RE: To list or not to list?

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RE: To list or not to list? - 11/21/2008 8:58:38 AM

tsatske

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Thank you, NZ. I am bipolar as a MF. Life works better when I can see the list and check things off, when I know what's expected and what to expect.
It is in no way a substitute for talking or conversations. It is a substitue for calling him on his cell phone 45 times during the work day to say 'Okay, I did the dishes - most of them. should I clean the coffee pot now? it's getting kind of funky. Maybe I should shine the stove. Can I just mop, do I have to sweeep? why sweep, anyway?' 'Hi, me again. It's three o'clock. Do you think it is too late in the day to throw the beding in the wash. It's getting kind of gross looking. When was the last time I changed it? What? Oh, well, yea, of course we have another set - so I could just throw it in, and put on the other set for tonight. Should I change back tommorrow? Just leave it till next time? Hmm... novel. When is next time gonna be? should I really be washing the bed linens? I mean, they do seem to me like they need it, but I'm behind on washing your underware...'
Yea, no, I don't really do that. Well, not out loud, not on the phone, not to him - but it is what life in my head sounds like. Lists help.

He has learned I do best with rules that are VERY clear cut.
'Bedtime is at nine o'clock for little sluts. Go into the bedroom, and don't come back through the bedroom door again, unless there's a fire, until it is time to get my coffee.'
why not, 'don't leave the bedroom in the middle of the night' ? see - that won't work for me. What does 'the middle of the night' mean? is it the middle of the night now? how about now? what counts as 'leaving the bedroom?' Can i use the bathroom down the hall? why? i don't know why, just, can i?

Rules are not limiting to either of us. When I am handling things fine, i might do lots of differant things - as long as things get done, he doesn't care. But, when I need it, the list is there, nice and clear. The lists do not mean that he doesn't get to change things up. He gets to do whatever he wants.

House inspections are on Wed. But that doesn't mean he can't run one on Firday if he wants! (there is one tonight!)

Yep, lists is good. :)

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RE: To list or not to list? - 11/21/2008 10:48:22 AM

missturbation

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Written lists of rules and expectations work really well for me, especially in the early stages of a relationship. I find if too much info is spoken to me i tend to forget some of it. If it is written i can look to it for guidance and not have to question what i should do / be doing etc verbally.
Of course as time goes by i will memorise most of them and refer to the list less and less.
I don't think they replace communication about things, at least not for me. They just mean i don't have to question the small things which can become annoying and tedious.

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RE: To list or not to list? - 11/21/2008 5:54:12 PM

antipode

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quote:

a list of specific expectations

Ah, like a list of non-existent profiles, like yours?

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RE: To list or not to list? - 11/21/2008 6:29:16 PM

WhiplashSmile2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

a list of specific expectations

Ah, like a list of non-existent profiles, like yours?

So what exactly is your beef regarding my profile. You had made this an issue before on another thread I had started. I actually activated it for a bit for you to perv out. Right now my profile is not active. What's the deal here? I've noticed you have similar issues with other people posting to the boards or starting threads. Why is this such an issue. Considering you already did view my profile when it was active. :-P Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. What's the big deal or issue you have with peoples profiles. Does not the topics of the thread hold enough substance or weight, or you want to find out if I'm a real person or what?

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RE: To list or not to list? - 11/21/2008 6:52:19 PM

monywildcat

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I have always found lists helpful. I tend to get distracted easily, and found they can really help with the flow of conversation. But I don't envision myself as pulling out my steno pad with a list and red pen once we start discussing the issue at hand. It's more for my own benefit.

The x was big on lists as well. However, in that context, it did feel like I was being talked down to, at least until I wadded one up and threw it at him.

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RE: To list or not to list? - 11/21/2008 7:05:40 PM

pinkwind

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Joined: 1/9/2005
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i don't find lists insulting or demeaning, in certain circumstances they are for me more aide memoir.

That said, i have always preferred direct communication and the meeting of minds in concord especially with something as important as the dynamic of a relationship that we hope will endure and grow. Personally, no list could ever replace that communication, or would be needed to mark it's having taken place like the taking of minutes, nor could i ever form a relationship based upon lists rather than personal communication.

We are adults, and if we cannot use communication alone to form the basis of our relationship, and move forward without the aid of lists of rules and expectations that we find unable to hold in our minds then all is lost.

i am not decrying the existence of such lists being helpful, as i said before, in the form of aide memoir, but given more importance than that? Not for us.

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Post #: 26