Satiation?

Satiation? (Full Version)

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boytroy -> Satiation? (11/26/2008 2:38:07 PM)
First, let me admit that I have virtually no experience being dominated by anyone, but as time goes by I seem to crave it more and more! I have a vanilla wife and our sex life is pretty much non-existent (my fault because I am 'kinky')! With that said, my question is: if you act on a fantasy - do you get any lasting fulfillment? To elaborate: will getting your fantasy fulfilled only lead to a more elaborate desire? Will you need to constantly 'up the ante' so to speak? The reason I am asking is that if I do explore this lifestyle and find it comfortable (which i am certain to do) is there any coming back? I know that fantasy is more intense than reality, but reality makes it 'real'. Will there be any side-effects or regrets from moving from fantasy into reality? FYI: I am not talking anything 'extreme' here - just that kind of stuff I hear Dom/sub couples doing all the time... I don't want to damage my family (in fact I have a bit of rope from my wife to explore some but have yet to use it). So I ask advice from the experience of the submissive community...

akisha -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 2:54:24 PM)
My personal Opinion..... Once you actively experience the bdsm, M/s, D/s dynamic that you crave, going back to a standard vanilla life is fustrating and unsatisfying. I left this lifestyle and denied my desires twice after experiencing what I craved and more. Both attempts to return to a more "normal" life was a failure and made me stressed and very unhappy. But that was me, others might have a different take on it. Oh, no you don't always have to "up the ante" as you stated. But you start feeling more secure in your wants and have more of a willingness to branch out and try new things. Again, just my personal experience. I'm sure there are others that have the need to be more and more extreme. editied cause my fingers are dyslexic

MasterAramis -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 3:05:20 PM)
quote: My personal Opinion..... Once you actively experience the bdsm, M/s, D/s dynamic that you crave, goign back to a standard vanilla life is fustrating and unsatisfying. Akisha, you are right and it works for Doms as well. I tried to give it up once for a vanilla wife. Needless to say she is no longer my wife and I don't do anything vanilla. Aramis

DrkJourney -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 3:11:56 PM)
For me...I've been in D/s off and on since I was about twenty. I've tried to do the self intervention and go strictly vanilla, but my mind always wonders..lol It was just boring and unsatisfying for me. Mainly because with D/s there is so much to the relationship something deeper than just going at it and going about your regular day. With D/s you know there is more to come, the closeness is not just over until the next time he is in the mood. I just need that deeper commitment and bond probably not explaining this right....lol

sexisubi -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 4:56:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: akisha My personal Opinion..... Once you actively experience the bdsm, M/s, D/s dynamic that you crave, going back to a standard vanilla life is fustrating and unsatisfying. i would agree with this! i tried very hard to go back from my first experiance but i just found them empty and meaningless. One time i found myself in an unhealthy relationship because i was connected to that 'darkside' so subconciously, of course i left it, i didnt want a stupid relationship, i wanted one where it was D/s, not abuse. if your wife is willing to try keep in with-in. Who knows she might grow fond of it, it might just be that innicial reaction to it that turns her off because 'it's not the norm' (heaven forbid! lol.) i think that is a lot of peoples' first reaction. give it a shot see how it works if she really does hate it that's ok, love is more importent and hard to find.

pinkwind -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 5:07:00 PM)
i can only speak for myself, but what i have is a core of a few fantasies that are kept locked in my head, mine alone, and from that core come the fantasies that i would like to make real, or have had made real. They are tangents on the original grouping, so it isn't a matter of exponentially "upping the ante" as such, but just going back to the core, run a theme in my head and see what comes bubbling to the surface from there. The core never gets touched as such, it's just like a culture that breeds usable fantasies. i doubt that many people just start out with one fantasy and then just racks up the intensity time after time, because they would reach a place where they couldn't get much further without going seriously beyond reason.

CalifChick -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 5:20:20 PM)
If I understand what you mean by "upping the ante", my answer is "not necessarily." You will find, I think, after some exploration, a level of play, of intensity, of activity, that works for you. It won't always have to be more pain, more torture, more whatever. On the other hand, the "ever coming back" (which seems to be a separate question)... some can, some cannot. I cannot. Cali

peppermint -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 5:47:04 PM)
I was married to a vanilla man for many years. The urge was never acted upon during that time, although he knew about my desires. He passed away several years ago. Now that I am active in the community and am a 24/7 collared submissive....I know that I could never do this just once and be content. I do understand what you are going through having been in your position for years. It is your choice whether you will actively seek a relationship while you are married or just keep it as a fantasy. Please think deeply and seriously about your choices. Weigh those choices. Understand all the consequences of any actions. My choice was to not act upon my urges...and in retrospect....it was the right choice for me. If you wish to discuss this further with someone who has been there..done that...feel free to cmail me on the other side.

WestBaySlave -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 6:26:02 PM)
On a purely sexual level... I can never go back. Losing my BDSM virginity was like losing my virginity. My mind went "Oh, so this is why people have sex!" [:D] Fantasies are often easier and more comfortable, but in my experience, real life is far more intense. On a deeper level, I found out that it was much more than sexual satisfaction I found in submission. I found a deeper level of emotional connection than I could ever attain in a vanilla relationship. Acting on a long-held fantasy wasn't the satiation of my submissive desires - it was the beginning accepting the truly submissive self I'd been keeping inside. The ante hasn't been upped at all over time, but rather I've gained focus and gotten to know what I truly want in real life, and what's a good fantasy but a poor reality. This is what I desire in my sex life, my love life... my life in general, as a matter of fact. I can't go back to the way things were, and I wouldn't want to if I could. There is no universal truth, but this is my truth.

Aszhrae -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 9:34:38 PM)
No way girl could ever be Vanilla. Girl was doing body piercing with safety pins and chain necklaces 20 years before it became fashionable. Damn girl misses the shock value of having a pierced cheek back in the 80's.

DavanKael -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 10:49:50 PM)
I identified the desire for power dynamics as an important, inherent part of myself in my late teens/early 20's. My husband wanted no part of it. I tried for years. No dice. We were together until a couple of months before I turned 33. In my late 20's, I got involved in a poly- relationship that involved power dynamics (I'd intentionally avoided looking for D/s in poly- situations because I feared what having that need met might do to me in terms of cognitive dissonance, though I never intended to leave my husband over D/s, nor did I). The D/s piece was not anticipated. I felt alive, energized, connected with the person. My husband's views on sex were quite different than mine and he did not connect sexually the same way I perer to (Though we had wonderful, intimate sex sometimes) but having sex with someone I loved, who did connect as I do, with a D/s component was amazing. Amazing! I liken the sensation to something plugging into my hind-brain and everything appearing more bright, more vivid, more alive. When the plug was pulled, I was despondent. What a dark pit I plunged into. Not only had I lost a loved one, an important relationship and friendship, but I'd lost the expression of an inherent part of myself. I felt like a huge part of me was dead. In some ways, I imagine what I felt like was like going through withdrawal: I hungered for the energetic peaks we brought one another, the endorphins, the adrenaline. I spiraled into a rather prolonged depression that took immense tenacity to drag myself out of. Am I, in some ways, stronger for the experience: yes. Am I, in some ways, forever damaged by the experience: yes. The bleeding wasn't fun. But, god, when it was good, was it beautiful. Did I hunger even more than I had for power-dynamics than I did before the relationship? You betcha, grieved immensely. When I got separated, I decided power dynamics were not optional. I've had one relationship since. It involved power dynamics and the person and I had an exquisite natural synergy. Was it beautiful? Yes, much of it was. Did it meet needs that I'd not ever had met previously, even with its vast limitations? Yes. Do I honor that? Yeppers. Did I get burned? Oh, yeah. Am I better off for having weathered the relationship I described during my marriage? Oh, yeah; it toughened me up, though it still hurts like Hell. Can I imagine going back to a sexual relationship where my needs don't matter, to a partnered relationship where power dynamics are not a part? Hell no. Be careful where you delve; if it's an inherent part of you, I suspect you'll find it difficult to deny if it's stripped away. Davan

loveandlight87 -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 11:47:07 PM)
WestBaySlave: You said it far better than I could have. A big Ditto for me! Thank you. love

loveandlight87 -> RE: Satiation? (11/26/2008 11:51:39 PM)
Hello Lovely Davan! You nailed it when you said "Be careful where you delve; if it's an inherent part of you, I suspect you'll find it difficult to deny if it's stripped away." I can't imagine going back to vanilla! shudders love

ExKat -> RE: Satiation? (11/27/2008 5:26:09 AM)
Lasting fulfillment? No. Just like having sex once doesn't satiate your need for sex for the rest of your life, so too does one brief foray into BDSM not satisfy your need for kinky. The first time I was properly spanked did not fulfill my wish to be spanked-it added fuel to the fire and then some. I'm not fulfilled, I still need a good spanking at least every few weeks to keep my spanking quota filled. Perhaps you're asking whether just doing a little is enough to satisfy the whole. Also: no. If you get spanked, but what you really want is to be spanked, flogged, CBTed, and then pegged, a little spanking will only be a frustrating tease that will leave you all the more anxious to try more. If you have a little rope from your wife to explore...maybe to try things just once, it will never be enough. You should try and seek her permission for her to play with you every once and a while, even if she finds it really icky. You might buy her the book, "When Someone You Love is Kinky" and go from there.

MasterTslave -> RE: Satiation? (11/27/2008 5:41:09 AM)
I can't speak from my own personal experience here, but Master T was married a few times before to women that were very anti bdsm (at least that is what He says)...He still thought about it all the time (I am sure), but didn't act on it much or they'd have killed him. I know He acts happy that he doesn't have to hide his desires with me, but he has always said that if I get tired of it all I have to do is say to stop and he will. Don't think that is going to happen, I enjoy it and it is such a part of His life that it would be highly unfair to Him to tell Him to stop...would be like Him telling me that I could no longer talk with friends, shop, watch tv...

swan70 -> RE: Satiation? (11/27/2008 9:42:22 AM)
i just entered lifestyle from a VERY vanilla, abusive relationship. There is no going back for me. I found MYSELF in this lifestyle. now--getting to be me with no holds barred is addicting at first. i went through a period that i couldn't get enough. And--it seemed like my kinks were growing but it really was just a journey of discovery. I learned by accident that i liked my ass spanked during sex. That led to having an OTK spanking...and liking it. That led to trying a flogger...and liking it. That led to.....well, you get the idea. it HAS stopped now. i've discovered limits. i've found my balance. i'm sorry that you can not be yourself with your wife. BE CAREFUL! Her thinking it would be ok for you to explore--and the reality that you are doing it--are two different creatures.

oldFeeder -> RE: Satiation? (11/27/2008 10:08:14 AM)
As you think, so you act, then you become.

lally3 -> RE: Satiation? (11/27/2008 4:00:17 PM)
one of my most favourite fantasies, i have had since really young, was being given a really really long hard OTK spanking. all of my men, even the vanillas (bar one) spanked me, but never to that level. it was one of those things i was never sure i absolutely wanted to do, incase it wrecked my fantasy for ever and for good. then i got my fantasy fulfilled and i have to say it didnt cure me one little bit and it hasnt wrecked my fantasy atall![:D] if its in you, i think youll find that once you start youll want more. infact pretty much straight after the session is over, youll be wanting it all over again and again and...., well, you get the picture.

silkenfire -> RE: Satiation? (11/27/2008 5:02:44 PM)
I played with aspects of BDSM right at puberty-- I grew into a masochistic painslut at the time (due to other issues I'm less of one than I once was) but we're talking age 13, 14. Then I had no real partners in crime until college, and although I had play partners I didn't have a relationship where it was part of it, and I craved it, I missed it. I got into a relationship with someone whose fantasy it was for me to be their slave, but they had no real knowledge of what it entailed, and was instead a vanilla relationship with bedtalk of "what he wanted to happen" but didn't, even when he had detailed feasible plans. After that I had a lot of random play, but missed the relationship ideal and that's when I started searching on here the first time. Found a relationship in real life that fell in my lap but was more vanilla than anything I had imagined. He knew what I was into, and he tried-- yes he tried to dom me-- but it was laughable. The relationship fell apart, and although I loved him and cared for him, there was that part of me that just hurt inside missing having someone dominating me physically. The part I missed was the kinky sex / SM play. So I moved several hundred miles and started searching again, and found my Master-- who is perfect in many respects, especially the blending of what I need from the BDSM side with a traditional relationship as well. I would not be happy without the relationship and I would not be happy without the BDSM side. We're still growing into the BDSM side, but it's enough already that I'll be happy here and it won't make me want to leave. So I think, having had it be my first experiences (strangely enough, through several people, all my early experiences were "kinky"), I could never live without it altogether. The real catch is if you can get your wife to really explore it with you. But I think when you know what you're actually missing... you'll hurt a lot more inside when it comes to a choice between your family and fulfillment.

veryniel -> RE: Satiation? (11/27/2008 5:20:08 PM)
If you're talking about finding vanilla to be satisfying again, I would say no, you can't go back. Once I started fully reasling my nature as a submissive years ago, I also realised that what most of my friends considered a normal relationship could never work for me. I absolutely need to be dominated, I don't know how to be any other way. If you're talking about "upping the ante"/being sated within the lifestyle, so to speak, I'd say that there is indeed fulfilment. I don't feel that Master needs to do anything more special each time. As long as I can please Him, love and be loved by Him, and do my best to make Him as happy as He makes me, I am satisfied.

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