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The scene - 12/22/2005 6:16:13 AM   
andrew77uk


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I am new to this, but I do have to wonder how much of this is pretnetious or not, whilst I tottaly respect and individuals oppinions and such like, I sometimes get the feeling some people try to make this out to be alot more than it actually is. My reasons for thinking this is perhaps some people dont want to be made out to be a slut, or have moral issues. There for they try to make this out to be some kind of lifestyle (I know some people in person who are very happy in this lifestyle). Dont feel I am having a go at the community, but I do feel some people are just trying to make sex into somthing more than it actually is. Whats your opinions?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 6:20:04 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Am I missing something here?
What's the lifestyle have to do with sex?
I'm in the lifestyle and my hand is my best friend......oh, that's what you meant!
God, now I feel so cheap!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 6:25:14 AM   
andrew77uk


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		My point is and please dont get me wrong on this, I sometimes feel some people try to make the "lifestyle" into somthing more than it actually is so they better than people that just have regualr sex....its just somthing that slightly tiggles on my nerves. My other reasons for this is that I hear so many people in D/s that frown upon vanila sex...kinda annoys me that

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 6:25:54 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		A) The scene is just like ordinary life, same people, same issues.

B) What sex is or is not varies greatly from person to person, relationship to relationship, even day to day.

I think it's good to have "moral issues" and to feel free to be a slut or not be a slut as they choose. Yes, some people in the scene are pretentious, some people try and make it this amazing "sacred" thing. It's ok if that's how it works for THEM, just as much as it is for it to be just slutty immoral sex for you.

The problem arises when we expect others to share our values- and you're being just as guilty of that here as "they" are.

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 6:29:58 AM   
andrew77uk


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		well said :) its the whole do as I say not what I do syndrom that annoys me...kinda like christians out on the streets preaching about how ya alll gona burn in hell unless you become a far right wing chrisitan! I really dont mind what people do in their lifes, but I hate snobbery.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 6:43:26 AM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline 		Good Christians, bad ones, good doctors and so on...
People are not rational they are rationalizing. Yes, there are many people that try to make more of their lifestyle. And there are also those that admit they are in it only for the kinky sex. As long as they are open and honest about it, what is the big deal?
And also there are people that live the lifestyle in their version of 24/7.
IDIC. What is right and good for me might be pretentious to you. But if I’m not forcing it on you, do you have the right to call it pretentious? Hehe
And sex is always important. If it wasn’t would some churches seek to control it and the government have to make laws about what is indecent and what isn’t? Be it fucking or making love, sex is one of the most treasured and magic things we do.
So there
Tony

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 6:50:07 AM   
andrew77uk


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Your all right, I just had to vent my frustration from right wing D/s :P

(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 7:16:25 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenxx

sex is one of the most treasured and magic things we do.


It is???? mmmmmm I think I going to shovel the snow later .... much later maybe in May. I have treasured things to do *G*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 7:41:56 AM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		and what about us obviously delusional people to whom this IS actually more than sexual? I must be far more pretentious than I ever imagined.

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 7:53:59 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Andrew may I suggest that you hang around the boards here for awhile and read these threads? I think you will quickly find that most of the people here are NOT being pretentious or assuming.

Yes, like everything else in this world, there are those people out there that hang on the fringes of something and try be belong by association. That's true in this 'lifestyle' just like it is anywhere else. But if you are really interested in BDSM (read: not just kinky sex) then it would behoove you to spend some time here reading and learning from the people who really know what they are talking about.

If, however, you feel that BDSM is nothing more than an excuse for kinky sex, then you are probably in the wrong website and might want to move on.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 12/22/2005 7:54:32 AM >

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 3:26:06 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		This gives the implication that D/s or BDSM inherently have something to do with -sex- for everyone who participates... D/s and BDSM may be a lot of things, but just like any other relationship, sex is only one -part- (and for some, not -even- a part... and for some, close to the whole shebang) of an entire package that encompases so many areas of life that, for some of us, it rarely (if ever) comes up in a discussion of the way they live the lifestyle.

It also completely cuts out those of us whose spirituality and morality are not "tarnished" by considering the wide variety of preferences that people have as being perfectly ok.

Lady Zephyr



quote:

ORIGINAL: andrew77uk

Well, I am new to this, but I do have to wonder how much of this is pretnetious or not, whilst I tottaly respect and individuals oppinions and such like, I sometimes get the feeling some people try to make this out to be alot more than it actually is. My reasons for thinking this is perhaps some people dont want to be made out to be a slut, or have moral issues. There for they try to make this out to be some kind of lifestyle (I know some people in person who are very happy in this lifestyle). Dont feel I am having a go at the community, but I do feel some people are just trying to make sex into somthing more than it actually is. Whats your opinions?


< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 12/22/2005 3:31:22 PM >

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 3:29:00 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		Hey, our house can be delusional and pretentious with your house. *chuckles*

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp

and what about us obviously delusional people to whom this IS actually more than sexual? I must be far more pretentious than I ever imagined.


_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to afmvdp)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 3:45:56 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andrew77uk

well said :) its the whole do as I say not what I do syndrom that annoys me...kinda like christians out on the streets preaching about how ya alll gona burn in hell unless you become a far right wing chrisitan! I really dont mind what people do in their lifes, but I hate snobbery.


And yet you are showing classic signs of snobbery?

For some, BDSM is not about sex or sexual release.
For some, BDSM is all about Sex or sexual release.
And for some - it combines.

So for those you are ridiculing because of their pretentious nature... remember it is all relative. And it's not interfering with you, so ignore those that you don't agree with and walk away.

If you feel a certain way, no need to defend your actions - it just looks as though you are afraid to voice your opinion.(and I do mean that in a caring way - I know it doesn't read like it,lol) You are 'having a go' at a community, or at least a section of it. But BDSM is still something that is populated by the same people who walk past you on the street. It's populated by human beings - not a super race... Once you realise that, everything else makes total sense.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The scene - 12/22/2005 7:09:12 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andrew77uk

Well, I am new to this, but I do have to wonder how much of this is pretnetious or not, whilst I tottaly respect and individuals oppinions and such like, I sometimes get the feeling some people try to make this out to be alot more than it actually is. My reasons for thinking this is perhaps some people dont want to be made out to be a slut, or have moral issues. There for they try to make this out to be some kind of lifestyle (I know some people in person who are very happy in this lifestyle). Dont feel I am having a go at the community, but I do feel some people are just trying to make sex into somthing more than it actually is. Whats your opinions?

BDSM isn't superior to other lifestyles per se' - but it is for *me*.

I'm not in it for sex, all lifestyles have that. I'm here because I have far greater primal needs and urges than just sex. I'm not and never have been an abusive man but I can't deny that egalitarian relationships frustrate tha hell outa me!

Yeah, sure, sex is great blah blah but it's not what my early fantasies were about and it's not the highest point of my physical relationship priorities either. Most outsiders see the kink of BDSM but have no concept of a control dynamic being healthy and mutually satisfying for Dom AND sub.

Take it or leave it, I'm not here to prove myself superior or inferior to anyone. I'm in the lifestyle because the vast majority understand my needs and thought processes as I understand theirs - even the ones I trade insults with.... lol

Personally, I believe water always finds it's own level and that's why I found my way to BDSM sites but you won't find me on any gay sites or supremesist sites etc.

There's no pot of gold here nor is it some Shangrilah or Utopia. But it's where I feel I fit in best.... What brought you here?

Focus.

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The scene - 12/23/2005 9:26:20 AM   
phoenixslave


Posts: 66
Joined: 6/13/2004
Status: offline 		andrew, what you see as pretention can often be passion. Some people live with far too little of it , whatever "it" may be. Then there are others that live to climb mountains, or fight poverty, or endless other things that make them feel truly alive. For some, it is here and like all passions, you find a rhythym and a lingo that best describes it. Often words fail or at least fail to acknowledge the variations each individual brings to the table. And like any table,you take what you want and feast...

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The scene - 12/23/2005 9:43:53 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

andrew, what you see as pretention can often be passion.


Wonderful.... can I quote you on that?

Much Peace and Rapture.

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to phoenixslave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The scene - 12/23/2005 12:41:29 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		i agree with Phoenxx and KoM, the sex/play is very precious, but i'd never come to think of myself solely or primarially as someone who has kinky sex/play and was therefore better than anyone else. It takes alot for me to feel superior to someone, and i cannot even hypothesis a scenario in which i'd make that leap based on anyone's sex life.

candystripper

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The scene - 12/23/2005 12:47:21 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:


And sex is always important.


Actually maybe to some people and some orginizations, but sex is not very important to me or on a high to do list. I don't think it's treasured or magical. On a scale of 1 to 10 in an importance rating it gets about a 1 on my scale. There's much more magical and precious things I could do with my time.

(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The scene - 12/23/2005 12:51:08 PM   
FemDomHouTx


Posts: 158
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		It aint about the sex (which is great btw) its about who I am.
Stephen King wrote that when asked, "Why do you write horror novels?", he would respond, "what makes you think I have a choice"?
Yes of course there are posers who think they can pretend to be this or that and get laid as a result, but I dont think that applies to the majority of those here.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The scene - 12/23/2005 12:58:13 PM   
addcted2it


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/28/2004
From: Sonoma County, California, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andrew77uk

Well, I am new to this, but I do have to wonder how much of this is pretnetious or not, whilst I tottaly respect and individuals oppinions and such like, I sometimes get the feeling some people try to make this out to be alot more than it actually is. My reasons for thinking this is perhaps some people dont want to be made out to be a slut, or have moral issues. There for they try to make this out to be some kind of lifestyle (I know some people in person who are very happy in this lifestyle). Dont feel I am having a go at the community, but I do feel some people are just trying to make sex into somthing more than it actually is. Whats your opinions?


Andrew,

For some of us, it IS a big deal. And it is certainly not for everyone. There are people like myself who have had BDSM and D/S fantasies since childhood. For others, it comes to them later in life. And there are also those people who enjoy kinky sex. There's room for all of us here.

As far as BDSM and D/S as a lifestyle, well...that works for some and for others not. CollarMe is simply a melting pot of and for ideas. It allows people to be who they are and to accept others for who they are without fear of reprisal.

Speaking for myself, your comments are questions are always welcome. For whatever the reason which brought you here, I hope you will stay and continue to read the posts.

- addicted2it


_____________________________

Submission is not an excuse to abuse.
Life is short! Live it to the fullest!

(in reply to andrew77uk)
Profile   Post #: 20
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