crops? No way! It was a useful thing to get me started. I'm looking for a relationship at the moment so the idea of sending a list to a potential girlfriend or boyfriend just doesnt seem right. Maybe if I found a play partner, but then the people I play with now have never mentioned checklists. We discuss, we get to know what has been done in the past, drop hints about what will happen next time... its fun, checklists seem to take spontinaity out of it. And I dont play with people I dont trust, so as long as they are aware of my limits and there is communication all so far is well.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 6:20:43 PM)
The value of checklists is limited for all the obvious reasons, but they're hardly useless. If someone lists something under "Live for it!" that I find irremediably revolting, it's a strong sign that there's not going to be any sexual compatibility. And vice versa.

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 6:34:26 PM)
I found it to be fun to do together and talk about it. We had already known each other for a little so it was more confirming what we already pretty much knew. If someone hit me with it before i got to know them, i don't know if I'd like it much. dreamer

stella41b -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 6:48:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster The value of checklists is limited for all the obvious reasons, but they're hardly useless. If someone lists something under "Live for it!" that I find irremediably revolting, it's a strong sign that there's not going to be any sexual compatibility. And vice versa. Oh that checklist? I filled that out for a giggle. I tend to go by the checklist of my dominant.. it's much simpler and straightforward.

Jeptha -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 7:39:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance Once upon a time, I liked checklists. Until I learned that what I enjoy and what I can tolerate are too dependent on how skilled the other person is, what THEY like, and how well they apply the skills they possess. Even things I don't like, prefer not to do, with the right person(s), could have the potential of being hot as hell. I would agree. I don't consider things written there to be immutable, or like The Constitution or something. Still, I like them. It can be a fun tool to use to get to know someone. By the same token, however, I don't know how in depth and in detail I would get in using them with a stranger. I mean, I talk about a lot of stuff, but there's still some things that I may choose not to go into until I know somebody a little bit better.

KnightofMists -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 8:03:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane What do you think of checklists and using them? My personal view is that they can be a good thing, but I'd rather wait to use them until I've spent time getting to know someone and developing a relationship with them; whether it be friendship and topping or full on D/s, love and the whole nine yards. It tends to hit me wrong if someone I don't know or don't know very well wants to get right into the kink checklist thing. I think they have very limited value in general... and way to many people put to much stock in them. For example... you check off flogging as something you like... well.. from my experience the variety of things I can do in flogging can make you scream or it could bore you. checking off flogging in effect doesn't really mean alot to me except I will have to spend time learning what you enjoy in flogging and what you don't. You might check off Knife play.. or fire play.. Ironically what you think is knife play or fire play might be very different than what I can or would do in those kinds of plays. So.. I still have to find out what you think those plays are and why don't like them. I think it is more important to get an understanding of what a person enjoys feeling... do they like sting or thud. Do they like rapid sensations or slow build up... do they like alot of variety or a constant pace. Do they like intense pain or sensation pleasures. In alot of ways.. BDSM to me is about skill and artistry. or to put it this way... there is technical skills to develop and creative talents to inspire. I see check lists as being very very low on the scale of achieving succes in BDSM

silkncarol -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 8:35:58 PM)
I agree with many previous posts... checklists are a good place to start in discussions on kink and BDSM with a potiential play partner. I do prefer to wait until i have some feel for a partner first.....after all, if we aren't compatible on a base level there really is no need for a further discussion. I want someone to get to know ME first...... One of the reasons i didn't bother with much on the CM profile list is i felt it was geared more towards Dominants than submissives or slaves. What does it mean if, as a submissive, i say i'm an "expert" at flogging or canes?? Besides, as a submissive i know there will be things my Owner may enjoy that i don't..or have no experience with....but i trust them to take me in the direction He wishes........

candystripper -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/15/2008 8:48:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane What do you think of checklists and using them? My personal view is that they can be a good thing, but I'd rather wait to use them until I've spent time getting to know someone and developing a relationship with them; whether it be friendship and topping or full on D/s, love and the whole nine yards. It tends to hit me wrong if someone I don't know or don't know very well wants to get right into the kink checklist thing. Well, I've learned a lot from the ones I've seen. It's not my personal choice to be this concerned about any particular activity above all else, although if'n he did not want oral sex and intercourse that might lead to a parting of the ways. I guess I sort of feel if'n he loves me, he will teach me what pleases him once the time comes, and I'll do those things as well as I can. And, ya, there's stuff I'm probably* never gonna do, so perhaps he would select someone else if'n that was important enough to him.* I absolutely refuse to answer questions like 'what are you into' from strangers, male or female. candystripper [sm=pole.gif]

MistressRouge -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/16/2008 12:28:33 AM)
I feel checklists are a ridiculous, LAZY idea, what is wrong with communication, talking & discussion? I have never used one, and never will, save paper lol [:D] A competant Dominant, will store all the information they need in their minds, no need for a list to check, in my pov.

JustDarkness -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/16/2008 12:30:03 AM)
lol they are not all lazy..I saw a few that were 10 pages :P...takes much work to write [:D] damn it..and I had to read it.

MistressRouge -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/16/2008 12:31:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustDarkness lol they are not all lazy..I saw a few that were 10 pages :P...takes much work to write [:D] damn it..and I had to read it. Lol was an A-Z one ? [:)] Fascinating [:)]

BKSir -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/16/2008 12:36:21 AM)
I think that they can be very handy for finding compatibility. Finding out the things that a potential sub/dom might be into and if they're anything remotely like your own interests. After all, if I have watersports as a hard limit (which I do), I don't think that someone that ranks it as something that they nearly require would be a very good match for myself, and vice versa. It can be a bit 'cold and impersonal', as some have said, but, it's also very efficcient and pretty concise. Is it the end all be all? Of course not, but, it's a good place to start I think.

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