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born a Dom or sub? - 3/5/2004 3:43:55 PM

Myste

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Joined: 3/4/2004
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Someone commented in another thread that you are born a sub or Dom and can't be trained. Training is another topic that I'll add but on this one let's concentrate on being "born a sub or Dom"

I consider myself a switch so does that mean I was born with both personalities?

I can be very submissive but only to the right person yet I've been told that I am very dominant also. Personally I think that these traits are ones that developed during my childhood years. I was put in situations that I had to take control yet I see the submissive side coming in by taking care of others.

What are your views? Do you feel you were born a sub or dom? Where do those that don't fit in either (or both) catagory fall?

Myste

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kinkytexans/

Post #: 1

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/5/2004 3:54:47 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Myste

I consider myself a switch so does that mean I was born with both personalities?

What are your views? Do you feel you were born a sub or dom? Where do those that don't fit in either (or both) catagory fall?

Myste

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kinkytexans/

I am one of the people who feel we were born who we are. You can go back..take Freud for example. He believes homosexuals are born gay. While other therapists Elizabeth Moberly for example believes it is caused by environmental factors.

So in essence everyone has their own opinions. My opinions are based on who I am. I knew I was born submissive..I tried to fight it for many years. Fear of abuse is what led me to fight it. I realized the hard way you cannot change who you are deep inside you just have to love yourself. Everything will be ok in the end.

As far as switches go, I could ask you the same thing I've asked so many in the past. If your "one" or "soul mate" or whatever you like to call the person came by. You knew this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with because they completed you so well. Say they were submissive. Would you opt for your Dom hat to be happy the rest of your life?
Most I've asked...well all I have met have said yes. They would be Dominant the rest of their lives.
You do what makes you happy. Nobody is saying you have to choose one side or the other. You play the field...and it does make you happy. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I'm not a switch either but I do control a great number of people. Does that make me a Dominant? Yes, it sure does in the workforce. Does it make me a Dominant at home? Nope, I could'nt be more submissive to my Dom at home.
Does that make me a switch? Sure, in some minds it would. In mine..it does'nt because I know the inner workings of my mind and what I'd truly want if we lived in a perfect world.

Diversity is what makes this world so great. We never stop learning.

(in reply to Myste)

Post #: 2

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/5/2004 4:58:37 PM

inyouagain

Posts: 418
Joined: 1/6/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Myste
I consider myself a switch so does that mean I was born with both personalities?

Is a switch-hitter ambidextrous? A left-hander isn't, nor is a right-hander... it's foreign to the latter pair.

As far as birth definition, I believe D/s tendencies are in place at birth via predisposition, waiting for opportunity to emerge. For some these opportunities come sooner, for some they come later, meaning it's a variable, while predisposition infers a constant.

Take a look at nature, especially other mammals. Hmm, what we call nature and survival of the fittest, may in fact also include D/s predisposition? Why is it there's always a runt (or several) in every litter of pups or kittens, swine, and other multiple offspring mammals? Less Dominant in their aggressivness for feeding... I'd say so.

Speaking of animals, and birth definition... mankind has been manipulating animal species for thousand of years to produce more Dominant or aggressive breeds of animals, and 180 degrees in the other direction of domestication, or submissiveness breeds of animals. How many submissive Pit Bulls have you seen lately? This sucessful manipulation of animal breeds would infer the birth definition can in fact be manipulated or controlled sucessfully. Of course deviation is a percentage, and milder Pit Bulls are usually the last one's sold or placed in a loving home to lurk... passively until the opportunity (variable) presents itself for the predisposition to emerge.

We humans are all special, different, priviledged, and expected to pollute the environment for all mammals... we think alot don't we, but it appears we don't think much about US as a species of mammals... we are enlightened and aware mammals, and the rules of nature don't apply to us, we are self-indulged hypocrites usually, therefore we deserve a higher order and distinction... and of course our own set of nature's rules.

Q. What's the difference between a sophisticated mammal and an unsophistcated mammal?
A. The sophisticated mammal is is the one with the key to the cage.

Inyouagain

(in reply to Myste)

Post #: 3

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/5/2004 7:26:07 PM

SherriA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

As far as switches go, I could ask you the same thing I've asked so many in the past. If your "one" or "soul mate" or whatever you like to call the person came by. You knew this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with because they completed you so well. Say they were submissive. Would you opt for your Dom hat to be happy the rest of your life?
Most I've asked...well all I have met have said yes. They would be Dominant the rest of their lives.

Well, we've not met, but if we did and you asked me that, I'd say not just no, but HELL NO!

Then again, I can't imagine ever agreeing to spend the rest of my life with one person, forsaking all others. It's just not how I'm wired. If there was a "one" for me, it would be someone who understood that I have a huge variety of things that I enjoy and s/he couldn't possibly fill ALL of those shoes. S/he would have to be the kind of person who wouldn't have issues with me enjoying some things with other people. Jealousy and possessiveness don't work well in my relationships.

-- Sherri

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 4

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/5/2004 10:22:15 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA

Then again, I can't imagine ever agreeing to spend the rest of my life with one person, forsaking all others. It's just not how I'm wired. If there was a "one" for me, it would be someone who understood that I have a huge variety of things that I enjoy and s/he couldn't possibly fill ALL of those shoes. S/he would have to be the kind of person who wouldn't have issues with me enjoying some things with other people. Jealousy and possessiveness don't work well in my relationships.

-- Sherri

Which is why I said diversity is what makes us unique. Myself I want a monogamous relationship..that happens to be what I have. There is no jealousy involved. That does'nt mean in time there won't be either. Nothing is absolute. That just happens to be what I want in a relationship.
Does'nt mean it is the right way for everyone. It is the right way for me.

(in reply to SherriA)

Post #: 5

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/6/2004 2:22:03 AM

iwillserveu

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Infinite diversity in infinite combinations

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 6

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/6/2004 4:17:59 AM

myrmidon

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Joined: 2/24/2004
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I actually find myself agreeing with iwillserveu! Elsewhere in these boards, there is a thread all about the nine levels of Submission. Can we expect an analysis of where on that sliding scale each of us belongs...from BIRTH,yet!?!

Even the most submissive of people has their personal deal-breaker, something which will preclude a scene with a Dom/me they might otherwise kill to get near. Similarly, no Dom/me can assume control of everybody, these are subjective, self-imposed and self-moderated limits. Where you have to worry is when someone believes they must submit to/obtain submission from everybody - that's where SSC ends and the need for a mental health evaluation or a kick in the backside begins.

I also believe that these subjective lines we cross are redrawn constantly through our lives. I have redrawn several since breakfast. You would be something less than human if you couldn't claim both sides of the dichotomy as part of your make-up. How many Dom/mes out there started as Subs? They didnt know where their path would lead; this isn't entirely divorced from the question of a switch turning Dom for life for the one they love. (Their beloved could have a similar revelation, too)

I am not however, claiming we all change orientation eventually. Just that we may. I am definitely of the opinion that we should be thinking inclusively about each other and our experiences, rather than trying to proscribe behaviour we don't understand. Remember King Canute?

PS. The management claims the right to adjust the above opinions as life and experience deem necessary.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 7

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/6/2004 10:50:07 AM

sweetieboop

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I'm also one of the ones who feel we are born with it. My whole life, I've had to take care of everyone and everything. I always had high pressure, in control positions in the work field. Just because I'm a strong person able to lead, it doesn't mean that I'm not submissive though. Besides, when it comes to my family and what I've had to be for them, I've hated it. I was raised with the concept that you must take care of things and be confident and independant. So although I was "trained" that way, it's still not who I am. I find that since I've come into this lifestyle, I'm finding my missing piece, filling an empty hole. I hope I'm explaining myself right. LOL!

(in reply to myrmidon)

Post #: 8

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/6/2004 6:15:49 PM

philurdesires

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I don't think anybody is born to be anything, with the exception of their gender, and even that has recently come into question. Things happen and people react - a prison convict for example, will learn to survive, whatever it takes, and a person that may never have harmed anyone may kill to survive - yet they weren't born a killer. It is likely that any of us will eat human flesh if we get hungry enough, and that theory has been proven in the past - however, those people weren't born cannibal.

Like many of you, I have always been in a command or managerial position with varying numbers of subordinates. In sexual activities I was always the aggressor, taking control, like I did in most other areas of my life. However, eventually, I began to realize that I was empty, life was basically dull and I was just going through the motions. Thoughts began to creep into my brain and I fanticized and about submission and when I actually decided to submit to a Domme, a lot of things became very apparent to me, not the least of which was realizing that I was a sub. Not a whore or a door mat but a submissive male that enjoys pleasing a lady.

So, was I acting and just going through the motions in the dominant roles I had been in all my life? Was I just fooling myself, or was I a dominant and accidently found my true role and switched, or did I need something different and a domme just happened to be available? I'm not sure what it was, but I honestly don't think I was born to it. The chemicals in my brain and the chromozones in my body didn't change from the old to the new - I was still the same guy. I think I just made a conscious decison that I didn't have to hide the fact that I greatly admired dominant females any longer.

(in reply to sweetieboop)

Post #: 9

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/6/2004 9:53:14 PM

sabersedge

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I think you are born with leaning one way or another. I photographed babies and kids. Even though generally kids are similar, they have distinct personalities even as infants. They dont like to be picked up one way or another, they dont like this person or that one, are afraid of the cat or dog. Things that may not have been taught to them. Where did they pick some of these things up from. They have the roots of a personality already.

With that said I do think that a person can be modified, trained or broken depending on what happens in their life. No matter what happens the basic personality will always influence the person. A prime example is Men and Women. We react differently to the same stimuli.

Whether we are right or wrong, good or bad, two totally different views with the same end product, we react differently. A man reacts as a Man and a Woman reacts as a Woman.

Recently Ive had the opportunity to talk to a lot of couples going through tough times. The man whether he is right or wrong, usually will yell, show anger, finds a fix and wants to impliment it. The woman is usually quite, softer spoken unless she is at the end of her ropes, thinks about the problem.

***********************************************
The point is even when modified stereotypically this is how we are. I think in terms of personality dom, sub, master, slave, vanilla. We lean towards one. We can not help it. It is how we are.

Can it be modified. I think so and under extreme cases maybe even broken.

(in reply to philurdesires)

Post #: 10

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 3/7/2004 1:17:50 PM

Myste

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Thank you all for the replies and some very good points were made. The human is an amazing creature and by no means do we understand how everything functions. I'm sure someday there will be research done to try to answer this question but I appreciate hearing others opinions in the meantime.

_____________________________

Myste

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kinkytexans/

(in reply to sabersedge)

Post #: 11

born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 6:57:34 PM

subsue6

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Joined: 9/10/2005
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I agree about leaning one way or another, though experiences and environment can push you faster in the direction you are inclined. I went to a girls' boarding school. Naturally some of the girls were tops and some bottoms, psychologically and socially.
And for a certain subset of them, the lesbian/bi girls, that translated into sexual relationships.
In my case and a couple of other girls I knew in school, we all found older girls to serve pretty quickly. It wasn't perfect, but it was what we wanted in our hearts.
After boarding school, I met older, tougher dommes--in college and since then, but you start somewhere.
sue

(in reply to sabersedge)

Post #: 12

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:03:54 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
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From: New Hampshire
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Yes, I think you're born that way.

(in reply to subsue6)

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RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:09:38 PM

CrappyDom

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Those who had the good fortune to be born into my ancient household begin their training in the womb.

(in reply to popeye1250)

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RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:14:33 PM

r4l884slave

Posts: 27
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I think I was born Dom-started so early--I dont htink you become that way. Just like being lesbian-Its what I am.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

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RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:17:52 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
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quote:

What are your views? Do you feel you were born a sub or dom? Where do those that don't fit in either (or both) catagory fall?

I, personally, do not believe I was born to be anything other than myself; strong willed, stubborn, argumentative, caring, loyal, etc etc.....

Being a submissive, I feel, is not something that I was born with. It evolved through the years.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to Myste)

Post #: 16

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:21:20 PM

angelic

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i feel, for myself only, btw... that i was born submissive. my answer here is the same that i posted to a similar thread in Ask a Submissive. That is

Although like many here, i was born submissive; however, in my day-to-day living, (i do not have a Master and i am a 24/7 single mom), i have to be in control at all times. i have to be the one in control in order to maintain my home life, my family's home life, my job, etc. Even though i control every aspect of my life, i do it as a submissive because i am a submissive (if that makes sense).

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to Myste)

Post #: 17

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:21:45 PM

Lordandmaster

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I believe that people are born dom or sub, but that doesn't mean they can't be trained. In other words, you can't train a born vanilla to BE dom or sub, but a born dom or sub could still learn a lot of things along the way from someone else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Myste

Someone commented in another thread that you are born a sub or Dom and can't be trained.

(in reply to Myste)

Post #: 18

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:23:55 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I dont know about born, but I do think we are predisposed to being one or the other. I know I am Dominant becasue thats what my personality dictates. Wether I was born with that personality or if it was something I picked up from the people that riased me and the situations I was raised in, I cant say.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 19

RE: born a Dom or sub? - 10/23/2006 7:39:07 PM

Lashra

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Joined: 2/9/2006
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We all have dominant and submissive traits, usually one or the other will be more pronounced. Conditioning also has alot to do with it, the environment we are raised in helps to form our personalities.
I'm a Dominant woman with very little submissive traits in me, I'm just not wired that way.
Switches I believe have a balance and can enjoy both ends of the spectrum.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Myste)

Post #: 20

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