RE: Verification: more harm than good (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 6:36:19 AM)

I must say that this thread contains some really awesome posts. Primarily authored by Stella, but Lockit I must thank you also for your bit on passive agressiveness. It is one of my, less charming characteristics, I've fought alot these last few years. I like being reminded I've got a way to go.



agirl -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 9:53:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Okay, so now stop a think a little further. Think about your own lives, and all the people in your lives, employers, family, partners, friends, neighbours. Now try to imagine what your life would be like if you did not have that gender recognition that the non-transgendered take for granted. Ladies, try to imagine what it feels like to have a penis, and to have everybody trying to determine if you have that penis or not before even choosing to interact with you. Imagine being laughed at, stared at, ridiculed, rejected, ignored, verbally abused and even physically attacked just for having that penis. Guys, try to imagine that you can only achieve peace of mind by being accepted as a woman, and you as you are now have to go out on a daily basis and achieve and seek that acceptance. Could you do it?



I had a friend that eventually had reassignment surgery from male to female. I only saw a very small glimpse of what life was like for her living as a female before her surgery. If we were out, I would have to go to the toilets with her because she was used to getting horrid comments and a fair amount of abuse.

She was not a pretty 'girl' at the time...she looked like a bloke in drag, to be blunt. She used to swap make-up tips with my sons and daughter ( I had two very gothy sons at the time...lol) But she went through SO much to become what she wanted. Laser treatment to remove her facial hair....for AGES. She had SO much determination. Living as a female while looking so blokey was EXTREMELY trying, not to mention having to deal with her children's outlook and problems because of her choice, too. Neighbours viewed her with suspicion and it seemed that there wasn't an area of her life that wasn't affected by the entire situation.

Eventually she became who she felt she'd always been...The surgery, expense, the pain was all difficult........but the sheer hell of the daily pain she went through to maintain and keep her vagina open and stretched was pretty bloody horrible. Sometimes it'd make her faint.

Further down the line, she had plastic surgery which softened her male features and she looked pretty damn lovely.

She was a bit of a drama queen over the most innocuous things and yet bore this with the most amazing fortitude.

What she wasn't was BORING. She got into all sorts of scrapes and was terribly outspoken; a mixture of marshmallow and steel. She was a character and she certainly helped give my kids a broader outlook on life and people in general.

I can't imagine what it's like to live with these kind of difficulties but it was an eye-opener to have walked a wee way with her. She didn't want bunches of sympathy (well, ok she did in some of her high -drama moments...lol) What she wanted or hoped for was just to be ordinary in a slightly extraordinary way.....bit like me really and a bit like many people I know.

Without the TG difficulties, Aszhrae has a whole raft of things to deal with. I quite admire the way she's stayed with this thread despite feeling quite bruised at times.

agirl











Aszhrae -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 2:50:56 PM)

Girl shudders to think that those posting here perceive me as being transgendered. There is a reason why girl does not perceive my self as such, it is because girl has always perceived her self as a girl. Now girl does not exaggerate feminine movements, girl does what comes natural and above all its about being me.
Like male, like female and like transgender, they are categories and a means to clarify. To me, there is just male and female. There is of course, submissive, slave and dominant. Each to some varying degree, but once more categories by which all of us here in CM describe us.
Girl is a submissive, in my original profile, the happiest time of my life was with my first mistress and it lasted all but 5 years. Over the last 18 years, it was her that gave me strength to endure the humiliations and the hardship. It was also stated that, from a hospital bed to service submission did girl become. Why non-sexual, because for the first little while, girl would not let anyone get near me and because current couple are very happily married. It wasn't such a bad thing, it gave me some place to belong, some place to serve, some place to heal and become strong.
My spirit would not be as strong as it is without the help of the current mistress and master. Girl would also not have the talents that are currently possessed or the skills. laboring for master has taught me skills, enough skills to make me a very versatile and resourceful service submissive. Is it such a bad thing being such a submissive that girl has learned to build a house, drop and rebuild either car engine or transmission. Is it such a bad thing that girl took the time as a service submissive to learn other things to make her self better so that current mistress could be proud of her pet.
Girl wouldn't think so.
But girl is a submissive and desires direction and guidance, to learn, to grow and to make my mistress proud. The current mistress is and has been very nurturing, she has always been there for me in matters of weakness. Current master with matters concerning strength vs adversity. It is these qualities that will be missed most of all.
As for what girl is currently going through, current mistress accepts and admits the right choice should have been made long ago. Even the doctor that delivered me, now retired, admits to having made a mistake in judgment.
This thread was not so much about verification as it was about acceptance for me being a girl, which is why my profile is in the female section and not in the TG section. Quite simply, girl does not perceive her self as TG and girl does not think that other TGs should do so either.

There is another subject: Passive Aggressiveness
It is not a flaw, and should not be treated as such. Passive is what girl is as a submissive, it is a strength that allows me to accept direction and guidance without hesitation. It is the part of me that desires the need to serve in the best way possible and at the best of my ability. My purpose in life is to serve and to please my mistress.
The aggressiveness, although having a dark side and girl does mean a dark side. It is that part of me that enables me to persevere, to endure, to keep going and to survive. It is what keeps me alive, its what fuels my desire to keep my mistress from harm, it turns off my brain and has me stand in harms way so that mistress can get away. It is the part of me that wants to keep mistress safe.
Is being Passive Aggressive such a bad thing?
Girl doesn't think so.



Lockit -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 3:00:18 PM)

Passive Aggressive should not be used as a form of protection or as a protective measure.  It alienates people from you and it comes typically from a wounded place.  You cannot hear what another says because you are too busy hearing from a wounded place.  Most who are passive aggressive do not see what they do as aggressive in an unhealthy way and will defend it to their death and most often it means a social and relationship death. 

Being passive aggressive cannot replace good emotional health and relationships and typically when one is still in the denial, defense and excuse stage, they will not see the harm they do to themselves and others.  One cannot hear constructive input into their life or self if they are too busy defending it as they currently live it.



agirl -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 3:07:03 PM)

I haven't a clue what you percieve yourself as, Aszhrae. I don't care enough , however harsh that might sound.

If your thread was about acceptance for you being a girl....... Well, I've heard you. You're a girl.

agirl













aravain -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 3:15:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

There is another subject: Passive Aggressiveness
It is not a flaw, and should not be treated as such. Passive is what girl is as a submissive, it is a strength that allows me to accept direction and guidance without hesitation. It is the part of me that desires the need to serve in the best way possible and at the best of my ability. My purpose in life is to serve and to please my mistress.
The aggressiveness, although having a dark side and girl does mean a dark side. It is that part of me that enables me to persevere, to endure, to keep going and to survive. It is what keeps me alive, its what fuels my desire to keep my mistress from harm, it turns off my brain and has me stand in harms way so that mistress can get away. It is the part of me that wants to keep mistress safe.
Is being Passive Aggressive such a bad thing?
Girl doesn't think so.



Hmm, Passive-Aggressiveness is much different than being passive and having an assertive attitude when it comes to something (which is what you describe)...

at least, according to therapists *laugh*

Both of these come from merriam webster:

Main Entry:ag·gres·sive 1 a: tending toward or exhibiting aggression <aggressive behavior> b: marked by combative readiness <an aggressive fighter>
2 a: marked by obtrusive energy b: marked by driving forceful energy or initiative : enterprising <an aggressive salesman>
3: strong or emphatic in effect or intent <aggressive colors> <aggressive flavors>
4: growing, developing, or spreading rapidly <aggressive bone tumors>
5: more severe, intensive, or comprehensive than usual especially in dosage or extent <aggressive chemotherapy>
Main Entry: passive-aggressive : being, marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness)
What you're identifying as passive-aggressiveness doesn't fall under the recognized definition. Those who were pointing it out were speaking more to behaviors that fall under the recognized definition.

And the reason some are identifying you as transgendered is because (from wikipedia this time):

Transgender is the state of one's "gender identity" (self-identification as woman, man, or neither) not matching one's "assigned sex" (identification by others as male or female based on physical/genetic sex).


Granted, in your case your genetic sex is something else entirely without a place in 'binary sex' system... however, you still fall under this umbrella because you identify yourself as a woman.

These could be the reasons why some people are misinterpreting each other in this thread.

EDIT: Grammar... my eternal enemy.

Also, Lockit's got a good grip on it XD



persephonee -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 3:25:18 PM)

asz...
i have stayed away from this but have been watching, much like rubbernecking since its inception. This is simply too pathetic to be ignored. i understand that you need to find a new mistress...believe me, we are all searching for something...but come on.

Gender issues aside, i truly believe that on the day you are "put out on the stoop". somehow, youll manage to keep on truckin.
Wouldnt it be a wiser move to focus on what you have to offer in a partnership as opposed to focussing on all the care and support you would supposedly need in order to simply survive? Sheesh...who wants to take that on in this day and age???

im calling bullshit on this entire thread. i feel the need to pay reparations to the kind souls who have taken time and energy to type out real concrete solutions or suggestions for such...it appears to be simply an exercise in futility.

perse.



Lockit -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 3:28:33 PM)

I guess we can hope that someone gets something out of it eh? lol  But persephonee... we hear you! lol



pixidustpet -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 3:52:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Girl is certainly getting some insight as to who the switches are when in fact their profile has them as submissive. But as one submissive had instructed me last night. Best to bail out now, say my thank you to all that have posted, before girl relinquishes more personal information that is of concern only to my doctor.



*raises one eyebrow delicately*

there is nowhere in the SOOPER SEEKRIT SUBBIE HANDBOOK that says because you are an s-type that your brain was taken away, that you magically no longer have an opinion, nor that you must lie down and be trampled upon by every Dudly Doo-wright calling him/herself a dominant.  or even by every other person.

total dragonsnot.  i am submissive, yes.  to exactly TWO people.  any other person?  courtesy, absolutely.  respect if they merit it.  deference?  possibly, depending on the circumstance.  but submissive?  i have standing orders that i am not to submit to just any swingin' dick (or happily hanging vagina for that matter) which comes along and starts ordering me around.

TheEngineer and Daddy both like me as a thinking individual.  and demand that i stay as one.

kitten, whose opinions are her own and no one else's, all other standard disclaimers apply. 



Aszhrae -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 4:05:03 PM)

Just a perception, and girl can almost assuredly guarantee that someone finds fault, offense or something to say about it. They always see to do so.
It's true, that there are great many people that have posted lending advice. Girl has read personal opinion, observations, summaries of material taken from external sources. Personal perceptions taken out of context, because they just rubbed someone the wrong way or found offensive.
As for BS, nope, you would be wrong there. But you are entitled to your opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own perceptions and observations. Even me.
You may not believe me that my childhood was not much of one, being a teenager was one of constant aggression and that all my adult life has been in service to another.
The matter of facts is, girl is a submissive. Girl really doesn't care if you don't believe me. First mistress believed me, present mistress believes in me. Now to find a mistress that believes in me enough for me to serve until my grave.
There are a few things that girl is that no one can take away from me:
Girl is a survivor, no matter what, girl always manages to stand up or lean against something while standing.
When all else fails, girl still has her strength of spirit which might also be factor towards my survival.
Girl is resourceful, versatile and enduring.
First mistress had nothing to do with the Toronto BDSM community, we met at a Pentecostal Church.
Second mistress met me in the hospital, she was the receptionist, again, not active in the local BDSM community.

This is the first time girl has looked into the online community to find her self a mistress.

No more explanations, no more defensive posturing, no more aggressive posturing. It is after all what some live for here in the forum.
Others thank you once more for words of encouragement, your insights and your guidance. Above all, girl thanks Stella for her understanding.
Say what you will about me, girl has read and heard much worst. Trust me.
Bye Now!



Lockit -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 4:09:52 PM)

I am not personally offended, but would like to make comment on the 'switch' comment.

First of all, what someone lists themself as is their business.  Who determines what they are by things they might say on a public message board?  Who says the submissive must have no opinion or right to speak their mind and when they do, how can that be considered non submissive and more switch like?

That comment was made to insult, condemn and was that passive aggressive type of response I've been talking about.  If you have something you object to in something someone says, say so and mention why, but to simply attack someone for what they say they are and state that they are something else determined by what they have said... naw... honey... doesn't fly so well.

The thing is, you will continue to defend yourself trying to prove yourself and that is all fine and good and I encourage you to stand up for yourself.  But to defend yourself or to stand up for yourself by pointing at another or insulting them is really not a protective measure for your mistress or anything of the like.  It is just plain and simply... trying to get off the hot seat.




aravain -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 4:16:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

There are a few things that girl is that no one can take away from me:
Girl is a survivor, no matter what, girl always manages to stand up or lean against something while standing.
When all else fails, girl still has her strength of spirit which might also be factor towards my survival.
Girl is resourceful, versatile and enduring.



GOOD! Take that, use that. If you feel down and out because someone has said 'no thanks' (whether they're nice or not) *REMEMBER THAT YOU TYPED THOSE WORDS*.

THAT is what's important when you feel battered, beat down, and like someone's taken your whole struggle and thrown it away as useless. 1) You will survive. 2)You are STRONG 3) You are resourceful, versatile and enduring.

Remember it. Live it. You're lucky in that many TS people (from any point of the umbrella) don't know that, don't feel that. You do. I know that I didn't feel that way (and still find it hard to, and hard to believe it's possible to be true) after I understood how I was 'different' but that's how it is.



CalifChick -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 5:33:07 PM)

You met your mistress because she was a receptionist at the hospital?  Then why did you have to fly to their home?  Surely she did not fly home every night to her home.

Cali




GreedyTop -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 5:34:25 PM)

*adores Cali*



persephonee -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 6:02:45 PM)

No, asz...im not calling your "story" bullshit. im calling bullshit on this thread. Competent, intelligent people have given you sound advice, take it to heart or not, thats for you....this is just an online discussion and means virtually nothing, as such. Glean from it what you will...

And if you do return to the thread, kindly stop fobbing off childhood stories of woe in an attempt to get sympathy...we all had issues.

i would kind of like to know how a receptionist managed to fly her commute to and from work. Leave it to Det. Cali to point that out.

perse



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 7:15:06 PM)

Another endless thread!  Well, I do hope that others can get some good from the stories that have been told. 



Elisabella -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 9:16:10 PM)

-FR-

Aszhrae, when you talk about 'verification' what exactly are you referring to?  What are potential partners asking you to verify?

TBH, if a potential partner is asking you to verify that you are biologically female (from the waist down) then I would wonder why the topic of your gender hasn't come up yet.   And I would say in this case it's not so much a question of being recognized and accepted as female, but a question of whether or not the potential partner is attracted to your body. 

Physical attraction comes in many forms.  Some people want their girls to be thin, some people want their girls to be chubby, some people want their girls shaved, some want their girls hairy.  Some people want their girls to have a natural vagina.  Some people prefer their girls to have a penis.  Some prefer their girls to have both.

I don't see how "I am not physically attracted to girls with a surgically created vagina" is any different than "I am not physically attracted to girls with surgically enhanced breasts."  It's not so much questioning your 'femaleness' as saying "You're not my type of woman."

As far as the OP on verification goes, I prefer proactive disclosure to reactive verification.  In other words, you have a unique physical condition and it is important for you to inform any potential partners about that condition.  If you're afraid that the partner won't be comfortable with your physical traits, then you should ask yourself why you want to commit to this person.  How can you submit to a Mistress if you can't even be open with her?



Aszhrae -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 9:36:45 PM)

You are quite right Calif' , girl should have perhaps been more clear. The current couple relocated here to where girl is now. As girl was not well enough to travel, when girl was, the next available flight, as the ticket was paid for already. Girl was on that flight, that was back in '90.
As someone once said, good things happen only as a matter of convenience, usually after something happens to alter your direction in life. Girl could have cashed the ticket and remained in Toronto. Who really knows? Just happy that someone was there for me, just as all of you are here for me now.
Does that make sense, Det Cali'?



Aszhrae -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 9:41:30 PM)

You are correct Elisa'.
Girl reads an echo, as you basically stated the same thing that Stella did earlier to me privately.

Apologies and Thankies all around.

Nice smile Elisa' :)



Rule -> RE: Verification: more harm than good (11/30/2008 11:05:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae
First mistress had nothing to do with the Toronto BDSM community, we met at a Pentecostal Church.
Second mistress met me in the hospital, she was the receptionist, again, not active in the local BDSM community.
This is the first time girl has looked into the online community to find her self a mistress.

So you met your first two mistresses due to the combination of your strong magical abilities and the consequent Divine intervention. I do note that without you having been beaten to near death you would not have met your second mistress, so that traumatic event was caused by Divine intervention to at the very least enable you to meet your potential second mistress.
 
My recommendation is to have faith in your magical abilities and in Divine intervention. Looking online demonstrates a lack of such faith. (Such a consideration has also been in my own profile since I first wrote my profile.)



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