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Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 5:37:23 AM   
CreativeControl


Posts: 51
Joined: 10/16/2004
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
Hi All,
 
I need to get some input as to my situation...and I truly am not sure which direction to go on this one.
 
Background:  I had a long distance relationship with a slave I met here on the site, we got very close, wrote all the time, and called each other daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and we were always texting each other.  We decided to make a vacation together to celebrate our birthdays, we were going to spend 11 days together.
 
She cheated on me with a Dom in her local area, a friend.  She felt terrible, I felt terrible.  After a lot of soul searching, I told her if she did it again, I would cut her loose.  It would all be over.  She swore up and down she would not do it again.  I had a knot in my stomach knowing it was going to happen again.
 
It did.
 
I lost my job, and she wanted not to come in to help save me money...it would have been 3 grand for our trip.  Well, 2 days before she was supposed to arrive, she told me she cheated again with this guy, she was getting kicked out of her apartment, and moving in with him.  He was the only one to offer, how gallant of him, right?!  That's another issue...the things I want to do to this leaching prick.  It did me good to save that money, but I have to say, I really wanted to see her in person, and experience her submission.  I began to try to talk her through things, when I recalled my words, so I had to shut my phone off and walk away as I had told her I would do.
 
Problem:  I miss her, and I keep getting calls from her.  She never says anything, but she calls.  I don't know if she is scared, or embarrassed, or what the Hell is exactly going on...but I know it is her.  In fact, she left a message for me last night around 11 PM on my cell phone.  It is garbled, like her phone did not completely hang up when she called me, so I heard a minute or so of her talking with someone else, and then she picks up the phone, realizes it was still connected, and hangs it up.
 
I have made no effort to contact her, or to make any attempt at getting her back.
 
I recall the old saying about if you love something, set it free...but I am also weary of being burned again by her, or that she was merely playing a game to get this other guy's attention...or who knows what?!
 
Question:  Do I make any effort for her to try to get her back?  Do I give that cheater another chance?  Do I set myself up again?  What would you do in this situation?
 
I am serious about wanting some feedback...I am floundering for a way to handle this one.
 
Oh, I did love her...and I do believe in loving a pet, or toy, or even a slave.  I still need to care for them, even though they are these things to me. So go easy on that part of it when giving me any shit for this one, okay?!
 
Thanks...
 
I await your replies, and suggestions,
 
Farris

_____________________________

One's Heart May be Lost of Wicked Things.
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 5:47:42 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		It is against the TOS of this site to post the same question in more than one forum.  You should not be surprised when all but one of them gets deleted.

She is living with the Dom she cheated on you with.  So....how are you going to take her back when you don't even live near her?  Seems she has made her own decision.  Now it is up to you to smell the roses. 

Why be mad at the Dom in question?  She had choice and she chose to do what she wanted to do. 

As to whether you should take her back.  That is entirely up to you.  No one should make that decision for you. 

Do I think you can forgive and forget totally...?  Not unless you have amnesia. 

(in reply to CreativeControl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 5:50:30 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		In this situation, as written ....No, I wouldn't continue.

Having feelings for someone simply doesn't make this worth pursuing unless you're willing to accept the likelihood of it happening again.

The question is really....Do YOU have what it takes to continue pursing something that is possibly going to slap you in the face time after time?

agirl





(in reply to CreativeControl)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 6:04:51 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		It sounds like she wants the best of both worlds - your love and his touch.  It can be very hard for a slave to stay celibate and not play but wait.  However, it is not impossible.  I was in an LDR where I felt the touch of my partner only once in a year.  I know how strong a relationship can grow using just the internet and the telephone.

If the two of you were in closer proximity this might never have happened.   However, that's not the case.  She obviously still feels something for you, but the fact that she refuses to speak says little for her.  It is wonderful that you feel you can forgive her, but where do you think the relationship could go from here?  Do you really see something healthy for both of you coming out of it?  If she couldn't deny the other Master while living apart, do you really think she can while living with him?

You may never know how true her feelings were for you or whether you were only be played.  What you DO know is that you are not getting what you need from the relationship any more.  She is not there to please you, to do your desire, to serve you.  She isn't even there to simply be kind to you, or to communicate.

I'm very sorry you're going through this.  I hope you find someone worthy of your attentions.


_____________________________



(in reply to CreativeControl)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 6:37:49 AM   
CreativeControl


Posts: 51
Joined: 10/16/2004
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		For those of you who have replied, thank you...I do feel the direction I need to move in to keep thing son the right path is to not go back and give it another chance, but wondered how others feel about it all as well.  I gave her everything emotionally I had to give, and she ran and did what she did, now it is time for her to suffer that loss.

I appreciate your honesty, and feedback.

_____________________________

One's Heart May be Lost of Wicked Things.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 6:39:33 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		More importantly, it is time for you to stop suffering your loss.

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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 6:39:40 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Question: Do I make any effort for her to try to get her back? Do I give that cheater another chance? Do I set myself up again? What would you do in this situation?


Consider your own words:
quote:

I had a knot in my stomach knowing it was going to happen again.

Whatever else she offers, this tells me you realize she has a different perception of the relationship--and a different perception of the commitments on both sides--from yours.  That is the most charitable interpretation of things; the other spin to put on that is you already know you can't trust her to keep her legs crossed around other guys.

Either way, there is no relationship to be rebuilt, saved, or even attempted.  You may want her, but she does not want you--so say her actions.

Drop her like a bad habit and move on.


_____________________________



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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 6:41:27 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Regardless of the situation, I never forget. That way I can use the knowledge and experience gained by any given situation to either spot a similar situation and/or teach others how to avoid a similar problem.

However, forgiveness from me will depend on each situation and the dammage sustained by myself and others as well of course if the perp is, in my belief, genuinly remorsefull and if the situation was deliberate or accidental. If deliberate, I really want to know what promped it.

Even in some cases where I have neither forgiven nor forgotten, I maystill be prepared to give the offender another chance but the level of trust will be far less than it would normally be.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 7:03:56 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeControl

Question:  Do I make any effort for her to try to get her back?  Do I give that cheater another chance?  Do I set myself up again?  What would you do in this situation?

You asked for advice and I'm going to give you some.  I'm going to give to you straight and blunt because I don't believe in anything less.

You need to realize you are letting your own desires rule you, and they're making an ass out of you.  You need to take stock of the past and realize that there is nothing in her behavior to indicate that she will ever do other than she already has.  This woman has issues.

You need to examine your own self respect... and lack of it.  Rather than wanting her back, your self respect ought to be screaming in outrage.  Your self respect ought to be telling you to walk away and find something better for yourself, someone worthy of you.  Your self respect ought to be telling you that this woman is utterly beneath you.  If it isn't, you ought to be considering why... and if it is, why aren't you listening?

Keep also in mind that if you aren't treating yourself with respect, no one else will either.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to CreativeControl)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 7:14:54 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

the things I want to do to this leaching prick


I hope you want to thank him for taking a dysfuctional cheater off your hands.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to CreativeControl)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 7:54:34 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		~fr~
I'm thinking that the Dom she is now living with has spent more face-to-face time with her than you have, making you the outsider. Shrug and walk away from this one. In my view, this is an AFGO (Another Fucking Growth Opportunity) so make it an active one rather than a passive one.

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 8:34:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		So a chick you've never even met is obviously in a phase of her life where she enjoys being with multiple people while perhaps simultaneously seeking "the one who can tame her" and you happen to be someone who wants someone who will only ever be with you in any kinky or sexy way even if you choose a situation where you can't be directly with them on a regular ongoing basis- and you think this should be a good place to form a bond together with?

In that situation I wouldn't have expected anything before meeting.  I wouldn't have considered it cheating because we hadn't made any commitments yet.  I would have observed her behavior and clearly seen she wasn't ready for a long term deal with me and that my life wasn't in a place to form the commitment and stability she would need in a partner and focus my attention elsewhere.

I certainly wouldn't have given my all emotionally.  I agree with the other poster that you're likely her "safe place" that makes it ok for her to go and have the fun she really wants.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DesertRat)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 8:52:46 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		And crissakes, stop answering the phone when she calls.


Cali


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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 9:00:11 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeControl

I have made no effort to contact her, or to make any attempt at getting her back.

Good. Keep it that way.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to CreativeControl)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 9:20:33 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

AFGO (Another Fucking Growth Opportunity)


I like this.  Can I use it?


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to DesertRat)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 10:40:47 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeControl

Question:  Do I make any effort for her to try to get her back?  Do I give that cheater another chance?  Do I set myself up again?  What would you do in this situation?

You asked for advice and I'm going to give you some.  I'm going to give to you straight and blunt because I don't believe in anything less.

You need to realize you are letting your own desires rule you, and they're making an ass out of you.  You need to take stock of the past and realize that there is nothing in her behavior to indicate that she will ever do other than she already has.  This woman has issues.

You need to examine your own self respect... and lack of it.  Rather than wanting her back, your self respect ought to be screaming in outrage.  Your self respect ought to be telling you to walk away and find something better for yourself, someone worthy of you.  Your self respect ought to be telling you that this woman is utterly beneath you.  If it isn't, you ought to be considering why... and if it is, why aren't you listening?

Keep also in mind that if you aren't treating yourself with respect, no one else will either.


Agreed.
Also with Lucky's post.

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~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 10:55:21 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		My cynicism tell me 2 things - a) you have already made a decision and are looking for justification/validation of same; and b) you don't really want to hear Honest opinions (few people actually do) - you want to hear whichever it is you've already convinced yourself of.
 
That was my cynicism talking, having seen more threads of this sort (all of which turned out to be that very thing) than I care to count over the years.
 
Now that I've satisfied my inherant cynicism, I'm going to give you an honest opinion.  (Remember that you DID effectively ask for such, when you posted the thread at all.)
 
Cut your losses, grow a set and a spine, get over it, and get on with your life.  My personal habit is to give people exactly ONE chance to fuck up.  They don't get a "second chance" ad infinitum, knowing where the line supposedly is, constantly crossing that line, and facing  no consequences for doing so.  A pair of truisms/cliches sum it up quite nicely.  Fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on ME.  Forgive and Forget = Relive and Regret.  You overlook it again, and you got no one to blame but yourself when you get assraped minus lube again - it won't be her fault you hurt, it'll be your own for playing the willing fool.
 
In the long run, yer gonna do what yer gonna do, and not a single thing that any of us - whom you don't know except possibly by reputation and/or casual exchanges in the occassional email - is gonna make a lickshit of difference.

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Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to CreativeControl)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 11:10:31 AM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeControl


  She swore up and down she would not do it again.  I had a knot in my stomach knowing it was going to happen again.
 
It did.
 

Farris


That would be all the information I would require to make my decision.

I don't tolerate well people saying one thing and then doing another.

It isn't always that black and white, especially the first time. I can and do forgive. But I don't forget. And forgiveness this time doesn't mean I'll forgive another time, the next time, or every time. Forgiveness is a one time thing. Do "it" again and it all comes up for review again, and with more of whatever the distasteful deed is about. The chances of repeated forgiveness get less and less likely each time.

I do have a question for you: You knew it was going to happen again? Why did you completely disregard you own feelings and act in contradiction to them?

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to CreativeControl)
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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 11:12:16 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Number one mistake and no need to go further. Trusting someone on the internet.

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RE: Forgive and Remember, or Forget Totally? - 11/23/2008 11:21:01 AM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		I don't consider anything except friendship real until we meet in person and have a chance to date and work things out.
Through the years I've seen people invest so much emotion in online relationships and they act surprised when the person "cheats" because they need to have a real relationship with someone they can touch.
I've seen people rush off to meet someone that they have had an online relationship with, only to have it crash after a short time period.
There may be a few exceptions, but they truly are exceptions.
I don't believe in intimate online relationships. It still leaves people wanting to touch and have actual physicial contact.
To have a relationship, you need to look each other in the eyes and get to know each other.

Just my humble opinion.


_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

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