initiaing "sessions"

initiaing "sessions" (Full Version)

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sobayblackmaster -> initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 4:52:17 PM)
Since there are obviously many in here who are much more versed than I on such subjects I have another question: In your experience who initiates a session or sessions typically? Do couples (we might has well use that term for a d/s relationship) have a standing date for say a weekend afternoon or evening session? Do d/s sessions happen spontaneously? I ask this because since many employ toys & accessories for their play it would seem that people would need to plan free time to haul out their gear, make sure they're not interrupted and have at it. Do you subs request attention from your master or does he pretty much initiate the encounter(s)?

kyraofMists -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 4:57:32 PM)
If I want to play, I will ask. It is not very common for me to ask for play; I ask for sex more often. For the most part, he initiates the play and it appears spontaneous to me. However, he has usually been thinking about it for awhile. We have our own dungeon, so we don't have to worry about getting things set up. Knight's Kyra

DoctorJeep -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 4:58:26 PM)
Well, this all depends on how lifestyle you are and whether or not your sub is staying with you for an extended period of time. If she is going to stay over for a few days - say a long weekend, I will have always planned out a few general scenes. However, she will be wearing nothing but her collar around my house for those few days and I will take her as I please or do as I please as it comes up - or not, depending on my mood. If she is coming over, it is your job as a Dom to have things ready to go. You do not always need everything planned down to the smallest detail, however, if you are new to this, it is a good idea to try to have the general aspects of the scene thought out before hand. Thus if you think x and y would be great, you will avoid the mistake of setting up for "x" only to find that the way you bound her precludes "y." More to the point, you will be more in control with a plan. A sub must be mastered to be satisfied. She will be able to tell straight away if you are fumbling about and it will kill the mood. Once you have some experience and intimacy down with the moods, you will find yourself more free to wing it, but not have it come off as "oh wow and another thing..."

sobayblackmaster -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 5:17:32 PM)
lol. very keenly put. I'll definitely keep those bits of advice on hand. thank you.

littlewonder -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 5:24:17 PM)
Master initiates "sessions" when we are together but if I was in need of some attention from him I'm sure if I asked he would decide from there since it's his choice. We usually discuss together when we can see each other again. His schedule is usually busier than mine so it's usually based on when he can get away.

chamberqueen -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 5:27:51 PM)
It will vary depending upon the relationship. In mine I am not allowed to ask for a session but I can tell him that I am missing him or feel "in the mood".

DoctorJeep -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 5:30:54 PM)
You will also find that your subs have a way of getting sassy to force your hand if they feel you have not paid enough attention. There are several ways to handle this. One is to top the hell out of her and then reward her. The other is to simply discipline her and remind her that she will be given attention when she deserves it. Both have their place.

PurpleSockx -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 5:36:20 PM)
Even though I've never been forbidden to ask I have also never asked for play. Simply because it's not in my nature, I would be left with the feeling I'm too much in control. Just like for my rules or anything else I'm not only allowed but encouraged to express whether I'd like something, etc. during discussions (and we do discuss pretty much on a daily basis) but in the end his say is the final word.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 5:50:24 PM)
My girl rarely asks for play. she's not much of a masochist. I usually let her know if I want to play in advance so that she can mentally and emotionally prepare. If I play casually, it's tit-for-tat who asks first. But, I rarely play casually these days. I/we play in our local dungeon, so equipment isn't a problem. Master Fire

LadyPact -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 5:56:54 PM)
Due to life circumstances, such as um's in the house, I usually have to plan play sessions. I only play with My collared sub at home. Casual play partners have to meet Me in another location for a scene. That tends to require planning as well. There have been times when schedules have conflicted and too many other life issues have been getting in the way that clip has asked for some play. The boy is a great masochist and I have no problem at all if he has such a request.

antipode -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 6:39:35 PM)
quote: who initiates a session or sessions typically I am probably slowly boring a lot of people with my endless repeats, but what is your purpose with this question? What makes you think there is such a thing as "typically"? Do you have a standard for "typically" - umm, 68% of all cases, 98% of all cases, does it vary by county, what? Taking a sample from one forum on one site, how valuable is the statistical sample? How many sites/people do you have data on? I don't need to plan free time, nor do I have to get toys out, although I do plan my life, and I do need to decide which playroom to use, but what makes you think other people need to plan sessions? How many "plan people" would make it "typical" for you? Am I "typical" or "atypical"? On what basis?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 7:05:11 PM)
Over time, half the gear kinda ends up under the bed, in the couch cushions, used as kitty toys, so there's always something if we want a toy. We'll do both. You can't really do a whole weekend kidnapping without some planning ahead of time, but for some general hot mind fuck and sex, no extra equipment required.

DoctorJeep -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 7:09:48 PM)
Well said.

DesFIP -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 7:38:29 PM)
We prefer spontaneity but with kids in the house, these days we schedule time. The toy bag lives in the bedroom closet so it isn't a big deal to yank it out. Both of us can start it. I've been known to wander out naked, drape myself over his knee and ask him to scratch my back. He gives great back scratches btw. Of course once I'm lying there naked moaning in pleasure from the back scratch other things will usually happen. But I don't have to request attention formally. More like "Hey Honey, feel like tying me up and exhausting me?" Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes he isn't up to it. Same as him asking me if I'm feeling well enough for a session. For us, it's fun and not something to force yourself through if you aren't up to it. But we live together, have been together over five years. So it's no big deal if either of us says not tonight, or can we postpone this till later. Although he doesn't like a plain no. Telling him no is followed by because. Which could be a distressing phone call, a stomach upset, and once the fact I hadn't eaten all day and needed food and a half hour nap first. It's even been "no but I don't know why not, I just can't handle it", usually that means I'm coming down with something. One of the good things about this long a relationship is that usually we can compare a problem to a past one to get a handle on it.

DoctorJeep -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 9:10:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP We prefer spontaneity but with kids in the house, these days we schedule time. The toy bag lives in the bedroom closet so it isn't a big deal to yank it out. Both of us can start it. I've been known to wander out naked, drape myself over his knee and ask him to scratch my back. He gives great back scratches btw. Of course once I'm lying there naked moaning in pleasure from the back scratch other things will usually happen. But I don't have to request attention formally. More like "Hey Honey, feel like tying me up and exhausting me?" Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes he isn't up to it. Same as him asking me if I'm feeling well enough for a session. For us, it's fun and not something to force yourself through if you aren't up to it. But we live together, have been together over five years. So it's no big deal if either of us says not tonight, or can we postpone this till later. Although he doesn't like a plain no. Telling him no is followed by because. Which could be a distressing phone call, a stomach upset, and once the fact I hadn't eaten all day and needed food and a half hour nap first. It's even been "no but I don't know why not, I just can't handle it", usually that means I'm coming down with something. One of the good things about this long a relationship is that usually we can compare a problem to a past one to get a handle on it. Not having any kids yet, I have often wondered how this gets handled. How does one have a more or less elaborate scene in these cases?

Lockit -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 9:49:46 PM)
I put together a 'kit' of sorts. Easy to carry and move to another room if need be, but closed, locked and all in one spot for the most part. For the bedroom, I use hooks and home made belting material bindings with locks. (I do have a thing for locks... hehe) I also love benches. I left furniture and such in my last couple of moves, but I am getting together with a certain someone real soon to plan some of my benches and my bed. I love an old water bed frame because the hooks can be screwed in and hidden and it is all so handy! I've tried the posts and such on some beds and I don't like them. Plus on a water bed frame, I can sit on the sides and do some handy dandy things with ease. (Hey, I'm old and achy) I think planning and all that is individual and must fit each situation or couple.

pompeii -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 10:44:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster Do you subs request attention from your master or does he pretty much initiate the encounter(s)? In my experience, generally, the guy requests attention from the gal, whether or not the guy or gal are the Dom or sub. Point is, the horniest makes the first move (yeah, I know, lots'a women "think" they're horny ... hell ... I never met one that was one tenth as horny as I think I am!) :) (not to hijack the subject or anything). Summary: Guy makes the first move, Dom or sub be he. YMMV

Lockit -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 10:55:29 PM)
lol Once again... you baffle me with the way you think men are hornier than women and there isn't a woman around as horny as a man. In my neck of the woods... your stand just doesn't work! As a dominant myself, my man does not make the first moves! He may at times or he may be allowed to let me know his needs, but I chose when, where, how and what types of freedoms he has in whatever we do. Believe me... there is no shortage of sex because I am one friggin horney bitch, but I am in control. You just cannot see that a woman can be a she cat of horniness... Beastly in all her ways... and just as fucking demanding as any man could be. Hormones can work in a lot of ways dear fellow... and believe me... there are horny ones too! Now... if a man where not so good at it... I might not want to play with him... but believe me, I would be playing! He just might not be.

AquaticSub -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/18/2008 11:33:52 PM)
~Fast Reply~ Usually I ask for them just because I want them more than he does but it just depends. For more eleborate scenes, or ones that will be prolonged/intense, we plan ahead.

MaamJay -> RE: initiaing "sessions" (11/19/2008 2:12:33 AM)
Master and i have lived together for 4 years now, through a lot of different stresses and strains. i tend to drop less than subtle hints when i am needing play and/or sex! But, given that He's not been well this year, if He says He's not up to it, then i certainly don't push it. He doesn't regard it as being toppy, He looks at it as giving Him the information He needs to decide what He wants to do! When I have a sub here ... well, I might be female but My appetites for both play and sex are pretty large, so he's not likely to get much chance to ask! [:D] Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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