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RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/27/2008 9:15:32 PM   
porcelain26


Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline 		I've been in a long distance relationship with my Owner for over a decade. Yes, we've been together r/t, but not nearly as much as either of us would like. It's extremely difficult, and I fully admit that there are times I loose my mind because I can't be with Him.

How can you be a good dom from thousands of miles away...My suggestion is to be present in her life. Emails, phone calls, chat sessions...all of those things are incredibly important - afterall, communication is the key to any relationship, but an even greater factor in a long distance one. If you give her tasks, follow up on them. If there is something going on in her life, follow it. If you let her in on something happening in your life, make sure and give her updates. Stay present, stay interested, make sure she knows that while she can't have your physical presence, she does have your mental and emotional presence.

At least....this is what I need *winks* She might need something else. Ask her *grins*

(in reply to AngelGeena)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/27/2008 9:40:42 PM   
frenchbitchchris


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline 		I could barely get halfway through this post. You are a scum bag, man. Dump your wife or your whore. A man with no loyalty might as well be castrated. How do you sleep at night? Actually, how does your sub sleep at night.

You know how women think.... if they will cheat on one, they will cheat on me. Grow some balls and make a decision on how you want your life to be. Quit acting like an online jerk and either go see your sub or stay loyal to your wife.

- french bitch -

(in reply to alexhar72)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/27/2008 9:49:55 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Perhaps it is for you, but not every one shares the same values, or the same core  and you can't expect every else else who's kinky or into bdsm  to also believe the same thing you do as to what's the most important thing in bdsm. And again with the  generalizing. You can't know for sure that any and every  relationship built on decite will eventually fail. There are plenty of people with mistress's * andno not the bdsm kind of mistress the married and cheating kind* That have lasted for several years, some of them have even gone on to leave their wife and marry their mistress.

There are no set rules or ways things go, you can't accuratly state what the one most important thing in bdsm is, or the way a relationship will go. Since it varries and is different for every one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mystickoolaid

I would also like to point out here that the two absolutely most important things in BDSM are TRUST and HONESTY.  A BDSM type dynamic that is started in deceit in one sense or another is pretty much doomed to fail.

(in reply to mystickoolaid)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/27/2008 9:54:24 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		As you can see, There's tons of wrath and judgment on here against people who're cheating on their partner. Most people here are very intolerant of such things. However I wouldn't be surprised at it personally.  Cheating on your spouse is a very sensitive subject and as you see here many frown on it and will take the time to lambaste you over your choices.


Hell there's intolerance in some forms of so many things in everything not just cheating, I wouldn't expect a website to be any different, just because it was a bdsm website.

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexhar72

I am very suprised with the judgment of my situation, which is vastly more complex than I have chosen to desribe here.
, but I am suprised at the judging of one who has made differant choices than the norm.


(in reply to alexhar72)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/27/2008 9:55:50 PM   
frenchbitchchris


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline 		Why cheat?! If you are so unhappy.. leave!!!!

--french bitch--

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 12:44:42 AM   
porcelain26


Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline 		I had a decent post, then I realized I hadn't read nearly enough.

I personally don't believe there is any good reason to cheat on someone that you love, care for, and respect. If you can't be open with the person you're with, then there is a problem that needs to be addressed. If there is a part of your relationship that you're unhappy with, then again, it's a problem that needs to be dealt with.

Nothing will ever get fixed by ignoring it. You can't dedicate yourself properly to your submissive, or to your wife, if you're lying to one or both of them.

While I understand completely what a difficult situation this is (believe me, I really, truly understand), I also know how brutally painful it is to discover you've been lied to by someone you trusted and loved. You're hurting everyone, including yourself, by lying about it.

You say that you don't want to cheat on yourself anymore, and that's understandable. But by not admitting to who you are and what you need....that's exactly what you're continuing to do. It's a tough position, and I don't envy your road ahead.

< Message edited by porcelain26 -- 11/28/2008 12:53:10 AM >

(in reply to AngelGeena)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 8:48:52 AM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
Status: offline 		alexhar,

Personally I do not think LDRs work. been there, done that and sadness ensued from unmet needs.

How about joining a local group? That's the way I met a bunch of really great understanding folks who are super fun to spend time with bdsm or otherwise.

Also, I would suggest gently probing your wife.
I know you said above you don't think that would work however I do have a sub who's last wife got him into the scene and now he super happy.

(in reply to alexhar72)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 12:15:58 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted

Personally I do not think LDRs work. been there, done that and sadness ensued from unmet needs.



If one considers an LDR to be a permanent situation... then I would suggest that the odds of success are very very slim... and frankly.. I have never heard of such of situation that lasted more than a few years at best. Decades almost seem impossible.

However... if LDR is a temporary situation that may last several years until the individuals can eventually co-habitat or live within a minutes rather than many hours.. then I would say there is plenty of examples of it being successful.  Kyra, Alandra and I are just one of many examples that exist.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MissEnchanted)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 12:58:59 PM   
opensoul


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		OP, I feel you are not giving your wife a fair amount of trust. 15 years is a long time, people grow apart , or closer. Make a choice. That being said, I am presently in a LDR with my Master, I have met his wife, A Wonderful woman, that I have come to see and feel as a friend and mentor in my life, away from this lifestyle. She knew upfront about his desires and feels trust and honesty is and always must be the cornerstone of relationships, any type.

LDR can work, but trust to me is a key. Lieing up front to your partner, for me would end the BDSM relationship before it started.
I wish you luck and hope you ,your wife and the online work.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 1:08:29 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		Hello again Knight,

Once again I agree with you. I am in an LDR, however, he has flown from Texas several times to be with me in person, and it is far longer than the OP's three hours to get from Texas to Maine. It has been almost  10 months and I don't think without those amazing in person times together we would have had the chance to really know we were and are right for each other. If after all that time OP you can't make a 3 hour flight to meet her, something isn't right.  Posts like this make me love and appreciate my Master even more, and that is why I am moving to be with him very soon. LDR's do indeed work, but they take work and effort. Three years online only shows to me that you are not dedicated to her not to mention the complete disregard to your wife.   

KnightofMists, best to you and your lovely girls.    


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted

Personally I do not think LDRs work. been there, done that and sadness ensued from unmet needs.



If one considers an LDR to be a permanent situation... then I would suggest that the odds of success are very very slim... and frankly.. I have never heard of such of situation that lasted more than a few years at best. Decades almost seem impossible.

However... if LDR is a temporary situation that may last several years until the individuals can eventually co-habitat or live within a minutes rather than many hours.. then I would say there is plenty of examples of it being successful.  Kyra, Alandra and I are just one of many examples that exist.


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 6:27:25 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Now that every one has beaten him over the head for cheating, at least a dozen of times can people actually start answering the question, and leave the dead cheating  on wife horse alone? It's been said enough.  Thank you KOM for your answer

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 6:41:53 PM   
frenchbitchchris


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline 		That would be too easy, Sir lol

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 6:44:09 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe some people have a hard time answering the questions on this thread because they don't wish to become a party to encouraging that in which they find distasteful, wrong or whatever.  Judgement?  Sure... liars and cheats often get it.  We may justify our distaste and opinions, but you know, we don't have to accept just anything just because we are typically open minded and kinky.  There are certain things people typically insist on in a relationship and honesty is one of them.  Many come here think that because we are sexual and naughty that all human decency or honor is of no value and we accept anything.  That anything goes... is bull shit!  We can accept and not judge or whatever what others do and respect them... but sometimes we are human and just have such a distaste for something that we are human and respond.  Trying to tell us not to is about as fruitless as someone trying to get us to advise in how to lie and cheat.





_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 6:45:16 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frenchbitchchris

That would be too easy, Sir lol


sir?

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to frenchbitchchris)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 7:37:39 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		You have manners...now.
 
<grins>
 
The man is doin` somthing right!
 
Good seein` you around at times...

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 7:47:21 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		Thunder....I always have manners my dear

But yes indeed my man does things right.

It is always good to see you around as well...Sir.



quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

You have manners...now.
 
<grins>
 
The man is doin` somthing right!
 
Good seein` you around at times...


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to ThundersCry)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/28/2008 9:40:00 PM   
gapeach4


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/6/2007
Status: offline 		i was in a LDR once... it worked for  us, for awhile... and, the end was not due to the distance - we were within a few hours driving distance, and would spend a day together every other week... it satisfied my physical needs, and the communication in between sated my needs... as we both had lives, jobs, etc...

although - i was under the impression that the spouse was fully aware of his activities, and found other areas that he was not quite honest about... in hindsight, i can see why distance worked so well for him - not that  we were ever on a path of 24/7, or more than what  we had

i've heard of several, that have LDR, and have never met - that cyber is all they have - and it works for them.... i guess it's whatever works for the relationship...

*peachie*

(in reply to AngelGeena)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/29/2008 8:30:53 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I see we have another comedy thread here. The OP is surprised with the level of judgment, but from what I can see the OP wants it all his way without ever being honest or open with anyone else. Okay, no problem with that, but when the OP comes and posts on a public message board with such problems you'd have to be a complete numpty to assume that people are going to offer suggestions and solutions without pointing out the cause of the problem.

Long distance relationships do work, with the right person, and the right amount of effort, commitment and personal integrity. But it has to be said, that if you cannot be arsed to make a three hour flight to someone after three years of online correspondence then it can't be much of a long distance relationship or at least one person in that relationship is kidding themselves or the other person.

As for the getting married and incompatibility bit I've done it. I got married in 1996 to a woman being open with her that I had gender issues. In 1998 it was established that I was a transgendered female and needed to go through gender reassignment, and I divorced in 2000 after completing payments on the apartment so my wife could make a fresh start for herself.

And the OP has difficulties with 'finding himself' in one gender over 15 years? Pull the other one, it's got bells on it.

Maybe when the excuses stop, and the openness, honesty and sense of personal responsibility kicks in then things might start getting better with regard to relationships.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
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Simply Q

(in reply to alexhar72)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/29/2008 12:29:47 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Then perhaps they can stop beating the dead stop cheating horse and go post somewhere else? And let the thread die down? Sure we don't have to accept everything, and I never said we didn't, I expesially have posted to a dead horse topic, But after a point preaching about the sins of cheating, it's pointless, since nobody is listening any more. But if it makes people feel good to continue thumping their chest about the wrongs of cheating, just to hear their keyboards clicking and to satisfy some need in themselves to expound on the sins of it, well then may they enjoy typing to an empty audience.

Or hell let the thread get hijacked with a diffrent subject and become something else entirely.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Maybe some people have a hard time answering the questions on this thread because they don't wish to become a party to encouraging that in which they find distasteful, wrong or whatever.  Judgement?  Sure... liars and cheats often get it.  We may justify our distaste and opinions, but you know, we don't have to accept just anything just because we are typically open minded and kinky.  There are certain things people typically insist on in a relationship and honesty is one of them.  Many come here think that because we are sexual and naughty that all human decency or honor is of no value and we accept anything.  That anything goes... is bull shit!  We can accept and not judge or whatever what others do and respect them... but sometimes we are human and just have such a distaste for something that we are human and respond.  Trying to tell us not to is about as fruitless as someone trying to get us to advise in how to lie and cheat.






< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 11/29/2008 12:39:29 PM >

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 11/29/2008 12:37:00 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I have had all my LD's  end for reasons other than the distance. First one we ended because I had lied to him and been extreamly disrespectful in the process to.

One in particular the guy said he needed some time away from relationship duties to work some emotional crap out, and then never did anything he said he'd do to work on the crap. And I gave him 6 months to. And then after I broke up with him, cause he said he just couldn't handle a relationship, in a few days he was dating someone I'd considered a best friend.
quote:

ORIGINAL: gapeach4

i was in a LDR once... it worked for  us, for awhile... and, the end was not due to the distance -*peachie*

(in reply to gapeach4)
Profile   Post #: 40
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