RE: Views on BDSM Checklists

RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (Full Version)

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MistressRouge -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/18/2008 9:42:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode quote: How? She had agreed to be photographed, purely for personal use, and I always put a disclaimer into my lists in that case, that ordinary copyright and IP rights apply - the work is my property, sub may use what I chose to give her privately, but not commercially, blah blah blah. Sub decided to challenge me on it, and I got a letter from her lawyers (years later) to hand over the materials, as they were her property as the model. I pointed out the facts of copyright life to them, in a letter, mentioned that I had her agreement in writing, and I'd be happy to see them in court. Never heard another word, I knew that she didn't have much money, and that the lawyers therefore wouldn't take on a case she might lose. They never even asked me for the proof, which I made clear I would produce in court, but not before. Without some emails and the checklist, I could not have made that play, and it could have gotten very expensive. Sounds more like a "model release" form to me [:D] I know that a BDSM checklist is not worth the paper it is written on, and will not stand as viable evidence in a lawsuit case, well in UK law anyways.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/18/2008 11:03:44 AM)
I liked the list because when I first saw it, it gave me 3 new ideas.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/18/2008 11:26:06 AM)
You jaded bazturd. I'm STILL getting ideas from it. Oops sorry, Jaded bazturd, sir.

SassySarijane -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/18/2008 1:57:31 PM)
I learned new things and discovered things I ended up liking by looking at checklists. They can be a real eye opener that way lol.

md97470 -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/18/2008 6:31:51 PM)
I, personally, use a checklist as a jumping off point, so to speak. It's very good for starting discussions about what kink is good, what kink is great and what kink is going to cause her to run for the hills. However, I'm an engineer at heart, and very linear. I like everything to be in its place. A BDSM checklist is a good place to start so that all my stuff gets put where it needs to be. :)

nhite -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/18/2008 7:54:54 PM)
i think for someone very new, they are a total waste of effort as the person potentially doesnt know what they want or how to envision things being done. ask me if i want a knife against my skin and i will tell you no way -- but describe to me how its done and what it could be like, then maybe as for compatibility - i suppose if the only focus is on being with someone for their kink then fine. but i can not fathom meeting someone who rings all sorts of good bells for me and then walking away because they dont share one or two particular interests. if the core things you want most are there, you'd walk away because they dont like latex as much as you do? a dear friend of mine is annoying and yet i still like him and accept him knowing he's going to be annoying in those ways of his

RainydayNE -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 2:03:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida When I was but a new and naive girl (haha) beginning my explorations of the world of BDSM, I found a checklist to be useful, simply as a means to learn what people actually DO. I wouldn't have imagined many of the items listed, and found myself fascinated by some and repelled by others. It was a good starting point for me to understand what the possibilities were, and to go from there. that's where i am, and why i like the lists of stuff =p

LadyPact -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 5:39:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressRouge I feel checklists are a ridiculous, LAZY idea, what is wrong with communication, talking & discussion? I have never used one, and never will, save paper lol [:D] A competant Dominant, will store all the information they need in their minds, no need for a list to check, in my pov. Lazy and incompetent? I know you've got to be kidding. I find it hard to believe that I'm the only Dominant out there who doesn't have a perfect memory and is able to keep every possible kink, fetish, thrill, and any other thing on mental file. When did reference material become a bad thing?

SassySarijane -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 6:45:14 AM)
Very good point Lady Pact. How do you use checklists? What works for you?

SassySarijane -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 6:49:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RainydayNE that's where i am, and why i like the lists of stuff =p Reading through a good, detailed one and filling it out for yourself is a great way to see what you like, dislike and are curious about and referring back periodically can show you how you've changed over time. How do you feel about exchanging them and if a dominant right off the bat wants you to fill one out and send it to him/her?

ODadEO -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 7:16:15 AM)
I like to know things about and from the people I talk with, and checklists are a good way to see those. I don't always remember to ask about some things which may be of interest. The responses to the checklist CM has for profiles are nice to look through, for instance.

LadyPact -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 7:38:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane Very good point Lady Pact. How do you use checklists? What works for you? As a memory jog. mostly. I use them as a spring board for discussion. How does one feel about an item on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level about something on a list? Where do those feelings come from? Are they important? Is it possible that these are places we could go together? Does your ying match My yang? Can I take you places you've never been? There really is so much out there.

SassySarijane -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 8:22:25 AM)
Yes there is. Way too much to remember on your own. I like them as a reference point and to spark discussion, but not right off the bat. I want to know the person before getting to the kink part of things. Are checklists something you like to do quickly or after initially getting to know a person aside from the bdsm?

hardbodysub -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 9:02:07 AM)
Checklists can help you learn quickly whether you have compatible interests, and thereby avoid wasting a lot of time going through a long "getting to know" each other period, developing a relationship, and then finding out that your BDSM interests just don't mesh very well. I don't consider checklists to be "do-me" lists, or "you-must-do-this" lists, but simply a way to easily communicate interests (and dis-interests). A lot depends on what you're looking for, why you're searching. If your primary interest is BDSM/kink/WIITWD, exchanging checklists up front might be a good idea. If you're primarily seeking a life partner to cultivate a long-term relationship, with BDSM as a common interest, the checklist isn't as important. I think most of us need good chemistry with a partner, and want a comfortable interpersonal relationship as well as compatible interests, but the relative importance of each varies. Personally, my ideal would be finding it all in one person, and I do tend to be attracted more to women whose writing leads me to believe that we'd get along well as friends and/or significant others. However, if I was just interested in finding a life partner without a high priority on BDSM compatibility, I wouldn't be looking here. So from my perspective, since the very nature of this site is BDSM-oriented, and I'm willing to have a BDSM-only relationship, the checklist is a good idea.

MistressRouge -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 9:22:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: MistressRouge I feel checklists are a ridiculous, LAZY idea, what is wrong with communication, talking & discussion? I have never used one, and never will, save paper lol [:D] A competant Dominant, will store all the information they need in their minds, no need for a list to check, in my pov. Lazy and incompetent? I know you've got to be kidding. I find it hard to believe that I'm the only Dominant out there who doesn't have a perfect memory and is able to keep every possible kink, fetish, thrill, and any other thing on mental file. When did reference material become a bad thing? My mental capacity can be a tad stretched at times lol. I had one of my subs run me up a checklist 4 years ago, it gathered dust in my filing cabinet as I felt it was too impersonal. Maybe I have a form-list phobia lol. By the time I believe someone fills out one of those checklist's, I can maybe get a jist in half the time, just by asking a few indepth questions. My pre-session/play/scene discussion is quite indepth, especially with me not playing with safewords etc, so very thorough. Also, I usually know how to tailor-make a session way before the person is in my presence, so a few telephone calls, emails then finally meeting face to face. So to be fair, before the final face to face meeting, I usually have all the information I need anyway [:D]

BlakkReignn -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 1:11:02 PM)
checklist work well when they are used to get to know someone...especially for subs if they are not as assertive to ask a Dom/me...they provide a good jump point and a way to get to know someone's interest and likes and limitations without long discussions... yet, most do not use them effectively or apply them as knowledge base...those educated and experienced know to use them as a snapshot...as I do... the list here needs to be listed in blocks, it is far too long list on the profile...makes it hard to digest... Blakk

SassySarijane -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/19/2008 7:46:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nhite i think for someone very new, they are a total waste of effort as the person potentially doesnt know what they want or how to envision things being done. ask me if i want a knife against my skin and i will tell you no way -- but describe to me how its done and what it could be like, then maybe I don't see them as a waste of time for someone new. I think it more depends on how it's used as to it's actual worth. For me, it was a great tool to show me things I'd never thought of when I first became interested in bdsm. As a tool of reference during discussion absolutely it can help a lot. The person using it and how they use it is what makes it this or that. In and of itself, it's not good or bad. It just exists.

MistressRouge -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/20/2008 2:59:32 AM)
This is the exact same reason I feel checklists are not useful. Someone may opt for flogging or spanking as a tick "yes", but may have infact been flogged/spanked rather mild with a previous Dom/me. These lists conjour up more confusion, I view them in the same way asI view safewords, a waste of energy and time [:D] To be in the moment, gauge, explore, feel, touch, savour, exploring reactions/thresholds/limits is better hands on, and mind on. quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane quote: ORIGINAL: nhite i think for someone very new, they are a total waste of effort as the person potentially doesnt know what they want or how to envision things being done. ask me if i want a knife against my skin and i will tell you no way -- but describe to me how its done and what it could be like, then maybe I don't see them as a waste of time for someone new. I think it more depends on how it's used as to it's actual worth. For me, it was a great tool to show me things I'd never thought of when I first became interested in bdsm. As a tool of reference during discussion absolutely it can help a lot. The person using it and how they use it is what makes it this or that. In and of itself, it's not good or bad. It just exists.

SassySarijane -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/20/2008 5:58:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressRouge This is the exact same reason I feel checklists are not useful. Someone may opt for flogging or spanking as a tick "yes", but may have infact been flogged/spanked rather mild with a previous Dom/me. These lists conjour up more confusion, I view them in the same way asI view safewords, a waste of energy and time [:D] To be in the moment, gauge, explore, feel, touch, savour, exploring reactions/thresholds/limits is better hands on, and mind on. Your example is a good reason why how they are used makes a big difference as well as how the checklist is written and what it contains. Sure, just filling out a list and exchanging it isn't going to show much of anything, but discussing the list, the choices and why's and any previous experiences does make a difference. Checklists aren't necessarily needed, but used right can be an asset to better communication and communication is key. Hands on is great. I remember my first experience, no checklist involved, just a lot of communication first and starting light and slow and working up to more and harder. It was awesome and the top was excellent and is a good friend still. Don't get me started on safewords either lol. I don't use them, haven't ever needed them and don't find them necessary unless it is in a specific type of scene where no and stop, etc., don't mean that.

MistressRouge -> RE: Views on BDSM Checklists (11/20/2008 10:02:56 AM)
I so agree with your post Sassy [:)], and I can see how checklists maybe useful to those that need them. Aslong as the categories/activities are clear and concise then, they maybe also good for future reference for exploration goals, achievements & limits stretched and overcome. Lol, great to see another none-safeword person lol, signals I do use/have in place, far more effective [:D] quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane quote: ORIGINAL: MistressRouge This is the exact same reason I feel checklists are not useful. Someone may opt for flogging or spanking as a tick "yes", but may have infact been flogged/spanked rather mild with a previous Dom/me. These lists conjour up more confusion, I view them in the same way asI view safewords, a waste of energy and time [:D] To be in the moment, gauge, explore, feel, touch, savour, exploring reactions/thresholds/limits is better hands on, and mind on. Your example is a good reason why how they are used makes a big difference as well as how the checklist is written and what it contains. Sure, just filling out a list and exchanging it isn't going to show much of anything, but discussing the list, the choices and why's and any previous experiences does make a difference. Checklists aren't necessarily needed, but used right can be an asset to better communication and communication is key. Hands on is great. I remember my first experience, no checklist involved, just a lot of communication first and starting light and slow and working up to more and harder. It was awesome and the top was excellent and is a good friend still. Don't get me started on safewords either lol. I don't use them, haven't ever needed them and don't find them necessary unless it is in a specific type of scene where no and stop, etc., don't mean that.

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