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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 10:35:42 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		Aftercare, for me, is I untie her and kiss and caress her, and she, in turn, puts my limp cock in her mouth to keep it warm & moist while I enjoy looking at her.

(in reply to AStudyInScarlet)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 10:43:24 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		My idea of the perfect aftercare, especially after play that has left small breaks in the skin all over my back, is for him to rub in Lakota deep heat and then put on my heavy cloak.  It sets my back on fire and it is nice to just float off and relax. 

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to khalya)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 11:08:52 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: khalya

]O hun, you have got to change that. You need aftercare, especially after a  hard scene



BULLSHIT!!!  some people need little or no aftercare after any type of scene.  Don't paint everyone with your brush.  Often times the aftercare my girls get or want is... laying them off to the side until the feel like getting up again.  I don't have much to do with them.. in fact often... I am playing one as the other is just sitting there watching the scene.

what people need is not aftercare... what they need is what they need!  Which may be little or not or alot... it's all very subjective to the individuals involved.


editted to add... I went back and finished reading the thread... I was amused on how many called you on your bullshit comment. 

Bullshit comment???  I'm equally amused how you've gone all hyper-anal over an otherwise harmless personal opinion - no flies around to nuke?  Or maybe you just need post-posting aftercare more than you'd ever admit.  Sure looks like you need something....  ;-) 
 
Focus.

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(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 11:23:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: khalya
O hun, you have got to change that. You need aftercare, especially after a  hard scene

Telling people what they need for themselves and what they need to change in their own lives is not a good way to make yourself appear open to differences and encouraging of people doing what works best for them.

Now, sometimes people do need to change things and don't have a clue what they need- but you're making a bold statement on not a lot of info.  Many people do not need aftercare, do not desire aftercare and it would be wrong to tell them they they just don't know what's best for them.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to khalya)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 11:26:13 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I'm finding that my aftercare needs have been changing some lately, depending on the scene and where we are at. At home our scenes usually involve sex...and after those scenes I love to be able to just cuddle in his arms as I come back, lay there talking and drift off to sleep. When we are out at a play party though, I used to enjoy the blankets and some cuddle time. Recently I have noticed a shift, especially when we do heavier scenes. The blankets and being enveloped in his arms seems to be becoming almost an annoying feeling. What I really want is 2 ice cold bottles of water. One of them gets consumed in 1 long drink. Then I like to get up and drink the other while I'm getting my land legs back. Not sure what has triggered the change but lately he will tell me to just sit there for a minute and I'm like "I'm okay, I'm okay", feeling really energized and ready to go chow on some fruit.

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~erin~

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(in reply to khalya)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:03:11 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Sure looks like you need something....  ;-) 
 
Focus.


aaaaaaww does the little boy focus want to play.  how amusing it is when little boys play

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:10:18 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain

Hmmm, maybe she doesn't (or provides her own)?

I'll withhold judgement till she responds, but I don't want aftercare after someone's hit me! I will provide any stimulation to promote more blood flow and other things myself. I'll cuddle and do the lovey-dovey stuff after I've done that.



Not to get into the tired discussion of wants vs. needs, but yes I would prefer aftercare.  It seems many dominants do not think about it, at least not in my experience.  My first dominant did, but he was trained by someone very very experienced.

(in reply to aravain)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:12:05 PM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline 		Interesting... personally I wouldn't (and don't usually) want it directly after a scene. I'm not 100% sure why.

(in reply to moonvine)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:17:30 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

Not to get into the tired discussion of wants vs. needs, but yes I would prefer aftercare.  It seems many dominants do not think about it, at least not in my experience.  My first dominant did, but he was trained by someone very very experienced.



to me this is not a training issue... this is a character issue.  A person that is appreciative, respectful, considerate etc etc etc will consider what another person needs/wants in their experiences and/or relationship with another.  When a person lacks these positive aspects.... not amount of "training" is going to make a difference to a person that lacks those characteristics. 

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to moonvine)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:20:26 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		what i get a giggle at is, the comment ' oh hun you gotta change that" was right in line with what the person WANTED. Sure she believes after care is needed. To me aftercare can be 4 million things, so anything you give After, in the form of ANY type of caring works. Be it ignoring, cuddling or what have you.

whats even more amusing is how everyones going oh no I dont simply because she gave her opinion..

Btw I love the snuggles after a scene, and ususally after it im asked what it is i need, be it water alone time or cuddle usually its all three... but then... im spoilt ^_^


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" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to aravain)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:23:22 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Not sure what has triggered the change but lately he will tell me to just sit there for a minute and I'm like "I'm okay, I'm okay", feeling really energized and ready to go chow on some fruit.


as a thougth... It must might be a question of personal security in the relationship.  I have found that often aftercare is about reassurances that we are ok as a relationship.  Particularly in a public venue... people not only feel those issues... but they in a subtle way feel the look or watch of others.  When people become more comfortable in the dynamic and secure.. they tend to not care what other's preceptions are... positively or negatively.  I also find that in private play.. we tend to want to savory things more intimately and thus cuddling etc are more common in a private way.  I believe alot of these changes of behavior are not conscious choices but subtle changes that grow over time as the people in the relationship slowly intertwine as one.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:23:30 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Also to say that choosing not to provide aftercare, sometimes or all the time, is not a character flaw or shows any particular lacking.  Some tops/doms just don't like it, just don't want it, or sometimes it would actually ruin the scene if he/she was there afterwards being all cuddly and lovey.  There are certainly some scenes I've done that aftecare would have been silly, unnecessary, undesired or just flat out pointless. 

Choosing not to provide aftercare is not a negative aspect of a person.  I find it's usually bottoms who decide "he sucks because he won't give him the aftercare I needed even though I chose to play with him without establishing what I would need" more often than not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:29:18 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Also to say that choosing not to provide aftercare, sometimes or all the time, is not a character flaw or shows any particular lacking.  Some tops/doms just don't like it, just don't want it, or sometimes it would actually ruin the scene if he/she was there afterwards being all cuddly and lovey.  There are certainly some scenes I've done that aftecare would have been silly, unnecessary, undesired or just flat out pointless. 

Choosing not to provide aftercare is not a negative aspect of a person.  I find it's usually bottoms who decide "he sucks because he won't give him the aftercare I needed even though I chose to play with him without establishing what I would need" more often than not.


I agree... it not the behavior specifically ... it's the intentions and motivations of the people involved that lead to the behaviors we see.  Unfortunately... to often people make judgements solely on the behavior seen and no knowledge of the motivations that are driving these behaviors.

For example sometimes the Tops afercare is driven by guilt/remorse for the actions done to the bottom.  While sometimes a Tops (such as the OP) finds internalize pleasure for doing the aftercare.  In both situations we might very much see the same behaviors... but the motivations are significantly different as such our judgement of them will lead us down different paths.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:36:54 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My former owner was not a provider of aftercare, although I craved it. I learned to provide it for myself, to spare him something that he was uncomfortable with. Over time, he began providing it more. Both of us came to understand the other's preferences and met in the middle somewhere.

The man I'm seeing now, well, our whole time together feels like "aftercare." Whether we continue forward or not remains to be seen but I have learned how scrumptious it feels and want that in my future. For me it's just yum.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:38:37 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		And I thought just walking her to the car was...enough...
 
Darn...

(in reply to khalya)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:43:05 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		But what if they just *don't know*?  Aftercare isn't really covered in BDSM porn, which I think is where most people get their start (maybe not, as I've not performed a survey of "most people.")  I'm not the most help at telling them as all I really know for sure is that if I'm in an altered state I'm not going to do a great job of cock sucking.                                                                

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:49:11 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

But what if they just *don't know*?  Aftercare isn't really covered in BDSM porn, which I think is where most people get their start (maybe not, as I've not performed a survey of "most people.")  I'm not the most help at telling them as all I really know for sure is that if I'm in an altered state I'm not going to do a great job of cock sucking.                                                                



Talk about it beforehand. And after play cock sucking really can be a soothing experience. With my former owner, it was a nice connection afterward. He relaxed and I pacified myself.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:50:37 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Correction. Not everybody needs the same thing as others after hard play. What she may or may not need won't always mirror what "every one " needs.
quote:

ORIGINAL: khalya

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

I rarely get much in the way of aftercare.  


O hun, you have got to change that. You need aftercare, especially after a  hard scene



(in reply to khalya)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:55:33 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I get before care, during care and after care.   It's not romantic and mushy.   I would hate that and it's not his personality.  I get touched physically and he talks to me.  The talking part seems to be the most important aspect for me.  Who woulda thunk it.    It keeps my head level.
After being in relationships that had no kind of care whatsoever, I'll take the caring kind any day of the week.

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(in reply to khalya)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 12:58:07 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Well then pick Dominants who match your needs better and will give you the aftercare you want.



quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine



I would prefer aftercare, what I generally get is "now give me a blowjob."


(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 40
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