Where does love come in for Doms?

Where does love come in for Doms? (Full Version)

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sirslittleredass -> Where does love come in for Doms? (11/16/2008 8:31:14 PM)
It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion. But how does love play into it for Doms? When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters.... how do you express love?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/16/2008 9:31:58 PM)
Don't presume love is easier for subs than doms- that is certainly not always the case. What makes you think that being dastardly isn't exactly how we express love? Do you limit love to a few romantic expressions? Love is what you make of it. http://www.collarchat.com/m_651231/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#651253 What's love got to do with it? http://www.collarchat.com/m_632033/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#632105 Loving your property http://www.collarchat.com/m_609494/mpage_2/key_love/tm.htm#609934 Ownership and Love http://www.collarchat.com/m_545462/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#545482 What does love got to do with it? http://www.collarchat.com/m_538921/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#538965 The Loving Dom http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881 Don't fall in love with your dom http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997 How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant? http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879 Love and Ms http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615 submissive/slave romantic love http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120 Falling in love with Mistress http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492 true love in a relationship http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486 balancing commitment and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915 love in bdsm http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085 love and D/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043 love and bdsm (the unfettered heart) http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281 Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training? http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880 not allowed to love him, what do I do? http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832 being owned or being loved http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124 subs/masochists and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285 can love get in the way? http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998 love in d/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491 is love important in a relationship

Icarys -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/16/2008 9:35:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Don't presume love is easier for subs than doms- that is certainly not always the case. What makes you think that being dastardly isn't exactly how we express love? Do you limit love to a few romantic expressions? Love is what you make of it. http://www.collarchat.com/m_651231/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#651253 What's love got to do with it? http://www.collarchat.com/m_632033/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#632105 Loving your property http://www.collarchat.com/m_609494/mpage_2/key_love/tm.htm#609934 Ownership and Love http://www.collarchat.com/m_545462/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#545482 What does love got to do with it? http://www.collarchat.com/m_538921/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#538965 The Loving Dom http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881 Don't fall in love with your dom http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997 How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant? http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879 Love and Ms http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615 submissive/slave romantic love http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120 Falling in love with Mistress http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492 true love in a relationship http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486 balancing commitment and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915 love in bdsm http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085 love and D/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043 love and bdsm (the unfettered heart) http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281 Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training? http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880 not allowed to love him, what do I do? http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832 being owned or being loved http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124 subs/masochists and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285 can love get in the way? http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998 love in d/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491 is love important in a relationship Your on way to much.[:D]

Icarys -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/16/2008 9:45:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirslittleredass It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion. But how does love play into it for Doms? When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters.... how do you express love? We all Love differently. I'm a really devoted person myself so I don't think you can separate based on gender or dynamic. We all also show love in a variety of ways. As for how I show love: Through my physical and emotional interactions with my female. Like giving her a rose for no apparent reason or sitting up late night and having intimate conversations about nothing specific. I do it with tender touches and through pain as well.(there's something very intimate between two people who share pain together..one giving and another offering herself to it) We both love through our trust in the other.

antipode -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/16/2008 10:42:09 PM)
quote: how does love play into it for Doms I suppose a leaf from your own exhaustive profile is appropriate, to answer your nonsensical one liner: .........

MadAxeman -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/16/2008 11:48:16 PM)
Holy linkage LuckyA

DesFIP -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 3:38:35 AM)
The same way it does for subs and everyone else; by caring about your partner, by doing things for them, by giving them what they want in the relationship.

Rover -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 5:17:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirslittleredass It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion. In many relationships, that devotion works both ways. quote: But how does love play into it for Doms? When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters... Admittedly, some Dominants have a difficult time processing the emotion without blurring the lines between owner and owned... without some reduction in their own capacity to exercise control in a way that maintains the desired power exchange structure. These Dominants may seek out power exchange relationships in which they do not fall in love, or recognize that their role in the relationship may change over time as they fall in love. Other Dominants process love and devotion differently... as a deepened commitment to the exercise of control and structure even if it's difficult to do so. They view maintenance of the relationship structure and exercise of control as an experssion of their love. Just another example of how we're all different. quote: .... how do you express love? There are many ways of doing so, but saying "I love you" and meaning it has always been a good start for me. John

celticlord2112 -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 6:35:13 AM)
quote: It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion. But how does love play into it for Doms? When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters.... how do you express love? However I want to--if I want to.

Lucero -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 6:51:46 AM)
For me a D/s just doesn't work if a feeling of love is absent. On the other hand, if love comes to fast, without the phase where D and s are still exploring what they seek, it can hinder the exploration. I feel that in the beginning a certain distance is very useful. It helps in clarifying what “lies beneath the skin” . Imo, love is essential for a D/s to evolve. But everything takes time, so should love. Lucero

leadership527 -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 8:02:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP The same way it does for subs and everyone else; by caring about your partner, by doing things for them, by giving them what they want in the relationship. nods That. My wife and I both seek to contribute to the relationship, each in their own way. But what we contribute is pretty much the same as Des noted even if the how is different.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 8:24:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP The same way it does for subs and everyone else; by caring about your partner, by doing things for them, by giving them what they want in the relationship. nods That. My wife and I both seek to contribute to the relationship, each in their own way. But what we contribute is pretty much the same as Des noted even if the how is different. I voted yes on stem cell research, just so we could get to the point where we can clone you, Leadership527. (teasing of course.) To not derail the topic, I'll just add - what Leadership and DesFIP posted sums up my thoughts on the topic.

LaTigresse -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 9:07:21 AM)
Love, as most people relate to the word, is something I have little trust for. Most people place too many conditions on their love. While there are many people in my life I love ( as I relate to the word) there are very few that I am openly loving with. I also have a pretty hefty coat of armour built up. It takes time and winning my trust for me to let a person in. With many people I tend to love from a distance.

akisha -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 9:50:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Don't presume love is easier for subs than doms- that is certainly not always the case. What makes you think that being dastardly isn't exactly how we express love? Do you limit love to a few romantic expressions? Love is what you make of it. http://www.collarchat.com/m_651231/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#651253 What's love got to do with it? http://www.collarchat.com/m_632033/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#632105 Loving your property http://www.collarchat.com/m_609494/mpage_2/key_love/tm.htm#609934 Ownership and Love http://www.collarchat.com/m_545462/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#545482 What does love got to do with it? http://www.collarchat.com/m_538921/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#538965 The Loving Dom http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881 Don't fall in love with your dom http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997 How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant? http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879 Love and Ms http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615 submissive/slave romantic love http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120 Falling in love with Mistress http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492 true love in a relationship http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486 balancing commitment and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915 love in bdsm http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085 love and D/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043 love and bdsm (the unfettered heart) http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281 Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training? http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880 not allowed to love him, what do I do? http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832 being owned or being loved http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124 subs/masochists and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285 can love get in the way? http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998 love in d/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491 is love important in a relationship Your on way to much.[:D] Actually LA isn't on anymore then the rest of us. It's called knowing how to use the search function. I think it's great she's willing to take the time to find links for the unabled.

theobserver -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 10:01:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode quote: how does love play into it for Doms I suppose a leaf from your own exhaustive profile is appropriate, to answer your nonsensical one liner: ......... Now that was so mean, even from you!

IronBear -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 10:16:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirslittleredass It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion. But how does love play into it for Doms? When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters.... how do you express love? Logically it will vary from Dominant to Dominant as it does in the wider world: From person to person... However I would immagine that for some love is shown in their Domination of their property. As for me I am by nature a romantic, I tend to do things which interest me with "la Grande Passion" instead of doing things like a "normal" bloke does, as one of my ex wives used to say. I love a number of people each differently but remain "in love" with one person, my wife. With love comes trust in varying degrees and respect.

DoctorJeep -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/17/2008 11:25:33 PM)
Love comes in may different forms. But the most important aspect for me, and other doms will see this in their own personal way, is that I am never looking at just a toy. There is pride in ownership. There is the pride of a violinist when he plays his instrument well. I must know her well enough to take her where she needs to go. Then she will serve me all the better. There is the issue of making certain that she is cared for, protected and feels safe. This can not be done witohout developing serious bonds of trust. More importantly - if she is going to give me her all, she and I must be able to meet mentally when we are not playing. An intelligent sub simply can not respect a stupid Dom or vice versa. The bottom line is that there must be a real connection between the Dom and his sub on a mental and an emotional level beofre the scene can have its full flowering. But in that context, love is something very possible.

Icarys -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/18/2008 6:45:46 AM)
It was a friendly poke. Anyone that looks at her post score and has half a brain cell can tell she IS on more than the rest of us.

sirsholly -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/18/2008 7:08:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirslittleredass It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion. Submission does not equal love.

NuevaVida -> RE: Where does love come in for Doms? (11/18/2008 9:22:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys It was a friendly poke. Anyone that looks at her post score and has half a brain cell can tell she IS on more than the rest of us. I have more than half a brain cell and I figured it's because she has posted more than most of us. I'm here a lot, but I read threads more than I post to them. I know what you said was in jest, but the rest of my brain cells got jealous of that one little half cell who got all the attention. [;)] As for the love comment, I agree with LaTigresse (something I often do) - people place too many conditions on love, and, in my opinion, that's not love at all. At least not my version of it.

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