RE: Sex in the D/S

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RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/21/2008 5:55:33 AM

Jupiterfalling

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
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Thanks, all. Most of you were suggesting that I see a dr. I already know that there is nothing wrong. In fact this ALWAYS happens to me. If the guy has sex with me the next day or two, I am fine.

It's more so that I get the feeling that he thinks I can't handle him. Which is a turn-off. I'm not in the best of health from stress - related issues (i.e my back, stomach, energy level). I'm pretty thin too. This may be the straw that broke the camels back because I've had others issues with handling anal, losing circulation after being tied, and giving oral after being chocked/suffocated. Am I just not cut out for BDSM? The irony is that I am relentless - i.e I keep trying and it actually makes me stronger/better. Sigh..

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RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/21/2008 6:28:55 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

Thanks, all. Most of you were suggesting that I see a dr. I already know that there is nothing wrong. In fact this ALWAYS happens to me. If the guy has sex with me the next day or two, I am fine.

Did you tell him this BEFORE you had sex, so that he would know you might wind up in pain and call a stop to it midstream? Or were you hoping that this time would somehow be different?

My words probably won't be very favorable here, but I'm coming from a place where what my former owner wanted from me, he got, without any protest from me. If it hurt, it hurt, because it was my job to please him. If I sensed something was going medically wrong, then I would let him know, but if something hurt as a "norm" to my body, I would deal with it so he could enjoy it.

And before the usual crowd starts emailing me again on my "sublier-than-thou" attitude, that's not the place I'm coming from (hell, I'm hardly submissive at all anymore). I'm adding a perspective about how I was trained by my former owner. Stopping an activity because of usual discomfort was not something afforded to me, and therefore not something I can relate to now. In the case of the OP, I would offer a sincere apology for ruining his moment, explain to him that sex always hurts the first time after it's been awhile, and apologize for not having told him that before. And then I would prepare myself better next time. Daily activity with a dildo should help avoid such a situation in the future, so sex could be something you both enjoy.

Until then, whether he wants sex with you again is up to him. You can't make someone want something they don't.

You say things feel too vanilla now - is your relationship as a whole D/s centered? Has this thrown everything about your relationship into "vanilla" ground, or just the sexual fun?

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

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RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/21/2008 7:01:22 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

There are many reasons for sex to hurt, including a lack of foreplay, something many D types forget because rubber dolls don't need to be seduced (only lubed).

OMG that is just too funny!

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RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/21/2008 7:09:42 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

I recently had sex for the first time with my Dom, which had been a long time for me. It started to hurt after a few in an abdominal pain way, so I asked him to stop. I didn't please him and it seemed to throw off the dynamic a bit into more vanilla. Any tips on getting him ticked again?

On a side note...at your next gyno appointment get checked for fibroid tumors. Painful intercourse is one of it's main symptoms.

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(in reply to Jupiterfalling)

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RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/21/2008 7:28:45 AM

Jupiterfalling

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Joined: 6/22/2008
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Well, I should have told him beforehand, but I wasn't expecting sex. In the past, he has only played with me (tieing, spanking, whipping, finger penetration, anal play) and I thought we might just be hanging out since I haven't seen him in a while. He was very understanding of my discomfort, but also made it a point to tell me how fragile I am. I explained that it was a burning pain, not sharp pain that I like. Again, I have had all of my normal check-ups and nothing is wrong downstairs. It feels vanilla, because in vanilla relationships, I was always a "nay-sayer". I didn't get to satisfy him, and I felt too in controll. I'd like to remind him that I want to continue, have my limits pushed, and serve him. Would saying so further dispell my submissiveness or be a nice way of informing him that I invite him to take me?

(in reply to allthatjaz)

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RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/21/2008 7:32:58 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling
It feels vanilla, because in vanilla relationships, I was always a "nay-sayer". I didn't get to satisfy him, and I felt too in controll. I'd like to remind him that I want to continue, have my limits pushed, and serve him. Would saying so further dispell my submissiveness or be a nice way of informing him that I invite him to take me?

From this post then, it sounds as though you have played the hand in making this "vanilla," not him. It is not at all "un-submissive" to tell him you want to submit to him and work past this issue. But then it's in his hands, and submitting to him means leaving it in his hands. As I have said before, you can't make someone be who they're not.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

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RE: Sex in the D/S - 11/21/2008 9:18:14 AM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Ah, discouraging communication and dealing with issues, because it's "unsubmissive-like". Love it.

Hi MadRabbit,

No disagreement about communication here, but for real communication to occur, it must be between Keeper and kept—not from clueless strangers online, to submissive, to dominant party.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

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Post #: 27