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making sure - 11/28/2008 7:03:08 PM   
Tanante


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline 		what if you've been in contact with a 'Dom' but would like to verify he is for real - are there any ways to do this? Do subs get together to discuss their experiences in a more private manner than here on this board? Would love to learn more...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:08:01 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		You just have to put the time in and ride it out...get to know him, talk to him etc...

If someone isn't who they portray themselves to be, it will surface.   There's no sure-fire way to immediately "verify" that someone "is for real".

(in reply to Tanante)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:08:41 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Half the time you can't tell if someone is for real until you live with them. lol  Grandma always said you don't know a man until you live with him and they don't think past their belt line.  She kind of freaked me out a lil bit.  Good church goin granny that never ever spoke of sex. I nearly spit at her table.

But yes, people do ask for verification and sometimes they get it.  Many talk away from the boards... just make a friend, share some emails and go for it.  Good luck!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Tanante)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:20:07 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		i agree, all you can really do is see where it goes.. Keep your eyes open and if he isn't well at least you can chalk it up as a lesson learned for the future.. The only way to spot the signs of a guy who is leading you on is through experience in my opinion.. So get to know him, keep your chin up & trust your instincts.. My only other advice would be to try and find yourself some fellow sub friends you can talk to in confidence.. At least then if something along the way sounds alarm bells you will have somebody to bounce it off and get another perspective ~smiles~ Good luck x

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:20:36 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		How do you verify people are for "real" in person??

You spend time with them, you talk to them, you get to know them over time.

There's no magical answer that's any different here than anywhere else.


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:23:40 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Some doms will put you in contact with ex's which I don't think I would want to follow up with anyway. (What was great for them might be awful for me and vise versa)
But it's nice of them to offer.
I have also Googled someone's name, and checked the sex offender registry.
Mostly, I spent a LOT of time getting to know them online and on the phone before ever considering a meet.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:35:44 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		There are some of us who chat on the other side.  Amazing the sorts of "clubs" you find yourself in, when you don't want to be.

The girls local to me all chat about the guys in our area.  Amazing how many of us have all heard "you're the only one baby" from the same person.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:35:48 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Some doms will put you in contact with ex's which I don't think I would want to follow up with anyway. (What was great for them might be awful for me and vise versa)
But it's nice of them to offer....

I had heard of this some time ago as sort of an informal thing; a way for a sub to maybe just get some sort of feedback about the person they were considering. I thought maybe it was an idea that was going to catch on locally and that perhaps I should get my references in order, but then I never heard anything more about it.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:36:17 PM   
Tanante


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you kindly, that's wise advice. I guess i feel a little unsure because he has a lot more experience than i do.  From what he tells me anyway!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:41:58 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

There are some of us who chat on the other side.  Amazing the sorts of "clubs" you find yourself in, when you don't want to be.

The girls local to me all chat about the guys in our area.  Amazing how many of us have all heard "you're the only one baby" from the same person.


Cali



We get it on this side of the slash too.  We all maybe should talk more! lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 7:42:20 PM   
Tanante


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline 		and if anyone from Toronto wants to give me tips, that's also much welcomed... You see i've been wondering about how MUCH to give of myself and any input helps. Of course i understand that common sense ruels.. but it's hard at times.

(in reply to Tanante)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 8:02:31 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		What constitutes a "real" Dominant (or submissive/slave) will differ from person to person. The best you can do is to verify factual information about someone you're interested in.  There are ways to verify whether they're active in the local BDSM community, whether they're single or married or in some other committed relationship, whether they're employed and where, etc. 
 
And if you are also active in the BDSM community, and you have some mutual acquaintances whose opinions you value, you may be able to get some references beyond the factual.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Tanante)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 8:16:26 PM   
Tanante


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline 		la la la

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 8:16:54 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Meet the person in a public place, preferably with a few friends who are -good- friends and, if not lifestyle themselves, at least comfortable with you and your choices and willing to provide backup for you. Meet casually until you're comfortable with them, and spend time getting to know them before agreeing to anything. It's the best verification that exists. It's they way people have met, dated, and lifestyled for years, before the advent of online dating, and it still works.

Over time, all things are revealed.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 8:19:19 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		She la la la'd Rover!  lol... yikes... that was good sound advice too!  We may need some further verifications here...

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 8:19:54 PM   
Tanante


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline 		thanks to you all! it's just common sense, isnt' it...

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 8:28:32 PM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		One of the local dungeon monitors kindly offered to try to verify anyone I wanted to meet from CM (locally, of course).  I had soon developed an interest in someone, and I gave the DM the guy's name and where he was from.  He wrote back and confirmed that this guy was "okay."  Of course, I didn't tell the guy I was checking up on him, but he knew already since the people the DM had asked were friends of the guy....who called and told him that someone was apparently checking him out.  *LOL*  He wasn't mad, just surprised.  I think it's a great way to find out about someone.  If they're part of the local community, people know whether or not he's a safe player and is who he says he is.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to Tanante)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: making sure - 11/28/2008 10:48:18 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		Most of what I would have said has already been said so I won't repeat.

What hasn't been stated is that very many professionals are "rated" on websites such as www.myredbook.com where you can look up a review to find out if the person matches their ad description and photo, etc., and what kind of service they perform.

Obviously what you'd like is just such a review site for non professionals, i.e., for the rest of us ... alas ... I suspect only the CIA has that database on us all, and, well, they're not telling.

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: making sure - 11/29/2008 1:59:00 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tanante

what if you've been in contact with a 'Dom' but would like to verify he is for real - are there any ways to do this? Do subs get together to discuss their experiences in a more private manner than here on this board? Would love to learn more...

I find the best way to "verify" someone is to use the brain in my head, listen to my gut instincts, communicate openly and take whatever time it takes to get to know someone potentially important to me.  In other words, *exactly* the same dating methods any mature adult might use.
 
But references....?  Yiiiiikes; that's one BIG romance killer.  Of course, I'm not into getting up close and personal or exchanging bodily fluids with strangers, as might happen in BDSM "commumity" circles.  I'd suggest the best way to learn more is to first decide what you're looking for in a partner; a close, personal relationship or sensation thrills with anyone willing and able....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Tanante)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: making sure - 11/29/2008 2:22:11 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tanante

what if you've been in contact with a 'Dom' but would like to verify he is for real - are there any ways to do this? Do subs get together to discuss their experiences in a more private manner than here on this board? Would love to learn more...



There's no such thing as 'being sure' in life; there is a risk attached to every decision. Best you can do is use your napper and don't dive in head first.

Edited to add: don't always rely on others to give you sound advice - horses for courses and all that.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 11/29/2008 2:23:36 AM >

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Tanante)
Profile   Post #: 20
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