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Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 8:43:12 AM   
Tiegaguinrubber


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline 		I have a wonderful partner whom i have been with for years and i am getting more and more interested in the scene and would love to bring it into the relationship.  She knows i'm interested in the scene and have brushed upon the subject.
I am lucky as have tried to gradually get her interested and started with some playful tieing up, then moved to tieing her to a chair and bringing in a ball gag. Initial reactions was it was a bit weird for her.
I now have hogtied her albeight with items found around the house and also gagged her.
The latest stage is that i make love to her gagged and loved the fact that she enjoyed this (i think from the way she came a few times) also go her to put the gag on me which i enjoyed!!

My question is now where do i go next?

Any suggestions?
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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 10:12:44 AM   
Beneathhumanity


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		You can't turn anyone into a sub or something that isn't already within them. My question is, does she desire to explore her submission with you? If so there are many things you could try, but also makes me wonder how deep her subspace is. If she doesn't truly want to submit,no one can truly make her do so

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 10:24:02 AM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		don't think you can turn her into a sub if it's not something she already kinda likes
she'll only go as far as she wants to, and she might even be humoring you
you'll just have to talk to HER and figure out whether or not she's really interested and wants to go further

(in reply to Beneathhumanity)
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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 11:04:09 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I have to agree with what has been said here previously, and also emphasize the importance of communication between the two of you in all this.  While it is a great fantasy to woo her down this primrose path into submission, my opinion, you should not do it without her consent and desire and understanding of what she is getting in to.  And frankly, it will help her, if she is interested, to come to places like this to communicate with other submissives for information and understanding of the feelings she is going to go through as she begins down this path.

Hope that helps! 


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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 11:21:16 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		being kinky and a bottom/top is one thing; being submissive/dominant, etc., is a whole other ball of wax...

you can't turn someone into something that they're not, however, you can introduce kinky sex to them and see where that ball rolls for you.

i sure the hell hope you know what you're doing when it comes to hog-tying and gags; plenty of bottoms suffer from a form of suffocation,  just from being tied improperly, add a gag to the mix, and yeah, you could be headed for trouble...

while i'm not normally what would be considered the 'safety police', i do see a lack of information and knowledge on your part, so feel like it's kind of my job to inform you of such information. my job, because i'm a bottom/submissive and i hate blind ignorance on the tops end of the equation.

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 11:25:25 AM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		Multiple orgasms while bound and gagged is not the same as submission.  It just means that she likes the kinky stuff.  Being a submissive person comes from within; there is no secret sauce that you can pour on and bam!  Instant subby.  Either she is, or she's not.  However, I have been told that I go great with some salsa. 

Communication is something that you are going to be advised to do alot of, in response to your question.  The nicest rope and bar gags in the world won't turn her into something she's not.  Best of luck to you on your journey!  Enjoy the ride.  It's bumpy but fun!

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 11:28:03 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Yeah well, I absolutely disagree with all of the above.
You can help and assist anyone into becoming anything.  If they want and desire to.
You post indicates shes enjoying the moments - just go with the flow.  Don't force it and just enjoy the situation as it is going.  I believe people are jumping on the whole 'can't be what ya not' bandwagon.  It's the standard forum response, so don't let it discourage your experimentation.  If she doesn't try, she doesn't know and neither do you.  If it is something you are both enjoying, then there is obviously something there.
 
So, my suggestion is to work out whether she is being submissive bedroom only, whether it is more like a topping/bottoming session or whether you going to work this into something that is an extension of your sex life.  Work on that first, then you can start reading books and doing stuff(like attending events) that is relevant to the orientation you are both unfolding into.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 12:10:31 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		You could try heavier scenes or posibly try some spanking but as far as D/S lifestyle goes I would just play a few weekend games that edges her into it a bit... it worked for me and my girl but it took like a year to convert her.

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 12:20:09 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Rather than brushing opn the subject, I'd suggest bringing it up.  Frank, honest conversation, while scary to some, is my preferrence.  Directness, in my book, is a good thing. 
That having been said, as others have said, if someone isn't willing, someone isn't willing.  'Course, she's already accommodated you in some of the physical ways you mentioned; it could be a manifestation of only something physical but it could also be more.  Don't know until you ask, explore. 
Best wishes, 
  Davan

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-Me

Waiting is

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Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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(in reply to FRSguy)
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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 12:40:25 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Find a checklist of bdsm activities and ask her which of them she would like to try and would she like to as having it done to her or her doing them for you. Then start with the things she ranks the highest.

None of this will make her submissive or dominant, but she might be interested in a little kinky sex if she gets to pick it.

However, if she isn't interested in any of this then you need to respect that. At that point you talk about how your needs differ, is there common ground, and is there any way for both of you to get your needs met and still keep the relationship strong.

Question? Why weren't you honest about this in the beginning? Because if she says she never wants to do this again you'll be angry and resentful and the relationship won't last. If you insist she cater to your interests knowing she doesn't share them she'll be angry and resentful and the relationship won't last. Being honest upfront would have allowed both of you to search for a more compatible partner.

Me? If you suddenly announced you knew ahead of time you wanted this, and then tried to manipulate me into it, I'd be furious. Because that's lying.

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 12:42:28 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Yeah well, I absolutely disagree with all of the above.
You can help and assist anyone into becoming anything.  If they want and desire to.
You post indicates shes enjoying the moments - just go with the flow.  Don't force it and just enjoy the situation as it is going.  I believe people are jumping on the whole 'can't be what ya not' bandwagon.  It's the standard forum response, so don't let it discourage your experimentation.  If she doesn't try, she doesn't know and neither do you.  If it is something you are both enjoying, then there is obviously something there.
 
So, my suggestion is to work out whether she is being submissive bedroom only, whether it is more like a topping/bottoming session or whether you going to work this into something that is an extension of your sex life.  Work on that first, then you can start reading books and doing stuff(like attending events) that is relevant to the orientation you are both unfolding into.
 
the.dark.

 
"if they want and desire to"
that's something you said yourself. i said the same thing, just worded differently
if she likes kinky stuff but doesn't like the idea of being a sub, she probably won't be a sub =p
i don't see what the big disagreement is =p

bottom line, he needs to talk to HER about it.
if he's happy with the kinkiness or wants a full-blown D/s thingie, he needs to talk to HER.

edit: whoa, fixing gigantihuge font

< Message edited by RainydayNE -- 11/20/2008 12:44:45 PM >

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 12:50:23 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Well he pretty much said that she is enjoying it.  Everyone else just came in with the whole negativity of 'not if she doesn't want to' which he clearly stated was not the case.
 
He asked what he can do - other than telling him to ask her if shes interested, which he has already said she is - no one offered any constructive advice like finding out what kind of submission is evolving, or to read books and attend events.
 
On a personal level, I am pretty tired and find it increasingly boring that people keep second guessing others instead of just answering the damn questions and reading what has already been written by the OP.  It's a regular occurance that comes in cycles on the forum and it is enough to put new posters off of posting genuine questions.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 1:07:12 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		well the title says "turning partner into a sub"
so i dunno
i guess it goes on from there
it's a forum, whaddya gonna do

as far as constructive things go, looking at different "toys" can be fun and interesting, or reading a board? =p
i still think talking about the whole idea of D/s with her is a good place to go next, that's what my Dom did and it turned out okay =p

besides, i thought someone already asked was it just a bedroom thing or elsewhere that was beginning? (of course looking back now, i think i'm thinking of another thread)
oh well

< Message edited by RainydayNE -- 11/20/2008 1:13:09 PM >

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 1:14:11 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Well, I still have no issue about the title.  Darcy pretty much turned me into what I am and visa versa.
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 2:36:10 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I turned a Catholic girl into a great sub when she showed an interest... Its a wonderful journey so to speak when you open up new sensations and experiences with someone. People can say no if they dont want to do something.

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 3:15:04 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tiegaguinrubber

My question is now where do i go next?

Any suggestions?


You seem to have been progressing nicely already, on your own.  It seems, from what you have written, that everything you have tried with her has worked out well.  She sounds pretty submissive, to me.  After all, she's been a willing participant with everything that you have done with/to her and she hasn't gone running out the door.  You say that you are both enjoying what you've been doing.  So, why do you need suggestions on where to go next?  From what you wrote, she seems to be willing to do whatever you want.  Have you simply run out of ideas?  Have you tried talking with her about what you have done with her and about how she felt about the experience and what she might like to try?
 
joy
Master David's erotic-domestic slave

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Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 3:34:36 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Sir brought out the submissive within me, and was not just about the kink. We did a lot of talking and I at times thought my head would explode in having to learn new ways of conducting myself in a D/s relationship. It still is a learning process for me, but He is a great teacher.
He took into consideration that I have always been vanilla and done things in a different way. Perhaps because of my age and having been married for a long time, it is taking me slower, but I am learning.

oceanwynds

(in reply to FRSguy)
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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 3:49:02 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		You say you enjoyed wearing the gag as well? Perhaps you both enjoy kinky sex without the D/s portion being involved. It takes a while to discover you orientation and it can change over time. I would suggest you both read some books, attend some munches and discover what your orientations might be. Remember gender has NOTHING to do with submission or Dominance. Hell you both could be switches  or any combo you can think of.

Good luck,
~Lashra


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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 4:10:07 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Master says you'd have to smoke her into a nice pepperoni, thinly slice, gather your condiments together with a sharp provolone, sprinkle olive oil and balsamic vinegar with (optional)red pepper flakes over a thick pice of bread, obtained from a bakery located in the Mid-Atlantic region of the USA, sliced in half...combine and enjoy!!!
 
it is this slave's opinion that one cannot turn another into something they inherently are not.  you might be able to convince her to CHOOSE submission to you under certain circumstances, given a certain level of trust in you and enjoyment on her part, but changing her inherent nature, realistically, isn't likely.
 
cheers to your fun!!!

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RE: Turning Partner Into A Sub? - 11/20/2008 4:26:54 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think it might be fun to do your research, i.e. find a new activity to do every week or whenever suits you, being it a physical kinky one, or something mentally non-sexual BDSM-ish, and then gauge her reactions during and after.  See what she likes and what she might not, if anything. 

There is an old set of instructional BDSM videos out there by Ona Zee.  They're at least 10 years old, but they were pretty cool for beginners.  Each video had had several segments on something to do with BDSM, corsets, spanking, pony girls, etc.  They're sort of light-hearted and she keeps a sense of humor along with the information to make them easy to watch.  Hot, too   But they were really informative and my now ex-husband and I did a lot of experimenting with them.  You might have to do some searching around, but I'm sure they're still available out there somewhere. 

Or, if you watch any BDSM videos with her, you never know what might light a fire within her.  I think you're way ahead of the game already with her being interested and willing.  There is no one perfect kind of sub to make her into or for her to be.  You just be what works for YOU.  Good luck!

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