RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends.

RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (Full Version)

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WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 9:38:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero I would not have permitted the casual interaction to happen in the first place. It isn't a matter of trying to be 'openminded'...my judgment of character is based on reasonable foundations, so I shouldn't have some inner guilt about it when it comes down to someone close to me potentially interacting with them. Moreover, I would sincerely hope that, upon realization of my disfavor for a person, it is my sub/slave who takes the initiative to not contact them at all (except as a possible protective measure, defending the Dom)...not just out of honor to me, but as a underlying trust in my judgment of character and that it is indicating that this other person is not someone worth interacting with. Then, if the sub continued to choose interaction with this other person despite knowing all this...it starts speaking more of her motivations and flaws than anything else. Thank you, for this particular post. You've just addressed the full details of the OP presented, which is why certain specific general details were given. It can seem rather subjective at times when calling into judgement and character of another person. There is a lot to be said with trusting in ones judgement of character. Not only for the submissive to trust their Doms judgement of character at times, also for the Dom to actually trust in their own judgement of character. Trying to keep open minded at times can be a bitch. Were the foundations reasonable or not? Now, with this said. The trust of the Dominant partners judgement is tested. Now, there is the matter of the Dominant partner trusting the submissive partners judgement of character. The Dominant party, stops for a moment and explores the notion that perhaps his own judgement might be unreasonable, since the causual Dominant friend has been respectful towards the submissive and any relationship boundaries. These lines had not been pushed nor crossed. Both the Dominant and submissive talk about any possible minor jealously issues that could be at work. In the mean time, the Dominant leaves it in his submissive partners hands as to the status of the friendship. Doing so is giving and allowing the submissive partner to have responsibility in the D/s relationship itself. Still the Dominant has a gut instinct feeling to wrestle with, and manages to set that gut instinct feeling to the side, for the sake of building trust in the relationship. Life goes on, however the Dominant notices her causual Dominant friend has unjustly disrepecting another person (a pattern of disrespectful behavior is painfully apparent), then in a matter of days perhaps a week at best, is when "All Hell breaks loose" when the causual friend intentionally attacks, provokes and disrespecting the Dominant party of the relationship. As other have expressed, this is also disrespectful towards the submissive partner. Personally, I myself have a similar view as kyraofMists posted. "someone's character is such that they are going to be disrespectful to the other members of our family, then they are not someone he will allow to be around us for very long " I myself have a certain code of coduct and ethics in such matters, that it applies equally to both myself and my partner. Hence why the OP even goes to far to apply the same situation from different angles. Personally, it's very seldom where I feel the need to step in and ask for somebody to discontinue a friendship.

MzMia -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 9:45:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel I will not be friends with anyone who disrespects the man I love or our relationship. End of story. This is my answer, life really does not have to be that difficult.

NihilusZero -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 9:54:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 Thank you, for this particular post. You've just addressed the full details of the OP presented, which is why certain specific general details were given. It can seem rather subjective at times when calling into judgement and character of another person. There is a lot to be said with trusting in ones judgement of character. Not only for the submissive to trust their Doms judgement of character at times, also for the Dom to actually trust in their own judgement of character. Trying to keep open minded at times can be a bitch. Were the foundations reasonable or not? Now, with this said. The trust of the Dominant partners judgement is tested. Now, there is the matter of the Dominant partner trusting the submissive partners judgement of character. Good points. I myself (being overly analytical by nature) sometimes end up ping ponging back and forth in my head between not wanting to feel/seem illogically restrictive over a sub/slave even while my instinct tells me I don't like someone she is going to potentially interact with. I think, despite how 'weak' the confusion may seem to outside viewers (and even to our own self-assessments), it is a good sign to see a Dom deliberating over how to best objectively serve and care for his sub/slave. quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 The Dominant party, stops for a moment and explores the notion that perhaps his own judgement might be unreasonable, since the causual Dominant friend has been respectful towards the submissive and any relationship boundaries. These lines had not been pushed nor crossed. Both the Dominant and submissive talk about any possible minor jealously issues that could be at work. In the mean time, the Dominant leaves it in his submissive partners hands as to the status of the friendship. Doing so is giving and allowing the submissive partner to have responsibility in the D/s relationship itself. Still the Dominant has a gut instinct feeling to wrestle with, and manages to set that gut instinct feeling to the side, for the sake of building trust in the relationship. Interesting. So...in retrospect, do you feel this was more an exercise (intentional or not) between you and her, rather than about him at all? quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 Life goes on, however the Dominant notices her causual Dominant friend has unjustly disrepecting another person (a pattern of disrespectful behavior is painfully apparent), then in a matter of days perhaps a week at best, is when "All Hell breaks loose" when the causual friend intentionally attacks, provokes and disrespecting the Dominant party of the relationship. As other have expressed, this is also disrespectful towards the submissive partner. Personally, I myself have a similar view as kyraofMists posted. "someone's character is such that they are going to be disrespectful to the other members of our family, then they are not someone he will allow to be around us for very long " I myself have a certain code of coduct and ethics in such matters, that it applies equally to both myself and my partner. Hence why the OP even goes to far to apply the same situation from different angles. Personally, it's very seldom where I feel the need to step in and ask for somebody to discontinue a friendship. No one likes to be 'that guy'. Ultimatums have a bad taste, even when they are in the best interest of the relationship. The important part, as I think we're seeing here, is whether the sub/slave happily understands and supports her Dom's decision, trusting he is not just giving in to knee-jerk reactions of jealousy, but is coming from a place of thoughtful appraisal about how healthy having X person in their lives will be.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 10:03:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I'm CURIOUS to know exactly how it is known that the actions were both intentionally and cause of disrespect (some doms just look for it and have thin skins), but I agree that disrespect isn't cool no matter what dynamic and I'd question why any relationship would continue contact with someone who WAS attempting to cause harm to one of the people involved. Trust me, it was both intentional and disrespectful, actually there's no mistaking it otherwise either. In terms of the motivation behind the intent and disrespect this is questionable. It's sort of like having somebody walk up to you, knowing you don't like being slapped, and they slap you again, after having done it once before. Where you expressed to them directly Hey don't slap me anymore. It's a bit of a no brainer at least one would think. How much more disrespectful can a person be, when they know you are going to take offense without question or any doubts in the matter? This nothing but intentionally provoking and disrespecting another person. I clearly would not walk up to somebody and call them a Whore knowing full well without question it would offend them. Now if I had jokingly called somebody a whore and they were offended, I would apologize and make it a point to not call them that again, unless I wanted to intentionally offend and disrespect them. It can painfully clear some actions of people are intentional unprovoked acts of disrespect.

DesFIP -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 10:06:52 AM)
He wouldn't need to forbid me contact, I'd have dropped the acquaintance on the first rude comment. Why didn't she? Beyond that, this is a reason to focus on making friends who are other subs, not unattached doms. I've written to other doms on occasion, but there's a reason. Usually something in the forums that I want to know more about but not hijack the thread. Sometimes we keep talking for a while, sometimes we don't. However an unattached dom usually starts to cross the line of where I feel comfortable. They ask or make sexual comments that I feel is inappropriate, there are subtle come ons. I get the feeling that the sub in question isn't very good at seeing this immediately and without objecting to the first such comment, the other dom will feel he can continue to try to steal her away. Since she isn't seeing it, it is her dom's responsibility to protect his property and the relationship by shutting it down. Now I don't always see this myself, The Man calls me naive. Occasionally he'll read mail over my shoulder and spot this at which point he writes to the other dom and tells him to back off. That's to save me concern over being rude to people, which I have trouble doing. But I trust his instincts about other men, the same way he trusts my instincts about other women coming on to him.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 10:23:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP He wouldn't need to forbid me contact, I'd have dropped the acquaintance on the first rude comment. Why didn't she? Beyond that, this is a reason to focus on making friends who are other subs, not unattached doms. I've written to other doms on occasion, but there's a reason. Usually something in the forums that I want to know more about but not hijack the thread. Sometimes we keep talking for a while, sometimes we don't. However an unattached dom usually starts to cross the line of where I feel comfortable. They ask or make sexual comments that I feel is inappropriate, there are subtle come ons. I get the feeling that the sub in question isn't very good at seeing this immediately and without objecting to the first such comment, the other dom will feel he can continue to try to steal her away. Since she isn't seeing it, it is her dom's responsibility to protect his property and the relationship by shutting it down. Now I don't always see this myself, The Man calls me naive. Occasionally he'll read mail over my shoulder and spot this at which point he writes to the other dom and tells him to back off. That's to save me concern over being rude to people, which I have trouble doing. But I trust his instincts about other men, the same way he trusts my instincts about other women coming on to him. The friend in question did not over step things with her with sexual comments, nor did he push any boundary issues. In fact he was very respectful towards her. So this is not the issue at hand. In fact, there are no known attempts at him trying to steal her away. Any such remarks or comments on this thread, are thoughts introduced by other posters. No where in the OP was this expressed as an issue. Now, with that said the only person that knows this guys true motivations is himself. At times, when readers inject comments into a thread some people don't seem to understand, that these thoughts are speculation at best. Again, I stress that there were no known attempts at him trying to steal her away. He did not cross any boundaries directly with his interaction with the submissive. Lord, now I'm writting in defense of both the causual Dominant friend as well as the submissives judgement. I assure you, if this had been the case where he pushed boundaries with her, she would have dealt with it and even ended the friendship. The submissive partner by no means blind nor stupid to such attempts. Again, I stress no boundaries or attempts were made directly at stealing her away. The issue is about respect. Respect for other people, and respect for other peoples relationships. One does not have to try to steal a partner away to be disrespectful you know. :-P

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 10:23:58 AM)
In general, I'm pretty intolerant of disrespectful behavior towards our household and family, period. I think that the extent of my relationship with someone would determine the outcome, though. If it was a new servant, or one who was only going to be with us short-term, I'd express my displeasure, and let the servant know that if this friend interfered with the servant's capacity to serve us, either the friendship or the relationship with us would have to be put on hold. I would also speak to the individual in question (the "friend") in the presence of my servant, in a dignified manner, and try to determine why xhe felt it necessary to be disrespectful of myself or the household and make it clear that I was not going to tolerate that kind of disrespect. For a servant who has been around us for a while, and who has a vested interest in the household, it's been my experience that the servant's interests in our household tend to make hir as uncomfortable with someone disrespecting the household and its keepers (or servants) as I would be. In this case, I don't usually even have to say anything. If I -did- have to speak to someone on this, I would be questioning that servant's true commitment to our household and any discussion would be with the servant to determine where the disconnect was and why xhe felt it was ok to associate with someone who was disrespectful of the household xhe was committed to serving. For a bond-servant, if xhe didn't cut the person off on hir own, I would make my displeasure known and expect that xhe would either see the end of the disrespect or the end of the friendship. If xhe didn't deal with it, then I would. We -have- removed people from contact with our household over issues of disrespect, and I would have no qualms about doing so again. When I was in service, it was easy for me -- I'd made a commitment to this household... those who were disrespectful of the people I was committed to and the decisions I'd made about how I was going to live were obviously not people I wanted as close associates, much less friends. I let a lot of so-called-friends go during my first year in service... and frankly, I haven't missed them yet (and had no idea, until I'd let them go, how much of a dead weight they were on my life).

Padriag -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 11:02:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 The issue is about respect. Respect for other people, and respect for other peoples relationships. One does not have to try to steal a partner away to be disrespectful you know. :-P No... but it is probably the most common motive and a likely explanation for the other individual's behavior. The other likely possibility is that this individual just wants to irritate you... its a matter of revenge. Whatever the motive, it'll be revealed in the specific nature of his actions.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 11:08:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 Thank you, for this particular post. You've just addressed the full details of the OP presented, which is why certain specific general details were given. It can seem rather subjective at times when calling into judgement and character of another person. There is a lot to be said with trusting in ones judgement of character. Not only for the submissive to trust their Doms judgement of character at times, also for the Dom to actually trust in their own judgement of character. Trying to keep open minded at times can be a bitch. Were the foundations reasonable or not? Now, with this said. The trust of the Dominant partners judgement is tested. Now, there is the matter of the Dominant partner trusting the submissive partners judgement of character. Good points. I myself (being overly analytical by nature) sometimes end up ping ponging back and forth in my head between not wanting to feel/seem illogically restrictive over a sub/slave even while my instinct tells me I don't like someone she is going to potentially interact with. I think, despite how 'weak' the confusion may seem to outside viewers (and even to our own self-assessments), it is a good sign to see a Dom deliberating over how to best objectively serve and care for his sub/slave. Again, thank you for your thoughts. You actually understand and seem to "get it". I was ping ponging back and forth in my head and I had shared this with her. If anything finding it a bit of personal inner challenge. Having to make certain the real issue were not based on petty jealously and other fun stuff like that (downfall of being overly analytical to think about things from many different angles). This friend by no means disrespected her nor did he try to push any sexual boundaries or make attempts at stealing her away. Mind you, I do not put it past this guy to not try and attempt such a action. However, this is not the real issue here. Because I know he is not the kind of guy she would want for a serious relationship anyways. lol.. So the whole worry about him stealing her away is a pointless worry to begin with. Some people just don't seem to understand that this is not about anybody trying to steal anybody away. I wish this thought train would just die on the thread. Because it's not the issue at all. quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 The Dominant party, stops for a moment and explores the notion that perhaps his own judgement might be unreasonable, since the causual Dominant friend has been respectful towards the submissive and any relationship boundaries. These lines had not been pushed nor crossed. Both the Dominant and submissive talk about any possible minor jealously issues that could be at work. In the mean time, the Dominant leaves it in his submissive partners hands as to the status of the friendship. Doing so is giving and allowing the submissive partner to have responsibility in the D/s relationship itself. Still the Dominant has a gut instinct feeling to wrestle with, and manages to set that gut instinct feeling to the side, for the sake of building trust in the relationship. Interesting. So...in retrospect, do you feel this was more an exercise (intentional or not) between you and her, rather than about him at all? It has come to feel a bit like it has been an excercise of sorts (yes). I think like any relationship there are moments that test and try us a individuals and test our relationships themselves. I do know that I feel that my judgement of another person was tested. But honestly, I understand where you are coming from. Because in the development of a D/s relationship, there comes points in times where the Dominant party asserts authority and the question remains, will the submissive respect and obey the authority dynamic of the relationship itself regardless if judgement of the Dominant party is right or wrong. Personally, I myself hate being wrong. But still none the less. It's development of trust in the authority dynamic of the D/s relationship itself. I'm actually amazed at the level of insight you actually have posted about regarding this matter. In fact you are directly responding to the things I was fishing for in my OP. You understand this this thread was not about making a post for the sake of entertaining people with Saturday morning drama. You read and comprehend things extremely well. Thank you. I mentioned right from the start it was "A growing and developing D/s relationship". So yes this has, in the end, felt like a bit of a test. At least in retrospect an issue that tests the D/s authority dynamic from both sides. quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 Life goes on, however the Dominant notices her causual Dominant friend has unjustly disrepecting another person (a pattern of disrespectful behavior is painfully apparent), then in a matter of days perhaps a week at best, is when "All Hell breaks loose" when the causual friend intentionally attacks, provokes and disrespecting the Dominant party of the relationship. As other have expressed, this is also disrespectful towards the submissive partner. Personally, I myself have a similar view as kyraofMists posted. "someone's character is such that they are going to be disrespectful to the other members of our family, then they are not someone he will allow to be around us for very long " I myself have a certain code of coduct and ethics in such matters, that it applies equally to both myself and my partner. Hence why the OP even goes to far to apply the same situation from different angles. Personally, it's very seldom where I feel the need to step in and ask for somebody to discontinue a friendship. No one likes to be 'that guy'. Ultimatums have a bad taste, even when they are in the best interest of the relationship. The important part, as I think we're seeing here, is whether the sub/slave happily understands and supports her Dom's decision, trusting he is not just giving in to knee-jerk reactions of jealousy, but is coming from a place of thoughtful appraisal about how healthy having X person in their lives will be. Again, thank you. I actually don't like being "that guy", however when push comes to shove that's another matter.

NihilusZero -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 11:24:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 It has come to feel a bit like it has been an excercise of sorts (yes). I think like any relationship there are moments that test and try us a individuals and test our relationships themselves. I do know that I feel that my judgement of another person was tested. But honestly, I understand where you are coming from. Because in the development of a D/s relationship, there comes points in times where the Dominant party asserts authority and the question remains, will the submissive respect and obey the authority dynamic of the relationship itself regardless if judgement of the Dominant party is right or wrong. Personally, I myself hate being wrong. But still none the less. It's development of trust in the authority dynamic of the D/s relationship itself. I'm actually amazed at the level of insight you actually have posted about regarding this matter. In fact you are directly responding to the things I was fishing for in my OP. You understand this this thread was not about making a post for the sake of entertaining people with Saturday morning drama. You read and comprehend things extremely well. Thank you. I mentioned right from the start it was "A growing and developing D/s relationship". So yes this has, in the end, felt like a bit of a test. At least in retrospect an issue that tests the D/s authority dynamic from both sides. You're totally welcome...and it is probably I who should be thankful due to your very kind flattery. I have had discussions precisely of this sort of topic with a little one I'm speaking with at the moment. For some Doms, it's not just about the obedience of a sub/slave but the mindspace they are in while choosing to submit. A two-tier level of trust: the first being the trust of the sub/slave to surrender her actions to the will of the Dom and, second, the trust to abide by his decision with a feeling that, even if a mistake in judgment is made, that the Dom will be honest enough to admit it if the decision needs to be changed. There can be a lot of pressure on a Dom to always know the best path for his sub/slave and I think that's exactly where I saw you being torn between two options...because I think I'd be reacting the same way. It's that secondary trust, that the sub/slave truly believes you have his best interest at heart that will make her comfortable to follow your lead even in potentially uncomfortable situations. It's the sort of feeling that, at the end of the day and amidst all other things, will truly make you feel like you have a partner who's on your side. [:)]

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 12:10:42 PM)
I think there is a enigma song that relates to this hope people will get a clue says something like this i love you ill kill you but ill love you forever is that how that works lol shrugs

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 1:01:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 The issue is about respect. Respect for other people, and respect for other peoples relationships. One does not have to try to steal a partner away to be disrespectful you know. :-P No... but it is probably the most common motive and a likely explanation for the other individual's behavior. The other likely possibility is that this individual just wants to irritate you... its a matter of revenge. Whatever the motive, it'll be revealed in the specific nature of his actions. Dare I admit it. I have pondered the thought that he knowingly provoked me inorder to the D/s relationship to be tested. Knowing that perhaps I would bring this issue to attention and take some course of action with my girl. After all he has been very respectful towards her and made it a point to be intentionally not respectful towards me. Mmmmmm... I'm contemplating some deeper thought into the matter. I find the situation a little troublesome, because I can look like a bit of an ass for forbidding her to have anything to do with him. However, it should be obvious that he was the one who intentionally provoked and disrepected me, not the other way around. Perhaps it was his intention to cause trouble and see if the D/s relationship stands or falls apart over this matter. Again the motives ranging from attempting to steal her away (since he's been such a nice respectful guy towards her), to simply causing problem for whatever form of twisted revenge or some fact that he simply does not like me. Regardless of the motives, it crap like this that so called friends pull, that tests a relationship. In all honestly, I do not know what his motives are/were. I just know he went out of his way to intentionally provoke me. He knew without question that it would provoke me. The first time this happen, I had went out of my to ask what his problem was and he never responded, which says something in itself. I don't know what his real motives or issues are. I have found that most people that hide such things, often pull out some bullshit excuses in the end for their behaviors, hoping to smell like roses.

lronitulstahp -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 1:43:53 PM)
i think that naughty Lousiana sub hit the nail on the head.... quote: I will not be friends with anyone who disrespects the man I love or our relationship. End of story. i have a friend who recently made some disparaging remarks about the TDHO. i think her main problem is with me being obedient, and that it sometimes affects her plans. She''s a good friend, but most of my former Doms were pretty laid back, more bedroom Doms, and she hasn't been used to seeing me as she says, "being a submissive submissive". The remarks, though said in jest, bothered me, and when i discussed it with Him, He laughed it off, but let me know there's a certain line that one crosses where such behavior becomes disrespectful. He left the ball in my court at that time. i told her to be careful how she spoke, or we wouldn't be able to spend time together. Has she changed how she feels? Probably not, but she won't speak ill of Him, or my relationship around me, and that's what matters.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 2:21:38 PM)
I am contemplating taking a break from the message boards and CM for awhile, perhaps even closing my account. What I was looking for out of this thread, NihilusZero hit the nail on the head. My continued posting to this thread serve no good purpose or reasons. Yes, I'm upset and I need to take a break. I'm not going to disclose this other persons name to anybody, nor have I, it's not my intention to "Black Ball" here.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 4:03:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I would want to know why the fuck the submissive was still friends with the jerk far more than wondering whether to tell her to not have contact with him. I would have been wrong of me to leave a choice in her hands and expect her to make the decision that I would perfer her to make. That's a set up for failure. This is something I feel I need to address here. The friend in question had not pushed and boundaries or said anything demeening to her regarding me. Now, just because I might have an issue with not liking somebody because of a little bit of previous friction, or the perhaps I not see eye to eye with this other person. I felt was not grounds enough to forbid the friendship. If anything, I tried to be very understanding about it, and deal with these issue as my own internal hang ups. I don't believe in being one of the DOMs that simply forbids friendships because me and their friends don't see eye. So in as much as some people are picking on the submissive. I need to be picked upon as well. Because after talking about matters with her, I left the decision and choice in her hands. This means that it's her choice of Yes/No. Again, the friend in question never push boundaries with her and respected her and he never demeaned or said bad things about me to her. Now, I have made a bit of mistake in my own judgement, in opening up a message board thread. Most of my posts on this message board regarding issues are issues from the past, or are matters that are said, done and over with. I was not thinking at the time when I made this OP, about how people like to inject a little more into the situation. So with this said, back days ago, I could have forbid this friendship based upon what? A little previous friction, and my not liking a few things I read on a profile? At that time, it felt like the issue was more about my own internal issues. All I know is that I thought or felt I myself was past any issues with this one specific friendship. I was not prepared to be intentionally provoked by him. So, anyways, it happened.. I was not a happy camper. I personally took his action as being intentional. However, he had disrepected other people as well in the exact same manner as he did me. The first time it happened, I asked him what his problem was, no response from him. This is what left a bad taste in my mouth to begin with. So I grant her my blessings to go forth and make friends. Now, here's the situation where I end forbiding her to talk with somebody because I don't like him? OK, sounds bit like I was the one having issues. What am I do to? Forbid her from being friends with somebody because I don't like them or see eye to eye with them? I've never done this in my past, and actually that just feels and seems wrong to me. Now normally, I don't have the hairs on my back stand up about somebody like this, OK, so it happened. I myself tried to work past it. I let her know that I was going to be working past these issues. So I left it up to her regarding managing her friendship with this guy. I have full trust in her that should he or anybody push boundaries that she can deal with it. In fact, his this guy had not gone out of his way to intentionally provoke me, I would be OK with her having him as a friend, even though my opinion of him was not so great. If anything she was sharing things with me about him, to help ease my mind. (nothing wrong with that?) There will be differences at times that occur between friends and partners in a relationship, this is all part of reality. Again it would have been wrong of me to leave a choice in her hands and expect her to make the decision that I would perfer her to make. That's a set up for failure. The problem is not with the submissive here. She's done nothing wrong.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 4:58:38 PM)
I made a mistake It was my intention to start this thread up, sort of exploring did I or did I not make the right decision kind of perspective. Even more so since it been a developing D/s relationship. The Error of my ways, I did not take in regard or consideration how she would feel upon reading this thread. I had posted the OP and nothing else was injected by other users. People expressing things that make her sound like she's not submissive enough or not in touch with me, or that she does not love me even. She was not picking her friend over me in any way shape or form. This was not a complaint of mine in the OP. In all honestly though, I did opened many things up for public opinion and thoughts. I have to take and assume some responsibility for my own actions and whatever consequences that come along with it now. I'm sitting here reflecting as to how I would feel and think, if she had been the one that started this thread. Perhaps, whatever false impressions people would make or assume. This is even more reason why I need to take a break. I need to do some serious reflecting upon my own actions, words and thoughts. In as much as I have bitched about somebody else not respecting me, I have done something similar with the creation of this message board thread itself. Not liking the fact I blindly did not take this into consideration. It was not my intention to disrespect somebody I dealy love, cherish and value. My OP was written in third person tense. Now it's anything but third person. Whatever care or caution I attempted to use, i let slip through my fingers. I was upset because I was intentional provoked by her friend, and felt it forced my hand in taking the decision away from her. I'm upset with myself more at the moment....

alianora -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 5:04:53 PM)
quote: Now, out of the blue her causual friend who is also a male Dominant, and is aware of the relationship. Goes out of his way to intentionally provoke and disrespect her Dominant partner. Personally, as soon as this happened, I, the submissive, would have been endiing the contact with the other Dominant. I would not have waited to be told to do so.

OrionTheWolf -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 5:28:24 PM)
I agree but I also believe that if someone is going to allow personal opinion to steer their life, then they deserve what they get. As far as the OP, you have already gotten good advice. Dom A will do what he wants. I have allowed a few Dominants to communicate with my property, and everyone of them broke the ground rules I set. I am not afraid of poachers, because if I do not exhibit the excellent mastery to keep my property, then she was never my property. quote: ORIGINAL: Rover That's nice to know, but it's often not the case here. All too often these forums are used as a means of usurping or abrogating control by comparison to popular opinion. Popular opinion is irrelevant except as an interesting aside. John

missturbation -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 6:23:10 PM)
~FR~ If i was involved in a friendship where that person was dissing my Dom i would end the friendship. I would be concerned that you had to ban ger from speaking to them and they didn't offer or do it off their own back.

Padriag -> RE: D/s relationships and intentional disrespect of friends. (11/22/2008 6:24:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 Dare I admit it. I have pondered the thought that he knowingly provoked me inorder to the D/s relationship to be tested. Knowing that perhaps I would bring this issue to attention and take some course of action with my girl. After all he has been very respectful towards her and made it a point to be intentionally not respectful towards me. Yup... here's food for thought. If someone wants to steal your girl, one method is to devalue you... and one way of doing that is to provoke you into overreacting and making an ass of yourself. Then he looks like the reasonable one, is very understanding and all the while being very respectful and considerate of her. Makes you look like the bad guy, him the good guy and if she falls for it, he gets the girl. If it doesn't work, he's not really lost anything... so there's no reason for him not to try. If he dislikes you enough to want to hurt you, then he's got an extra motive to give it a go. But... here's the thing. Worrying about it isn't going to do any good. You see a problem and you make a decision to correct it... do so and do it with confidence in your own judgement. Don't let your emotions rule you or get out of hand. If she can't respect that, then things are not likely to end well anyway. You may be right, he may be testing the relationship... and while that is an affront... it could also show you flaws otherwise hidden. What you do with that information is up to you and your submissive... but I would suggest some reflection on both your parts. Either you will come away from it stronger... or it may be the beginning of the end. Either way, you learn something about the relationship, and possibly yourself. A wise man know how to turn all things to his benefit. As you may be taking a break for a bit, I'll wish you the best of luck with things.

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