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How soon to reveal private info? - 11/23/2008 8:50:05 PM

undercover00756

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I exchanged 2 emails (one each) and she asked for my phone number and insured discretion. I replied that I hoped we could get comfortable through emails first, and her response was to block me. Was my request unreasonable?

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/23/2008 8:54:48 PM

porcelain26

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I flat out refuse to give out personal information until I get to the point where I'm planning to meet someone. This includes email, instant messager, phone numbers, even specific location. I don't think you were being unreasonable at all, and have to ask: don't you think it was probably a good thing you DIDN'T give out that information provided the response you got to your hesitation?

(in reply to undercover00756)

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/23/2008 8:57:42 PM

undercover00756

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I think it was her way of giving me a first task...

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/23/2008 9:03:12 PM

porcelain26

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Okay. So, your first task exceeded your comfort level and she blocked you. Now imagine you'd gone against your gut and actually met this person and something she wanted you to do went against your comfort level, but you were tied down and couldn't stop her when she did it anyway. I'd say getting blocked is a vastly superior outcome.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/23/2008 9:05:40 PM

DavanKael

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I tend to be quite cautious in sharing my personal information.
Davan

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/23/2008 9:10:40 PM

atypicalsub

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I agree completely with everything Porcelain said. You should not give out your phone number that quickly. Anyone who has been on the internet very long should accept a polite refusal for personal information.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/23/2008 9:13:56 PM

BKSir

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Pfft, the only way I would give my phone number after two conversations to ANYONE is if those conversations were like 12 hours each, and then only maybe.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/23/2008 9:18:01 PM

undercover00756

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I haven't found too many Dommes with patience on CM.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/23/2008 9:25:37 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
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WELL, this goes back to the "you're fighting an uphill battle" line I've used in many threads about "how to attract a domme" or "how is my profile."

I, personally, feel she was out of line. HOWEVER, I understand in a way. There are like...what five hundred male subs to ever one dominant woman on CM alone? At times it's hard to weed through the trash. The ones who don't click, the ones that are just wankers, the ones that are just in it for fantasy and have no intention to meet. She probably wanted the number to see if your "real or fake" and in her mind, you being cautious meant "fake." And she blocked you probably assuming you were just another wanker trying to waste or her time. I don't agree with her rushing for such private info but I understand why she did so and why the block. "What's one sub who won't do what I say out of two pages of e-mails from other subs?"

Just keep looking, another lass will be more open minded.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 4:37:30 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undercover00756

I exchanged 2 emails (one each) and she asked for my phone number and insured discretion. I replied that I hoped we could get comfortable through emails first, and her response was to block me. Was my request unreasonable?

No, not unreasonable. You are progressing at a rate that is comfortable for YOU. She was progressing at a rate that was right for HER.
Some prefer to move fast, some do not. It is not being unreasonable; it just means incompatible from the start. No big deal.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 5:02:16 AM

Lunalay

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Haha, absolutely not.

If they've gone and blocked you, I'm certain the intentions following the receipt of your number wouldn't have been worthwhile.

I never, ever give out my personal information until I've been speaking to them for a lengthy period of time.

Usually, they will give me their phone number, and I'll make an executive decision on if I should block my number and call them or not.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 5:17:27 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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i've received mail laced with yahoo/msn/home/mobile etc from dominants and they ask for mine at the end of the message ...no one gets my private info until I'm comfortable - it might take days, weeks or even a month and if they don't like that, tough luck.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 5:51:08 AM

tazzygirl

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considering the Dominant, in this case a female one, has the upper hand, i would have politely asked for her number. i always have the option of hanging up if the conversation makes me too uncomfortable. try that next time. toss that ball back into their court. you then have the option of blocking your number, they get that call they so desire, and it protects you a bit as well. a Domme who is pushing that fasr for contact, and says no at a sub wanting to protect themselves... makes ya think about their intentions.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 7:51:02 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undercover00756

I exchanged 2 emails (one each) and she asked for my phone number and insured discretion. I replied that I hoped we could get comfortable through emails first, and her response was to block me. Was my request unreasonable?

Nothing unreasonable at all. While I find the blocking thing to be rather childish and petty on her part, I wouldn't get too worked up about it if I were you.

For me, I never ask for names, phone numbers, etc.....without giving my own first. It is part of establishing trust. With some I do it quickly, and others never. It just depends on whether or not I see a reason to move forward or not. Also, it depends on the vibe I get from the first few contacts.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 7:56:20 AM

undercover00756

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While my response seems reasonable I am finding being a male submissive looking for a Domme puts me at a disadvantage. Like said above, there are probably 500 of us for every one Domme so patience is not something they have to have in abundance. They will find what they are looking for. I don't compromise standards but end up at numerous dead ends. When the right one comes along (if ever!!) She will be VERY special..... i figure i'm worth the wait!

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 8:19:47 AM

NuevaVida

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I'll give my name and number out when I'm comfortable to. Sometimes it's right away, sometimes it's not at all. With the man I'm seeing now, we emailed for about a week (maybe less?) before he asked me to call him. My hesitation wasn't because of safety, but because I felt so incredibly shy (hard to believe, I know). I blocked my number when calling him, but we had such a great conversation that I gave it to him after that, of my own accord. We shared full names, jobs, etc., right away after that.

To block someone for hesitating to talk on the phone...well I suppose it is her option but it seems silly to me. Shrug and move on, I say. :)

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 9:04:21 AM

oceanwynds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undercover00756

I think it was her way of giving me a first task...

Then be happy with yourself to not doing that task. You do have the right to refuse something so personal after a few emails have been exchanged. Sounds like she might not been the Dom you would want.

Though I do not use this forum to meet potential Doms, it has been my rule of thumb since I been on-line to not reveal personal information until I get to know a person.
oceanwynds

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 9:23:40 AM

antipode

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quote:

I replied that I hoped we could get comfortable through emails first, and her response was to block me

Blocking you, rather than not talking to you again, is a bit strange. But in general, anybody who asks for this type of information up front, and that includes those sending you a hotmail or yahoo address, are often ID harvesters, they're after enough identifying information that lets them do a background search on you. With enough information, you can get someone's SSN relatively easily.

So you did fine, you can't be cautious enough. These days, I use only Skype, which doesn't interface with your browser and email; neither does Google Chat. You can set Skype up so calls go to any phone you designate, without you every having to give out a number. If someone insists on having your phone number, they could be cyberfreaks, but there is a good chance they're ID harvesters; they get paid by the "name and number" - even if you are ex-directory, criminal background services may still have information on you.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 9:29:48 AM

marie2

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I share a phone number when it's a mutual thing and we are both ready to move to the next step of talking in voice. And at that, it's usually my cell number, although I have shared my landline right away if I felt certain about the other person.

If she blocked you because you weren't ready, how serious about you could she have been? I would have given it more time, but I'm not her. At any rate, you have to move at your own pace and your own comfort level. That won't always align with someone's else's pace, but it's not unreasonable to wait until you feel ready.

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RE: How soon to reveal private info? - 11/24/2008 10:47:35 AM

littlemissmira

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this girl tends to go on gut feeling... is it really any different to meeting someone briefly in a bar?

they think you're cute - you think they're cute - you exchange numbers and meet for a drink - they turn out to want to chop you into little pieces.... or you live happily ever after..... who knows....

sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and take a chance.... in this case you may have been right to - or maybe you weren't... this girl jumped and she's so smiley it's silly!

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