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1 more question - 11/18/2008 8:19:52 PM

sobayblackmaster

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In response to a question I asked in an email a sub told me that she's never met a dom who asked her to tell him what she liked. I'm learning about the life so I find myself wondering-shouldn't a sub ask for what she wants physically?

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 8:25:38 PM

kyraofMists

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Many people are of the opinion that if they ask for what they want then they are taking control/authority.

In our house, not asking is taking away authority from him. If we want something and choose not to ask, then we have made the decision that we will not have it. However, that is not our decision to make; it is his.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 8:32:25 PM

loveandlight87

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My Sir is most insistent that I share all of my likes and dislikes, needs and aversions, including my physical and emotional responses, much to my embarrassment. He doesn’t push hard, he knows it is difficult for me, but he has made it perfectly clear how much he values my feedback and input. I feel like the more he knows about me, the deep dark me, the more power he has. It also strengthens our connection for him to know and *want* to know the inner me.

So if you are wondering whether it is ‘appropriate’ to find out all about *your* sub. I would say that it can be a very positive thing. Not all dynamics are set up that way though. And that’s good too. But to begin getting to know a submissive online by asking her about what she likes and her wants and needs, might come off as wanting wank material. That has been my reaction to those kinds of questions.

(btw I’m assuming you are talking about play and sexual likes in this post)

love

< Message edited by loveandlight87 -- 11/18/2008 8:33:58 PM >

(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 8:34:36 PM

DoctorJeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster

In response to a question I asked in an email a sub told me that she's never met a dom who asked her to tell him what she liked. I'm learning about the life so I find myself wondering-shouldn't a sub ask for what she wants physically?

I am surprised by this. A good dom must talk to his sub a lot.

(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 8:35:22 PM

StrongSpirit

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I always ask what my sub wants. In fact I order her to tell me her her most embarrassing sexual desire. It is an essential part of our relationship.

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 8:45:15 PM

PurpleSockx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster

In response to a question I asked in an email a sub told me that she's never met a dom who asked her to tell him what she liked. I'm learning about the life so I find myself wondering-shouldn't a sub ask for what she wants physically?

I think it is essential to talk about those things. After all subs are being asked about their limits and such so there's no reason at all not to discuss about the likes as well. And this person has needs too I would presume... Hmm if she never met a dom who asked her this before I'd say either she just joined and doesn't know about her own likes (I'm still learning about my own! O_O) or maybe she's perhaps uncomfortable talking about it...

(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 8:46:45 PM

Daddysredhead

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My Daddy and I have been together for over 5 years and He has always asked me what I'm thinking about, my fantasies, my desires, my fears, my apprehensions. It's critical for us to keep all doors of communication open, on every level of our relationship. Anything else would never work.

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Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 8:50:09 PM

NuevaVida

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I have always been asked what I like and/or desire. Whether or not I receive it another story...

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 8:56:29 PM

chamberqueen

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Most Doms do care about what a sub most enjoys and then choose if and when to fulfill those dreams. The sub may have been approached by Doms who only cared for their own pleasure. It looks like you've already learned one of the most important lessons about being a Dom: that if you meet your sub's needs she will do her utmost to meet yours.

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 9:01:25 PM

OrionTheWolf

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Not to have to explain to a newbie alot, let us just say that I am very strict, demanding, and institute serious protocol with my slaves. With that said, kyra is correct, and as long as my slave's ask appropriately there is not a problem with them asking. They may not get it, but to not ask is to keep something from me. I do not play, but instead my slave lives in my household so that may skew my perception some, not sure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster

In response to a question I asked in an email a sub told me that she's never met a dom who asked her to tell him what she liked. I'm learning about the life so I find myself wondering-shouldn't a sub ask for what she wants physically?

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 9:06:09 PM

DoctorJeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster

In response to a question I asked in an email a sub told me that she's never met a dom who asked her to tell him what she liked. I'm learning about the life so I find myself wondering-shouldn't a sub ask for what she wants physically?

Respectfully, I think that most of the dangerous types, the wannabe's, the MACHO MEN, the little princess slaves all of those are frankly bound by their inability to see the other. Your sub is yours to use as you see fit, but you must still use her in a fit way.

(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 9:22:14 PM

slavegirljoy

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Most of the men i have been intimately involved with have asked me what i like or what i want. But, it's always been hard for me to ask for what i want or to say what it is that i like, and my Master had to work on that with me for the first year that we were together and recondition me into being more open with Him about my wants and opinions.

He made me realize that, as His property, He owns all of me, including my wants and wishes and thoughts and, therefor, is entitled to them, whenever He wants them. For me to hold them back from Him would be denying Him what is rightfully His.

Edited to add: This is really good:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorJeep

Your sub is yours to use as you see fit, but you must still use her in a fit way.

joy
Master David's erotic-domestic slave

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 11/18/2008 9:29:06 PM >

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Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 9:23:47 PM

sobayblackmaster

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excellent answers all. I'm still working with the person who made that statement but she did pose a fascinating question.

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 9:32:33 PM

CalifChick

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I have yet to have a Dom express interest in me that did NOT ask me what I liked. I think the experience of the person you are talking to might be a bit of an anomoly.

Cali

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 9:46:49 PM

sobayblackmaster

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if I ask you what you like and you respond that's one thing, if you come to me and ask me to give you what you need that's another

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 9:50:54 PM

CalifChick

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Well yes, that's another, but that wasn't what your original post was about. Asking for what you want is a whole 'nother question.

Cali

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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 9:53:42 PM

sobayblackmaster

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quote:

shouldn't a sub ask for what she wants physically?

quote:

ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster

... I find myself wondering-shouldn't a sub ask for what she wants physically?

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 10:05:44 PM

myotherself

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~fr~

from my personal perspective, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to know what I like/dislike or want/don't want. Of course that doesn't mean that those things will or won't happen - that's entirely his decision - but it does mean that my Dom will be prepared for my reaction towards it.

It's different if I'm being Topped in play - then I can see why the Top won't need to know those things. But in a relationship - if he's not interested in those things about me, then I'm not interested in him.

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 10:39:18 PM

pompeii

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
a sub told me that she's never met a dom who asked her to tell him what she liked.

For me, it's a little different than that.

First, you tell you what you're going to do to her and then you ask her what part she liked most about it (or disliked, as the case may be).

That's the stuff you concentrate on (or leave alone).

Notice the twist is you don't ask her what she likes so much as you tell her what you'll be doing and then you ask her which, of that, she likes best.

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RE: 1 more question - 11/18/2008 11:26:02 PM

Lockit

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Coming from a female dominant angle, before we ever have any sexual connection, I have grilled the poor guy and know all sorts of things he likes. I know what he wants, what he has or has not experienced and then my lil mind starts the whirl. lol I want to know it all. Then I know exactly how to torture him with pleasure or not... Knowledge is power in many situations. lol

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