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stella41b -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/29/2008 4:27:34 PM)
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Now I realise that I am breaking my word of yesterday in coming back onto this thread but I'm doing so one last time, not to address Aszhrae, but to address everyone else.
I don't feel any satisfaction from the way this thread has gone, with my involvement in this thread, with Aszhrae's reactions to my postings and the postings of others who have also tried to reach out and help her. I'm coming back to acknowledge the fact that rightly or wrongly Aszhrae is hurting from our postings, she may feel vulnerable, attacked, confused, and isolated. Is there any point in any of us pointing out any of her issues yet even further? I feel not.
I don't feel any animosity towards Aszhrae, I don't feel offended, or rather now that I have a better understanding of her circumstances I'm refusing to feel any offense as to how she addressed me, and I'd like to make it clear here on the boards that I don't feel that she owes me an apology. What she wrote, together with the original discussion and points raised in this thread appear no longer significant, I refuse to feel any pity for her, nor feel sorry for her.
Strange as it may seem I actually care about Aszhrae, I am concerned about her welfare and what happens to her, despite all what has been written and all what has been discussed on this thread. Why? Well some of you who know me a little more than my postings and what is on these boards may be able to work it out, or perceive that perhaps of many of the posters here I have shared similar or the same experiences as she has, I have taken similar steps along the same journey, and I am perhaps emotionally and mentally some way further down the road to recovery and healing that she is.
I too am a domestic service submissive, and much of what she experienced in her periods of service (I am taken everything she has written at face value) I experienced the same in my childhood, I was beaten, abused, I have lost almost all my family, and even up until last year I have had issues with supporting myself and living independently. The very same attitudes which she is expressing here in this thread were the very same attitudes I was expressing back in 2003 and 2004 in Warsaw. Her medium is these threads, mine was theatre. I was as much the architect of my own downfall as anyone else. However I am not Aszhrae, and even if there are so many similarities, there are also differences.
I feel it is time to be positive. What can we learn from this thread? This much I feel we can learn. So many of you have posted on this thread maintaining that you have the right to choose whatever partner you like, and not to have a partner who is transgendered. I am in complete agreement with this, i have no issues with this whatsoever, as I have posted earlier. But I also feel it is worth pointing out that we do live in an imperfect world, and yet so many of us forget in our own rush for the ideal, the perfect, the best we can, our match that we often fail to realise or even notice what life can really be like for someone who is not clearly of one specific gender.
I'm asking you all to stop and think here, just for a minute. Let's just look beyond relationships and sexual partners for a moment. Let's take a more general look at this. This also involves the blanket sympathy that many in society affords the transgendered. There's just been Thanksgiving, right? How many of you would have been prepared to prepare a place at the table for someone transgendered? How many of you meet in your daily lives transgendered people living and working like the rest of the general population, in offices, working in shops, in banks, in stores, etc?
Okay, so now stop a think a little further. Think about your own lives, and all the people in your lives, employers, family, partners, friends, neighbours. Now try to imagine what your life would be like if you did not have that gender recognition that the non-transgendered take for granted. Ladies, try to imagine what it feels like to have a penis, and to have everybody trying to determine if you have that penis or not before even choosing to interact with you. Imagine being laughed at, stared at, ridiculed, rejected, ignored, verbally abused and even physically attacked just for having that penis. Guys, try to imagine that you can only achieve peace of mind by being accepted as a woman, and you as you are now have to go out on a daily basis and achieve and seek that acceptance. Could you do it?
Please don't feel that I'm attacking or criticizing anyone here, I'm not. I'm just trying to communicate to you how it feels to be transgendered. How would the above impact your life? How would other people react? How would you cope with their reactions? Would you find the strength and determination to be able to cope with this on a daily basis? Can you not see how restrictive and limiting it can be on someone's life?
Let's not forget the way the world is now, how many people are struggling just to keep body and soul together, just how hard it is to find a job, to find somewhere to live even, and now just try to imagine how hard it must be for the transgendered to compete with those who aren't transgendered and aren't struggling to cope with such issues.
You may see some, every so often, but these are the tip of the iceberg, there are many hidden away, not working, a considerable number in domestic service, even more in prostitution, and yet also a considerable number who have chosen - the only choice they can make - to make that sacrifice and not face up to the stress and challenges of gender reassignment, who don't get to surgery, and those who commit suicide as a result. There are no statistics, because for one the dead body is that of a male, and secondly because some don't choose to leave behind an explanation.
I'd also like to make a point that this thread is now in it's 8th page, and the focus all along has been on Aszhrae herself. But there were more people in this story, and nobody realy looked at the othert characters - the couples in whose service she had been. What can we make of that couple? Was this a couple who have taken care of Aszhrae who they accepted into their service, or is this a couple who have exploited Aszhrae for their own needs? Can we really expect Aszhrae, who we now know appears to be broken, and suffering from issues, to shoulder the entire responsibility for her situation? Take a look at her, how she posts, and what conclusions can we draw from the care she either placed herself in or was placed under? And what of her welfare?
A question to the dominants reading this. You have someone like Aszhrae in your service for 18 years. Would you be happy with, or even proud of, the way she has turned out today?
And yet this is the lifestyle for many a transgendered domestic service submissive.. Let's not forget that Aszhrae is perhaps one of the few who has some access to a computer, and there may be many more who are not even allowed near a computer. What does their lifestyle look like? Can you imagine? And can you see the point I am making?
Now I am assuming that who we choose as a sexual partner, for a relationship or even for play is no longer an issue, and that we are in full agreement that freedom of choice exists.
However I'm asking you to consider in your own hearts and minds granting me a couple of requests which I would like to make. Whether you decide to do or, or even need to do so or not, is entirely your decision. I'd like to achieve some sort of change here, to bring something positive out of this thread, and I am looking to each and every one of you to support and help me in making these changes.
I'd like to make the world , or even our corner of the world a little more trans-friendly and supportive. Care to lend a hand? Care to go over what our needs are?
1. Firstly I'd like us to cut Aszhrae some slack here. She hasn't responded in 8 pages to what we have done to try and help her, and so it's clear she needs more time to get over herself and her issues and I'd like us to try and allow her more time to be able to do this.
2. Secondly if you come across someone transgendered who is transitioning, presenting or identifying as their acquired gender, please give them that recognition. Does it really matter if they're passable? I mean, how many of you men and women are really passable? This is something they need, and really helps them overcome their issues, brings some relief to their stress, and brightens up their day. If you're not sure, please don't assume, ask. Asking them such a simple and direct question as 'How would you like me to address you?' shouldn't be offensive.
3. Don't be afraid of meeting someone transgendered and spending time socially with them. Don't be afraid. You simply being with them removes any sort of social stigma which they might face. Also they make strong supportive friends, considering the amount of shit they have to put up with.
4. This might be hard for some, but I'm asking that we wipe the slate clean in this thread and give Aszhrae a second chance to develop that wonderful caring support network among us all here on CM which has helped me and many others.
Is this too much to ask?
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