RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (Full Version)

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Jupiterfalling -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/28/2008 1:38:14 PM)

I'm so sorry to drag this on and on. I'm devistated and confused in ways I've never felt before, and I have plenty of relationships and sexual encounters. I don't know how to address this. Again, my Vanilla side is saying "fuck this guy and move on". My Sub side is filled with the shame of failure. He was supposed to call me today to talk about it, but hasn't and I don't know what to say...



DesFIP -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/28/2008 4:01:39 PM)

Why did you trust him? Seems to me that was your first mistake.

If he were a friend, he would have kept in contact as a friend to be supportive. He wouldn't have tried to mindfuck you into agreeing to sex instead he would have talked openly to you about his desires and accepted your answer.

He just isn't that into you, he got his notch on the bedpost and now he's moved on to the next one. What you've learned is that you need to much clearer in your own mind and in conversation about your needs. Since you've learned that sexual intimacy is directly tied in to emotional intimacy for you, you have learned that the fuck buddy route is one you can't take.

You don't want to be just a booty call, a subby on the side. So don't be. Have a real friendship first, the kind where you talk about nonsexual things, go to the movies, have a picnic, hit the mall together. And don't let someone tell you that you don't deserve that and settle for less than meeting your needs. Because you're worth more.



Jupiterfalling -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/28/2008 4:27:16 PM)

I do want to be a subby on the side/booty call friend with benefits. I know I'm worth more, but I have a lot to devote my time to, so it suits me. We did have a friendship first, and I really did trust him. I guess we can't trust desire? Desire is wavering.



MadRabbit -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/28/2008 4:36:50 PM)

He made it pretty obvious his interest was primarily sexual.

You fucked him and now (to my lack of amazement) he lost interest.

You were being obtuse or just naive to the signs presented and were pretending that this was some kind of serious relationship.

Get over it and stop being stupid.



Jupiterfalling -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/29/2008 4:56:23 AM)

Good Lord. I wasn't thinking this was a relationship, nor have I expressed anything other than a continue of exploration. I just didn't expect a sudden lack of interest because regular sex occured. That is the disconcerting part.



ElizabethAnne -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/29/2008 8:36:31 AM)

sorry logged in under the wrong account



sunshinemiss -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/29/2008 8:38:59 AM)

So, put on your big girl panties, chalk it up to experience,and move on.

Go see a movie, have a bath, read a book, DO something .... meet some nice people, go to a munch, ANYTHING....

I'm gonna stop now...
[sm=beatdeadhorse.gif]



CalifChick -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/29/2008 8:40:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

Good Lord. I wasn't thinking this was a relationship


Then why on earth are you going on and on and ON about it, with so much angst and dissection of what happened??  Do you do this sort of thing all the time?  Do you have obsessive-compulsive tendencies or full-blown OCD?


Cali



Passion357 -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/29/2008 11:20:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

Good Lord. I wasn't thinking this was a relationship


Then why on earth are you going on and on and ON about it, with so much angst and dissection of what happened??  Do you do this sort of thing all the time?  Do you have obsessive-compulsive tendencies or full-blown OCD?


Cali



Greetings, All,

I think know where she's coming from. Where you just want to KNOW for sure from HIS LIPS wtf happened. When you thought you had a good thing going (with the whole trust and friends and sub with benefits) and failed at the "easy" sex. Just one more chance to make it right can prove to him (and yourself) that you CAN do it...but he won't try. Hell just fucking his lights out to prove it then walking away yourself would rock! But he won't try... I get it.[;)] Not fair, life sucks, live, learn, doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Give it a few weeks if you must. (I'm an obsessive perfectionist- I would) THEN walk the fuck away.

Well Wishes,
~Passion~



Jupiterfalling -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/29/2008 3:31:02 PM)

I know you are (well most of you) right. I should not be suffering this much anxiety over any one area of my life. This person had a particular hold on me, that I need to diminish for my own mental health. I did a little exploration with terms called "sub-space" and "sub-frenzy" that both describe the emotions that have occurred with and after play. Perhaps, I indeed put myself in the wrong situation from an emotional standpoint. I would not pick the wrong shrink, doctor, personal trainer, home, or job. That said, I must limit myself from casual encounters in the realm of BDSM and only to those who see my worth from the getgo. There are powerfull forms of attachment that come along with, previously unknown to me that vanilla world. My own inner Sadist says "bitch, stop being so stupid". He asked to see me tomorrow, so I will have to take the rejection and ask that we just be friends moving forward.

''You were never a part of me, you were never loving the me I promised to love forever"



xxblushesxx -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/29/2008 8:53:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

Good Lord. I wasn't thinking this was a relationship


Then why on earth are you going on and on and ON about it, with so much angst and dissection of what happened??  Do you do this sort of thing all the time?  Do you have obsessive-compulsive tendencies or full-blown OCD?


Cali



Hey now! I have OCD.
Not to say I haven't been obsessive in the past about things, and not to say I haven't confused friends with lovers and more, but...
hmmm...
nm.



CalifChick -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (11/29/2008 8:58:32 PM)

Jupiter and I have spoken on the other side.  What appears to be irritation from me on this side, is actually composed primarily of frustration.  The frustration in wanting to help her, but feeling that she wasn't "hearing" what was being said.

Jupiter, I hope you find the path in your life that brings you peace.

Cali



Dnomyar -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (12/3/2008 10:04:49 AM)

This post is killing me. If you people can band together and get the MOD to look the other way I can be of help to this poor thing.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (12/3/2008 10:14:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

While I tend to agree that the likely scenario is the one most posters have suggested, I find myself thinking that it might also be appropriate to consider that he may actually be trying to do the responsible thing by enforcing a distance that the bulk of the posters here have advised, but which the OP does not seem too keen on maintaining. Hanlon's Razor seems to imply that we might do well to see if other explanations than malice will fit the bill. See, the Y-chromosome isn't an automatic one-way ticket to "Assholeville, population 3 billion," even though it certainly confers a discount on such tickets.

If I did not think I was good for someone, and cared about that person, I would also do what I could to keep that person at a distance, although I would try to explain that and provide some measure of closure. After all, if they are going to trust me to do the right thing with them... well... it wouldn't seem appropriate to do what I believed to be the wrong thing, would it now? That is like intentionally violating and invalidating the trust they have chosen to invest me with. To do the right thing doesn't always mean nobody gets hurt; sometimes, it can mean trying to minimize the hurt for everyone involved.

Health,
al-Aswad.




Its not being responsible that you decide you don't want to hurt them AFTER you have got what you wanted and fucked them. (Speaking of the OP's situation, not you).



Dalanius -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (12/3/2008 9:22:36 PM)

I say this with compassion and not as an insult: you sound very much in need of therapy or at the very least counseling.  Your post is erratic, fragmented, and disconnected to the point of almost being comical if it weren’t for the fact that you are clearly in a very confused, conflicted state of mind.  

I am not a doctor or therapist, but I need not be to know you are exhibiting all the tell-tale signs of a depressive episode with overtones of secondary mania.  You should take a honest look at your motives for pursing this confused interaction, which I would not call a relationship by any means and why you are feeling this hot-cold dichotomy.  Are you doing this to momentarily escape a feeling of vacancy and despair?  Are you doing it because you feel perhaps that you are inherently not worth much more than being treated like the proverbial piece of meat you describe, only to then regret having had that feeling materialized and reflected back at you?  I would say it is one of these two, if not both, because clearly you are not doing it from the perspective of sub space.  You have regret, shame, and even anger here, however subtly conveyed.

What concerns me most of all is your complete resigning of any power and thinking here.  Sorry, but however much a submissive you might fancy yourself, your life is in your hands, and regardless how loud or boldly a dominant professes his or her authority over you, that is not an excuse to stop thinking and caring for youself.  So what if he wanted to "fuck" you?  You clearly went into a situation that you hadn't fully processed and relogated over your most precious attributes: your power and right to think.  Don't do this again without thinking things through and coming to terms with your decission emotionally, especially in what the possible consequences will be and how it will affect you.

Step back from this and take heart in considering seriously what is motivating your behavior and if you need perhaps professional help to aid you.  If you are depressed, seek help and don’t feel ashamed about it.  At any rate, I would politely step back from this dom you are seeing until you figure this out—with confidence and full understanding.

I wish you well and happiness--but go out and make your own happiness responsibly.



phoenixrising43 -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (12/3/2008 9:34:37 PM)

Gosh is that ever true!  Best thing is to always take your time and get to know someone extremely well.  But that is also not fail safe either.  Though no one can disappoint you, if you don't place them on a pedestal.  Happiness comes from within oneself, not in other people.



Dnomyar -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (12/4/2008 5:16:42 AM)

Hey  cutie nice seeing you . Huggs.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (12/4/2008 7:56:37 AM)

*waves at the purty phoenix*

Hope you are well!



Aswad -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (12/5/2008 6:39:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Its not being responsible that you decide you don't want to hurt them AFTER you have got what you wanted and fucked them. (Speaking of the OP's situation, not you).


I think you misread me, as I was implying that he was avoiding a sequence of events that would otherwise take place after the rejection, not avoiding the sequence that had led up to the rejection.

But the point is moot now, anyway. And if he knows her as well as she seems to suggest, there may well have been more than a few good reasons to wake up the next morning and say "ehh... right... some other time, maybe." Hell, I'm starting to feel the urge to run out on her myself, the way this thread has been going, if you know what I mean... and I haven't been anywhere near her bed.

Health,
al-Aswad.



Jupiterfalling -> RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! (12/5/2008 1:33:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Its not being responsible that you decide you don't want to hurt them AFTER you have got what you wanted and fucked them. (Speaking of the OP's situation, not you).


I think you misread me, as I was implying that he was avoiding a sequence of events that would otherwise take place after the rejection, not avoiding the sequence that had led up to the rejection.

But the point is moot now, anyway. And if he knows her as well as she seems to suggest, there may well have been more than a few good reasons to wake up the next morning and say "ehh... right... some other time, maybe." Hell, I'm starting to feel the urge to run out on her myself, the way this thread has been going, if you know what I mean... and I haven't been anywhere near her bed.

Health,
al-Aswad.



Aswad,

I have avoided any negative responses to my posting until now. In regards to knowing me and having his reasons the next morning - well that seems a bit illogical. Knowing me meant accepting my flaws and the new state of being a novice. "Hell, I'm starting to feel the urge to run out on her myself". That's lovely. I'm sure you make a great Dom with that attitude. And honey, you would never find yourself anywhere near my bed:) Coldness combined with obvious aesthetic lackings. No worries... this hot young lady (with a huge heart) wouldn't give you the time of day, my friend.



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