RE: What is Monogamy? (Full Version)

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/24/2005 6:40:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
it is not meant to suggest superiority; but rather extra dedication.


LOL oh I see- your relationship isn't better than mine...you're just more DEDICATED than I am.

Yeah that's not superiority at all...



candystripper -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/24/2005 6:53:45 PM)

quote:

In all of the above examples there was NO sexual involvment, no emotional connection other than friendship but from what you've said we would no longer match with your vision of High Monogomy. We still see ourselves as monogomous but do you? Not that it really matters to us either way. The reason i'm asking is to point out to you a different way of looking at it

lil_joy


miss, first, congratulations on your happiness. No, i do not think using one's partner in a seminar to show people the proper way of doing things would conflict with my version of monogamy. But dear, my opinion does not count. What matters is only whether you and your Master are happy.

candystripper



MsIncognito -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/24/2005 7:47:23 PM)

We're not your submissives, candy, so please don't tell us what to do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Thank you, darkangel.

Everyone else; back to your cliques; show's over.

candystripper



candystripper -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/24/2005 10:59:32 PM)

quote:

You just have to be able to accept that the way you are coming off on the boards here, intentionally or not, is very abrasive in that it appears that you are creating this elitist attitude in association with monogamy, as if somehow that is a higher, grander level of obtainment and that anyone who thinks otherwise is just not up to par. Considering the rest of the replies you have gotten as well I am quite certain I am not the only one to take your words in this way.

afmvdp


What would You have me do? i have apologised profusely; i have clarified what i meant by "High Monogamy"; i have gone on to apologise again. It seems this "sin" of choosing the wrong turn of phrase is unforgivable. i tell MizSuz that i respect her, and she takes it as a condescention; a left handed compliment. Two members have made a spectacle of dropping me as a friend over this. You don't think i regret using "High Monogamy" as a phrase?

Here...on the boards..in chat..i have tried my best to understand people's kinks and respect them. i don't have answers for anyone else's life; running my own life is a full-time job. i feel entitled to be on CM and at the same time have no desire to hold myself above anyone else. Frankly, i don't think in those terms. i could consider myself the best thing since sliced bread but it would not help me find my One. My goal is not to establish myself in some hierarchy on CM -- but to find my One. CM is a means to an end.

It's Xmas Day now; i hope the spirit of the holidays will help mend fences where necessary.

candystripper



liljoy -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 2:12:33 AM)




miss, first, congratulations on your happiness. No, i do not think using one's partner in a seminar to show people the proper way of doing things would conflict with my version of monogamy. But dear, my opinion does not count. What matters is only whether you and your Master are happy.

candystripper
[/quote]

Gosh did i do such a bad job at communicating? i'll try to clear things up. When i was the demoee Master was not the One doing the demonstration. In fact it was 2 diffeferent people doing 2 different demos. If infact i did communicate well and you understood what i was saying i don't understand the difference between what we have done for educational purposes and the example that fyreredsub gave except for the whole education thing. She didn't state if the example would take place at a play party or in private but i'm pretty sure that education would talk place either way.

Now i am NOT trying to nitpick or play the semantics game here. i'm just trying to understand where you are comming from as i'm seeing a contradiction here.

happy Holidays to you and anyone reading this
lil_joy



fyreredsub -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 5:10:59 AM)

well why is this, when i stated public play yesterday, no sex...it wasnt still monogomay, in my case according to you,( i'm not going back after the post)??? that i dont get,plz explain pink...why is it different here[&:]


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

In all of the above examples there was NO sexual involvment, no emotional connection other than friendship but from what you've said we would no longer match with your vision of High Monogomy. We still see ourselves as monogomous but do you? Not that it really matters to us either way. The reason i'm asking is to point out to you a different way of looking at it

lil_joy


miss, first, congratulations on your happiness. No, i do not think using one's partner in a seminar to show people the proper way of doing things would conflict with my version of monogamy. But dear, my opinion does not count. What matters is only whether you and your Master are happy.

candystripper




fyreredsub -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 5:13:13 AM)

oopsies...i should have read further.....you caught that too, huh..............

enquiring minds to want to know.....pink...do tell, why is it ok for one and not the other....

of course, i have my own idea as to why.....lmfao



quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy




miss, first, congratulations on your happiness. No, i do not think using one's partner in a seminar to show people the proper way of doing things would conflict with my version of monogamy. But dear, my opinion does not count. What matters is only whether you and your Master are happy.

candystripper


Gosh did i do such a bad job at communicating? i'll try to clear things up. When i was the demoee Master was not the One doing the demonstration. In fact it was 2 diffeferent people doing 2 different demos. If infact i did communicate well and you understood what i was saying i don't understand the difference between what we have done for educational purposes and the example that fyreredsub gave except for the whole education thing. She didn't state if the example would take place at a play party or in private but i'm pretty sure that education would talk place either way.

Now i am NOT trying to nitpick or play the semantics game here. i'm just trying to understand where you are comming from as i'm seeing a contradiction here.

happy Holidays to you and anyone reading this
lil_joy





swtnsparkling -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 5:13:33 AM)

quote:

"High Monogamy" is a term my girlfriends and i used in Florida after a flurry of divorces caused by porn addictions or cyber-lovers..


You and your girlfriends made this term up "High Monogamy" doesn't matter why or how it was made up. Your definition does make it sound as if Your idea of monogamy is -better/real- everyone else's is- less/lacking.
This is not an attack in any way -shape or form- This is just how it comes across to me that is all.



fyreredsub -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 5:22:09 AM)

perhaps its the contridictions...that come back....i know how i felt yesterday reading that non sexual play in a public scene was STILL cheating in her book...yet go look at the next page.[:@] hrrrrrrmp is ALL i have to say....she has lost more than friends ....respect..(course, ,lol old posts still stand pink)...this is the final straw for me ==this morning====plain BS is what it is...and it does show one thinking they are better than someone else and their ideas are better,,,so KoM and John are RIGHT


quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

afmvdp, i can respect your position...we can both be correct...for ourselves. There are different types of relationships; i know what i want and don't want...and You seem to have things well in hand as well. So i am not trying to change Your mind; just asking for mutual respect.

candystripper


Until you do something that would cause otherwise then mutual respect you will have. You just have to be able to accept that the way you are coming off on the boards here, intentionally or not, is very abrasive in that it appears that you are creating this elitist attitude in association with monogamy, as if somehow that is a higher, grander level of obtainment and that anyone who thinks otherwise is just not up to par. Considering the rest of the replies you have gotten as well I am quite certain I am not the only one to take your words in this way.

My way of life would not work for many and the levels to which I love and care for people would be far too time consuming or life enveloping, I don't expect your views to change by any words I may have to say, I am just trying to have you gain a deeper understanding as to why you may be running into this issue in the first place.

Also, truth be told there are ALOT of people who look for very similar things as you, but the internet kink scene is not always the best place to find a person who is actually looking for a meaningful relationship as opposed to a sexual exploit. If you have not had much luck finding such, perhaps your local munch scene may be a good place to start attending more regularly if you are not already doing so.




fyreredsub -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 5:28:54 AM)

make it 3---
all yesterdays apoplogies dont prove much w/ todays contridictions pink.............. proves the point i made in the first post to you in this thread-all the bs, u wrote in email,lmaofffffff

merry xmas

your now officially non existance in my book as well


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

You just have to be able to accept that the way you are coming off on the boards here, intentionally or not, is very abrasive in that it appears that you are creating this elitist attitude in association with monogamy, as if somehow that is a higher, grander level of obtainment and that anyone who thinks otherwise is just not up to par. Considering the rest of the replies you have gotten as well I am quite certain I am not the only one to take your words in this way.

afmvdp


What would You have me do? i have apologised profusely; i have clarified what i meant by "High Monogamy"; i have gone on to apologise again. It seems this "sin" of choosing the wrong turn of phrase is unforgivable. i tell MizSuz that i respect her, and she takes it as a condescention; a left handed compliment. Two members have made a spectacle of dropping me as a friend over this. You don't think i regret using "High Monogamy" as a phrase?

Here...on the boards..in chat..i have tried my best to understand people's kinks and respect them. i don't have answers for anyone else's life; running my own life is a full-time job. i feel entitled to be on CM and at the same time have no desire to hold myself above anyone else. Frankly, i don't think in those terms. i could consider myself the best thing since sliced bread but it would not help me find my One. My goal is not to establish myself in some hierarchy on CM -- but to find my One. CM is a means to an end.

It's Xmas Day now; i hope the spirit of the holidays will help mend fences where necessary.

candystripper




sharainks -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 5:51:55 AM)

I think each person has a right to seek what they want. If thats "high monogamy" so be it.

In bdsm there is a lot of talk about forming trust. For myself I can't begin to trust someone when I know they are constantly shopping for others. I think it might be different in a long term established relationship. In the early stage it has always made me doubt their desire to form a relationship with me, and as hedging their bets. Its usually apparent because they can't remember what they told you and what they told someone else.



candystripper -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 6:24:03 AM)

quote:

miss, first, congratulations on your happiness. No, i do not think using one's partner in a seminar to show people the proper way of doing things would conflict with my version of monogamy. But dear, my opinion does not count. What matters is only whether you and your Master are happy.

candystripper


Gosh did i do such a bad job at communicating? i'll try to clear things up. When i was the demoee Master was not the One doing the demonstration. In fact it was 2 diffeferent people doing 2 different demos. If infact i did communicate well and you understood what i was saying i don't understand the difference between what we have done for educational purposes and the example that fyreredsub gave except for the whole education thing. She didn't state if the example would take place at a play party or in private but i'm pretty sure that education would talk place either way.

Now i am NOT trying to nitpick or play the semantics game here. i'm just trying to understand where you are comming from as i'm seeing a contradiction here.

happy Holidays to you and anyone reading this

liljoy

Serving as a model for educational purposes is different, to me, than having a third party in bed for any reason. But the important thing is, both you and fyreredsub are happy with your choices. What i was interested in was the way people interacted and still felt they were "monogamous". i sought others' opinions, not to set myself up to pass judgment on anyone else. However, in my judgment you are happy & have a good Master & that makes you quite fortunate.

candystripper



JohnWarren -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 6:25:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

plain BS is what it is...and it does show one thinking they are better than someone else and their ideas are better,,,so KoM and John are RIGHT


It's hard to deal with someone who condescends and sets her positions up as being superior and then offhandedly apologizes and then does the same thing again. Eventually the apologies wear thin. If she wasn't a highly educated women, I could put it down to lack of awareness, but for someone with an advanced degree, that's hard to buy.



fyreredsub -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 6:38:27 AM)

hmmmmmmmm more contridictions.......go back and read ur prior posts yesterday...u stated to me,,,that no sex, no bed, public play is cheating...so dont backpeddle to save whats left of your repution after your last 24 hours on these posts.

you are insulting the intelligence of those of us that participate and digging the whol;e deeper.

i wish you well in your search ...methinks you seriously need to consider what more than a handful of those of us that live this lifestyle 24/7 have brought to your attn....

i think that is where the problem lies and you stubbornly refuse to see and are only making things worse.

i wish you peace and health pink............i'm still amazed tho.

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

miss, first, congratulations on your happiness. No, i do not think using one's partner in a seminar to show people the proper way of doing things would conflict with my version of monogamy. But dear, my opinion does not count. What matters is only whether you and your Master are happy.

candystripper


Gosh did i do such a bad job at communicating? i'll try to clear things up. When i was the demoee Master was not the One doing the demonstration. In fact it was 2 diffeferent people doing 2 different demos. If infact i did communicate well and you understood what i was saying i don't understand the difference between what we have done for educational purposes and the example that fyreredsub gave except for the whole education thing. She didn't state if the example would take place at a play party or in private but i'm pretty sure that education would talk place either way.

Now i am NOT trying to nitpick or play the semantics game here. i'm just trying to understand where you are comming from as i'm seeing a contradiction here.

happy Holidays to you and anyone reading this

liljoy


Serving as a model for educational purposes is different, to me, than having a third party in bed for any reason. But the important thing is, both you and fyreredsub are happy with your choices. What i was interested in was the way people interacted and still felt they were "monogamous". i sought others' opinions, not to set myself up to pass judgment on anyone else. However, in my judgment you are happy & have a good Master & that makes you quite fortunate.

candystripper




fyreredsub -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 6:41:52 AM)

'tis a shame, for it is all of her own making..........

and yes coming from one intelligent ONLY makes it worse.


Happy Holidays John
to you and Libby...from my house to yours[:)]


quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

plain BS is what it is...and it does show one thinking they are better than someone else and their ideas are better,,,so KoM and John are RIGHT


It's hard to deal with someone who condescends and sets her positions up as being superior and then offhandedly apologizes and then does the same thing again. Eventually the apologies wear thin. If she wasn't a highly educated women, I could put it down to lack of awareness, but for someone with an advanced degree, that's hard to buy.




sweetwhisper -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 7:12:32 AM)

First of all - Merry Christmas!

fyreredsub, with all due respect, what does it matter if she believes that her ideas & views are better than yours or anyone elses? i mean, really, what does it matter? i have tried to follow these threads, both this one and the Straight Woman Blues one, and i try to read it as objectively as possible but i just don't understand where candystripper went wrong - how exactly did she offend anyone? Because she seeks "high monogamy"? Because she is not into bisexuality or into sharing and she may even find it repulsive - so what? It's her right to express her opinion about monogamy as it is others on here to express theirs on poly - i don't see why she should even appologize! Am i the only one that finds all of this incredibly ridiculous?



thetammyjo -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 7:20:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwhisper

First of all - Merry Christmas!

fyreredsub, with all due respect, what does it matter if she believes that her ideas & views are better than yours or anyone elses? i mean, really, what does it matter? i have tried to follow these threads, both this one and the Straight Woman Blues one, and i try to read it as objectively as possible but i just don't understand where candystripper went wrong - how exactly did she offend anyone? Because she seeks "high monogamy"? Because she is not into bisexuality or into sharing and she may even find it repulsive - so what? It's her right to express her opinion about monogamy as it is others on here to express theirs on poly - i don't see why she should even appologize! Am i the only one that finds all of this incredibly ridiculous?


I think it is very very easy for everyone of us to take these quite personally especially when dealing with our sexuality (or whatever term you like to use to describe your BDSM interests/orientations/etc).

Written communication is a wonderful took for creating problems as well. You can't see my body language or hear my tone of voice, clarifications take far more time than face-to-face, and if you are like me words sometimes don't come from your fingers the same way they are in your mind.

This means that when any one of us tries to express ourselves in these forums we are bound to upset or offend someone else.

I, personally, try really hard to not take things so personally. But you know, we are writers in these forums could also take more time when we write and try to hyper-explain what we mean, defining terms we think others might not understand (of course, again, we understand in our minds, why don't others?). We can also use a lot of "I think" or "For me personally" or "In my case" to try and not be so general.

I fail at this all time myself.

Now if someone says "TammyJo you are evil/wrong/a sinner/etc" then I will take that very much as a personal attack. I think I probably do take other things as personal attacks as well.

I don't think this answered or agreed with or did it even remotely relate to what you said, sweetwhisper?



candystripper -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 7:31:53 AM)

quote:

well why is this, when i stated public play yesterday, no sex...it wasnt still monogomay, in my case according to you,( i'm not going back after the post)??? that i dont get,plz explain pink...why is it different here

fyreredsub


For starters, i gave "my" definition of monogamy and it is only useful for (1) helping me decide whether i'm happy with a Man and (2) stimulating convos amoung members as to their definitions of monogamy. i never set myself up as the judge, jury and executioner on what does and does not constitute monogamy.

fyreredsub, i believe you specifically asked me if "i" would be comfortable doing as you described; if "i" would consider it monogamy. i'm not sure why my opinion should count, any more than anyone else's; it is the opinions held by you & your Master that counts.

i believe "i" did say no, "i" would not be at ease in the hypothetical you described, where a woman is in bed with my One even if "i" am not expected to behave sexually with her. But what the hell difference does it matter what "i" think? All that matters is that you & your Master are happy.

it does interest me that "you" consider yourself monogamous, with the encounter "you" decribed. It is an example of what the Op was asking; what are the definitions given the word "monogamy" by other members?

candystripper



candystripper -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 7:36:01 AM)

quote:

oopsies...i should have read further.....you caught that too, huh..............

enquiring minds to want to know.....pink...do tell, why is it ok for one and not the other....

of course, i have my own idea as to why.....lmfao

fyreredsub


There is no commonly-accepted definition of monogamy nor any common acceptance that monogamy is superior in any way to other patterns of living. So asking me why "one is ok and the other is not" is not especially interesting; i did answer however, in a previous thread.

i am more interested in "your" perceptions and definitions. That is what the Op was intended to elicit.

candystripper



candystripper -> RE: What is Monogamy? (12/25/2005 7:40:30 AM)

quote:

You and your girlfriends made this term up "High Monogamy" doesn't matter why or how it was made up. Your definition does make it sound as if Your idea of monogamy is -better/real- everyone else's is- less/lacking.
This is not an attack in any way -shape or form- This is just how it comes across to me that is all.

swtsparkling


Yes, i am painfully aware that my use of our phrase was annoying to some members. i have apologised profusely and have tried, over and over, to clarify the term as well as its innocent origins. I am a bit bumfuddled as to why people are still complaining that the term "High Monogamy" offended them; i cannot apologise more sincerely. i am just confused as to why we cannot move on.

candystripper



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