Past infomation

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Past infomation

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Past infomation

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Past infomation - 11/27/2008 9:38:34 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

To what extent do we or should we divulge our past to our current partners. Im an open book, I have no problem tlaking about the good and bad in past relationships and why they failed, some are more cagey. Is there a case of too little infomation? For example if you wander into a pub and someone barrages your current partner with veiled comments about something that they did wrong in apast relationship, would you accept the whole 'its none of your business' or would you want to know?

I dont think that there is a right to this infomation or anything its just i cant understand the desperate need to hide it if it is thrown in your face. That to me screams issues.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

Post #: 1

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 9:42:49 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

In the spirit of my left brained logical musings this morning, how about an algorithm?

if (The degree of the personal/emotional element of the information + the potential damage the information will do to me if abused + the risk of altered perspective occurring >= the comfort and trust level I currently have with the person) = Me not indulging the information at the time.

The goal for me is the person knowing everything about me.

Edited for OCD reasons.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 11/27/2008 9:46:51 AM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 2

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 9:43:29 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I think, for me, I'm pretty direct... about my own experiences and about my own mistakes. I think I prefer being around people who are similarly comfortable with themselves and with disclosing their learning process through life.

I've had a few companions who had secret pasts... and I'm not pushy about stuff like that (though I -am- pushy in general)... it seems, though, that it was more that we had to be patient until they were comfortable sharing... things got shared 'down the road a piece'.

How can you know if you know everything there is to know about a person, anyway? Shoot, there are things from my past that I don't even -remember- until something that happens brings it up... I do my best to be forthright, but even then, what's to say that people have seen the last secret from the depths of my psyche?

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 3

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 9:45:47 AM

ftmyersartist

Posts: 107
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

I just ask to have a heads up so I don't get caught saying "no. . .I didn't know that"

I don't need to know details but I really hate it when someone walks up and catches me off guard

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 4

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 9:45:57 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

The only time i tend to talk about past relationships is if they are relevant to something i'm discussing with my present partner.
The problem with discussing past relationships is that there is your truth, their truth and the truth so in general i find it pretty useless info anyway.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 5

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 9:46:08 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

For me, my personal policy is I'll answer any question my current partner wants to ask and I'll answer honestly. Or I'll straight out say, "I'm not willing to discuss that at this time"

I do not volunteer information about my ex's because my current may not have any desire to know anything about him.

If someone said something in passing or hinted something in passing I'd probably ask about it depending on my partner's reaction. But then it is up to my partner to decide if I need to know more or not.

Being me though, if i was really curious there is a chance I'd investigate lol

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 6

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 9:52:06 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

I am straight forward to potential Masters as that also gives me an impression about if we fit together with our opinions and values we have and also if he understands my views and treats them with respect (certain few aspects of them I am very picky about his response to it). Quite a few potential partners and potential Masters messed it up in the past with doing a very wrong comment at the very wrong (or should I better say for me "at the right") time and depending on the response thats then either the exit forever or move into the drawer of friendships. My current potential Master does quite well with his views and values which is why I feel quite positive to meet soon for 4 weeks. I wouldnt want a partner where I would feel the need of hiding aspects from myself. Either accept me how I am or leave

simple

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 11/27/2008 9:54:49 AM >

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 7

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 9:55:45 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I would not be comfortable with "none of your business". But then, I'm one of those wayyyy open-book type of people.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 8

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 10:04:41 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Have you outright asked what the issue is? As in - what was the issue they were on about and why does that particular person have such an issue? Or is this more a case of something happened and the SO hasn't volunteered the info?

If it is the latter, then I would say, ask. It could just be they didn't think it is relevant and have therefore not offered it up for consumption.

If it was the other two, I guess yes, I would be a bit perturbed, but then you have to weigh up who this person doing the barrarging is and what they are like as a person. They may have a bias perspective. They may be trouble makers. There is too much to consider to simply assume that their are issues here.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 9

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 10:46:09 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

To what extent do we or should we divulge our past to our current partners. Im an open book, I have no problem tlaking about the good and bad in past relationships and why they failed, some are more cagey. Is there a case of too little infomation?

I tend to go more on what someone is looking for now. I do want to know what their experience has been in general - but usually I don't need to know specifics of a past relationship with a specific person unless for some reason artifacts from that relationship keep popping up in the present.
Likewise, I'm a fairly open book, but I want to preserve the privacy of my partners, past and present, at the same time, so there can be a delicate line to tread there.

quote:

For example if you wander into a pub and someone barrages your current partner with veiled comments about something that they did wrong in apast relationship, would you accept the whole 'its none of your business' or would you want to know?

I can understand them perhaps not being ready to explain at that moment, but I think it would be a problem for me if not resolved pretty quickly and honestly. Telling me "none of your business" would not be acceptable just on the basis of it's being rude and inconsiderate.

quote:

I dont think that there is a right to this infomation or anything its just i cant understand the desperate need to hide it if it is thrown in your face. That to me screams issues.

I would tend to agree with you about the issues part. About the "right to information"...I expect to have that level of trust if I'm going to be a partner to someone, and trust is a reciprocal kind of thing; if they feel they can't be honest with me, I'm going to feel I can only trust them to a certain extent. It will create a gap in that way. Will that be acceptable? Maybe for a time, depending on lots of other details, but probably not for the long run.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 10

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 11:07:00 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

My past is part of who I am today. I have no reason to hide it from someone I am growing close to. If they can not handle my past, then they can not accept who I am today. My former owner wanted to know every detail of my past as it helped him know what made me tick. The man I'm currently seeing isn't as interested in the details of my past as he is about how I process thoughts in the present. He has asked some questions about the past and I've answered them. I'm willing to talk about just about anything, so it's not an issue for me. He shares his past with me as well, which is fascinating to me. We're both pretty open books, and I like it that way.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 11

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 11:44:08 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I don't hide. I expect those I would keep closest to me not to do so either.

Obviously there will be silly exceptions (e.g. not ruining the surprise party), but despite being new to curtailing parts of myself in certain avenues, it still is a totally foreign thing to me to not be entirely open with someone I'm completely intimate with.

Holding onto the veils seems as pointless to me as dry-humping.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 12

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 11:53:05 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

To what extent do we or should we divulge our past to our current partners. Im an open book,

I suppose it is a subject thing... however, I am not sure why a person would hid or choose not to divulge a apart of their past to a partner.... yep... I am an open book as well.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 13

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 12:00:46 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

I'm definitely not an open book. There are things that have happened to me in the past - very bad things - and I don't necessarily want everyone who knows me to know about them. That's not to say that if I was in a committed relationship with someone, they wouldn't know, since they would kind of have to. But on a first date I don't say I have had this, this and this traumatic thing happen to me in my past and it has affected me in the following ways, and I have PTSD and that's something you would have to deal with and blah blah.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 14

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 12:43:12 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
however, I am not sure why a person would hid or choose not to divulge a apart of their past to a partner.... yep... I am an open book as well.

It's not always about hiding or choosing not to divulge. What if the partner doesn't WANT TO know? I am an open book as well but I share things He asks about and cares about. He knows alot about my past as far as growing up, family, prior employment, etc. but He doesn't really want to hear about the relationship/sexual side of most of my past entanglements.

He knows the major things but He has never been interested in hearing intimate, sordid specifics about my relationships with other men. I would be glad to share if He cared to know but He doesn't. This was the way my ex-husband was as well. Some men - most I've ever been close with - don't want to "read" the whole "book," in that sense. So, it's not necessarily that someone is hiding or not choosing to divulge maybe, like myself, they're just not going to go on and on about something their partner would really rather not know. Just another viewpoint.............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 15

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 12:55:32 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

To what extent do we or should we divulge our past to our current partners. Im an open book, I have no problem tlaking about the good and bad in past relationships and why they failed, some are more cagey. Is there a case of too little infomation? For example if you wander into a pub and someone barrages your current partner with veiled comments about something that they did wrong in apast relationship, would you accept the whole 'its none of your business' or would you want to know?

I dont think that there is a right to this infomation or anything its just i cant understand the desperate need to hide it if it is thrown in your face. That to me screams issues.

Personally, someone's past matter's very little to me. My best relationship was with a man who I only knew for less than a week, and all I knew about him was that he was divorced and had custody of his youngins. That was enough for me.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 16

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 3:09:48 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Overall, if my SO wanted to know about my past, all they have to do is ask and I would answer. They would also know that they could ask without any strings attached. Though I will only ask if I felt it was important which rarely happens.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 17

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 3:18:36 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
however, I am not sure why a person would hid or choose not to divulge a apart of their past to a partner.... yep... I am an open book as well.

It's not always about hiding or choosing not to divulge. What if the partner doesn't WANT TO know?

then you don't tell them... this is entirely different than a person who is making a choice NOT to open themselves to their intimate partner. In one case.. the person is making the decision of what to share... in the other the partner is making the choice of what they want to listen to. Myself.. I take a two way- open approach. We share and listen to everything about each other... I have found it very empowering for the relationship.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 18

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 3:22:47 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

My past is part of who I am today.
Those past relationships taught Me things.
I'm not going to hide them,good or bad they shaped Me.

I like to know about someones past.If they dont want to
disclose anything,I see a red flag.

I talk about the past when its needed.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 19

RE: Past infomation - 11/27/2008 3:40:07 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I'm an open book, at the right time, the right place and under the right circumstance. I don't think it's necessary to blurt out every detail early in a relationship, I also don't want all of his details immediately. Overall I am more concerned with the present and forward looking than I am in rehashing and reviewing the past.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Past infomation

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094