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mistoferin -> RE: I want to know what happened to honor and integrity (12/19/2008 3:39:50 AM)
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I'm not sure how it is that I totally missed this thread until now. I have been struggling with my understanding of integrity as of late also. Granted, I am looking at it from a bit of a different perspective than the OP but....I wrote something the other day on a different site and I think that in some ways it pertains to the discussion here. Most specifically what I have noticed is that there seem to be some who talk a good integrity game, and even seem to practice it within the confines of the dungeon walls....but it is all forgotten when they exit that dungeon and doesn't seem to get applied in their overall life. To me, integrity is not conditional. Anyway, I'm going to post it here and maybe it will add a different view to the discussion.
quote:
Integrity...does it mean something different here?
In this lifestyle I often hear the terms honesty and integrity being discussed. It is certainly not discussed in the vanilla word as often as it gets discussed here. The notion that us lifestylers think more consciously about such things has no doubt, led many to trust more quickly in our interactions here than they would normally consider doing outside of this lifestyle. Personally I don’t think that as a group we are “more” honest, “more” moral, “more” integritous than the rest of society. But there are many who would like to have us believe we are…and many who want to believe we are. It somehow makes what we do less risky.
Yes, there are many people who do possess those qualities and try very hard to incorporate them and practice them in their lives. But do those words mean something different here? Are we sending mixed messages? In our lifestyle we also are told that we must be tolerant and non judgmental…accepting. We are told that if we see something we don’t like we are to turn away. Your kink is not my kink but that’s ok and all that stuff. You know, I really do understand that concept. But where is the line? What about when it’s NOT about their kink? Does their membership in this lifestyle give them some magical protection that does not allow for us to judge them or stand against them in the same way that we would in the larger world? Must we forget our own moral code so as not to breach that line of tolerance? Are we not allowed to stand against what we believe to be unmistakably wrong because of our association here or our status or orientation in this? Is it wrong to stand up against an unmistakable and inarguable wrong because the people involved are kinksters…even when that wrong has nothing to do with kink? Is having a strong moral code and actually living it a direct opposition to participating in this lifestyle?
Most people claim to possess the qualities of honesty and integrity. Most people claim to own them and incorporate them into their lives. I am one of those people. I try very hard for them to be more than just virtuous spoken words that pass my lips with nothing more to back them up but the breath it takes to exhale them. I sometimes wonder though if some people have ever really taken a hard look at what those words mean, if they have a real understanding of what it means and takes to actually apply them to their world. It’s easy to claim them when you’re sailing along freely…but what about when a fierce storm blows in? When you have to make tough decisions and put your money where your mouth is? When following your conscience and doing the right thing has consequences or will separate you from what you have come to find comfort in? Is it ok to abandon these principles when it’s not easy? Is it ok to let them fall to the wayside because there is something at stake or because the price of adhering to them may be high? Is it ok to support an egregious wrong or look the other way because it may separate you from the pack or cost you a friendship? When it will open you up to the scrutiny and judgment of your peers or the rumor mill that will undoubtedly spin wildly on untruths and assumptions?
I spent some time this morning taking a hard look at what these so easily tossed about words mean, the ramifications of actually owning them and applying them to my life. Nowhere in any of these definitions did I find any disclaimers that allowed for abandoning these principles in situations where adhering to them would not be easy. Nowhere in these definitions did I find any disqualifiers that would alleviate one’s personal responsibility to their adherence dependent upon situation or the status or relationship of people involved. We all set our own moral and ethical code that guides us in this world. Integrity is actually living it. Sometimes we can do that without thought…it comes easy. Sometimes it’s damn hard. But there is no integrity if you justify your non-adherence to your own chosen code by adding disclaimers and qualifiers.
Honesty:
a) fairness and straightforwardness of conduct, b) adherence to fact
Integrity:
firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values, incorruptibility
an unimpaired condition
the quality or state of being complete or undivided
Incorruptibility:
1. Incorruptible as: not subject to decay or dissolution
2. incapable of being bribed or morally corrupted
Probity:
Adherence to the highest principles and ideals
Just:
Acting or being in conformity with what is morally upright or good
Righteous:
Morally right or justifiable
Moral:
Conforming to a standard of right behavior
Ethics:
A set of moral principles of conduct governing an individual or a group
Scrupulous:
Having Moral integrity: acting in strict regard for what is considered right or proper
Honesty, Honor, Integrity and Probity mean uprightness of character or action.
Honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal or deceive in any way. Honor suggests an active or anxious regard for the standards of one’s profession, calling or position. Integrity implies trustworthiness to a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility or pledge. Probity implies tried and proven honesty or integrity.
Upright, Honest, Just, Conscientious, Scrupulous, and Honorable mean having or showing a strict regard for what is morally right. Upright implies a strict adherence to moral principles. Honest stresses adherence to such virtues as truthfulness, candor and fairness. Just stresses conscious choice and regular practice of what is right or equitable. Conscientious and Scrupulous imply an active moral sense governing all of one’s actions and painstaking efforts to follow one’s conscience. Honorable suggests a firm holding to codes of right behavior and the guidance of a high sense of honor and duty.
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