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Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 1:59:18 PM

Jupiterfalling

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline

I recently had sex for the first time with my Dom, which had been a long time for me. It started to hurt after a few in an abdominal pain way, so I asked him to stop. I didn't please him and it seemed to throw off the dynamic a bit into more vanilla. Any tips on getting him ticked again?

Post #: 1

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 2:03:02 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I think you need to determine why having sex hurt, that in itself is enough to throw anyone off.

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

Post #: 2

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 2:05:46 PM

MasterTslave

Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
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Does he have a larger member? If he does, that could be why it hurt in a stomach pain way. If it is just because you have not had sex in some time, try using a dildo for a few nights and stretch that pussy! Just explain to him that you were very sorry and you really want him to be your Dom/Master and that you are going to be ready for him next time.

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

Post #: 3

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 2:23:27 PM

Jupiterfalling

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline

It's pretty normal for me if I haven't had sex in a long time. After 2-3 times, I'm usually go to go. I explained it, but he seemes bored/disinterested. I want to tell him I want more, but that just seems so very unsubmissive. He likes to make the call. Can a gal express her need for a little more? Ugh..this is starting to feel very vanilla.

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 4

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 3:13:39 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

It's pretty normal for me if I haven't had sex in a long time. After 2-3 times, I'm usually go to go. I explained it, but he seemes bored/disinterested. I want to tell him I want more, but that just seems so very unsubmissive. He likes to make the call. Can a gal express her need for a little more? Ugh..this is starting to feel very vanilla.

It takes a fool to dominate in an area in which he has no knowledge. There's no reason feedback should hurt the dynamic. I understand that in a scene, it isn't the place to have that conversation. As I understand it, you and your owner are a long term 24-7 type couple, in which it's not always leather and chain time.

For playdates discussion seems to throw off a dynamic, but for consistent relationships it is very helpful to make time to discuss why things are not going as smoothly as they do in D/s porn.

There are many reasons for sex to hurt, including a lack of foreplay, something many D types forget because rubber dolls don't need to be seduced (only lubed).

A little vanilla tends to happen in the D/s world, and its nothing to be afraid of. There are very power-exchange promoting ways to gather information. Interrogation, humiliation, degradation, grovel and beg to be fixed, protocol-esque writing assignments, etc. can all include your intimate thoughts about your body.

I'm sure you both want the sex to be good, so you're really working toward the same goal. Make the engine (the D/s element) work for you, not against. Instead of feeling trapped and unable to speak because it's not submissive, use his right to your freedoms to encourage conversations most couples (vanilla as well as power exchange) suffer with.

tl;dr: Beg him to make you into an inflatable sex doll.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

Post #: 5

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 4:52:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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1) Figure out the hurting, as others have said it may be nothing more than your body no longer accustomed to it and needing more lube

2) Ask him if he's going to pout everytime the world doesn't give him exactly what he wants when he wants it?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 6

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 4:54:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Did you ask in a polite way? Did you explain to him about the pain? Was he concerned at all about how you were feeling?

Your first concern is to find out why you were in pain.

Personally if he was more concerned about not getting laid than your pain that would be a huge red flag to me but that is a call you need to make.

Good luck.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 5:23:58 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

I recently had sex for the first time with my Dom, which had been a long time for me. It started to hurt after a few in an abdominal pain way, so I asked him to stop. I didn't please him and it seemed to throw off the dynamic a bit into more vanilla. Any tips on getting him ticked again?

Okay, was he displeased because you asked him to stop?
Displeased that you were hurting?

I'm having trouble understanding how painful intercourse throws the dynamic off, if he causes icky pain (it actually happens a LOT due to my physical problems) its just something that gets discussed then worked around but its really hard to advise you when I'm not clearly understanding precisely where his displeasure lies.

If it is because the flow is interrupted could you prepare yourself a bit more ahead of time? Spend some moments applying a good lubricant or masturbating yourself to arousal.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

Post #: 8

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 6:27:59 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Have you talked to a doctor to make sure it is really normal for you?

Mike

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 9

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 6:35:10 PM

PurpleSockx

Posts: 63
Joined: 11/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

It's pretty normal for me if I haven't had sex in a long time. After 2-3 times, I'm usually go to go. I explained it, but he seemes bored/disinterested. I want to tell him I want more, but that just seems so very unsubmissive. He likes to make the call. Can a gal express her need for a little more? Ugh..this is starting to feel very vanilla.

Well, first, I echo both what LuckyAlbatross & LittleWonder previously said: I, too, would be quite concerned by his attitude and apparent lack of maturity. There's no way that acting disinterested will solve anything and it seems that the bigger problem is more a lack of communication than the pain problem as you seem to know why it happened (judging from your first sentence. This type of pain can also occur if you feel nervous/stressed; at least it happened to me in the past.

I understand what you mean when you say it would feel "unsubmissive" to ask for more. I, too, don't like to ask. But I think you and your partner need a good conversation first. Sometimes things just don't go as planned and your partner need to be aware of it. Being able to talk through these things and being adaptable in such circumstances should be important characteristics in a good D/s (at least that's my personal opinion). So, yes, I think this definitely needs to be addressed to him.

Good luck to you

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

Post #: 10

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 6:50:27 PM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling
Any tips on getting him ticked again?

Ah, passive dominance. Love it.

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

Post #: 11

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 6:51:02 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

I recently had sex for the first time with my Dom, which had been a long time for me. It started to hurt after a few in an abdominal pain way, so I asked him to stop. I didn't please him and it seemed to throw off the dynamic a bit into more vanilla. Any tips on getting him ticked again?

My first time for sex with my Dom caused me pain and some problems. He wouldn't have sex again, until I went to a Dr. After the Dr. explained me what was going on, and I let Sir know, he was okay again. Perhaps if you go to a Dr. just for a check-up it will ease him as well.

oceanwynds

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

Post #: 12

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 7:21:34 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

That thought occurred to me as well. Maybe what you perceive as disinterest is an uncommunicated concern.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 13

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 7:22:32 PM

NewnImproved

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/13/2008
From: California
Status: offline

alright, I'm no expert or anything. But it turns me on when a sub tells me she wants me. Its nice to know I have that sexual control over her. Dont be afraid to talk to him. He might be thrown off because he feels out of sorts due to your pain, not knowing whats going on can do that

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 14

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 7:48:13 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

I want to tell him I want more, but that just seems so very unsubmissive. He likes to make the call. Can a gal express her need for a little more? Ugh..this is starting to feel very vanilla.

There's nothing "unsubmissive" about begging. Getting in your sexiest outfit, be that your birthday suit or something else, and getting on your knees and pleading from the depth of your soul, your heart, and your pussy that you neeeeed him more than anything and that you would do ANYTHING to feel him inside you. You can express your need for sex, without it being vanilla. You can use your imagination and show him just how horny you are. Maybe doing a little striptease for him would help. Or, maybe you could give him a massage and do it in the nude. Being submissive doesn't usually mean that you can't ask (or beg) for sex.

joy
Master David's erotic-domestic slave

_____________________________

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

Post #: 15

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 7:48:52 PM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

A trip to the doctor for you.
An open line of communication for your Dom and you.
His first concern should be your well-being. So have yourself checked out to make sure you're ok. Once that's done, talk to him and express your concerns about sex, your dynamic, and what each of your needs are. Hopefully, he'll do the same. Once an open line of communication is in place, just about anything can be worked out.
Good luck.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to NewnImproved)

Post #: 16

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 9:35:02 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

By not telling him what you desire or what you are feeling is in essence you making decisions that should be his....Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Cuffkinks)

Post #: 17

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 9:53:51 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling
Any tips on getting him ticked again?

Ah, passive dominance. Love it.

Ah, discouraging communication and dealing with issues, because it's "unsubmissive-like". Love it.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

Post #: 18

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/20/2008 11:23:39 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

It's late at night, I'm reading this thread with a killer migrane.   However, sure having pain is enough to throw the moment or mood off, should not throw the D/s relationship itself off. It's normal for any women who has not had sex to feel some pain. Hell, I'm sitting here thing about the times, I've literally fucked somebody sore, then that was it, they were in too much pain.   Options for continued play include oral, body massages, other sensual or sexual things.   There's a lot more things to do beside fuck.   Mmmmmmmm...   I'm thinking here.

I've never had a whole relationship dynamic get thrown off because somebody was in too much pain at the time to fuck.

I've actually had partners worry they not please me enough when they are in pain before, I can understand your concern or worry.   All, I know is that I comforted them, reassured them that it was ok and I understood. There are more then one way to find pleasure you know. :^)

I don't know, I think talking about this with your partner helps the best. They should be able to understand and figure things out based on what you share with them.   Us Doms are not all heatless, greedy, all using, want to fuck all the time (Ummmm.. not certain about that one), bastards that don't care.

I think you might find, he's feeling a little awkward about what to do. He might be a little uncertain if the pain your felt is something that can be worked past. He might even be afraid of trying and hurting you again. He might be sitting there driving himself mad with all kinds of thoughts, trying to figure out how to best deal with things. OK, yes some of us DOMs will drive ourselves mad in deep thoughts until our submissive partner opens their mouth and speaks up sharing things with us, so that we have a better understanding.

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

Post #: 19

RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/21/2008 5:43:26 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

So you propose to beg for sex, knowing full well it may be so painful that you'll have to call a stop to it? I don't recommend that. That's mixed signals if anything is.

Go to the doctor. It may be normal for you to experience pain if you aren't having sex regularly, it isn't anything I've ever heard of. But being checked out, being told to take it slow by a doctor should help. Because then you can say to him that you won't be able to tolerate long hard intercourse but for the next few times could he be gentle while you get used to it, following which you'll perform oral for his pleasure. It doesn't have to be one or the other, it can be both.

But find out what's going on and then give him the information. Because right now all he knows is that you can't have penetration.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)

Post #: 20

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