RE: IMPOTENCE

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quicksilverdream -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 7:41:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lynnxz quote: ORIGINAL: moutas First I thank everybody who has replied to my question. I see a lot of kindness and intelligence in those replies. I think that I have to complete my previous message because my slave is a special slave. She is 22 (almost 23), she had had only 1 boyfriend in her love life. That relationship lasted 4 years, with only 1 intercourse (sic!). She stopped that relationship because she feeled that "he doesn't know how to take care and handle his girl right". She was not capable of telling me more about it. She was only waiting for a new life. She told me "*im willing to learn everything". I told her "I need a girl who is with no limits to me".* She replies *"that's sound exciting".* Since that day our relationship grows regularly through emails and chats. She obeys totally to everything. Recently she tells me by mail "i am happy and grateful to be your slave because you are making me feel that i can do everything beyond my limitations and my usual. you let me know everything i have to know. you are making me proud of myself and to what am i doing. i feel that i am a good slave whenever you tell that i am. i learn many things from you. the unusual way of thinking and how to deal with it. i love the way i feel everytime you tell me to do something different for myself. i love everything the way you treat me." We have never met. Our relationship is only throught internet. Until now our relationship is only virtual. We have never spoken of sexuality as if it was not the goal of our relationship though her obedience is total if I ask her to send me naked pics of herself in the pose I command or whatever else in front of the web cam... You see I feel that the right time to speak of impotence is not now. I feel that the right time will be when we meet. I am frank and I like clear relationship but why to break a beautiful and pure story ? Why don't see that in due time and place ? Do you agree with me ? Or not ? Thanks for your advice ! This is not a 'beautiful and pure story.' When and if you actually meet her, it's going to be a real relationship. You are running around with your head in the clouds if you think that this is not important enough to tell her. On a side note, does she think you are 50 like your profile says, or did you tell her your real age? Or, does a true slave just accept that someone happens to be 13 years older than originally stated? everything is exciting to a 23 year old on the internet who has only had intercourse once. but will she find it as exciting to meet a 63 year old impotent man who has been keeping it a secret? I wouldn't have at that age. I probably would have laughed and told all my friends about the kinky creep who couldn't get it up. But whatever. If you are looking for just an online, then feel free to embellish anything. It sounds like she might be as well. You probably deserve what you both get. But it'll never be honesty. Starting from a dishonest point only leads to more lies and deceit. Hardly the way to have a fulfilling relationship in any area. but could be dangerous in this one.

DrkJourney -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 7:52:41 AM)
I echo what everyone else has said. If you plan on making this a reality in the flesh you have to be up front and honest, about "everything" not only that. The internet is the internet is the internet....a fact I hate but have to deal with. But if you honestly plan on putting a collar on her....she is an adult, she has to choose you just as much as you have to choose her, so she needs all of the facts to make an informed decision. I had one that, well, I guess he thought it wasn't going to go any further than the computer screen, although he was lying saying he wanted what I wanted which is r/t only. I guess in spite of himself he actually got closer to me, and honestly did want to meet. We had been talking for about four months. A week before he was to fly here to meet me he had this confession, that the pic he sent was not his, his age was a lie, where he actually lived was a lie, and the fact that he said he did not have children when in fact he has a son that lives with him, all lies. And these are questions I asked out right so there was no lie by ommission. When I rejected him, because honestly I just couldn't bring myself to trust him at that point...he tried to turn it back on me saying I was all about looks and that's why I wanted nothing to do with him. I wouldn't care if he looked like a toad and couldn't get it up with a fork lift....I liked the man I was talking to and thought was building a trust with... I found out that man didn't exist, so I politely said my goodbyes and moved on. Not to be cruel, but if you found someone that you really like, and she really likes you, especially with your age difference....I suggest you confess. How long did it take to find her? Do you really want to have to start the search all over again just for a few issues. Even if she can deal with it, best to know now. Apologise....tell her the truth about your age, and your E.D.....but while you're doing that, point out a substitution that is so great, that she wouldn't even miss it....you do still have fingers and a tongue right? Good luck to you, I hope it all works out

cinmin -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 8:24:53 AM)
People can be really hurt via the internet too. Feelings can grow and connections made. A lie is a lie. Whether you intend to take it r/l or not. Honesty is always the best policy. i have been lied to about age before when meeting people from online....in most cases its obvious the first time you meet that you have been lied to and its not the age thats important, its the trust that is broken that pretty much instantly ends the chances of a relationship. Be honest and honorable now and accept the outcome rather than waiting until You are cornered and HAVE to admit it. cin

DrkJourney -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 8:26:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: moutas First I thank everybody who has replied to my question. I see a lot of kindness and intelligence in those replies. I think that I have to complete my previous message because my slave is a special slave. She is 22 (almost 23), she had had only 1 boyfriend in her love life. That relationship lasted 4 years, with only 1 intercourse (sic!). She stopped that relationship because she feeled that "he doesn't know how to take care and handle his girl right". She was not capable of telling me more about it. She was only waiting for a new life. She told me "*im willing to learn everything". I told her "I need a girl who is with no limits to me".* She replies *"that's sound exciting".* Since that day our relationship grows regularly through emails and chats. She obeys totally to everything. Recently she tells me by mail "i am happy and grateful to be your slave because you are making me feel that i can do everything beyond my limitations and my usual. you let me know everything i have to know. you are making me proud of myself and to what am i doing. i feel that i am a good slave whenever you tell that i am. i learn many things from you. the unusual way of thinking and how to deal with it. i love the way i feel everytime you tell me to do something different for myself. i love everything the way you treat me." We have never met. Our relationship is only throught internet. Until now our relationship is only virtual. We have never spoken of sexuality as if it was not the goal of our relationship though her obedience is total if I ask her to send me naked pics of herself in the pose I command or whatever else in front of the web cam... You see I feel that the right time to speak of impotence is not now. I feel that the right time will be when we meet. I am frank and I like clear relationship but why to break a beautiful and pure story ? Why don't see that in due time and place ? Do you agree with me ? Or not ? Thanks for your advice ! I really have to stop doing this...I only read your opening post and a few after it then I answered. Now I read this and it just angers me. So it's not that you don't know "how" to tell her, you don't "want" to tell her and you want validation? So you want to string this girl along for months, have her come from the other side of the world with expectations, then you are going to tell her? I doubt it. She already had trouble in one relationship, he didn't know how to treat his girl?...looks like she's running into the same thing. You will probably sit there, chicken out again and tell her nothing, because I'm sure all of this advice will hit you, not to mention the reality of finally laying eyes on her, and tell her absolutely nothing. This girl, who's very young and has already had a troubled relationship with a guy who had sex with her only "once" in four years, will believe that it is some how her fault because she can not get you "excited" Cause trust me, at her age, if not at the surface, somewhere deep down inside, she thinks it's her fault that she was attractive, or good enough, or whatever to interest him, now you are doing this? Your relationship so far hasn't been sexual? what do you call seeing her naked and having her pose for pics and cam? If it didn't have those under tones why not have her pose with clothes? And don't give me that no limits crap...if she agreed it was based on trust, and from what I've read I haven't seen much from you, so don't get all cocky, her submission is based on a lie...she is submitting to some internet man, not you. Beautiful? pure? how pure can it be if you are lying? oh, and to a 22 year old 50 and 63 can be a big difference. I am so sorry to all for my tirade, I have never posted in anger before, but when it comes to honesty and trust, it is just so important, especially in this lifestyle, it is my major pet peeve. If you can't be honest with her up front, I really do hope she finds someone else before she gets any more involved and ends up blaming herself, and wonders what is wrong with her not only because of the sex thing, but why she is not special enough to you for you to trust her with the truth.

kiwisub12 -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 8:49:14 AM)
Let the church say - AMEN!!!!! I understand not admitting to your real age - vanity and thinking 50 is so much more acceptable than 63 - BUT - impotence!!!!! As a slave/sub i consider sex as a huge part of my understanding of bdsm, and if i spent months corresponding with a dom who refused to consider impotence an issue, i would be severely pissed off! #1. its a lie by ommission, and # 2. its an extreme lack of faith in me as a person. In my minds eye, i build scenerios based on info given, and if because you omited to tell me of this "detail" i had us in elaborate f**king scenerios that weren't going to come true i would be really disappointed. Now, if you told me, it would give me the opportunity to think of other fantasies, not involving the penis. You obviously think its a big deal since you have been thinking about it so much. Give the girl some credit for sensitivity and understanding, and tell her.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 9:08:12 AM)
Well I'm fine with a master choosing not to share certain things, but you need to tell her that you're not going to tell her certain things. And obviously you'd have to tell her that you'll never want to be sexual with her or else it will obviously come up when you are together (unless you desire this to be a cyber only thing).

trealeon -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 9:15:07 AM)
To be honest, it doesn't sound like either of you are working with realistic expectations because of this fantasy you have built up online. I am not opposed to meeting someone and even getting to know them online, but this sounds like you two have already entered into an unrealistic, almost fantasy relationship based on ideals in both of your heads and not reality. And you still have 10 months before you meet? 10 months to continue to build up this fantasy that will eventually come crashing down for both of you when you meet. From your posts, it sounds like both of you are very lonely. You've been single for so long thinking you would not find anyone. She is young with very little experience looking for someone to be the man of her dreams because her first relationship seemed to be a disappointment. Online you can make each other out to be the perfect partners your looking for. But if you really do plan to meet and move forward with this as a real-life relationship, you're currently setting yourself up for failure. I'm not sure how to get over the "10 month until we meet" hurdle, I think that's a problem in and of itself, but I do believe total honesty is definitely something that you should start with. In addition you both need to ground yourself a little bit better and discuss some of the tougher issues as you go along that are bound to come up whatever they may be... like who's going to move to be with whom, or expectations you would have of her when you are physically together as master and slave... or whatever apples to your circumstances. I know it's fun to be in love and you are both on "cloud 9" as it were, but without serious discussions this relationship will be only a fantasy and it doesn't sound like that is what you ultimately want. Also... just to echo what was said above... didn't we divert all funding from curing aids and cancer so we could fix impotence? There are a lot of ways that can be resolved, I honestly think that's the least of your problems.

windchymes -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 9:19:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Well I'm fine with a master choosing not to share certain things, but you need to tell her that you're not going to tell her certain things. And obviously you'd have to tell her that you'll never want to be sexual with her or else it will *obviously come up* when you are together (unless you desire this to be a cyber only thing). Did you read his post??? It's NOT going to come up.....[:D]

RealSub58 -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 9:23:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: moutas I am surprised not to find here any thread about impotence...? Most of men are more or less concerned by this problem one day. If you do a search for Erectile Dysfunction or ED, there are many discussions. Thanks to internet I am in touch with a slave girl (23 yo.) for several months, and I am wondering if my slave must accept me totally without limits or restrictions, including impotence problems, or if I have to tell her everything about my problems. I think there are other issues besides ED for which you must be totally open if you want her to accept you totally without limits. 1. your health, 60's is a far cry from a fit 20's something2. are you prepared to provide some sort of future for this young lady (who may not adore you in person) if your health should fail And I think that a true slave is not allowed to be demanding on that point ! A "true" young lady, even though very young, can "demand" anything she wants.(I now get the feeling she is not demanding anything, but sort of slobbering all over a slippery eel) And I can guarantee (Edited to admit: she may not be wanting the truth, but only her fantasy.) she wants the truth and nothing but the truth. Just like you do. I hope she has not made the foolish mistake of "possessing" online cyber ownership. That being stated, she can desire, want and aspire to anything she so chooses. And I am gonna go out on a limb and state I am not sure at her young age she will react very sweetly, empathetically or sympathetically and tenderly to "no action." I am editing to add that this fantasy has already begun with too much dishonesty.First off your profile (I usually go there before responding)1. you have lied about your age 2. what/who is someone who thinks that the true voluptuousness is the total submission [8\|][8\|][8\|] Your next post indicates to me that this girl is an immature 22 yr old with the Rice fantasies in her mind, esp since you are French and she is from the US? What are you really telling her?

DavanKael -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 10:08:46 AM)
Op, I am not sure what would be causing your impotence and if you aren't either, you should seek medical advice. Age doesn't necessarily equate to impotence. My ex- has occasional erectile issues starting in his mid-teens (before we met) and throughout the years due to anxiety. I like to think that most women are understanding about the occasional bout of impotence but I know that a girl before me was mean to my ex-, so I know that kindness and understanding isn't always the response men get. As for viagra and the like, during a particularly anxious time, the doctor gave my ex- Levitra. While it got the penis standing up, it also caused both his penis and his face to turn the most disturbing shade of reddish purple. As much of a hornball as I am, I told him I didn't want him ever taking that stuff again. I generally think tht in most male/female relationships penile penetration of the vagina and other areas potentially is assumed, I think you and your girl should have a conversation. If people can't talk about important life issues, I question their being together in the first place. Best wishes, Davan

loveandlight87 -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 10:40:16 AM)
Your dishonesty aside, the ED in and of itself, really doesn't have to be a big deal. There plenty of wonderful and intimate ways to be sexual and sexually fulfilled without genital intercourse. And if penetration is an issue, there are literally thousands of different insertables out there. For me, ED would not really be a factor if the person was still very physical. Don’t get me wrong, being fucked 100 ways to Sunday is … ahhh yum! But it is NOT anywhere near the top of the list of needs in a relationship. That said, I agree with DrkJourney: "So it's not that you don't know "how" to tell her, you don't "want" to tell her and you want validation? So you want to string this girl along for months, have her come from the other side of the world with expectations, then you are going to tell her? I doubt it. She already had trouble in one relationship, he didn't know how to treat his girl?...looks like she's running into the same thing. You will probably sit there, chicken out again and tell her nothing, because I'm sure all of this advice will hit you, not to mention the reality of finally laying eyes on her, and tell her absolutely nothing. This girl, who's very young and has already had a troubled relationship with a guy who had sex with her only "once" in four years, will believe that it is some how her fault because she can not get you "excited" Cause trust me, at her age, if not at the surface, somewhere deep down inside, she thinks it's her fault that she was attractive, or good enough, or whatever to interest him, now you are doing this? Your relationship so far hasn't been sexual? what do you call seeing her naked and having her pose for pics and cam? If it didn't have those under tones why not have her pose with clothes? And don't give me that no limits crap...if she agreed it was based on trust, and from what I've read I haven't seen much from you, so don't get all cocky, her submission is based on a lie...she is submitting to some internet man, not you. Beautiful? pure? how pure can it be if you are lying? oh, and to a 22 year old 50 and 63 can be a big difference. I am so sorry to all for my tirade, I have never posted in anger before, but when it comes to honesty and trust, it is just so important, especially in this lifestyle, it is my major pet peeve. If you can't be honest with her up front, I really do hope she finds someone else before she gets any more involved and ends up blaming herself, and wonders what is wrong with her not only because of the sex thing, but why she is not special enough to you for you to trust her with the truth."

peppermint -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 10:54:18 AM)
quote: I am surprised not to find here any thread about impotence...? Most of men are more or less concerned by this problem one day. On the contrary, there have been a number of threads on impotence over the years. If you use the search function at the top right side...right beneath where it says..."Collarme.com - BDSM Forum"... you will find the others. Some female submissives or slaves have been with an impotent Dominant. Some are perfectly fine with that. Others find that physical intercourse is very important to them and would never accept a Dominant who had ED troubles. I have dated Dominants with ED, however, this condition was not kept a secret. At this point in time you have to realize she is not YOUR slave. She is a potential slave who may, or may not accept you after a meeting. Withholding important information about yourself would be grounds...as far as I'm concerned...to refuse to consider you as a potential Master when you two meet. Full medical disclosure on both sides is essential to beginning any relationship where trust is so very important.

ThundersCry -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 11:28:52 AM)
Those little blue pills scare me...now the yellow ones... Anyways... Don`t sweat the small stuff....fist her and she will leave you alone for...a few days.

DesFIP -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 12:57:37 PM)
You should have been upfront with her a long time before you got to thinking about her as your slave. Right now, she's likely to think of you as a dishonest person who should throw back her cyber collar where it came from. As far as a 'true slave' can't question anything, can't object to anything, etc, it seems to me you've been reading too much porn. She has as much right to say this isn't working for you and goodbye as does anyone else.

IronBear -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 5:47:50 PM)
First off there have been threads regarding impotance under the term Erectile Dysfunction, and I know of several Men besides myself who suffer from it caused either by an accident, inlness or type 2 diabetes. We often chat about it in private. I know how hard a LTR is to build and maintain. From experience, the best thing is to give her either full disclosure or poartial disclosure and inform her tht there are parts of your life whih she will not have any information about. Whilst this may cause some issues with her, you only need explain that the "secret" part of your life had nothing to do with her or your relationship. Look at your time with her as an investment in property in terms of emotion, tijme and finances. Better, far better to find out that she is wrong for your dynamic and make a break early before you have invested too much.

LaTigresse -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/28/2008 6:06:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: moutas I am surprised not to find here any thread about impotence...? Most of men are more or less concerned by this problem one day. As for me I have stayed alone for several years thinking that my 'love life' was finished because I like slave girls and I thought that my age (63 yo) and the beginning of impotence were an insurmountable problem to meet a young woman. Thanks to internet I am in touch with a slave girl (23 yo.) for several months, and I am wondering if my slave must accept me totally without limits or restrictions, including impotence problems, or if I have to tell her everything about my problems. But she lives very far at the other end of the earth. We have never met..., our first meeting is planned in about 10 months' time. And I think that a true slave is not allowed to be demanding on that point ! (Of course I can use some little blue pills...) Thanks for your advices. I hate liars and I hate being lied to. Even if it is a lie of omission. You are lying to this girl and you somehow assume that she will respect you as her master when she finds out? God, how pathetic. She deserves better and you deserve a kick in the pants.

moutas -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/29/2008 12:09:08 AM)
It would be very easy to clear myself about the age difference but I am not here in court. I ask only advice. So thanks a lot to everybody without exception. I only want to underline what I wrote at the head of this thread. I am on the beginning of impotence, just the beginning. That’s why it is not easy for me to declare to my slave ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that’ whereas we are beginning the relationship. We have never spoken of sexuality yet even if she is truly a slave with me for everything! And who knows ? my sexual problems might be not definitive ? ? ? I am absolutely not able to know in advance what will be my sexual drive with her when we meet. That’s why I am hesitating about what I have to tell her for now. She doesn’t seem very sexual. Though she told me that she masturbates herself very much I think that she is more in a mental way. She wants first the man who knows the right way for everything, and I feel that I know that way for her. She is not in doubt on that point ! Sorry I see that my story is not very clear but nothing is totally clear in life ! And of course men know impotence problems better than women… That’s why woman’s view is particularly interesting for me too. Anyway I am pleased to see that that thread is in a good way on this site. ps. Don't make a mistake, she stopped her first relationship not because her bf was bad but because *"he doesn't know how to take care and handle his girl right*". She is very modern and very attractive. She is not the poor shy little girl in the corner. Not at all !

NihilusZero -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/29/2008 12:30:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: moutas I am on the beginning of impotence, just the beginning. That’s why it is not easy for me to declare to my slave ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that’ whereas we are beginning the relationship. We have never spoken of sexuality yet even if she is truly a slave with me for everything! And who knows ? my sexual problems might be not definitive ? ? ? I am absolutely not able to know in advance what will be my sexual drive with her when we meet. That’s why I am hesitating about what I have to tell her for now. She doesn’t seem very sexual. Though she told me that she masturbates herself very much I think that she is more in a mental way. She wants first the man who knows the right way for everything, and I feel that I know that way for her. She is not in doubt on that point ! Does it even actually occur to you at all how every sentence you type is a self-awarded alibi for the continuation of your deception or have you actually managed to so fully convince yourself of the "right way" that the reality no longer exists?

LaTigresse -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/29/2008 5:45:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: moutas It would be very easy to clear myself about the age difference but I am not here in court. I ask only advice. So thanks a lot to everybody without exception. I only want to underline what I wrote at the head of this thread. I am on the beginning of impotence, just the beginning. That’s why it is not easy for me to declare to my slave ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that’ whereas we are beginning the relationship. We have never spoken of sexuality yet even if she is truly a slave with me for everything! And who knows ? my sexual problems might be not definitive ? ? ? I am absolutely not able to know in advance what will be my sexual drive with her when we meet. That’s why I am hesitating about what I have to tell her for now. She doesn’t seem very sexual. Though she told me that she masturbates herself very much I think that she is more in a mental way. She wants first the man who knows the right way for everything, and I feel that I know that way for her. She is not in doubt on that point ! Sorry I see that my story is not very clear but nothing is totally clear in life ! And of course men know impotence problems better than women… That’s why woman’s view is particularly interesting for me too. Anyway I am pleased to see that that thread is in a good way on this site. ps. Don't make a mistake, she stopped her first relationship not because her bf was bad but because *"he doesn't know how to take care and handle his girl right*". She is very modern and very attractive. She is not the poor shy little girl in the corner. Not at all ! And just WHAT does any of that bullshit have to do with the fact that you are LYING to her???? Are you saying that building a relationship on a foundation of lies is "handling a girl right"????????

shannie -> RE: IMPOTENCE (11/29/2008 6:27:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThundersCry Those little blue pills scare me...now the yellow ones... Anyways... Don`t sweat the small stuff....fist her and she will leave you alone for...a few days. smile

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