RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!!

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 4:33:55 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

I'll say it though its not directed at me. That is bullshit. You are now trying to backtrack and say that anything, or nothing that the top does is aftercare. Simply not true and you know it. How do I know you know it? Because of your statement to moonvine telling her she needs aftercare.

Woman up and admit you made a mistake. It really isnt that difficult. :-)

OH you crass little slut... your getting me all horny now!!!!!

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 4:43:58 PM

laura2161

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

I'll say it though its not directed at me. That is bullshit. You are now trying to backtrack and say that anything, or nothing that the top does is aftercare. Simply not true and you know it. How do I know you know it? Because of your statement to moonvine telling her she needs aftercare.

Woman up and admit you made a mistake. It really isnt that difficult. :-)

OH you crass little slut... your getting me all horny now!!!!!

Awww, thank you :-) I aim to please.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 4:46:13 PM

BitaTruble

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~FR~

I've read through the thread and just wanted to comment on the communication aspects of aftercare. I think it's great to talk prior to a scene about the aftercare which will take place later but knowing the future is so difficult without a functioning crystal ball. It's the whole 'some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield' thing with me. There are days when throwing me in the corner and leaving me the hell alone is exactly perfect .. and other days where that sort of treatment would leave me a complete mess. The scene itself is, generally, going to determine what I'm in need of afterwards. There is always going to be water, blankets and chocolate available because I set those out myself, but whether or not I feel the need to avail myself of them is another matter entirely. Knowing your partners reactions, being able to 'read' them and taking the time to gauge what's really going on so as to know whether or not they want a huggle n snuggle or not is just as important as talking beforehand. I think the better someone knows themselves, the better they're able to communicate the possibilities, but when I Top, I do try to keep in mind that what they wanted before the scene is only a possibility and what they want or need afterwards may be completely different. It's then up to me to decide whether or not I provide it.

MMV

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 4:49:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Or as I like to say "No one ever died from lack of aftercare"

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 5:15:53 PM

XaviersXian

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greetings to all,

When I went through my "scene" phase, the requirement for aftercare would depend on the intensity of the emotional interraction. If I felt secure, then aftercare was as useful as breasts on a bull. I would desire to be left alone, not being touched, or talked to, or supported, and be allowed to just float, and enjoy, coming down in my own way, and in my own sweet time. If I had no intimate emotional connection with the dom doing the driving, then I needed the aftercare, I needed support, and talking, and touching, to the point that it would leave mental damage if I didn't get it. I needed it to put myself on an "even keel".

well wishes,

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 5:43:31 PM

Roselaure

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I don't generally play casually, so I have no idea what I would require under those circumstances. But a little physical closeness after an intense scene is very helpful, it brings me down, makes me feel safe and rounds out the whole experience.

The desire to cuddle is important to me. I probably would never get as far as scening with a Dom who had an aversion to it.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 5:44:55 PM

persephonee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Or as I like to say "No one ever died from lack of aftercare"

Fairly sure i saw that on a bumpersticker once...but i was vanilla then and didnt catch on...

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 8:33:18 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Definitely talk about it, then. So neither of you are doing something that isn't for you (both) and both of you can do something that is mutually satisfying. Surely a creative solution can be found.

When people care about the relationship... they not only communicate but they will also find these solutions! It might not happen immediately... it might take alot of effort... but.. it's all worth it when you value the relationship

This goes back to putting the relationship first, rather than either of the individuals in it. I would imagine doing so means, at times, either party is going to do something they're not that into, because it makes their partner happy. In my previous relationship, being left alone "wasn't for me" and providing snuggles and care "wasn't for him." Over time and, as you said, effort and work, we came to a place where we could both be satisfied. He provided some care and I learned to fill in the gaps for myself. We both appreciated what the other was willing to do.

Mind you, I have no complaints at all receiving snuggles and kisses now! But the first time this happened with the man I'm seeing now, it felt very awkward for me and I felt out of place. He recognized that and helped me with it, and we talked a lot about it. The thing is, he loves doing that and it didn't take long for me to adjust! But since we are both enjoying this "relationship" so far (I put that in quotes since it's a bit early to call it that), we enjoy feeding it, and that means adapting our preferences here & there.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 9:47:46 PM

whis31

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Master loves to hold me after a scene, as we don't do public places it's always at home...i usually end up needing a blanket or sheet because i get very cold afterwards....even with the oven of a Master i have so i cuddle up to Master with my blanket my head on his chest with him rubbing my back and can just go to sleep

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 10:26:38 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
The man I'm seeing now, well, our whole time together feels like "aftercare." Whether we continue forward or not remains to be seen but I have learned how scrumptious it feels and want that in my future. For me it's just yum.

Beautifully stated, NuevaVida

. That is exactly how life is for me with Master. I have never been able to sum it up as succinctly and sweetly as the statement you made above but that's so it! Thanks and congrats. Isn't life grand?

luci

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 11:11:14 PM

MaamJay

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As much as a sub needs to have some idea of their own needs for "aftercare" ... so should the Dominant. And this should be discussed beforehand as much as is possible. I agree that it may not be the same every time, and obviously there must be a lot of body language reading going on. There should be a willingness on both sides to be a bit flexible. However, I know that as a Domme, most of the time I need to give the snuggly kind of aftercare in order to get My own pleasure from the play. And I now make that clear up front as in the past, I've felt used when the boy's had his jollies and his subby switch has shut off and he's not wanted any more physical contact. Fortunately, the new boy I am working with is very "touch hungry" and just loves the snuggles! Bliss!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 11:13:31 PM

moonvine

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Using FR

I think I am actually experiencing sub drop now, but not having experienced it before I can't say that that is what it is. Whatever it is, it sucks.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/29/2008 11:43:11 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
Isn't life grand?

luci

Yeah, it's pretty darn cool.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/30/2008 12:03:15 AM

atypicalsub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: khalya

In truth, I think my favorite part of dommeing is the aftercare. The blankets, juices, massage, sex and whatever else is a part of that particular aftercare session. Any thoughts?

Oh gawd! Mistress's after care is the whole reason I consent to impact play! I can tollerate a lot of pain but it's not something I really enjoy. MistressYes gives awesome after care and knows I'll let her do nearly anything to me just for the cuddling, strokings and soothing after she's told me it was enough for one night.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/30/2008 1:29:25 AM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Sure looks like you need something.... ;-)

Focus.

aaaaaaww does the little boy focus want to play. how amusing it is when little boys play

Oh yeah; no issues at your end.... lol

Focus.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/30/2008 1:59:09 AM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: khalya
O hun, you have got to change that. You need aftercare, especially after a hard scene

Telling people what they need for themselves and what they need to change in their own lives is not a good way to make yourself appear open to differences and encouraging of people doing what works best for them.

Now, sometimes people do need to change things and don't have a clue what they need- but you're making a bold statement on not a lot of info. Many people do not need aftercare, do not desire aftercare and it would be wrong to tell them they they just don't know what's best for them.

Just as there are many people who *say* they do not need or desire aftercare because they've accepted they're simply not gonna get it with a particular partner anyway.

I'm curious; before launching into full lecture mode, you didn't think it possible khalya's opening words ("O hun") might suggest the comment was offered a little flippantly or tongue in cheek? I don't actually know, of course, but isn't it possible - even probable?

Focus.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 11/30/2008 2:53:01 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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You call that full lecture mode? I must be losing my emphasis.

It is of course possible. I don't see it as likely though considering she's the one who took it upon herself to start a thread about the love of aftercare and put such an import on it. And I certainly can't agree now that so much to-do has been made and all it would have taken is for her to say "Hey gang, I was just teasing" to clarify.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 12/1/2008 1:47:33 AM

Focus50

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Well that's why I thought it was likely; that the comment was a light-hearted addition to the feel-good nature of her topic. Tomate-o; tomart-o I s'pose....

But I'm not so convinced this "much to-do" has any basis in fact or principle beyond my own observations (sweeping generalisation alert) that women are quick to turn on one of their own gender when such opportunities present themself. Not just the ladies in this instance, of course; dare I forget our resident pinup for juvenile passive/agressive behaviour....

Seems to me khalya's comment could equally have been interpretted as harmless and light-hearted by reasonable people but (to me) there's something disturbing about a common human tendency for some people to go out of their way to get offended or be a victim and lash out in disproportionate indignance.

I'm not including you in that category. Whether or not I agree with your statements, I respect they're usually born of intelligence rather than emotion.

Focus.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 12/1/2008 2:47:54 AM

calamitysandra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well how do you differentiate between "aftercare" and "lack of aftercare" then if ANYTHING the top does after a scene is "aftercare"?

I would say the difference is the part where the needs of all persons in the scene are met or not met.
Whatever those specific needs may be.

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RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! - 12/1/2008 7:22:27 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Or as I like to say "No one ever died from lack of aftercare"

I wonder if that's true. If a sub doesn't get what they need to come back to normal, but instead is told to drive home when they obviously can't focus, it is possible that a fatal accident could then occur.

I can manage without sleep afterwards but not if I have to drive. If we need to get up and run then he has to do the driving. If I need to drive, and there's no time for me to sleep a little, then I won't play. It is too unsafe for me.

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