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Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/16/2008 8:31:14 PM   
sirslittleredass


Posts: 13
Joined: 11/2/2008
Status: offline 		It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion.  But how does love play into it for Doms?  When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters.... how do you express love?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/16/2008 9:31:58 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Don't presume love is easier for subs than doms- that is certainly not always the case.

What makes you think that being dastardly isn't exactly how we express love?  Do you limit love to a few romantic expressions?

Love is what you make of it.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_651231/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#651253
What's love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_632033/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#632105
Loving your property

http://www.collarchat.com/m_609494/mpage_2/key_love/tm.htm#609934
Ownership and Love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_545462/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#545482
What does love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_538921/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#538965
The Loving Dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881
Don't fall in love with your dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997
How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant?

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879
Love and Ms

http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615
submissive/slave romantic love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120
Falling in love with Mistress

http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492
true love in a relationship

http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486
balancing commitment and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915
love in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085
love and D/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043
love and bdsm (the unfettered heart)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281
Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880
not allowed to love him, what do I do?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832
being owned or being loved

http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124
subs/masochists and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285
can love get in the way?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998
love in d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491
is love important in a relationship



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sirslittleredass)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/16/2008 9:35:24 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Don't presume love is easier for subs than doms- that is certainly not always the case.

What makes you think that being dastardly isn't exactly how we express love?  Do you limit love to a few romantic expressions?

Love is what you make of it.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_651231/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#651253
What's love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_632033/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#632105
Loving your property

http://www.collarchat.com/m_609494/mpage_2/key_love/tm.htm#609934
Ownership and Love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_545462/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#545482
What does love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_538921/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#538965
The Loving Dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881
Don't fall in love with your dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997
How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant?

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879
Love and Ms

http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615
submissive/slave romantic love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120
Falling in love with Mistress

http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492
true love in a relationship

http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486
balancing commitment and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915
love in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085
love and D/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043
love and bdsm (the unfettered heart)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281
Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880
not allowed to love him, what do I do?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832
being owned or being loved

http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124
subs/masochists and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285
can love get in the way?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998
love in d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491
is love important in a relationship



Your on way to much.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/16/2008 9:45:47 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirslittleredass

It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion.  But how does love play into it for Doms?  When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters.... how do you express love?

We all Love differently. I'm a really devoted person myself so I don't think you can separate based on gender or dynamic. We all also show love in a variety of ways.

As for how I show love: Through my physical and emotional interactions with my female. Like giving her a rose for no apparent reason or sitting up late night and having intimate conversations about nothing specific. I do it with tender touches and through pain as well.(there's something very intimate between two people who share pain together..one giving and another offering herself to it) We both love through our trust in the other.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to sirslittleredass)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/16/2008 10:42:09 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

how does love play into it for Doms


I suppose a leaf from your own exhaustive profile is appropriate, to answer your nonsensical one liner:

.........

(in reply to sirslittleredass)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/16/2008 11:48:16 PM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		Holy linkage LuckyA

_____________________________

Hitman for the Subby Mafia

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 3:38:35 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The same way it does for subs and everyone else; by caring about your partner, by doing things for them, by giving them what they want in the relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MadAxeman)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 5:17:41 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirslittleredass

It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion. 


In many relationships, that devotion works both ways.

quote:


But how does love play into it for Doms?  When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters...


Admittedly, some Dominants have a difficult time processing the emotion without blurring the lines between owner and owned... without some reduction in their own capacity to exercise control in a way that maintains the desired power exchange structure.  These Dominants may seek out power exchange relationships in which they do not fall in love, or recognize that their role in the relationship may change over time as they fall in love.
 
Other Dominants process love and devotion differently... as a deepened commitment to the exercise of control and structure even if it's difficult to do so.  They view maintenance of the relationship structure and exercise of control as an experssion of their love.
 
Just another example of how we're all different.

quote:


.... how do you express love?


There are many ways of doing so, but saying "I love you" and meaning it has always been a good start for me.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to sirslittleredass)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 6:35:13 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion. But how does love play into it for Doms? When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters.... how do you express love?

However I want to--if I want to.


_____________________________



(in reply to sirslittleredass)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 6:51:46 AM   
Lucero


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/17/2006
Status: offline 		For me a D/s just doesn't work if a feeling of love is absent. On the other hand, if love comes to fast, without the phase where D and s are still exploring what they seek, it can hinder the exploration.

I feel that in the beginning a certain distance is very useful. It helps in clarifying what “lies beneath the skin” .

Imo, love is essential for a D/s to evolve. But everything takes time, so should love.

Lucero

_____________________________

Freedom is just a chosen form of commitment.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 8:02:02 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The same way it does for subs and everyone else; by caring about your partner, by doing things for them, by giving them what they want in the relationship.

*nods*  That.  My wife and I both seek to contribute to the relationship, each in their own way.  But what we contribute is pretty much the same as Des noted even if the how is different.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 8:24:30 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The same way it does for subs and everyone else; by caring about your partner, by doing things for them, by giving them what they want in the relationship.

*nods*  That.  My wife and I both seek to contribute to the relationship, each in their own way.  But what we contribute is pretty much the same as Des noted even if the how is different.


I voted yes on stem cell research, just so we could get to the point where we can clone you, Leadership527.  (teasing of course.)  To not derail the topic, I'll just add - what Leadership and DesFIP posted sums up my thoughts on the topic.


(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 9:07:21 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Love, as most people relate to the word, is something I have little trust for. Most people place too many conditions on their love.

While there are many people in my life I love ( as I relate to the word) there are very few that I am openly loving with. I also have a pretty hefty coat of armour built up. It takes time and winning my trust for me to let a person in. With many people I tend to love from a distance.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sirslittleredass)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 9:50:18 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Don't presume love is easier for subs than doms- that is certainly not always the case.

What makes you think that being dastardly isn't exactly how we express love?  Do you limit love to a few romantic expressions?

Love is what you make of it.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_651231/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#651253
What's love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_632033/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#632105
Loving your property

http://www.collarchat.com/m_609494/mpage_2/key_love/tm.htm#609934
Ownership and Love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_545462/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#545482
What does love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_538921/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#538965
The Loving Dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881
Don't fall in love with your dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997
How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant?

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879
Love and Ms

http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615
submissive/slave romantic love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120
Falling in love with Mistress

http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492
true love in a relationship

http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486
balancing commitment and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915
love in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085
love and D/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043
love and bdsm (the unfettered heart)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281
Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880
not allowed to love him, what do I do?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832
being owned or being loved

http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124
subs/masochists and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285
can love get in the way?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998
love in d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491
is love important in a relationship



Your on way to much.



Actually LA isn't on anymore then the rest of us. It's called knowing how to use the search function. I think it's great she's willing to take the time to find links for the unabled.





_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 10:01:19 AM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

how does love play into it for Doms


I suppose a leaf from your own exhaustive profile is appropriate, to answer your nonsensical one liner:

.........



Now that was so mean, even from you!


_____________________________

It is left up to the reader to decipher & determine this post's validity.


(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 10:16:15 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirslittleredass

It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion.  But how does love play into it for Doms?  When you are above us being these dastardly (delicious) characters.... how do you express love?



Logically it will vary from Dominant to Dominant as it does in the wider world: From person to person...  However I would immagine that for some love is shown in their Domination of their property. As for me I am by nature a romantic, I tend to do things which interest me with "la Grande Passion" instead of doing things like a "normal" bloke does, as one of my ex wives used to say. I love a number of people each differently but remain "in love" with one person, my wife. With love comes trust in varying degrees and respect.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to sirslittleredass)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/17/2008 11:25:33 PM   
DoctorJeep


Posts: 51
Joined: 11/17/2008
Status: offline 		Love comes in may different forms.  But the most important aspect for me, and other doms will see this in their own personal way, is that I am never looking at *just* a toy.  There is pride in ownership.  There is the pride of a violinist when he plays his instrument well.  I must know her well enough to take her where she needs to go.  Then she will serve me all the better.  There is the issue of making certain that she is cared for, protected and feels safe.  This can not be done witohout developing serious bonds of trust.  More importantly - if she is going to give me her all, she and I must be able to meet mentally when we are not playing.  An intelligent sub simply can not respect a stupid Dom or vice versa. 

The bottom line is that there must be a real connection between the Dom and his sub on a mental and an emotional level beofre the scene can have its full flowering. 

But in that context, love is something very possible.


(in reply to sirslittleredass)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/18/2008 6:45:46 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		It was a friendly poke. Anyone that looks at her post score and has half a brain cell can tell she IS on more than the rest of us.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/18/2008 7:08:13 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirslittleredass

It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion.

Submission does not equal love.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to sirslittleredass)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 11/18/2008 9:22:08 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

It was a friendly poke. Anyone that looks at her post score and has half a brain cell can tell she IS on more than the rest of us.


I have more than half a brain cell and I figured it's because she has posted more than most of us. I'm here a lot, but I read threads more than I post to them. I know what you said was in jest, but the rest of my brain cells got jealous of that one little half cell who got all the attention.

As for the love comment, I agree with LaTigresse (something I often do) - people place too many conditions on love, and, in my opinion, that's not love at all. At least not my version of it.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 20
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