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apple2 -> RE: Ever try the other side? (3/15/2009 11:54:06 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
Have you ever submitted, just to try to understand submissives
I have heard of those who did submit to work their way up a particular hierarchy of M/s. The internet is rather ripe with tales of this type of Leather heirarchy (as an example). Their motivations and experiences would be better expressed by those individuals. I wouldn't dream of speaking for them. Perhaps they came to understand the desire to submit, a submissive feels - I don't know. I can tell you that from my experience with the motivation of most male submissives, that male submissives typically have a completely different catalyst driving their need to submit, than the place where the mindset and the motivation for a female to submit comes from. In general, the destination is the same, but what drives the desire is very different. All that to say, even if you did - as a male - find satisfaction and contentment in submitting, it still would be unlikely to get YOU to place where you could understand why female submissives submit. It could, anything is possible, but from my experience, it would be rather unlikely.
Hi Winsome,
I've had a different experience. While the motivations *are* different- the result is not based on them.
Back in the day, before my time in the scene, there was a lot of "bottom to the top" type training. I'd say there was still some of it going on up until the mid 1990's, and it has always been more prevalent in gay leather than in the pansexual community.
That being said, many old timers came up through the "bottom to the top" tradition. Those were the people I first encountered when entering the scene. Folks who were playing in the late 1960's, 1970's and 1980's.
The tradition, by the time I came in, had faded down to a practice (or suggestion) that every top needed to bottom in order to understand their counterpart. And a more subdued suggestion that you should never use a toy on someone that you haven't had used on yourself first. Gender differences aside (though they do exist), there were two advantages to this experience:
1. Gaining empathy. If you are not given to submission or bottoming, playing on the other side gives you a good view of what you *do* to a play partner when you push beyond limits (Because the *first* stroke of a whip is beyond your limit).
2. Appreciation. Because you have had the experience, you can more fully appreciate the gift that your partner gives to through their submission.
Those were the rationalizations, or justifications for the exercise.
I did participate in this kind of "training" with a close friend who was a Dominant Woman. The result of the exercise was that both of us found the exercise to be *distasteful* since I was certainly not a bottom, slave, or submissive. I did not react well to pain, restraint, or being submissive.
But I learned a great deal. It changed (for the better) who I am, what choices I make, and how I view the person who would give themselves to me- if even for a scene.
For me... this type of experience was a big win. I'd not seek to repeat the experience, however I do see great value in it for those that have the guts (I say guts, because many dominants turn into weeping pussies or cat scratching felines when the roles are reversed). Putting your dominant ego aside for a bit is always a plus. Being humbled can be good for the soul.
But as an aside, I came "out" into a pretty established and old school community. Things change, the world moves on, and new traditions are founded. What was good then doesn't need to be good now.
But some old things are good... Learning the top from the bottom might be one of those things.
(Note: my partner, slave, and proofreader comments: Don't ask your slave to top you for these purposes. It will probably cause indigestion)
Your Mileage may Vary, Not Valid in all States (of being).
M&(a little bit of R)
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