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NewDom - 11/18/2008 11:21:02 PM

NewnImproved

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/13/2008
From: California
Status: offline

well I guess this is a decent place to start. I'm a pretty dominant guy, however, I'm not a good people person....more to say I dont like being around people. I'd like to start getting into the lifestyle more in real time (as all my experience is online) but I find that most mucnhes around me are full of a bunch of people almost twice my age. Any suggestions?

Post #: 1

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 12:05:27 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Dont discount the people who are older than you.. some of them maybe able to teach you stuff.

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(in reply to NewnImproved)

Post #: 2

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 12:21:08 AM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Maybe you can start a trend & get some of your younger friends to go with you.

These people who are twice your age, will have made many mistakes throughout the years. If you go with an open mind, you might be able to learn & avoid many of those same mistakes. You can learn new skills from them, as well as learn what not to do.

And remember, when you get to be that age, you might think someone your age now is hot.

(in reply to NewnImproved)

Post #: 3

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 2:12:37 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

there are pretty much going to be people twice as old as you anywhere you go because the world didn't come into existence on your birthday. i wouldn't discount older members of a community because they probably have some useful things to tell you. not only that, but i firmly believe age is just a track of chronology and has no bearing on how fun someone is. you might be missing out on the gnarliest person in the world, friend or otherwise, just because you're being picky about the age of people in the community.
if this were the other way around, if someone were whining about all the "kids" showing up at events, you'd be having a fit, wouldn't you? =p
MissIsis' solution is pretty good, if you know younger people who are interested, you could all go together. the local group here has a branch for the "younger set" -- maybe there's something like that where you live?

(in reply to MissIsis)

Post #: 4

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 5:42:00 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Look around to see if there's a TNG group near you, for 21 - 35 year olds. If not, start one. Email others in your general age group and see if anyone shows up at the food court to meet you. Or Applebee's or wherever.

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(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 5

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 6:04:47 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Just trot along to all the munches, play parties and what ever you can old lad and go with a completely open mind. be determined to just soak up the atmosphere and enjoy. being someone who doesn"t enjoy people ~

quote:

well I guess this is a decent place to start. I'm a pretty dominant guy, however, I'm not a good people person....more to say I dont like being around people.

, you really should try to enjoy the company of other of all ages because you might be sending "Keep Away" singnals (been there done that) and others are picking up on that. be open and tell folks that you are new, not just to that group or area but to the real life lifestyle.. You may jolly well find some pleasant suprises out there and that more than a few folk are willing to hold a helping hand and friendship to you.. It takes courage but I'm betting that you have more than enough of that..

_____________________________

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 6

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 6:59:28 AM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Your on-line play has been just that, on-line play and real life is different. It takes time to learn the real skills and I am just not talking about how to throw a flogger or tie someone up. Where are you going to learn these skills from if not from the older folks that have put the real life time in to learn them themselves. I don't know of many younger people that have developed the maturity needed, it takes time. A few younger people are ready but I have to say that I have not meet that many.

Mike

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 7

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 7:12:24 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Dude,

You are so fucked being so young and being stuck in Yuba City as the munch there is TINY. The other problem is that if you are not a people person, being "in the scene" with well, other people is going to be hard for you. Not only that if your skills with other people suck, likely they are going to suck with a partner too.

Doing online part time stuff can be fun, however, it barely translates to part time real stuff although there is some overlap. My bet is you want something more and you are going to have a steep learning curve, the one advantage you have is girls your age aren't likely to know much better either and so that works in your favor.

There is no TNG group in Sacramento although I think we could use one as the scene is getting big enough. There is one in the bay area though but you need a car and gas money to get there.

Chico isn't that far from you and there are lots of country bumpkins up there who are experimenting with being wild. Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, my son goes to a school up there and trust me, they are country bumpkins, the women have killed more deer and bear than most "real men" and they will use anything that sounds "cool" no matter how scary a drug. There is a definite edge of deliverance up there, very weird.

Oh, and I am sure there are six women who will find the mask hot but one of them is gay, the other one has a boyfriend, three are vanilla and that last one isn't into you. Lose the mask.

There is a great D/s discussion group in Sacramento but I don't think you are ready to listen to old folk talking about boring stuff yet. My advice is to get your ass down to San Francisco to the TNG events. www.soj.org is your friend.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 11/19/2008 7:17:58 AM >

(in reply to NewnImproved)

Post #: 8

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 7:12:34 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

You are not going to gain people skills by remaining online. A submissive may want a warm extroverted man who knows how to relate to the world, So I would suggest you open up and give or you possibly wont find what you seek.

I agree. Lose the MAsk. Its off-putting and makes you look insane.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 11/19/2008 7:14:41 AM >

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(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 9

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 4:56:31 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

you suck it up and...go...

keep going till you befriend someone...

don`t be a slave to....fear...

Peace...

(in reply to NewnImproved)

Post #: 10

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 6:03:23 PM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Maybe you could join a local mailing list if there is one and ask if there are any people in a particular age group that are interested in getting together to say hi. You may find that some of the people that are older than you are actually really cool people so give them a go anyway, go to a munch, say hi to a few people and don't go with any expectations.

May I be so bold as to suggest that writing this in your journal is not likely to encourage any women to contact you...... "Woo a journal, just what I wanted, a place to bitch! Anywho, arent you all pissed off about how women act anymore? They sit around and expect the men to come crawling to them to get their attention. Even the submissive ones rarely actively search out a Man. I blame this, of course, on everyone. THe lot of men encourage this behavior, and women, well you just continue to behave this way"

I wish you all the best. let us know how it goes if you attend or arrange your own munch.

_____________________________

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http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to NewnImproved)

Post #: 11

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 7:30:04 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Oh, and I am sure there are six women who will find the mask hot but one of them is gay, the other one has a boyfriend, three are vanilla and that last one isn't into you. Lose the mask.

Yeah what he said. Get rid of the mask.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 12

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 7:56:29 PM

NewnImproved

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/13/2008
From: California
Status: offline

the mask was a halloween costume and it was all I had for a picture at the time. For some reason, I dont think my other picture is showing up right now. Anywho....Thank you all for your help. I know I should just get out there and do it, throw the bullshit excuses out the window. Hehehehe, one of the problems is I hate being the new clueless guy. I've always thought of getting some sort of 'mentor' that could help me out, but clueless on where to start on that one too. It feels weird. I've spent all these years learning about it, only to realize I have to start all over for real life. Is it normal for new Doms to feel this...out of whack?

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 13

RE: NewDom - 11/19/2008 8:29:11 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

To be honest with you, it was nothing I planed to be. I was just going along and having a LOT of fun as a SM Top and then fell right into it. Then next thing I knew I had my boy.

Mike

(in reply to NewnImproved)

Post #: 14

RE: New Dom - 11/19/2008 10:29:38 PM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline

Let a fellow young introvert from a small community tell you: it is possible to meet people online without going through the whole munch rigmarole. Although the BDSM community is an invaluable learning resource, it's not strictly necessary. Big old group meetings, talking to people with life experiences so vastly different from mine, talking about inherently sexual topics with strangers, and generally being intimidated by the cliquishness inherent in munches all put me waaay out of my element, so I definitely understand where you're coming from.

Learn from resources online (not cybering and chatrooms...these tend not to be very realistic), and try to meet girls. You're not probably going to meet a potential partner at a munch, so if that's why you're going to them, you'll keep being disappointed.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 15

RE: New Dom - 11/19/2008 11:08:37 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Everything is a matter of extending your available sources of information. As maligned as online communication can be, it's just another way to bring potential interaction...and one probably better suited to those with misanthropic tendencies. If your aim is to better learn about yourself and how you fit into the entirety of the WIITWD bubble, community sites like this may be sufficient. Engage yourself in the fora...find the topics that interest you or pique your curiosity and start opening yourself up to the variety of nooks and crannies that make up all of the possible dynamics and kinks and start figuring out what you gravitate to.

Granted, none of this, however, will make for any greater likelihood of finding a potential mate in your area...but I figure you'd want to have a relatively thorough idea of what you're seeking before that became a priority anyway.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 16

RE: NewDom - 11/20/2008 2:49:17 AM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Go away and come back when you are old enough to mix comfortably with grown ups.

(in reply to NewnImproved)

Post #: 17

RE: NewDom - 11/20/2008 6:21:35 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

I have to say that if I followed your advice I probably wouldn't be here as there are many many times in my life when I find it horribly uncomfortable mixing with grownups

quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

Go away and come back when you are old enough to mix comfortably with grown ups.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 18

RE: NewDom - 11/20/2008 6:47:31 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

Go away and come back when you are old enough to mix comfortably with grown ups.

What better way to learn to mix with grown ups than to hang out with them.

I tend to not like "go away" advice unless the person is a complete offensive dip and really should go away. I did not see evidence of that in the OP.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 19

RE: NewDom - 11/20/2008 6:52:44 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NewnImproved

the mask was a halloween costume and it was all I had for a picture at the time. For some reason, I dont think my other picture is showing up right now. Anywho....Thank you all for your help. I know I should just get out there and do it, throw the bullshit excuses out the window. Hehehehe, one of the problems is I hate being the new clueless guy. I've always thought of getting some sort of 'mentor' that could help me out, but clueless on where to start on that one too. It feels weird. I've spent all these years learning about it, only to realize I have to start all over for real life. Is it normal for new Doms to feel this...out of whack?

Since you are in my backyard, you are lucky to be here. For all its faults, the Sacramento scene is actually pretty cool. It is focused on relationships far more than poly and is a very open and welcoming scene. Nobody is going to harp on you for being new and or clueless and nobody is going to lord it over you either. The MAsT meeting here is good enough people drive up from the bay area to attend. So relax and start putting yourself out there.

(in reply to NewnImproved)

Post #: 20

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