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RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 8:31:19 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I spent a good part of the beginning of my life, first trying to be the serving submissive daughter, then tossed right into a situation where I was expected to be the good, supporting, submissive little wife........to a guy that couldn't take charge of himself let alone anyone else.

I sucked at submission.......just ask my ex father in law. He made sure he told me often enough, how bad I was at it.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 21

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 9:54:54 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

~ Fast Reply ~

The only example of trying the "other side" I can think of goes back to my formative college days in the dorm. Long before the progressive and enlightened times of the internet, the best way to breach the subject of D/s or any type of BDSM activity would be a game of 'What's Your Fantasy' or a 'bet' with a girlfriend. Sometimes I 'lost' (Okay sometime I cheated and let them win) and played the role of a submissive in a 'do me' scene. You know, "Okay you 'won'. Now you can tie me to the steel framed dorm bed and 'do me'."

Granted, an immature game of a sensation seeking budding 'Dominant'; but hey - it was FUN!

So no, I can't represent that I've every seriously tried the "other side", of submission and serving with the focus on a 'dominant' person. I was only on the receiving side of something I wanted to do, or experience, in the first place. That pragmatically represents more dominance than submission no matter the activity. However, based upon some of the posts and representations from the some going into great detail about what they would and wouldn't 'submit' to; I may have even been a 'doormat submissive' since I didn't spell out exactly what I wanted beyond the 'do me'.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 22

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 10:16:11 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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Joined: 8/7/2007
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Oh boy, when I first read your post, especially the last line, and saw it in response to mine - my heart dropped and I was all disappointed to be criticized by Mercnbeth! I even went back over the posts to figure out who had gone into detail about what they would or wouldn't submit to and couldn't find it! Had to have been selective reading, on my part, because I completely dismissed the whole "Fast Reply" at the very top of your post.

I know in the past I was so certain I knew what I would or wouldn't or couldn't submit to, and I begin to think there is a sadistic creator tugging on my leash - because he/she/it seems inordinately amused with proving me wrong.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 23

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 10:17:45 AM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Of course I...did.

Big deal...

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 24

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 10:22:41 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GabrielleSlave

i think it is a valuable thing to experience both sides of the equation (i am sometimes made to top male subs for Sir's pleasure), but only if You will get something solid out of it.

I guess that's the real question, isn't it? Thanks for the perspective, gabrielle.

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 25

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 10:30:05 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat

I think if you want more insight into how submissive's tick, you should probably just do some reading. Lots of the "Welcome to D/s" books offer, if nothing else, a pretty good explanation of the various things that submissives get out of being submissive. You'll probably never understand masochism, since you're not a masochist, but you probably can get your head around the desire for praise, desire for reward/punishment for a job well-done/badly done, wanting to feel safe and small, needing boundaries in thier lives.

I've done plenty of reading, and I do understand the desire for praise reward/punishment, etc. When I say I can't comprehend the submissive mindset, what I'm really saying is that such desires are extremely foreign to me. Kind of like the vegetarian who says, "How can you eat that?" Probably a silly example but hopefully it makes my meaning clearer. Of course the vegetarian understands that the omnivore enjoys the taste and flavor of the meat, but that doesn't bring them any closer to appreciating the big, juicy steak on someone else's plate.

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 26

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 10:37:48 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I had a man ask me once... what would you do if I bent you over my knee and spanked you? My answer... come up swinging. I would think that to fully understand the submissive mind, emotion and responses, from a personal front, one would have to be submissive. As a dominant I am simply not going to respond the same. Oh in some things, I might come close as a human factor, but you can't put a square peg in a smaller round hole.

Say I had a dominant male and a submissive male in front of me and had emotional attachments to both and then pulled out a paddle... each is going to be coming from a different place emotionally, think different things and want different outcomes. Each would require different things to bring them to the similar outcomes and even then there may be no real similarity. If you can take submission off the board later... how can you feel the depth of submission one might feel when day in and out, you submit? I don't see it happening. You might get a feel for something, but I can't see it being even close in emotions.

I do tend to whack myself or test things on myself but I won't let anyone else! lol In this too, there cannot be a full knowledge of what it will feel like because it doesn't come with the emotional stuff... only a bit of pain or sting or whatever.

I won't even get into what I think most want when they approach me to bottom or play on the other side. I have heard the story that they just want to know what they are doing to their submissive many times and that typically doesn't fly with me. There tends to be a bit more to it in most the men I have talked to.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/24/2008 10:38:51 AM >

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 27

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 10:39:46 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Do you want to know what it's like to submit or be submissive (good luck with that), or do you want to know what it's like to bottom? Huge difference to many people.

Thanks for making the distinction. I do realize I won't know what it's like to be submissive. But I think that knowing what it's like to submit might be an interesting life experience.

quote:

Now if you want to have a girl push you down on the bed, climb on top, tell you shut up and lay there, well, that's the bottoming thang you're looking for.

Cali
(and if that last paragraph does anything fer ya, call me....)

Not what I was looking for - but tempting!

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 28

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 10:43:22 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DannyDemanding

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Do you want to know what it's like to submit or be submissive (good luck with that), or do you want to know what it's like to bottom? Huge difference to many people.

Thanks for making the distinction. I do realize I won't know what it's like to be submissive. But I think that knowing what it's like to submit might be an interesting life experience.

Did you have parents growing up? Have you ever been employed? Were you part of a team with a coach?

If you want the experience of submitting your will to another without *being* a submissive, you've (presumably) already had it.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 29

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 10:44:06 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
If I want to understand a submissive better I usually begin by simply listening.

When it comes to individual submissives, yes, that is absolutely the way to do it. But I'm talking more about the collective mindset, not about any one individual.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 30

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 10:46:58 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleeper798

Another sub speaking up, but this is a related question, not a response. Perhaps "being submissive" is not a useful learning experience for many doms, but here's another take on it. If you are learning to use a new tool or technique, especially from another dom, do you put yourself on the receiving end of such as part of the learning process?

I do not. But I've often thought that maybe I should.

(in reply to sleeper798)

Post #: 31

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 11:00:09 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Secondly my hackles rise anytime I see a nickname with such words as demanding in it as it gives the impression (as in DannyDemanding) that the person believed they can make demands on me which of course they can't and thus will usually get the short shift from me.

Yeah, you can really tell SOOO much about a person from their chosen nickname, can't you? Any time I see, "Iron" in someone's nickname I think, "So this person would rust if left out in the rain?!?!"

WTF would make you think that any reference to any sort of dominance in any person's nickname would transcend beyond His/Her dynamic with submissives? Man, you really pegged the needle on my bullshit-o-meter on that one.

quote:

I had a couple of people like you in my Merc crew. I executed them for dissobedience in the field..

A couple people like me? You don't know jack about me, Mussolini - let alone whether or not you've ever known anyone like me. Talk about someone who should never be allowed to rule over others...

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 32

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 11:00:11 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DannyDemanding

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
If I want to understand a submissive better I usually begin by simply listening.

When it comes to individual submissives, yes, that is absolutely the way to do it. But I'm talking more about the collective mindset, not about any one individual.

The collective mindset of the submissive? Wow, I'm not sure that's a safe place for anyone to go to! I get scared when two or more of us are gathered together. Collectively, you're screwed.

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 33

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 11:03:00 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I don't know about doms understanding submission, I just think you all should know how bad it hurts (whip, crop, cane, etc etc) before you take it to someone's ass.

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 34

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 11:09:34 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

Could you be searching to find your true self? You could be a switch, sub or slave and have not come to terms with it.

Really interesting thought, Mike. I suppose anything is possible, but I think that I'm just very inquisitive and eager to experience as much of life as I can before my days come to an end. I know that I am someone for whom it's my nature to want to learn and understand as much as possible, and that's why I don't put too much stock in all the suggestions to "read about it". I like reading, too, and I get plenty out of it. But reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is a far cry from actually going cross-country on a bike. In most cases, I believe, there's just no substitute for experience.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 35

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 11:26:29 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

For true Dom/mes (sic) not switches
This one partial statement here, tells me you don't understand how the switch dichotomy might work for some. I know people on this site get caught up in catch phrases like 'true,' but I'm not even referring to that. For some switches, their dominant aspect is as real as the submissive aspect. In fact, I think if there was any creature on the planet that COULD answer your questions for you, it might be a 'true' switch.

You're right, I don't understand the switch dichotomy (nor most other dichotomies for that matter.) It's an interesting perspective, and now that you mention it, maybe this would have been better posted in the "Ask a Switch" forum, but I wanted to hear from those most like me (to the extent that anyone is like anyone else) - those least likely to want to submit.

quote:

I can tell you that from my experience with the motivation of most male submissives, that male submissives typically have a completely different catalyst driving their need to submit, than the place where the mindset and the motivation for a female to submit comes from. In general, the destination is the same, but what drives the desire is very different. All that to say, even if you did - as a male - find satisfaction and contentment in submitting, it still would be unlikely to get YOU to place where you could understand why female submissives submit. It could, anything is possible, but from my experience, it would be rather unlikely.

Fascinating. I have little experience with male subs because I've never had any interest. It never occurred to me that there would be a significant difference in the catlyst. (Thank you for using that word, by the way, as it most embodies that which I can't understand, but would like to.)

quote:

These words, scare the hell out of me (and not in the fun tingly oooo I'm scared kinda way.) There is something inherently terrifying about a Dominant who cannot comprehend the mindset of anyon they are taking control over. It is all very 'it puts the lotion on its skin' kind of creepy to me. I know men do not always comprehend the weirdness of women, but that a Dominant cannot comprehend the mindset of a submissive just absolutely befuddles me. In fact, it makes me want to take roll call, just to assure myself that there are dominants out there that DO comprehend the mindset. Because if there werent, I'd be off this ride faster than it could come to a complete stop.

Thanks for the creepy Silence of the Lambs imagery. Obviously you have zero insight of who I am or what makes me tick, but that's OK. I explained what I meant by "cannot comprehend the mindset" in a previous post. You took it differently than I meant it. It's more like saying, "I can't understand how anyone could have voted for McCain/Obama." Clearly you can, if you try - but the thought of doing so is utterly and completely foreign to you.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 36

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 11:32:57 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Granted, an immature game of a sensation seeking budding 'Dominant'; but hey - it was FUN!

See? That's the thing. That's what I'm talking about! Maybe it will be fun. You never know until you try.

I have one tattoo. Before I got it, I had a serious fear of needles. I thought it was going to be unbearable. (Many people do describe it that way.) I found it to be quite bearable and eventually, I'll probably get more tats. The point is, something that you think is going to be one way could end up being so different than you thought. That's why I like the saying, "I'll try anything twice." The first time could be a fluke, right?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 37

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 11:37:03 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I would think that to fully understand the submissive mind, emotion and responses, from a personal front, one would have to be submissive.

Agreed. But while the experience is certainly not going to make me fully understand it, there's a distinct possibly that I may gain some understanding.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 38

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 11:40:50 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DannyDemanding

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I would think that to fully understand the submissive mind, emotion and responses, from a personal front, one would have to be submissive.

Agreed. But while the experience is certainly not going to make me fully understand it, there's a distinct possibly that I may gain some understanding.

If that's the case, certainly have at it. No one here would say that you're wrong for doing so.

From an intellectual standpoint, you will learn about how you process and interpret what you feel (either physically, mentally, emotionally, etc) which will teach you something about yourself. Nothing wrong with that at all. But it won't tell you anything about what it feels like to someone else, particularly someone with an entirely different mindset (ie: submissive). So I'd have to wonder what value it would (or could) be if that were your objective.

John

< Message edited by Rover -- 11/24/2008 11:41:22 AM >

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 39

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 11:41:10 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Did you have parents growing up? Have you ever been employed? Were you part of a team with a coach?

Yes, on all three counts. But neither my parents, past employers nor my coach ever flogged me or used nipple clamps or a crop or cane. None of them blindfolded me and dripped hot wax on me. And only my high school basketball coach ever tied me up and forced me to perform fellatio.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 40

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