RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you dominate a man you never kiss?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you dominate a man you never kiss?

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RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 6:49:55 PM

Celene

Posts: 158
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline

Hugging and kissing and intimacy, Oh MY!!
I love this stuff and it is an integral part of my relationships. Since I am lifestyle and not pro, any conjecture on whether or not I'd want to kiss a client is only that. But the intimacy is a must. There is real meaning in my kisses. And the hugs are genuine too. (Please don't think I'm saying that pros don't genuinely hug and kiss, I just don't have the burden of straightening things back out if the "line" is crossed.)
Hugging is friendly and sincere. Kissing is an art, foreplay and a means of special and intimate communication.
Anyone remember the song It's in his kiss?

(in reply to Ferns)

Post #: 21

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 7:07:58 PM

JoyfulMistress

Posts: 628
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

It seems illogical that it's ok for a man to make me quite wet, to make me feel wildly intense erotic emotions, satisfy me on a very primal level, yet sharing a non-romantic kiss is not ok. Or, is that just a slippery slope, and after agreeing to that, then at some point, "it's just fucking," or "it's just his tongue in my pussy, I don't love him, who cares?" (shudder). I can't see myself going down that path, but we're trying to clearly define the levels of intimacy that are ok, and will remain ok.

Oddly, like most typical hot blooded men, he's perfectly fine with me making out with women :) It's just the boys he doesn't like.

Akasha

Interesting question to ponder.. I have friends that swing and this topic is one of their limits.. some of them will do so much with others but will not allow kissing ... and it wasn't untill I sat here for a moment and thought about it .. I do not *snog* just anyone .. but they must be one of Mine .. and from there usually I am the agressor .. though from time to time the sweet one may feel a little froggie
~Laughs~
I guess this is where I share that I live with My masochist and My pet .. both of which as dear men who like I shared dare to be a tad froggie with their Mistress from time to time usually during times when they know they are allowed to do such or if they are being playful to see if they get a swat while I laugh ..

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 22

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 7:13:40 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

Okay...bringing up the rear with the dark side

Its all about me - I initiate it when it happens.

I have to say that the one of my favorite ways to melt a sub's mind is to take him by the balls and kiss him while tugging on the chain of the nipple clamps. If I had an third hand, I'd be sliding in something heavily lubed. Overload all the circuits and turn him to mush. Hot hot hot !

Kissing is another way to torture him, or reward him. Don't spare the horses but wait til he can form complete sentences again before you let him leave } ; )

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to Celene)

Post #: 23

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 7:45:54 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

post moved from wrong thread to here where it belongs

Maybe it's just me, but I don't find kissing as intimacy in and of itself. It is as intimate as the relationship it is a part of, just like sex isn't necessarily intimacy; sometimes sex is just sex.

On the other hand for the past two years I've been actively monogamous for the first time since I was married, so if I were to be in a situation outside of my relationship with Ma'am I might find that I actually think differently than I did in my days of sluttihood.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 24

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 8:05:45 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

I love to kiss! Kissing is big for me and if I share a kiss (on the mouth, doesn't have to be full on messy tongue fucking kiss) then that means I like the person. Now of course, the more passion in the kiss the more I like them! I can't share a kiss with just anyone, for some reason the act of kissing is even more intimate than actual sex. In the past I can remember actually having sex with a person but never kissing them.

So far, during my BDSM journey I've only kissed two people. One was a submissive male who I was rather attracted to who I saw something in, though nothing panned out because of him flaking, I share a kiss because I saw that something COULD happen there. The other kiss was with a woman who pretty much dominated the situation and kissed me. lol I knew her so I did not mind, was too shocked to mind anyway.

If I had a long term relationship with a submissive guy, even if it was totally BDSM, it would probably be someone who I felt open enough and close enough to so I might kiss them. I can't see myself being connected to someone in a long term aspect and not feel the desire to kiss them. Would I kiss a casual play partner? Probably not. Though the closeness brought through playing long term might make me feel the desire to, you never know.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 25

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 8:12:54 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I love kissing, but I only do it with those that I am intimate with. Minions just get Auntie kisses!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 26

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 8:20:01 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

If you are in a romantic femdom relationship, does your submissive partner initiate kisses, or is that something in your court entirely?

We both do, if the mood strikes we do it. Our kisses are nothing short of down right steamy and thats the way I like it.

I like to mix romance with my Domination, I find its a good mix for me though it will not work for all.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 27

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 8:50:02 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I would never dominate a man I would not kiss. But for me, domination is intensely intimate, and so my situation is reversed from many women, I think.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 28

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 9:07:20 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

I enjoy kissing, especially if I feel a submissive surrender associated with it. My dominance tends to have an oral element elsewhere on the body, as well, with very animal-like biting and nibbling, growling, licking etc.

This being said, I never kissed people who were "just play" partners at public events, nor would I ever toy with that kind of dominance with someone I was not intimate with. Even a quick nip would probably feel wrong. There's a deeply personal element to that kind of contact, both in the aggression and the surrender. Something about it implies real intimacy. Not really something I'd feel comfortable doing with a casual whipping boy.

Of course, I do not play with casual whipping boys these days, and I have no rules against my personal submissive initiating any form of pleasant contact. We hug, kiss and cuddle quite a lot, and he initiates contact often; he is also allowed to come up and rub my shoulders or run his fingers through my hair if I seem excessively tense.

Like any pet, I am sure he could greatly prolong my life via stress relief alone.

< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 11/17/2008 9:08:15 PM >

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)

Post #: 29

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 9:23:39 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I do not share kisses with my subs. My standing rule with the ones I have chosen is that I may touch them in any way that I choose and they may not touch me unless specifically commanded to. I gave my last one I hug. People have laughed at me for it but I typically shake their hands as they leave. I have chosen not to make the sessions intimate as far as I am concerned, though they feel that I have been very intimate with them.

I am sure that many could combine the two very well. I cannot - I need the distance to maintain my Domme demeanor.

_____________________________

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 30

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 10:44:48 PM

MissAllyKat

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/2/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

For the purpose of this thread, I don't mean casual kisses, pecks on the cheek. I am talking about "french kissing" or "making out," so to speak.

I'm curious how many femdoms see kissing as an act of intimacy that crosses certain lines.

I think this is entirely dependent upon where a person's individual line is at.

quote:

Do you have non sexual relationships with men you top who you kiss? Do you never kiss a man unless intimate?

I don't think kissing crosses any lines as long as I am the one to initiate it or my pet asks for permission first, if we are in a D/s setting. I have kissed men and women whom were not involved in a sexual relationship with me. However, if I am kissing someone, it is because I am attracted to them on a sexual level or I want to tease them *giggles sadistically*

quote:

If you are in a romantic femdom relationship, does your submissive partner initiate kisses, or is that something in your court entirely?

If we are on a vanilla outing then he is completely free to initiate as much affection as he would like to give me. If we are having a scene or we are in a D/s setting (such as a dungeon/party), then I expect him to ask permission first. I often initiate more than a few kisses as part of a play scene.

quote:

If you are a professional dominatrix, do you ever kiss your clients?

I am not Pro-Domme

quote:

How does kissing tie into your dominance?

When I initiate a kiss, I like to inflict a little pain by digging my nails into him or pinching his nipple. (If my pet had more hair, I would grab a handful of it, but he is quite handsome with the short hair. Sometimes I pinch a little bit of it between my fingers and pull it.) You can even do this kind of a kiss subtly in public (just do a um check first) My pet has an incredible amount of passion in his kisses when I hurt him. It is so delicious, and then when I pull away, I bite his lip a little and look into his eyes while holding the tip of his lower lip in my mouth. In that moment, I know that I have him and he is mine, *sighs*.

It is also nice to taste myself in his goatee after he has cleaned up the mess that my hurting him usually causes *giggles whorishly*

_____________________________

tootles,

Miss Ally Kat

____________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." ~Robert Heinlein

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 31

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 10:45:19 PM

aliciaca82

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/17/2008
Status: offline

It sounds like it will only be time before your "primary partner" finds a better kiss he'll like. But I am sure this will only "strengthen" your relationship.

That reminds me, I think Cheaters is starting a new airing... But I am sure *you* have nothing to worry about dear... *chuckles*

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 32

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/17/2008 10:54:48 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aliciaca82

It sounds like it will only be time before your "primary partner" finds a better kiss he'll like. But I am sure this will only "strengthen" your relationship.

That reminds me, I think Cheaters is starting a new airing... But I am sure *you* have nothing to worry about dear... *chuckles*

Say what? lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to aliciaca82)

Post #: 33

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/18/2008 1:10:27 AM

malloves69

Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

love when my mistress kisses me

love a sexual aggressive woman and yes we use romance too when we play qute a bit too

her kisses are the best really gets the motor going for us both i think

she says she loves my kisses too because i have soft lips ....whats awesome is kissing her while she is fisting me

to kiss her while she is inside of me i think is very itimate indeed

have fun ..mal ...kiss ..kiss

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 34

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/18/2008 3:51:24 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

Of course, I do not play with casual whipping boys these days, and I have no rules against my personal submissive initiating any form of pleasant contact. We hug, kiss and cuddle quite a lot, and he initiates contact often; he is also allowed to come up and rub my shoulders or run his fingers through my hair if I seem excessively tense.

Like any pet, I am sure he could greatly prolong my life via stress relief alone.

Ditto. But then, I've never been in a position to actually try a 'casual whipping boy' in that public dungeon arena. I've never had that chance. Maybe next Frolicon? For me, play time of any type starts with a physical attraction of some sort. Then there has to be some level of mental connection... chemistry. Then the kiss. If the kiss is good, we may or may not move on to something more private.

Ok... This may sound odd, or it may resonate... The kiss is part of my 'screening processes.' There are so many things that are subtly spoken through body language during a kiss. It's not just the lip to lip action, I actually notice the muscle reactions of the entire body during that hug as well. Subtle signs of compatability are signaled to me... but I absolutely cannot find words to explain the sensation of "This is HOT!", "This will work.", "This is never going to happen." or even "ICK! Get your filthy paws off me!"

As mentioned before "It's in his Kiss."

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 35

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/18/2008 4:47:52 AM

FloridaMistresse

Posts: 58
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline

As the Owner of slaves, I think the dynamic translates for them as they are not allowed. I have never said that to them, but I have never had them initiate a kiss. I never realized that was even a thought of theirs until one day she said to Me, I thirst for your kisses. My response was, well then why did you not kiss Me? her response, am I allowed to do that Ma'am" Hence the dialogue began. What in My house W/we have come to is this: you may ask for a kiss. I actually find it amazingly hot when one of My slaves leans in with that look of love and lust in her eyes and says, "may i please Ma'am" meeeeeeeeeoooooooowwwwwwww slurp! LOL
D/s response:
However, for U/us protocol and the asking are part of the erotism of this life style.

Safety response:
Now casual Vs Owned. I do not usually kiss a play partner, unless I have a long standing relationship. Kissing casual play partners for Me is a health issue. I know it sounds mundain and even pedantic, but I do not want someones's herpes or cooties. I always have My slaves go through a blood test before there is any oral contact with Me. Once a slave is fluid bonded with Me, they are not allowed to share their fluids, with another, hence no kissing any one else.

Intimacy response:
kissing is more personal to Me sometimes than even sex is...........I am very selective about whom I kiss. It does however bring the relationship, scene, bond to another level that for Me is intimate and unmistakable.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 36

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/18/2008 4:54:31 AM

FloridaMistresse

Posts: 58
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline

Sorry did not respond to the last part of the question: Do you dominate a man you never kiss?
Yes, absolutely. I Own male slaves and I never kiss them, never have sex with them, and I do not play with them They are service creatures only. That is exactly what they wanted in O/our dynamic, and all they only way a male gets into My household. I had a strictly female household for years, and then a male slave came around and convinced Me he really only wanted a service position, and 6 years later here W/we still are........refreshing really.

(in reply to FloridaMistresse)

Post #: 37

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/18/2008 5:11:53 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

YUM! I absolutely cannot exist without kisses! My Lady and I kiss -a lot- and we don't have any rules about who initiates or when. It is another expression of our affection and it is really wonderful! She will grab my bottom lip and bite it sometimes or hold it in her teeth.

Best for me is when I am bound and she brings her mouth near mine and we share a few teasing kisses with me in deep need for relief.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 38

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/18/2008 5:23:13 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Maybe it would be interesting to see how the men feel about this. It might help determine a few things. (smile)

Absolutely. What role does kissing play in your submission, subs? Would you be disinterested in submitting to a woman who would never kiss you?

For sub men in an open relationship, is kissing "off the table," along with other forms of perceived intimacy?

Akasha

In my relationship, Mistress has given me free reign on how and when I kiss her. She said it makes her feel wanted and desired. She simply told me that even though she is my domme first, she is also my fiancee and romantic love is the focal point of our relationship. Without that love, we would simply not be together, so kissing is an expression of my love to the woman I love. We may be Domme and sub, but we are lovers, too. The force and passion I put behind my kiss lets her always know how much I hunger for her and desire her. Like they say, it's all in the kiss.

If I'm allowed to play with another domme, there is no kissing on the mouth. That is reserved strictly for Mistress. I will kiss the other domme with a peck on the cheek and give her a warm hug, but no kissing on the mouth. If I'm single and available and the domme wants to kiss on the mouth with some tongue, I'm all for it.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 39

RE: Kissing. Who initiates? How intimate is it? Do you ... - 11/18/2008 5:27:00 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

Chezzy says please whomever you are out there...kiss me...kiss me deeply but not necessarily with tounges.Embrace me and make my body sing electric verses.Make my knees buckle when you place your hand at the back of my neck with your lips gently but firmly attached to mine.My heart smiles and soars....ok..i think i made my point.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 40

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